Private Angel Log Entry Eleven

"This seems like a really bad idea..." Ray protested nervously, and under normal circumstances, I might have agreed with him, but right now, he was just pissing me off.

"Well I don't hear you coming up with anything better," I snapped back. My temper had been horrendous lately, but no one really blamed me for it. Being separated from Gerard turned me into an asshole; I had discovered that the first time he had left me to get the Livian, and apparently it still held true.

It had been six days since Gerard had been taken, and I was strung so tightly, I was liable to snap at any moment. Only the fact that I needed to be semi-cognizant to hammer out the finer point of our plans to save him had stopped me from falling into a deep depression, and I was walking a fine line that would be oh so easy to step off of into the tempting darkness.

"Stop arguing guys. This is the best chance we have of saving Gerard, and we aren't changing it now," Brendon sighed in exasperation. He had appointed himself as the mediator of our small group, and we were all testing his patience lately - which was a feat in itself; Brendon was usually the one driving us crazy.

"I wasn't trying to argue...I just think we really need to consider the consequences of this," Ray pressed his point, but his misgivings wouldn't stop anything now; our plan had already been set in motion.

After much debate, we had decided that the only way to successfully draw Lucifer out of Hell would be to set up a situation in which he would have to show up, or else risk looking like a coward that couldn't follow through on his word.

We had quickly thrown away our earlier idea of trying to barter for Gerard's life with information about Heaven, there were too many chances that something would go wrong, and Lucifer's spies probably knew almost as much as we did. Even if we managed to procure something he wanted to know, there was no guarantee that he would keep his word and hand Gerard over to us in exchange.

So in the end, we had chosen to do something drastic. From what Bob had told us about the situation in Hell before he had departed, Lucifer was gearing up for war, and the archangels were doing the same, so we were going to give them both the spark they needed to ignite their hatred of each other into an all-out inferno.

Even as we spoke, Vic and Kellin were winging their way towards Heaven and Hell respectively, carrying missives that appeared to be from Lucifer and the archangel Oliver, which would hopefully be too tempting for both sides to refuse.

I was worried for their safety, but they were not going to actually enter either realm, instead, they had been instructed to drop the messages into the portals to both realms, so they shouldn't be in any real danger.

Billie Joe had decided on the words, he had spent the most time with Oliver, and he knew his writing patterns well, so he was able to whip up a convincing challenge to Lucifer, and we had used Lucifer's note he had left when he had taken Gerard as an outline for his letter, copying the handwriting and short sentences in a way that hopefully would be very convincing.

In summary, both missives declared a challenge to the other, telling them to stop dancing around the sidelines and prove their worth three days hence at Black Rock Desert. We had picked that location because it was remote, and there would be less chance of either side staging an ambush, because the sands did not offer many places to hide. Hopefully, no humans would notice the massive gathering of supernatural creatures, but that was a risk we were going to have to take.

We were anticipating on being able to defuse both sides before the fighting became too intense, we simply needed the distraction so we would be able to free Gerard right from under Lucifer's nose. With the hundreds of angels that were now on our side, we planned to create a barrier of some sorts while we attempted to talk the angels down. If they refused to listen to us, we would wing our way out before the fighting became too heated, extending an invitation to any angels that wanted to join us before we left.

On the off chance that Lucifer didn't take Gerard with him, Vic and Kellin would be waiting for our signal by the portal to Hell. Lucifer would most likely bring all of his troops to the battlefield, so they would have no problem sneaking into Hell and freeing Gerard while the demons were otherwise occupied. Besides myself, they were the two fastest angels I knew, and I trusted that they would be able to pull this off if it became necessary.

It was a sketchy scheme at best, and I knew it, but we really didn't have any other options, and time was running out. I should have been concerned about the potential war we might be starting, but it seemed paltry in comparison to Gerard's safety. We would deal with the fallout after he was back in my arms.

Brendon and Ryan had thought up this whole plan basically on their own, with quite a bit of help from Billie of course. I had been next to useless when it came to formulating a way to save Gerard, I had been all for storming Hell - fuck the consequences, and I was immensity grateful to them for their logical input. Brendon wasn't kidding when he said Ryan was smart; for a human, he had an amazing grasp on supernatural politics, and without him, this plan wouldn't have come together half as quickly as it did.

But now that everything had been solidified, Ray was having serious doubts, and even though I understood where he was coming from, I didn't want to hear anymore. I wasn't even sure why we were still talking about this, what was done is done, and arguing about it wasn't going to make it any better.

As Ray and Brendon continued to bicker, I walked away from them, wanting a few quiet minutes to myself, even though I probably shouldn't be left alone for too long, or my fears would begin to consume me again.

I sunk down onto the couch in the living room tiredly, burying my face in my hands. I could still faintly hear the voices coming from the kitchen, which is where everyone else has gathered since our maps were laid out all over the large table, but I didn't want to go back up to my room, because it seemed too empty without Gerard there.

