Private Angel Log Entry Twenty

As I watched, the beam of light descending from Heaven widened in an ever increasing arch, until we were all bathed in its brilliant glow. I was forced to shut my eyes against the harsh glare, and when I could finally open them again, all fighting had ceased. Everyone's attention was now focused on the figuring standing in the center of the battlefield.

Even though we were some distance away from where God had materialized, we could still see and hear him clearly. God always appeared different to me every time I saw him, and today, he appeared in the form of a slender woman with flowing blonde hair touching her feet, and a stern expression on her chiseled face. I guess referring to God as them would be more appropriate, because God didn't truly have a gender - they were everything and nothing all at the same time.

"It's God..." Billie Joe gasped out, clutching onto my arm like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. I realized that this was his first time ever seeing God, since his entire existence before he had escaped with Brendon had been spent locked away, thanks to the archangels. I was tempted to ask how God appeared to him, but I couldn't seem to find my voice, so I remained silent.

"Who is responsible for this?" God asked in a calm tone of voice that carried over the entire battlefield. Even though the blinding light had faded away, God still seemed to glow with an inner fire, and small sparks fell from their hands and hair when they moved.

"My Lord, thank goodness you showed up." Oliver hobbled over to their side, still favoring the wing that Patrick had managed to cripple.

"I leave to visit another world for barely a year, and I come back to this chaos? Is this your doing Oliver?"

"No, of course not...Frank brought us here under false pretenses, I was just leading the army in your name until you returned," Oliver groveled pathetically.

"And when did I give you permission to do any such thing?" I could hear the suppressed rage in God's voice, and if I were Oliver, I would be shitting myself right now.

"Oh - um, well no one exactly, but I am the highest ranking angel, so I took the burden upon myself. We needed leadership when you left us..."

"And within that time, hundreds of my angels have deserted Heaven, and I find you throwing away countless more lives in a pointless battle that even I do not understand the purpose of." Oliver visibly flinched under God's harsh words, and I didn't blame him.

"This entire mess is Frank's fault, not mine. He sent out a forged missive from Lucifer, stating a declaration of war, and when we showed up, his band of rebels was already here, blocking our way and trying to convince even more angels to desert from Heaven," Oliver babbled, eager to pass the blame on to someone else. Usually, I would be furious with Oliver's cowardly mannerisms, but I felt nothing as he served me up before God - nothing expect the burning ache in my heart that I knew I would carry with me for the rest of my life.

"If Frank still lives, let him step forward," God commanded, and even though the last thing I wanted to do was move, I couldn't ignore God.

So I shakily gained my footing, keeping a tight hold on Gerard's body the entire time. He felt so light, and even though I should have been struggling under his weight, I found myself constantly looking down to reassure myself that he was still in my arms. With Billie's help, I managed to stagger my way over to where God was standing, keeping my head bowed so I wouldn't have to meet their eyes.

"I'm here Lord," I rasped out, my throat raw from my earlier sobs.

"Is it true that you orchestrated this clash between Heaven and Hell?" God asked softly, and I didn't hear blame in their voice, just curiosity. Usually, God knew all that resided on Earth, but when they left for other worlds, their sight became clouded, so they had no idea what had transpired while they had been away.

"Yes," I answered succinctly, because there was no point in pleading my case, not now that I had already lost the one thing that mattered to me.

God stared into my eyes, and I faced them resolutely. I knew they was sifting through my memories, trying to discover what had happened in my mind, since it was obvious that I was in no fit state to explain everything to them. I could feel their presence worming its way into my thoughts, but I didn't fight it. Instead, I did my best to relax, and let them take as much knowledge as they could from me.

