Private Angel Log Entry Six

I haven't had a need to use this journal lately since everything has been going so wonderfully for me, but I should have known that it couldn't last. Gee was right...nothing ever goes right for us. Are we doomed to suffer one tragedy after another until it breaks us past the point of repair?

I'm so scared of losing him...I can't go on without Gerard in my life. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's true, but he won't change his mind...we argued all night, but he refused to budge on anything. Gerard is going to sneak into Hell, and I have no say in the matter.

The logical side of me knows he is actually right...I wouldn't have a chance against the hordes of demons in Hell, but I would much rather face them than risk losing Gerard forever. That doesn't stop my heart from breaking when I think of everything that could possibly go wrong.

I want to scream at something - or someone to fix this. There has to be another way to save Mikey that doesn't involve Gerard throwing his life away. I can't think about this anymore...it's killing me, and he hasn't even left yet.

I might as well record the conversation that occurred between Brendon and I. It will keep my mind distracted, and he imparted to me some things that I do not want to forget.

Gerard elicited to stay with Mikey just in case he had anymore hallucinations, so Brendon and I went back downstairs so we wouldn't disturb them. They both needed rest, and I could relay whatever was said back to Gerard later.

My heart felt like it was residing in my feet already, and I wasn't sure I wanted to listen anymore, but Brendon had assured me that I would want to hear the rest of his news. He was probably right, but how was I supposed to focus on anything right now when Gerard had just announced that he was going to return to the place we had tried so hard to extricate him from?

"Frank - you okay?" Brendon laid a friendly hand on my shoulder.

"No..." I sighed softly as I met his worried gaze.

"I'm sorry the Verium didn't work...I was so hopeful that it would, I didn't even really consider that we would have to use the other option."

"It's not your fault Bren. You have done more for us than we deserve. I just...fuck - I can't let him go back there. He is basically walking into his death, and I can't stand by and watch him do that." Tears stung my eyes, but I choked them back. Once I started crying, I wouldn't be able to stop.

"You really love him, don't you?" Brendon asked in a wondering voice.

"Yeah I do...more than I ever thought it was possible to love a person."

"Well I never thought I would see the day when you fell head over heels for anyone," Brendon chuckled.

"I didn't mean to...it just happened. He is my other half. When I am around him, everything is better somehow. I don't even know how to describe it."

"You don't have to, because I feel the same way when I'm around Ryan. That's true love Frank, and that doesn't happen often. You are one lucky man," he grinned at me.

"I really am, but that's exactly why I can't let him go. If something happens to him, I will break..." A sob interrupted me, and I broke off my sentence before I lost it completely.

"That's the rough thing about being in love. When you find that person that completes you, losing them is always a possibility, but if you don't let him go, his brother will die, and he won't be able to live with that either. It's a lose-lose situation."

"I'll find another way...I'll convince him to let me go or something. I don't know what, but I'm not giving up without a fight," I answered determinedly. Brendon gave me a sad look, telling me without words that I was grasping at straws, and deep down I knew he was right.

"Just be careful Frank. If you refuse to let him go, he might end up resenting you, and that could drive him away. I know you don't want him in danger, but if you go yourself, then you are putting him in the same position you are right now. He could potentially have to watch you die, and his brother as well."

"I didn't think about that..." I mumbled softly.

"Well you guys will figure something out. I wish there was another way..." Brendon pulled me into a tight hug, and I couldn't contain my tears any longer. Sobbing pitifully against his shirt, I let my sorrow overtake me.

"Let's change the subject...what else did you have to tell me?" I attempted to pull myself together for the short amount of time I had left with Brendon.

"We found it." A smile split his face in two, and I knew there could only be one thing that would bring him that much joy.

"The seventh prophecy? Really? You're shitting me!" I exclaimed loudly.

"I kid you not, but before you get too excited, it isn't exactly what I thought it would be."

"What do you mean?" I couldn't keep hope from lacing my tone of voice. This was the best news I have heard all night, and I needed something to distract me right now.

"Well it's weird...not like a usual prophecy. It's more like a poet's drunken ramblings actually. I have no idea why they hid it from us, because it made no sense to Ray and I, but maybe you will find something we didn't." He dug in his bag for a minute before emerging with a crumpled piece of paper.

