Entry Seven: Why did I have to kiss him?

Sorry I cut my last entry so short, I was interrupted by Bob, and I haven't shown anyone this journal, so I had to shove it away quickly before he started asking questions, but now I am alone again, and I will continue where I left off.

After my sobs trailed off, Frank wiped away the few remaining tears that clung to my face.

"Hold on," he whispered as he clutched me tighter and began flapping his wings.

Clinging to his neck for dear life, I lost myself in the joy of flying in his arms. Cocooned within his embrace, I felt the world drop away, and I surrendered all my worries and fears for the time being. All too soon, the short flight ended as he alit on top of a beautiful cathedral.

"This should be more private, and no demons will think to look for you on top of a church."

"You know I could have flown myself, I do have wings of my own." I smirked at him.

"Oh...um...yeah...I guess I thought you might be too distressed to fly, and I assumed carrying you would be easier."

"I didn't mind."

"So umm...can I ask why you were crying?"

"I am sorry you had to see that."  I scuffed my foot on the ground in embarrassment.

"I am glad you called for me. You were projecting so loudly, anyone could have found you, thank god it was me."

"Thank you for coming. It's just this job...being a demon...having to watch helplessly while these poor people condemn themselves to this terrible life. I don't know how much longer I can do this, but if I stop bringing in souls, I will have to face Lucifer's wrath, and I am so scared of that happening...I am not afraid to die, but he can keep my soul alive while he torments me forever. I just need a way out, and besides death, I can't seem to think of anything. I regret killing myself...I just want to go back and redo everything. I miss my brother, and my home, and my life..."

"Oh Gerard..." Frank pulled me into his comforting arms, and I sighed against his chest, immensely grateful for the simple gesture. Already I felt a thousand times better, and I was slightly embarrassed by my outburst.

"Do you want me to take you back home so you can visit your brother? Maybe seeing him would give you some peace and help you to carry on?" Frank asked.

As I pondered the question, it suddenly hit me that if I got anywhere close to Mikey, my aura would begin to affect him, and it might cause him to do something terrible. I mean - he was already suffering from my loss, so if I were to add to that with my own powers, it could only end badly.

"No..." I shook my head sadly. "I can't turn my aura off, and if anything were to happen because of me, I couldn't bear it."

"Oh - I didn't think about that." Frank's face look so dejected, I had to say something to make him smile again.

"It was still a good idea though, thank you for suggesting it."

"Well how about this, I will go check up on him whenever I can, and report back to you on how he is doing. That way you will know that he is safe, and you won't be putting him in any danger by exposing him to your aura."

"You would really do that for me Frank?" I gushed excitedly.

"Of course, I am an angel after all, and even though I mostly just kill demons, I can try my hand at the whole guardian angel thing."

"I wish I was an angel..." I muttered softly.

"So do I...that would make everything so much easier."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean - this weird fascination I have with you. I can't seem to get you out of my head. If anyone were to catch me right now talking to you, I could be killed for treason, but I don't even care. You are something I have never experienced before, and I can't stay away from you. It scares me to death, but at the same time, I have never felt more alive. Do you know what I mean?"

Hearing those words filled me with indescribable hope, my obsession with Frank wasn't one sided after all. He felt something for me, and even if it was just curiosity, I would take whatever I could get.

"I do know what you mean. Meeting you has been the only good thing that has come out of my death, and that in itself almost makes it worth it. I just feel connected to you in a way I can't explain, and it gives me the strength to keep going, to keep striving to survive and find a way out of this hell that has become my life."

"I want to help you in any way I can. I don't know if it is possible to free you from being a demon, but as soon as I get back, I will research every rare case and oddity that has ever occurred. If there is a way to save you, then trust me, I will find it," Frank responded eagerly.

Before my brain could register what I was doing, I leaned in and kissed those beautiful lips that haunted my dreams. I had imaged doing this hundreds of times, but I had attempted to suppress all of my baser urges out of respect for Frank, apparently I hadn't been doing as good of a job as I thought.

At first, he stayed frozen under my touch, but slowly he softened up and began to kiss me back. Hesitantly at first...but then his hands tangled in my hair, escalating the simple peck to one filled with passion and intensity. Every nerve ending in my body fired off all at once, and I thought I was going to explode from the enormity of feelings running through my body. Hands down - this was the best kiss of my life...and also death...and I never wanted it to end.

"I shouldn't have done that..." Frank gasped out once we had finally broken apart. Even though neither of us needed oxygen to survive, he still seemed breathless.

"Frank - I am so sorry, that was my fault..."

"I have to go. I'm sorry."

Before I could beg anymore, Frank launched himself off the rooftop in a flurry of wings. I watched his retreating figure with tears rolling down my cheeks. Way to go Gerard...you just fucked up the one good thing you had going for you.

A single white feather floated down out of the sky, and I snatched it before it could float away.

I am sitting here in my room, still clutching it to my chest. It smells of rain, and sunshine, and Frank...

Why did I have to kiss him? What if he never comes back...what if he hates me now? Ugh - I am so stupid. I need to apologize, but I am too much of a coward to face him after what I did. He probably never wants to see me again anyway.

I wonder if he will still try and find a way to save me, and if he will check in on Mikey. In my heart, I believe that he will, he doesn't seem like the type of person to break a promise, even if I don't deserve any of his kindness.

I don't even know what else to write, I am feeling too many things at once to adequately express them on paper. I am hurt, and scared, and alone...but I am also pretty sure I am falling in love with Frank.

I know it is so sudden, and there is no way I should be this attached to someone I have only known for three months, but there is just something special about him. Maybe love isn't the right word, but right now, he is the only reason I can convince myself to get out of bed each day, and every time I see him, my stomach explodes with butterflies. Just thinking his name makes my heart beat faster, and a pleasant warmth spreads throughout my body.

I have never experienced anything like this before, and I don't want it to end, but after I ruined everything by being unable to control my baser urges, it seemed like it already was. I mean - what the hell was I thinking...I basically attacked him like a horny teenage boy. He didn't deserve that, especially after everything he had done for me.

Misery was swamping me, I had just destroyed the one thing that brought me a smidgen of happiness, and I had no clue how to fix it. I can't seem to stop crying, everything hurts, as if his rejection physically wounded me instead of just emotionally.

If only it was actually possible to die of a broken heart...

Two updates in one day! I am on a roll now :)

So they finally kissed! I really want to know if you guys want any smut in this or not? I am really unsure on it, because I don't think the story needs it, but if you guys want some, please let me know.

I have to go to bed now, because I have to be at work in six hours...boo...Hopefully I can get in another update tomorrow, but after that I will be really busy. I am going out of town with my parents to see Tom Petty on Wednesday, and I won't get back home until Friday.

So in the meantime, let me know what you guys think of the new updates.

Stay beautiful :)

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