Entry Nine: What am I becoming?

Seething with fury, I pushed my wings to their limits, keeping my eyes peeled for the flash of white that would signify Frank's arrival. Somehow I knew he would face me, and if he refused, I would keep calling until he didn't have a choice. I continued to mentally scream his name as loudly as I dared.

A driving rain began to lash down from the angry sky, but I ignored the pelting drops and continued to fly recklessly into the storm. I could have picked no better backdrop for my current mood, the sky matched the raging torrent of emotions that were flowing through me.

Lightning split the air, and that was when I saw Frank soaring his way down to me, his beautiful wings leaving a spray of raindrops behind him. Once the sky darkened again, I lost sight of him, but I made a beeline for his last location. My fingertips elongated into a set of hooked claws, and I screamed my fury to the heavens.

"Face me you coward!" I projected my voice as loudly as I could to be heard over the incessant storm.

"Gerard - please just listen to me. I can explain everything if you just give me the chance." I barely heard Frank's voice over the howling wind, but my ears were sharper than they had been when I was alive, and I was able to pinpoint where he was hiding.

I shot upward into the dark clouds, and there he was, sodden and dripping with water, but still stunning. I shook my head to try and rid myself of these thoughts. I was furious with Frank, and this was no time to be checking him out.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say!" I roared as I threw myself at him recklessly. He was faster than I expected, and he managed to unsheathed his broadsword and block my claws before I could do any damage.

"Gerard - I don't want to fight you. Please don't make me do this," Frank pleaded.

"Shut up!" I screamed as I attempted another swipe at him, which he easily swatted away.

I was severely outmatched, I mean - Frank did kill demons for a living, but I was beyond caring, so I flung myself at him again and again. He didn't ever attempt to strike back at me, he only dodged and parried every blow I threw at him.

"Gerard - please calm down! I am so sorry about your brother..."

"Don't talk about him!" I renewed my attack in earnest, bolstered by the mention of Mikey.

I actually managed to cut deeply into Frank's left arm, blood joined the rain in its free fall to earth, and I relished in the senseless violence. My vision began to go red at the edges, and I lost all sense of who I was and what I was doing. All I knew was that I wanted to kill...to rip, and tear, and shred, until my dark needs were satiated.

"Gerard - I know this isn't you. You aren't like this! You know you really don't want to hurt me, so please stop this!"

"You don't know what I am!" I snarled fiercely as I chased after Frank's retreating form.

Who did this fool think he was to speak to me like he understood me? I was death incarnate, and he should be cowering before me!

"You are being ridiculous - that's what you are!"

Finally fed up with me, Frank reversed course and barreled in my direction. I smirked in satisfaction and prepared for his oncoming attack, but the blow never came. Instead, Frank tossed his sword aside and wrapped his surprisingly strong arms around me, trapping my wings at my side and leaving me incapable of flight.

We plummeted downward at an alarming rate, but Frank refused to let me go. I struggled to free myself, but I found it impossible to escape the vise of his embrace. Helplessly trapped, I bellowed my fury to the sky.

We hit the ground with a resounding boom, and I was imprisoned beneath Frank's small frame. Shockingly, I was unhurt, even though my wings ached from being pinned behind my back at an awkward angle.

Snarling with outrage at the precarious position I was in, I stared into Frank's eyes, and instead of the hatred and disgust I expected to see in them, what I saw gazing back at me were eyes filled with affection and guilt. Slowly, the red bled away from my sight, and I regained control of my bruised limbs. What had happened to me? I had truly wanted to destroy Frank...I really was a monster...

Stunned by the fact that Frank could still feel these emotions for me even after all I had done, I ceased to struggle, and Frank used the chance to press his heavenly lips against mine. His hands pinned my shoulders down fiercely, as if he was afraid I would run, but I couldn't have escaped his kiss even if I wanted to.

I forgot about everything that had just occurred and lost myself in the pleasure of his lips. Ignoring my battered wings, which were being shoved even harder into the muddy ground, I kissed Frank back with all the passion I could muster. The storm surrounding us was nothing compared to the tempest of sensations I felt as Frank's lips moved against mine.

Once he was sure that I wasn't going to flee, Frank's hands left my shoulders and trailed down my body sensually. Slowly, they inched underneath my shirt and clutched my hips tightly. Encouraged by my lack of protest, his tongue slid into my mouth, and I granted him entrance eagerly.

Now I was the one clutching at his shirt and pulling him closer in a desperate attempt to taste more of him. I kept expecting him to break away at any moment - to run from me as if I was some diseased animal like he had after our last kiss, but he showed no signs of abandoning me this time.

Feeling bold, I threaded my hands through his hair and pulled him closer to me, a moan escaped his mouth as he ground our bodies even closer together than before. Oh fuck - this was amazing...I had never been more turned on in my entire life, and I needed more, but I was terrified of scaring Frank away again.

Just when I was sure that I was going to spontaneously combust from the pure ecstasy of having a fully aroused Frank on top of me, he slowly broke apart from my swollen lips, but not before leaving a trail of soft kisses down the side of my neck.

