You guys are all going to kill me for this chapter...so yeah...sorry about this.

Private Angel Log Entry Nineteen

Lucifer didn't move immediately, he just hovered in midair with a coy smile on his face, teasing me with his inactivity. He obviously was waiting for me to make the first move, but I wasn't going to rush in without some careful consideration.

I was at a serious disadvantage in this fight, Lucifer was stronger than me, and his weapon had a greater reach, so the only thing I had going for me was my speed. Unfortunately, I was already exhausted from all of the battles I had been in earlier, and Lucifer looked fresh, there wasn't a speck of blood on his black armor, so I would have to finish this quickly before I tired even further.

Feigning left, I quickly changed direction and dodged right instead, trying to graze Lucifer's wing with the tip of my sword, but I was too slow. Lucifer moved aside before I could make contact, but I refused to give up.

"Too slow Frankie...care to try again?" Lucifer taunted me. Hot air was pushed toward me as Lucifer beat his wings rapidly, and I barely managed to get out of the way as he barreled toward me.

"Frank - where the fuck are you?" Ray's voice filled my head again, and I flew farther away from Lucifer to give myself a few seconds to answer him.

"Not now Ray - just get out of here okay? Tell everyone to retreat. I found Gerard, but we are trapped." I didn't have any more time to explain, because Lucifer was coming at me again, swinging his massive mace in a wide arch, forcing me to flit out of reach.

I was on the defensive now, which was not a good place to be in, but I didn't know how I was going to change it. Lucifer hounded me wherever I went, and no matter how hard I pushed my wings, I never got close to landing a blow.

"Frank - just tell me where you are, let us help you!" Ray called out again, and I growled in frustration at the unnecessary distraction.

"I can't talk right now okay? Fighting Lucifer - leave while you still have the chance!"

"After all of your boasting, this contest is turning out to be quite a bore." Lucifer stopped his relentless pursuit of me for a moment, giving me a much needed chance to catch my breath.

"Well unlike you, I have actually been taking part in the fighting today, so I'm sorry if I'm a bit tired," I bit back harshly, trying to decide what my next move would be.

"You agreed to the terms of this contest, so are you actually going to fight me, or just run until I cut you down?"

Deciding to respond with actions instead of words, I threw myself at Lucifer, swinging my sword widely, but he managed to bring up his mace in time, blocking my blow with the handle. We stayed locked in heated combat for a few minutes, with neither of us drawing any blood, before I had to back away.

We continued this pattern for quite some time, engaging for a few brief moments, before pulling back to regain our positions, and in my case, some of my flagging strength, then we would clash together again.

Lucifer had stopped talking as much, and his face was twisted into an expression of concentration instead of the sneer it carried earlier. I was putting up a decent fight, and he was actually having to put some effort into this.

Finally, I managed to land a hit, but it grazed off of Lucifer's arm band, failing to draw any blood in the process, but the fact that I touched him at all infuriated the fallen angel.

"You sniveling shit - that will be the last time your blade reaches me!" Lucifer roared before redoubling his efforts to wound me, and I was forced to retreat from his onslaught. My arms were burning from the effort of holding back his strikes, and I needed some more time to recover.

As I flew around the edge of the circle the demons had made around us, I kept my eyes peeled for Gerard, but when I finally found him, my heart sank into my knees. He wasn't going to be able to escape, because he was being held on both sides by demons, one of which was forcing his head up, making him watch Lucifer's and I's skirmish.

"I love you baby..." I mouthed to him, because I knew this was almost the end, I was too winded to keep this up for any longer, and I wanted to make sure he knew how much he meant to me.

Even though he didn't respond, I caught the slight twitch of his lips, and I knew he had caught my words. I only wished I could have saved him...but I was doomed to fail at that task, and now all I could hope for was that someone else could do what I could not.

"Ray - they have Gerard. If you can...try and save him." That was all I had time to say before Lucifer was swinging at me again, and it took everything I had to duck under his blow.

I couldn't keep running any more, my limbs were heavy from exhaustion, so I had to make one final attempt at doing the impossible.

