So this was supposed to be a cute fluffy chapter, and then it kinda turned smutty lol. So there will be a smut warning toward the end, so just skip over the *** if that isn't your cup of tea.

Entry Nineteen: Arguments and Apologies

I can't believe I am actually going to do this...I must be fucking crazy. If someone had told me yesterday that I would attempt to break back into Hell a few months after I had worked so hard to escape from there, I would have laughed in their face.

But I never imagined I would be confronted with this situation, and I would do anything for my brother...even sneak back into the one place on Earth that I never want to see again.

I acted so sure of myself in front of Frank, but I am literally terrified. I had to though...if I show even one crack around the shield which hides my emotions from him, then he will break through and convince me not to go.

I can't let that happen. If I don't go, Mikey will die for sure, and what kind of brother would I be if I just stood by and let that happen?

Okay - I need to think about how I am going to do this...Mikey doesn't have much time, and I can't just waltz into Hell and ask politely for the Livian, even though seeing the look on Lucifer's face might make it worthwhile. Getting in undetected will be difficult, but not impossible, I can cover my face, but they will need some form of identification or paperwork.

The gate guards are pretty stupid, the lowest of all demons get assigned that duty since it is monotonous and no one wants it. If I can whip up a convincing document, it shouldn't be too hard to slip past them as long as no one recognizes me. I will have to go into town and find the supplies, hopefully it has an Office Depot or something similar to that.

Once inside, I will have to move quickly and keep out of sight. If luck is with me, I can find Bob, and he can distract anyone we run into, if he is even willing to help me again that is. He is a great guy, but requesting him to risk his life for the second time is a lot to ask of anyone.

Fuck I don't even know if he managed to escape detection from my escape! Everyone knew we were friends, and the hellhound obviously didn't open the gate to the city itself. I hope he is okay...

So with or without Bob, I have to find a way to get the serum. My only hope for that is that Bob is still fucking the girl who guards it. If not, I'll have to pretend to be an elite demon since they are the only ones allowed access to the storerooms. Add another paper to forge to the list...oh god - this plan has too many opportunities for disaster.

Footsteps on the stairs interrupted my thoughts, and I realized that I could no longer hear the soft cadence of voices downstairs. Brendon must have left without me noticing...I wanted to thank him for trying his best with the Verium, but I'm sure Frank had expressed my sentiments.

"Gee?" Frank called out softly before pushing open the door to Mikey's room.

"Yeah - I'm in here." I gently disentangled myself from Mikey's gangly limbs. He had been sleeping soundly for a while now, which hopefully meant that the hallucinations had ceased for the time being.

"How is he?" Frank asked once I had slid the door shut behind my slumbering brother.

"Better than before, but I don't know how long he is going to be able to hold on..." I kept the agony of seeing my brother in such a state buried deep inside my heart, if I let it bubble to the surface, I would become a useless wreck, and that wouldn't help anyone.

"I'm so sorry about this Gee...if I had any idea that leaving Hell would make him so sick, I would have never convinced you to escape." Frank rested a comforting arm around my shoulders, and I snuggled into him gratefully.

"It's not your fault, it was my idea to make a break for it in the first place. I should have considered the fact that there would be unforeseen consequences before I took such a leap of faith. Now I am paying for my mistake by having to return to Hell," I sighed dejectedly.

"Maybe you should think of everything that could go wrong this time before you barrel into Hell guns blazing." Frank voice was light, but I could tell it was faked. I should have known this argument wasn't over, but I had hoped he would have accepted that there was no other option available for us.

"Frank - please not now..." I groaned wearily.

"Then when Gerard? I know you, and if I don't say something now, then you will be gone before I get the chance. Please just hear me out for a moment okay?" His begging tore at my heartstrings, but I refused to give in to him. I could not let him talk me out of this, or Mikey would die...and that was something I couldn't live with on my conscience.

"What do you want me to say? Oh okay - I won't go pursue the one chance I have to save my brother just because it is dangerous! Is that what you want to hear?" Anger was rising in me now, and I welcomed it. As much as I didn't want to get upset with Frank, it made me feel stronger, and I needed any help I could get right now.

"No...I'm not saying we give up, but we can still pursue other options. I am not trying to undermine you, but you are jumping into this, and I think we need to talk this out."

"Hell - maybe I am, but you heard Brendon. He only has a week - if that, and you want me to sit here and look for another way to save him, when we have an answer already? That's just stupid Frank, and you know it!" I snapped back, a bit harsher than I had intended to.

"Calm down baby, please. I'm not trying to upset you."

"Oh really, because that seems exactly like what you are doing? Are you so selfish that Mikey means nothing to you?" I knew I had gone too far when a pained expression flashed across Frank's face, but the fury was flowing through my veins now, and I couldn't seem to control what was coming out of my mouth.

"You know that isn't true...I want to help him. Fuck - I am willing to go to Hell myself to save him, I just don't want to lose you in the process," Frank choked out.