"Oh Frank..." God's crystal voice finally reached my ears, and I felt the probing sensation leave my brain. I could hear the suppressed sorrow in God's tone, and it took all the strength I possessed not to break down in tears again.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered quietly. God's mental excursion had drained me, and I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Unable to keep my feet any longer, I collapsed to my knees, cradling Gerard against my chest as if he could still feel the impact, and I needed to protect him from the rough landing. Billie dropped down beside me with a worried expression, and even though I appreciated his concern, he didn't need to bother. Thanks to his earlier healing, I wasn't close to death anymore, just exhausted and heart broken.

"Any remaining rebel angels and demons, please step forward," God called out, and within minutes, I was surrounded by my friends once again. God used the time they took assembling to return their attention back to Oliver, and I knew he was receiving the same mind reading that I had just experienced.

"Oh my god...is that Gerard?" Mikey's voice broke through over the sounds of shuffling feet and groans of pain from the wounded.

"Fuck Mikey - come back!" Ray called after him, but it was too late, Mikey had already reached my side.

"Is...is he?" Mikey asked shakily, reaching out a trembling hand to touch Gerard's still figure.

"I'm so sorry Mikes...I tried - fuck, I tried so hard, but I failed him," I choked out past the suffocating guilt that was threatening to bury me.

"He...no - he can't be..." Mikey broke down into sobs, and as much as I wanted to comfort him, I couldn't do that when my own heart was completely destroyed.

Billie Joe ended up tugging Mikey away, and I saw Ray embracing the sobbing boy out of the corner of my eye before I forced myself to avert my eyes. I couldn't deal with any more pain and sorrow, not right now.

Now that the attention was no longer on me, my despair overwhelmed my mind once again, and bitter sobs tore their way out of my throat. I clutched Gerard even tighter, trying to find the warmth that his body always used to contain, but he was already growing cold and stiff.

"Is it true that you drove Frank out of Heaven?" God asked when they were finished with Oliver.

"No...he ran away! He was caught consorting with a demon, and you weren't there, so I was simply trying to take him into custody until a trial could be arranged," Oliver defended himself angrily.

"You disappoint me Oliver...and I had such high hopes for you," God shook their head sadly.

"What do you mean? I was simply following the rules!" Oliver protested in a confused tone of voice.

"I left this world for a time because it was on the precipice of great change, and I could not interfere with what was going to happen. You had a chance to bring about a relative peace between Heaven and Hell, but instead, you have done the complete opposite."

"What was I supposed to do? Frank is a sinner, and he needed to be punished!" Oliver cried out, clearly not expecting God to be angry at him for what he had done.

"Yes, it is true that angels are not allowed to betray Heaven by giving secrets to demons, but did you even try to find out if Frank was doing that? I never said an angel couldn't love a demon, actually - I have been waiting for this moment for time untold, and now look what has happened."

"I - I didn't..." Oliver stammered awkwardly, obviously at a loss for words.

"You are stripped of the rank archangel, not just for your banishment of Frank, but for your abuse of power, and you will have to work hard to regain my trust." God turned away from Oliver with an air of finality, not even bothering to listen to his pleas for leniency.

"All angels and demons who have found common ground, listen to my words! You are the future, and your open minds and brave hearts are what I one day hope for the entirety of our two races, but for now, that is still a dream, and I can only offer this slight recompense for you valiant acts."

Everyone was deadly silent, waiting for what God would say next except for me. My soft sobs were the only sound that could be heard besides the wind; I just couldn't seem to control myself, because even though God had finally come to set everything straight, they was too late to save Gerard, and I didn't care about any other gift they could give me.

"All of the angels that were strong enough to stand up for your beliefs will be elevated to the rank of archangel. Heaven needs your leadership now, and over time, your vision may become a reality if you make it so."

Stifled gasps broke out all over the battlefield, but I didn't respond at all. A new rank meant nothing to me, but I was happy that my friends had gotten this privileged, they deserved it.

"And to all demons that managed to put the prejudices aside and were brave enough to reject Hell, you will all be given the choice of becoming angels if you so wish. If not, I will promise that no angels shall harm or hound you, as long as you do not return to do Lucifer's bidding."