With a strangled cry, I launched myself at Lucifer with all of my remaining strength, aiming my sword at his exposed neck. My sudden movement had caught him off guard, and for one second, I thought I was actually going to draw first blood.

I didn't though, of course I didn't, Lucifer wouldn't allow it, and at the last possible moment, he brought up his mace and slammed it against my sword so hard, my numb fingers lost their grip on the weapon, and I watched helplessly as it tumbled to the ground.

I tried to descend so I could retrieve my fallen sword, but one of Lucifer's gloved hands tangled in the feathers of my wings, clutching them tightly as I cried out in pain.

"You put up a good fight, but it looks like I win," he hissed in my ear as he raised his mace high over his head.

I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the killing blow, but instead of bringing his weapon down on my head like I had expected, it connected with one of my wings instead, forcing me to the ground as my appendage crumpled from the weapon's impact.

I landed painfully, pressing my lips together to hold back my screams as my wounded pinion was crushed underneath me. Lucifer lowered himself down next to me; the satisfied smirk on his face made me feel physically ill, or that could be the white hot pain from my grievous injury.

I couldn't bring myself to get up, why should I even bother when Lucifer had already won, so I lay in a rapidly expanding pool of my own blood, whimpering softly at the sharp bursts of pain that were shooting throughout my body every time my wing twitched.

"Victory is mine, and now your life is as well," Lucifer exclaimed triumphantly.

"Then take it -" I gasped out, trying my best to hide the weakness in my voice. I refused to look in Gerard's direction, because as much as I wanted him to be the last sight my eyes beheld before the end, I couldn't bear to face his pain as he was forced to watch this.

"Well...I could do that, but I have a better idea instead. I could cut off your head, but then your life would be over, and eternal suffering is more my style."

"You want to torture me - fine," I answered coldly. I wouldn't survive long with this grievous of an injury to my wing, they were almost as vital to an angel's survival as a heart, so his empty threats didn't scare me.

"Sometimes physical pain isn't the only way to hurt someone, and I can see with you, there is something else that would ruin you far more. I choose to cut out your heart instead." At first, I didn't understand what Lucifer meant, my brain was fuzzy from pain and exhaustion, but when Gerard was dragged into my line of sight, it all became clear to me.

"No - not that. Please don't....I thought..." I pulled myself to my knees with a soft cry, unable to rise any higher because of the agony my body was in, but I couldn't take this lying down.

"I won, so I can do whatever I wish with the both of you. I believe those were the terms of our agreement." Lucifer smiled as Gerard was forced to halt directly in front of us, flanked on both sides by demon guards. One of them produced a slender knife from a holster before handing it to Lucifer reverently.

"No...please..." I sobbed out brokenly, all dignity forgotten now that I was faced with this hopeless situation.

"This is so much more satisfying than simply killing you, wouldn't you say?" Lucifer chuckled gleefully.

I was helplessly to do anything, my body was ruined, and I couldn't even stand, much less help Gerard in any way, but I couldn't just let this happen. I had done everything possible to try and gain Gerard a chance at escape, but it was as if Lucifer knew that, and he was determined to destroy me by killing the only thing that had made my life worth living.

"I'll do anything....just - please don't do this?" I begged one last time, even though I knew that Lucifer had already made up his mind, and my words were falling on deaf ears.

"And so ends another pair of tragic lovers." Lucifer glanced in my direction as he pressed the knife against Gerard's throat, obviously wanting to see my reaction.

Gerard tried to back away, but the demons behind him blocked his movement, gripping him by the shoulders so he could barely even squirm. As much as I didn't want to, I met his eyes, and they weren't filled with terror like I thought they would be. Instead they seemed content, Gerard was at peace with what was about to happen.

"It's okay Frank...I love you," he whispered to me.

Gerard might have accepted this, but I hadn't, and with a burst of energy I didn't know I possessed, I launched myself off the ground, trying to knock the knife out of Lucifer's hand, but once again, he was too quick for me.

Lucifer grabbed me by my damaged wing, forcing me back to the ground as my vision whited out from the fiery pain that exploded throughout my entire body.