"You going to Hell would be like sending you blindfolded in front of a firing line. Why can't you just accept the fact that I'm going and that's final?"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T JUST STAND BACK AND LET YOU DIE! Fuck - do you know how it feels to watch helplessly from the sidelines, knowing you can't do anything to save the people you love? Do you have any idea how much it tore me apart when I found you barely alive after that demon caught you? I could hear you crying out for me, and I was so terrified that I wasn't going to get to you fast enough. That was the worst moment of my life, so don't you dare ask me to go through that again Gerard...please?" His screams faded into a soft whimper, and I felt my anger at him dissipating like smoke in the wind.

"Frank...I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I don't want to hurt you, but what else am I supposed to do?" I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but I was worried he wouldn't want me to touch him right now.

"Just give me five days, if you love me at all, you can do that much at least. Brendon is searching for some other way to help Mikey, he might be able to find a safer alternative."

"Fine...five days," I agreed quickly, eager to end this pointless argument. Frank nodded swiftly before turning on his heel and stomping back downstairs.

Once I was sure that he was out of earshot, I collapsed to the floor, trying to muffle my sobs as much as possible. Fuck - I was such an idiot...why did I talk to him that way?

Frank was all I had, and he didn't deserve to be treated in that manner by anyone, especially not me. I had lost control of myself once again, and my demon nature was going to prove to be my undoing. I hated that portion of my anatomy so much, I wished I could physically tear it out of my own body.

In a crazed fit of sorrow, I began clawing at any exposed skin I could find, digging my fingernails into my wrists hard enough to draw blood. I didn't know what I hoped to accomplish, but I detested myself so much in that moment, I just wanted to feel some of the pain that I had inflicted on Frank.

I don't know how long I remained in that position, frantically trying to cause more damage to myself before my body healed, but I was interrupted by a sleepy voice calling out my name.

"Gee?" Hearing Mikey sounding so lost and afraid instantly snapped me out of my psychotic state, and I was on my feet in an instant.

"Hey Mikes - you okay?" I asked as I pushed his door open softly. He was sitting up in bed, looking disheveled but aware.

"Yeah - I just heard shouting, and then...I don't know, I guess I got scared." He blushed faintly, and I was vividly reminded of a younger version of Mikey crawling into my bed late at night because a bad dream had awoken him.

"I'm sorry we woke you. Frank and I were talking, and it got kind of heated," I mumbled.

"What were you fighting about?" His gaze pierced through me, and I knew I couldn't lie my way out of this one.

"Well we found a way to cure you...but it involves sneaking back into Hell." I decided a simple explanation was best, and I could see Mikey's brain turning over this new information.

"Do you think there is a chance of you making it out alive?" was all he said.

"I really do...I mean, I know it's a long shot, but if anyone can do this, it's me, and I'm not giving up on you bro." I braced myself for his rebuttal, but what came next surprised me.

"I'm not going to try and talk you out of this, because I know that look, and it means your mind is made up, but you have to promise me that if things get bad, that you will get out while you still can. Don't throw your life away in some hero's bid to save me. If it works - great...if not...well I'm glad I got to see you one last time before the end." Tears welled in my eyes at his words, and I choked them down with great effort. I had cried enough for one night.

"I'll make it back Mikes. I'm your big brother, and I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"Promise me Gerard...I want to hear you say it."

"I promise," I whispered so quietly I wasn't sure if he heard me or not.

"Thank you. Now go apologize to Frank, because I'm sure he has already forgiven you for whatever stupid shit you said." I chuckled softly at how well my brother knew me.

"Okay I will. Just call me if you need anything."

"I'm just gonna go back to sleep so you two can fuck in private," Mikey grinned cheekily.

"Oh god - seriously, I don't need my little brother speculating on my sex life..." I groaned as my cheeks flamed bright red.

"If I didn't tease you, what sort of younger sibling would I be? Now go on get your man!" Mikey basically shoved me off the bed, and I retreated out of the room before he embarrassed me even further.

I paused at the top of the stairs, trying to gather the courage to take the first step. I wasn't as certain as Mikey was that Frank had forgiven me...I had treated him abysmally, and he would be perfectly in the right to be furious with me.

Straining my ears, I picked up a faint sound coming from downstairs...was that a sob? My angel was crying because of me. Pushing all of my doubts out of my head, I rushed down the creaky steps as fast as my feet could take me, which resided in my second near collision for the night.

"Gee?" Frank grabbed my wrist to stop me from falling forward on my face. He had been heading up at the same time I went down, and I had almost bowled him over in my haste.

"Frank - I'm so sorry...please forgive me." I gasped out.

"I should be the one asking that. I shouldn't have fought with you..."

Gazing into his hazel eyes, I was overcome with how much I loved this beautiful angel. He had seen me at my lowest, and still he stood by my side. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect man, and I wanted to show him how much he meant to me.

Words didn't seem sufficient for this situation, so I pressed my lips against his instead, hoping he would understand everything I wanted to say through this simple action.

Frank hummed into my mouth, and I felt his body relaxing against mine. Wrapping my arms around him, I drew him even closer, deepening the kiss in the process. His lips moved against mine in an endless dance, and I swear I could kiss him forever.