I felt the cushions dip down beside me with an added weight, and I lifted my head up to see Mikey settling down next to me with a pained expression on his face.

"Hey kid..." I greeted him fondly. Even though I wanted to be left alone, I knew Mikey was feeling the same way as I was, and I didn't want to push him away.

"Frank...what if this doesn't work?" he asked timidly.

"I can't think about that Mikey, if I do, I won't be able to keep going," I answered him truthfully. I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear, but I didn't have the energy to lie to him today.

"I fucked up Frank..." Mikey choked out, causing me to send him a questioning look.

"What do you mean? You couldn't have done anything to stop this," I tried to comfort him, but tears began to spill over his cheeks rapidly.

"He asked me to go walk with him - he fucking wanted company and I turned him down, all because of a pretty face. What the fuck was I thinking...I could have been with him when they caught him, I could have helped - or something." Mikey was borderline hysterical now, and I had no idea how to calm him down.

"Mikey - don't say that. None of us had any idea this would happen, and you would only have been captured too -"

"Shut up Frank - just shut up! How can you be so fucking calm! My brother is being tortured...he could be dead. You are supposed to love him, and we are just sitting here while he is dying!" Mikey screamed in my face. I had never seen him like this before, and even though I understood where his rage was coming from, his words fueled my own pent up aggression.

"Don't you dare fucking say that I don't love him! I have been tearing myself up about this every night...and if it would help him at all, I would have gone to Hell the very second we discovered he was gone. Just because I am trying to hold it together and actually save him doesn't mean I don't care!" I yelled back, trying to hide how badly Mikey's words had hurt me with my anger.

"Fuck - Frank I'm sorry. Just -" Mikey's fury visibly drained out his body, but before I could tell him that I wasn't upset, he darted upstairs to his room, sobbing quietly as he went.

I debated going after him, but I didn't want to antagonize him again, and he might just need some time alone to cool down. When I glanced up, I saw Ray, Brendon, and Ryan standing in the entryway to the kitchen, gazing at me with pity filled eyes.

"I'll go check on Mikey..." Ray whispered quietly before slowly climbing up the creaky stairs.

"You okay Frank?" Ryan asked softly, and I simply shook my head, not trusting my voice to speak right now.

"He didn't mean it Frank, he's just hurting." Brendon walked to my side and pulled me into a brief hug.

"I know...believe me I do," I mumbled softly.

"We only have to make it three more days Frank, and then you will see Gerard again." Ryan smiled cheerfully, but I couldn't share his optimism.

Mikey's words had made all my buried fears resurface to the front of my mind once again, and now that they were there, I couldn't ignore them. So much could happen in three days, we could be too late, or something could go wrong on the battlefield...

Or even worse...Gerard could already be dead. I had refused to let myself consider the possibility, I didn't think Lucifer would let Gerard off that easily anyway - he was a well-known lover of the art of torture, but there was always a chance that Gerard was no longer among the living.

"I need some air..." I gasped out. The what-ifs were crushing me, making it hard to breathe, and I needed to escape this stuffy house for a little bit.

"Take Billie with you," Brendon commanded, ever since Gerard had been taken, no one was allowed to go anywhere alone, but it seemed like too little too late in my mind.

"Fine," I agreed quickly, just needing to be out under the open sky until I calmed down a bit, and Billie didn't speak much, so hopefully he would continue that pattern right now. I didn't want to have to fake my way through a conversation in my current state of mind.

Billie stood up from his spot in the armchair next to the fireplace, pulling on a coat before following me outside without a word, keeping his eyes downcast on the book he carried with him.

I began walking aimlessly, I had no destination in mind, I just need to move so maybe I could leave my worries in the dust.

That plan backfired entirely when I noticed where we had ended up - the very patch of land where Gerard had been taken. It hadn't snowed recently, so I could still see the splashes of blood and torn up ground where Gerard had made his final stand. Having this visual reminder right in front of my face broke the tenuous grip I had kept on my emotions, and the backlash brought me to my knees with its intensity.

Forgetting about Billie Joe's presence completely, I collapsed on the ground in a heap, sobbing quietly as I dug my fingers into the cold soil.

I couldn't live with this guilt, Mikey was right...we hadn't done enough to protect Gerard, and we were continuing to fail him each day he was trapped in Hell.

Even if this plan worked, he was being subjected to nameless tortures every hour he was there, and I didn't want to wait three more days - or even three more minutes.

I knew it was for the best though, and if I let myself do something rash, I could ruin any chance of saving my demon...but that didn't make the pain any easier to bear. I curled in on myself in a pointless effort to lessen the agony my heart was in.

Another update for you lovely people ^_^

This chapter is dedicated to bae112 because she was asking for an update, so I managed to finish this, even though I have hit a bit of a writers blocks.

I don't really have much to say this time, except for that I love you guys, and all of your votes and comments mean the world to me.

Since I am so close to the end of this, I am going to try and write out the rest pretty soon, and I will probably update every other day once I have it all finished.

((((satisfied vibes))))

<3 starr