"Hold him," Lucifer commanded one of the many demons surrounding us, and I felt a booted foot pressed against my back, keeping me pinned to the ground, but I managed to lift my head so I could maintain my line of sight to Gerard.

"No! You can't do this!" I screamed raggedly, but he could - he was Lucifer, and we were finally paying the price for daring to cross him.

I didn't want to watch this, but I had to, so even though my eyes were blurring with tears, I kept my gaze firmly fixed on Gerard's face, trying to memorize every detail of the perfect man who stood before me. His expression was resolute, and even in the end, he showed no fear, while on the other hand, I was a blubbering mess.

"Let this be a lesson to all that challenge the King of Hell!" Lucifer bellowed loudly, and with those words, he swiped the knife across Gerard's pale throat, leaving an angry gash in its place.

Everything seemed to slow down, as if the world wanted to pause this moment in time, because maybe then some miracle would happen, Ray would swoop in at the last moment, and I would get a chance to heal Gerard before it was too late, never mind the fact that I was so weak I could barely knit together a scratch right now, but of course, no one came to save us, and even if they had, it wouldn't have mattered either way.

I watched as Gerard's face contorted in an expression of shock, his eyes widened and his face paled even more, before pain overtook his features, and finally, panic set in. His hands fluttered up to his throat, hampered by the chains that still bound them.

The demons flanking him released their hold on him, and he fell heavily to the sandy ground, each inch seemed to take ages, until he finally collapsed in a heap, and everything seemed to return to normal speed once again.

"No! Gerard!" I cried out, choking back my tears as I struggled against the demon that still had me pinned with his foot. When Lucifer nodded at him, he removed his booted appendage, and I scrambled to my love's side as quickly as I could in my battered condition, ignoring the waves of pain that were threatening to overwhelm me, because they were nothing compared to the agony my heart was in.

"Baby...no...oh god - Gee." I managed to gather him into my arms, feeling his warm blood flowing over me as I cradled him against my chest.

He tried to speak, but nothing came out because of his shredded windpipe, only slight gasps emitted from his mouth, and I wasn't even sure if he could hear me or not, but I kept babbling to him anyway.

"I'm so sorry...I love you so much...this wasn't supposed to happen. Fuck - I'm here okay? I've got you." I pushed his sweaty hair back out his face, stroking it gently in a pathetic attempt to make his last moments in this world as comfortable as possible.

"Don't be scared baby, I'm not going to leave you. Not even the final death will separate us, I'll find you, I always will - just like I promised okay?"

Gerard gasped loudly, and blood began to dribble out of his mouth. His chest wasn't rising and falling anymore, and his hands had fallen from around his throat, lying limply in his lap instead. As I stared into his hazel eyes, I witnessed the light leave them, and I was forced to face the fact that he was truly gone.

I felt my own heart shatter as I gently closed his eyelids, but I was so destroyed, I couldn't even cry, I simply rested my head on top of his, rocking Gerard back and forth as I keened softly to myself.

"Leave them, the angel will be dead soon anyway," Lucifer's voice sounded out, but to me, it seemed as if he spoke from a great distance, even though he was right behind me.

I barely registered the sound of booted feet retreating, and I didn't even bother to look up as I was left alone with Gerard's body. My entire world was gone, and I couldn't move, I could barely breathe, or else I would splinter into a million pieces. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that I was still in danger; the battle was still going on, but I didn't care - I wanted to die, so it would be a blessing if someone cut me down right now, then I could be with Gerard again.

"Frank?" Ray's voice came into my thoughts again, but I blocked it out, fuck - I blocked everything out. Nothing mattered now that Gerard was dead.

I don't know how long I sat there, drowning in my own blood and despair, but eventually I heard wings fluttering beside me. I didn't look up though, I just pressed my face even deeper into Gerard's hair, inhaling his scent one last time.

If I ignored his gaping wound and blood stained body, I could pretend he was just sleeping, and any moment now, his eyes would flutter open, and he would grace me with that look that melted every bone in my body, and everything would be okay again.