"Wow..." Frank whispered as he pulled his mouth away from mine before he began nipping softly at my neck.

"I love you so much Frank..." I gasped out as he continued to lick and suck at every inch of skin he could find.

I was seconds away for stripping Frank on the stairwell, so I scooped him up in my arms and hurriedly made my way to our bedroom before I lost control of myself completely. He giggled against my chest at the position I had him in, causing me to lean down and press a kiss to the top of his dark hair.

My sleeves hard rolled up, and I felt Frank's body tense up the moment his eyes found my wrist, the angry wounds I had made had already healed to faint red lines, but they were still visible. I waited for Frank to say something, but he simply leaned down and placed his lips against the fading marks in a tender gesture of love.

My heart swelled up at his ministrations...his lack of judgment was a balm to my soul, and once again, I thanked whatever deity had graced me with this perfect man.

***sexy stuff is about to happen***

With a bit of repositioning, I managed to jiggle the door open without dropping Frank, the cute little shit could have helped me, but he was enjoying watching my struggles too much to bother. I dropped down onto the bed with Frank still on top of me, and he used the position to his best advantage by leaning down and reattaching our lips.

His tongue lapped against my bottom lip, and I granted him the entrance he demanded. He kissed me as if we had all the time in the world, and I felt myself slowly becoming drunk off the pleasure he induced in my body. I wanted to make him feel this sensation, so I flipped our positions, straddling his waist and grinding down until he let out a strangled moan.

"Oh god..." he hissed as I slowly inched my hand into his loose sweatpants, wrapping my fingers around his already hard cock as I continued to kiss him fiercely.

I loved feeling the heat and weight of him in my palm, knowing that I was the one making him squirm and gasp underneath me was a head rush. I continued to stroke him slowly as I moved my mouth down to his jawline, finally making my way to his ear and nibbling on his sensitive lobe.

"Stop teasing me - please," he cried out as he thrust into my hand.

"Just be patient baby," I cooed, but I replied to his request by pulling his pants even further down and lowering my head to his straining cock.

He shuddered when my breath came in contact with him, and as tempting as it was to draw this out, I couldn't resist leaning down and tasting the sweet precome from this sensitive head. A strangled gasp left him in a rush, and I pushed myself farther down, emboldened by his reactions.

Before long, he was a writhing mess above me, and I smiled around him; I loved seeing him this way. He was so beautiful like this, his pupils blown with lust and his black hair plastered to his forehead with sweat.

My own dick was aching and desperate for attention, so I slipped my free hand down my pants and began to stroke myself in time with my movements around Frank. It was insane how aroused I was just at the sight of Frank coming undone because of me. I moaned around his cock, and his hips thrust up into my mouth. I took him as far back as I could, unable to contain my humming as he touched the back of my throat.

"Fuck Gee..." His fingers tangled in my hair, and the added stimulation pushed me right up to the edge.

I bobbed up and down quickly as my hand brought me even closer to my own release. Frank's moans filled the otherwise silent room, and when I pulled up and licked his slit, I felt his entire body tense up.

"Oh god - I'm so close..." Taking his full length back into my mouth, I felt Frank's legs begin to tremble before he was spilling heavily down my throat, his hands gripping onto my hair for dear life. Hearing his soft cries was too much for me, and I released all over my hand, moaning softly as I swallowed every lost drop before removing my mouth from Frank.

***sexy time is over***

"So how's that for an apology?" I chuckled cheekily before pressing a chaste kiss to Frank's cheek. He grabbed my face in his hands, bringing my lips to his, ignoring the fact that his taste was still on my tongue.

"I should get mad at you more often," he giggled in that adorable way of his.

"I really am sorry though Frank. I'm not saying I won't go, but I am willing to talk it out with you, and try to find another way. We still have five days."

"Thank you Gerard, you don't know how much that means to me." The smile that split his face caused a pleasant warmth to grown in my belly. I quickly changed out of my soiled pants so I could join him in the bed.

Pulling his shorter frame against my chest, I let out a sigh of contentment, he seemed to fit against me like we were two puzzle pieces waiting to be reunited.

"Sleep now baby. We will figure everything out in the morning." He mumbled an agreement before pulling the blankets over us and snuggling even closer to me.

I watched him as his face slowly relaxed, and his breathing fell into the deep pattern which meant he had drifted off. I meant what I said to Mikey earlier...I did think I had a chance to make it back home. I had to, not only for his health, but because I had this perfect angel waiting for me, and I couldn't let him down.

With the promise of Frank's loving embrace to fuel me on, there was no way I could possibly fail.

Oh holy Gee I finally managed to update this. I am taking forever on this story because I actually really like it, and when I am proud of something, I nitpick it like crazy, so it takes me forever to actually be satisfied with a chapter. Not that I am super happy with this, but I made you guys wait long enough, and smut is always nice right?

Btw Happy late New Years to you all! You all deserve a fantastic year and I hope you get it :)

Stay beautiful

<3 starr