All lingering effects of the rage that had been blinding me dissipated like a puff of smoke in the wind. Even the weather had calmed, what had been a raging thunderstorm had transformed into a light drizzle, and the sun was beginning to break through the dark clouds.

"Frank - I am so sorry..." I murmured into his neck as the enormity of what I had almost done hit me.

I had been acting like a psychotic murderer...I could have killed him! Hell - he should have killed me for what I had done, but he never gave up on me, he never stopped caring. I felt like an idiot for ever believing that Frank could betray me. My gaze fell on his wounded arm, and my guilt intensified a thousand fold.

"It's ok Gee," he whispered back as he stroked my hair in a soothing manner.

"But it's not okay...I hurt you, and that is never okay. I am so afraid Frank...I completely lost control of myself, and I never want that to happen again. I hated the way I felt...all I wanted to do was destroy...and that isn't me. I don't want to become like every other demon!" I wailed brokenly.

"Sshh...don't cry." But it was too late, the tears were already spilling out of my hazel eyes faster than Frank could wipe them away.

"I will always be here to bring you back from the edge. I will never let you fall." Frank spoke with such conviction it was impossible not to believe him.

"Promise?" I choked out.

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

I buried my face into his neck and threw my arms around him, desperately seeking comfort. He returned the embrace, and I could have stayed right there in his arms forever, but I couldn't hide from my problems this time, and maybe Frank could help me.

"I need to run Frank, I have to get away. The more I watch people die, the more demon-like I become. I mean - look what happened to me today, and Mikey...poor Mikey is a demon now too. I can't let him stay in Hell for a second longer then he has to. I won't let my brother witness the horrors that I have seen. It will destroy him, and me as well, but I don't know where to go, or what to do, and I am so scared."

"About your brother...Gee - I tried to help him...I begged the archangels to let me be his guardian, but they refused. So I went to go see him without permission...but by the time I got there, it was already too late. I did everything I could...but it wasn't enough, and I am so sorry." Frank hid his face in his hands in shame, but I pulled them away, forcing him to look at me.

"Frank - it wasn't your fault...if anything, it was mine for being a selfish bastard and taking my life when I had such an amazing brother to live for. I shouldn't have blamed you, but I was hurting and angry. That isn't an excuse, and I know I can't change what I did, but I am truly sorry. Please believe me when I say that there is nothing you could have done, and I am so grateful that you tried. At least he wasn't completely alone when he died." I ended on a sniffle, and Frank laced his fingers through mine, silently lending me his strength.

"I failed him in life, but I won't fail him in death. I am taking him away Frank. I don't know what kind of life we will have, but anything is better than staying in Hell and turning into monsters."

"Okay Gerard, if this is what you want, then I will help you in any way I can. Go back and get Mikey. I will meet you here tonight at midnight. I'll gather supplies and hopefully find a good spot for you to lay low for a while. There are quite a few areas on earth with very little demon or angel activity, I just have to find them."

"Will you be coming with us?" I asked hopefully.

"At first - yes, so I can make sure you guys get away safely. Neither of you are fighters, and I am, so I can protect you from any pursuit, but once we find a place for you to hide, I think I will return to Heaven for a time. I'll be able to help you more there, and I can direct the hunters away from you. Demons aren't the only one who will be searching for you, you have earned yourself quite a reputation in Heaven too."

"You will be careful though, right Frankie?" The endearment fell from my lips as if I had uttered it a thousand times before.

"Of course I will, and if things go sour, I will be able to warn you with plenty of time to spare."

"What would I do without you?" I smiled down at him adoringly.

"Crash and burn," he grinned back.

So with a plan in mind, we went our separate ways, knowing it would only be a few hours until we would reunite. I had so many questions I wanted to ask Frank, but I was too afraid to ruin the perfect moment we had shared with my nervous speculations - that didn't stop me from thinking them though.

What had that kiss meant to Frank? Was it just an extremely effective way of calming me down, or was it something more. I knew without a doubt that I was falling in love with Frank, but I was unsure if he felt the same way.

How could he? I mean - look at me...I had almost murdered him today because I couldn't control my unruly emotions.

I can barely stand to see these words staring back at me...it makes what happened all the more real, when I would rather just forget my actions entirely.

With every passing day, I become even more unstable and savage, and I am terrified. I hate myself for it, and I am sure deep down, Frank despises me too. I mean - underneath it all, I am still a demon...and could an angel truly love something so stained with sin?

Whoohoo update!

So I am actually pretty proud of this chapter, and hopefully you guys will like it as much as I do. It's currently 3am and I couldn't sleep because I just had to post this chapter tonight :)

Soo let me know what you think pretty please with a cherry on top?

Btw thank you to everyone who got this story to 300 reads! All of you encourage me to keep on writing.

And if anyone gets the Supernatural reference I stuck in this, I will dedicate the next chapter to you ;) (Hint: It's toward the end of the chapter)

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