"Is that it?" I gasped.

"Mhmm. I copied it down word for word." He handed me the tattered page, and I eagerly devoured the words with my gaze.

Nature dawns clear and bright

Two worlds separate

All starts to fall

Gold is tarnished and darkness comes

-

When gold becomes stained

Darkness hides light

One choice to make

Disaster or new life

-

Can gold reveal light

Can darkness polish gold

True love can renew all

Or destroy every living soul

-

When they unite

A chance will arise

One final stand

One sacrifice

-

Two becomes one

Or two can break

This is the end

Or is it the beginning?

I raised a quizzical eyebrow at Brendon, and he just shrugged in return. He wasn't kidding when he said this wasn't a traditional prophecy. Never before had I read one that was written so vaguely, and in such a poetic form.

Usually a prophecy is decently straightforward. It may be confusing in the way that it doesn't explain who it applies to, or when it will occur, but this was the oddest one yet.

"Are you sure this is the seventh prophecy of Joshua?" I questioned. I knew Brendon wouldn't have made such a big mistake, but I had to hear him say it again.

"That's it all right. We found the original book which contained this, as well as the pages that had been torn out of the other copies. They all matched word for word...not that it does us any good."

"I just don't understand what this is? This doesn't seem like something the archangels would have to hide. It doesn't make any sense..."

"So I guess you don't have any miraculous insights then?"

"No I don't...but the archangels must have figured it out, or they wouldn't have tried to keep it a secret. It definitely sounds grim...but it could literally apply to anything. It could be the start of another war, or the apocalypse, or something we haven't even considered yet."

"I just want to know why us knowing about it was such a terrible thing? They trust us with all the other works of the prophets, but not this one." Brendon's brow furrowed in thought.

"Then...it must have something to do with angels directly. I mean, if it was a prophecy applying to humans, then I doubt they would have gone to such great lengths to make sure no one saw it," I thought out loud.

"Yeah - you must be right...it sounds like it is speaking about one angel if you read it with that in mind."

"The angel could be the gold...or the light, but he only mentions light once, so I doubt it is that one, but it says two people...two angels - or something else?"

"Why couldn't Joshua have just written out what he meant in plain writing and saved us this headache?" Brendon grumbled.

"I don't know, but if the archangels can figure this out, then we can too. I will show it to Gerard later. Maybe he will have some ideas that we didn't think of."

"I can't wait to hear them, but unfortunately, I have to get going." I glanced out the window at the rapidly lighting sky, and realized he was right. If he wasn't back in Heaven by morning, the archangels would get suspicious, and he might have his visiting rights taken away.

"I wish you could stay longer..." I wasn't ready to lose his company, especially when everything was becoming so rocky. Brendon's quick humor and carefree nature calmed me down, and I needed that right now.

"I know, I am tired of all this sneaking around...but I will be back next month. Ray and I will keep trying to translate this and look for a better way to save Mikey. If we discover something, I will find a way to send you a message, but by the looks of him, you have a little over a week before he will need the Levian...so don't wait on me please. I know you and Gerard will find a way to save him."

"Wait...before you go...does everyone in Heaven know about Pete? That I...killed him?" I choked out.

I had wanted to bring this up during our last meeting, but I had chickened out at the last second. Time was lessening the ache in my heart whenever I thought Pete's name, but what I had done still plagued my dreams on occasion. Maybe talking to Brendon about it would bring me one step closer to the closure I so desperately needed.

"Oh...yeah Frank, they do."

"Then how can anyone possibly still be on my side. Why don't they all hate me?" I felt tears forming again, and I cursed myself for crying so much tonight.

"Pete was asking for it. You didn't see it, but he had been on a power trip for a long time now. He had made a lot of enemies among the ranks in his attempt to get closer to the archangels, ratting people out, that kind of thing. When you took off, the archangels promised him a promotion if he could bring you back, dead or alive, and he became obsessed with finding you. When he didn't come home, it became pretty obvious what had happened. I know you Frank, I know you wouldn't kill another angel unless you absolutely had to, and Pete wasn't himself lately...nobody blames you for what happened okay? We all know you only did what you had to do." Brendon's words were a balm to my heart, but I knew he was still leaving something out.