"Frank...it's me - Billie Joe." My friend approached my tentatively, but I couldn't find the strength to move. Even though I was happy that he was alive and well, I couldn't find the strength to acknowledge his presence.

"Oh god..." I heard someone - Ray, I think - choke out when they caught sight of Gerard and I.

"Keep Mikey away," Billie commanded softly, and I assumed Ray acknowledged him, because he took off into the air as quickly as he had come.

"Frank...can you answer me?" Billie asked softly, and I simply shook my head slowly. I felt him crouch down next to me, and I flinched violently when he laid a hand on my shoulder, causing my wing to erupt in pain again.

"I need to heal your wound...you are going to bleed out soon."

"I don't care..." I croaked out, finally managing to find my voice. I didn't want to be saved, I was perfectly fine with dying right here with Gerard in my arms, and I wished Billie could understand that.

"I am so sorry about Gerard...but he wouldn't want you to die too. You know that Frank," Billie coaxed me gently, but I shuffled away from his touch as much as I could. His words of comfort fell flat on my ears, and even though I knew he was right, I didn't care, because Gerard wasn't here anymore, and he never would be again, and this world has lost all of its promise without his presence in it.

"I - I just want him back. I can't let him die alone, I promised I would always find him, and that holds true, even in death."

Billie didn't respond with words, instead he wrapped his arms around me gingerly, being careful to avoid my tattered wing. The simple act of affection broke down the last wall I had erected around my composure, and I shattered completely, breaking down in heart wrenching sobs against Billie's shoulder, still clutching on to Gerard for dear life.

"It hurts so much - he can't be gone..." I gasped out. I needed Billie to fix this, to tell me that this was all a dream - that Gerard was still alive, and he could be saved, even though the rational portion of my mind knew that a killing blow from Lucifer was something no demon could ever heal from.

"I know...I'm so sorry Frank..." Billie murmured sorrowfully. I felt a slight heat behind me, and I knew Billie was healing me without his permission. I didn't fight him though, I was too weak to bother, and the searing pain from his Holy Fire felt like nothing to me, not now that I had already experienced the ultimate agony of losing Gerard.

"Just leave me alone..." I whispered hoarsely.

"I'm not going to do that. Can you stand? I can't heal your wing completely...it's too damaged, but we need to get out of here. I will help you bury Gerard..."

"No...he can't be gone...there has to be a way to bring him back..." I wailed pathetically. I was losing my mind; Billie's words were reinforcing the truth that Gerard was truly gone, and I couldn't even think of laying him to rest, not when I had barely accepted the fact that he was dead.

"Brendon is on his way here Frank, and we will drag you off this battlefield if we have to. Please don't make us do that," Billie begged me desperately.

I couldn't let them take me away, because then I would have to keep living, and that was the last thing I wanted. I realized that I was being selfish, and I wasn't the only one who had lost a loved one today, but I couldn't seem to convince my heart of that. I wouldn't heal from this wound, of that much I was certain, and time would never lessen the pain of this loss.

I eyed the sword that hung at Billie's side, trying to decide if I had enough strength to seize it and end myself before he could react.

"I -" My sentence was lost amidst a surprisingly loud clap of thunder, which was an unexpected anomaly on this sunny arid day.

"What the -" Billie exclaimed, and we both raised our head to stare at the sky. We were blinded by a brilliant white light flashing down from the heavens, illuminating the middle of the battlefield in its glow.

"Cease this madness now!" A commanding voice called out, and I would know that voice anywhere, even though it had been over a year since I had heard it last.

God had finally made an appearance.

Wow, I gave myself feels writing this chapter, like seriously - I almost cried.

This obviously isn't the end though, so please just bear with me, and you are all free to hate me.

This chapter is dedicated to kawaiibroccoli because all of your comments make me super happy, and you are basically all around awesome.

Also, I updated Like Ghosts in the Snow, and a few people told me that it didn't notify them last time I did, so if you read that story, a new chapter is up.

I will try to have the next chapter out by tonight or tomorrow at the latest. I think there is only like three more chapters left in this book, so if I can find the time, I will try to finish it sometime this week.

((((runs away to my cave vibes))))

<3 starr