The shocked exclamations were much louder this time, and for good reason. I had no idea that God had the power to change someone's race, but apparently it was an ability that they possessed. If only I had known about this earlier...Gerard had always wanted to be an angel.

"Now hold on!" Lucifer's voice rang out over the battlefield, and all attention snapped to the seething fallen angel who had only just now made an appearance.

"Hello Lucifer," God greeted his onetime servant coldly.

"Save your greetings. If you think I am going to let you turn my demons into pathetic angels, then you don't know me very well." Lucifer landed in front of God with a stubborn expression plastered on his face.

"They are no longer your subjects, not since they forsake you and ran away from Hell. Because they have cut all bonds with you, I am free to do with them as a wish," God countered smoothly, which infuriated Lucifer, but there wasn't much he could do. Lucifer may be the most powerful angel alive, but God was...well God, and they outranked even the king of Hell.

"Fine...you can have them, it's not like I want a bunch of traitors back anyway, but this isn't over. There will never be peace between Heaven and Hell, not as long as I am alive," Lucifer spat back harshly.

"We shall see..." God replied aloofly. Lucifer turned on his heel in a huff, beating his wings in preparation for flight, but he paused when he caught sight of me.

"Still alive Frankie? Well enjoy life without your other half," Lucifer chuckled to himself.

"Fuck you," I spat out bitterly, and if I had the strength, I would have thrown myself at Lucifer in a pathetic attempt at vengeance, but my limbs refused to cooperate.

Lucifer didn't responded, he just laughed gleefully before taking off into the sky, rallying his remaining demons before retreating from the battlefield entirely.

"All angels will return to Heaven now. Care for the wounded and remember the dead. Any demons that wish to become angels, please come see me," God announced, and everyone scrambled to obey their orders.

"God?" I whispered quietly, taking advantage of this quiet moment while it still existed.

"Yes Frank?" they replied gently.

"Can you...bring him back? Gerard didn't deserve this...and I - I need him. I love him. I'll do anything, I promise. Can't you trade my life for his?" I begged, unwilling to give up on the chance that maybe - just maybe, Gerard could still be saved.

"My son...I am so sorry, but the final death is just that - final, and I can do nothing for him now."

"Oh..." I gasped out, feeling the pain of his loss all over again, as if it had only now happened. A part of me had been desperately holding onto this one last hope ever since God had appeared, but now, even that was gone, and I was left with only the body of what had once been the love of my life.

"I am so sorry Frank. Go tend to your wounds and give him a proper burial." God touched my shoulder gently, and some of my agony, both emotional and physical, eased slightly, and I simply nodded in response.

Billie Joe and Brendon appeared as if from nowhere, helping me to my feet and leading me away from the growing press of demons that were waiting to be changed into angels.

As I let myself be taken away, I struggled to come to grips with my life now. Gerard was gone, really and truly dead, and I hadn't died on the battlefield with him like I had planned on. I wanted to be with him more than anything, but Billie was right earlier when he said that wasn't what Gerard would want. If he was here, he would tell me to keep on living, to try and change the world now that I had been giving the rank and the chance to do it. I had failed him so many times before, so I didn't want to disappoint him in this too.

I didn't know if it was God's touch, or something else, but my intense desire to end my life as soon as possible had ebbed slightly, and even though I was still filled with enough sorrow to drown the world, I didn't want to give up just yet.

My friends still needed me, and so did the world, so even though all I wanted to do was close my eyes forever, I still had some unfinished business to attend to before I could join Gerard in the final death.

Look at me updating twice in one day!

So I know you guys are probably still super pissed at me, but just reminding you all, there will be a sequel - a Frerard sequel - so don't murder me just yet. Plus, I didn't kill anyone in this chapter, so that earned me some brownie points right?

This chapter is dedicated to JustGuiltTripping18 because they messaged me so many sweet things after the last chapter, and ily to pieces ^_^

I should have the next chapter out within the next two days, so stick around.

((((updating vibes))))

<3 starr