"And Patrick? How did he take it?" I pressed on.

"Well..." Brendon stammered over his words, but I wasn't letting him avoid the questions.

"Just tell me Bren, I can take it."

"He disappeared...no one has seen him since Pete's death, but he just needs some time to mourn Frank," he sighed dejectedly.

"Oh god - Patrick...if he ever comes back, tell him I am so sorry. I know I don't deserve his forgiveness, but I still want him to know."

"Please don't beat yourself up over this Frank. You were protecting yourself and the people you care about. Patrick will understand once he gets over his grief." Brendon's tone was optimistic, but I knew if I were in Patrick's position, I wouldn't be able to move on so easily.

Just thinking about it sent a shudder racing throughout my entire body, I knew if something ever happened to Gerard, my last act on this earth would be to seek his killer down and bring him to justice.

"Thank you for telling me the truth. I'm sorry I kept you...you should get going." I pushed down my guilt over Pete and tried to fake a smile. I had already retained Brendon for much longer than I should have, and it wasn't his job to comfort me.

"It's okay, I have gotten a lot faster at flying lately, so I should make it with plenty of time to spare."

"Stay safe Bren." I pulled him in for a parting hug, and he returned the embrace.

"You too Frank. I will be praying for all three of you."

With teary eyes, I watched my friend fly off into the clear grey sky. My head was whirling with a thousand thoughts, but I had to deal with one thing at a time, and first on that list was trying to talk Gerard out of throwing his life away...

I don't want to write down the following conversation between Gerard and I...it will only serve to make me even more upset, and that is the last thing I need right now.

He doesn't understand how much I need him...when I continued to argue against his suicide mission, he became furious with me. He claimed that I was being selfish, and I didn't care about Mikey at all if I wouldn't let him go.

That's not true...Mikey has become like my own sibling in the short time I have known him, and I would do anything to help him heal...besides lose Gerard. He is my world now...why can't he see that? If he dies, so do I...

What do I do? If I refuse to let him go, he will probably just sneak out anyway. I can't expect him to sit here and watch his brother die, but on the other hand, how can he want me to do the same thing with him?

He finally agreed to wait five more days before heading out, but he said if no message had come in that time, then he would have no choice but to attempt to break into Hell.

When I offered to take his place, he continually shot me down, saying that sending me would be akin to walking in front of a firing line. I know he is right...I don't know where the serum is, and as soon as the demons catch a whiff of an angel, they will be on me in droves...

So is that our options now? I die or he does? It seems like it...

Gerard is convinced he won't fail, but I am not so sure. I think he just can't let himself imagine the possibility that he might not succeed, because if he doesn't, then Mikey is condemned to die. I know he won't let his brother go without a fight, but one demon against the legions of Hell are not odds that I want to bet on.

Deep down though, I know I won't be able to make him change his mind. I don't want to fight with him anymore. If he is really going to do this, then I want to soak up every moment I have left with my love. I can't waste another second, because I might not have many remaining.

Gerard's upstairs right now with Mikey while I sit downstairs crying softly on the couch. I want him to walk down and comfort me...I need to feel his arms around me so I can pretend that everything is okay, but he hasn't come to check on me, and I don't know if he will.

I am going to go apologize to him...Brendon was right, if I keep this up, I will just push Gerard even farther away. I just need to forget about all of this for as long as I can.

I want to lose myself in his kisses and have the heat of his touch burn away all my fears and doubts. Please forgive me Gerard, for loving you so much that I would do anything to keep you by my side...

So I am pretty sure this chapter sucks, but I wanted to put out something, and this was all I could come up with. It was pretty short, but basically I was just using it to finally reveal what the seventh prophecy actually was, so I didn't know what else to put in it.

Also I was too tired to edit it properly, so I will try to do that tomorrow.

This chapter is dedicated to CallMeYeah-Yeah because you were begging for an update so hopefully you like this chapter :)

I need sleep, so I don't really have anything else to say in this authors note.

(((((good vibes)))))

<3 star