Trigger warning: attempt at assault (no rape tho). nothing too serious or graphic happens but caution is still advised.

Chapter 8 | Leo

Leo was six the first time he stepped outside the basement.

The first time the sunlight struck his blue eyes like it'd strike the oceans every morning. The first time the brisk air kissed his skin and skittered along his neck and down to his collarbone like a desperate lover. The first time he stepped on rough prickly ground rather than flat planks marred with dried splotches of his own blood.

He didn't like that, though. He didn't like how the pebbles pricked the bottom of his feet, how the soil mushed against them. But he couldn't nag when he was enraptured with the world before his eyes. So magnified, so different. Almost like the glass had been absorbing half the brilliance. Or maybe now the world was hit with a splash of paint; sunlight brighter, blue sky striking.

Leo looked back at Amy, grimacing. "It hurts," he mumbled as he pointed down at his feet.

"No, it doesn't hurt. You're just not used to it. Come on." Amy pushed the back of his shoulder, urging him forward. She glanced back at the door to the basement. Jayden wasn't home and she'd decided to let Leo out even if only for a few minutes. But she could already imagine how the place could turn into a slaughterhouse if Jayden found out, God forbid.

Leo crouched tentatively at first until his knees hit the ground. He reached his hand to the grass, frowned. When his fingers hit something solid, he grasped it and pulled it out of the dirt and closer to his face. A pebble, small and hard. Dirty, soil-swathed. Brown reminded him of chocolate—the edible thing he remembered Amy had snuck in and fed him. Everything was silent until Leo brought the pebble up to his lips, just about to taste it.

"Oh shit, Leo, no!" Amy lurched forward and caught his wrist then pulled it back with urgency like he'd been about to swallow poison. "You can't eat that."

For a moment, Leo seemed startled, but then a smile broke the rigid expression and soon he was giggling. "Why? Wanna try it." He tried putting it in his mouth again but Amy huffed and threw it from his hand. He picked it up. She threw it again. And so forth until she gave up and watched as Leo gingerly brushed the pebble against his lips.

The moment his tongue touched the dirt on the surface, his face crumpled like a wrinkled paper and he thrust it away from him. His eyes were slits that shone with revulsion underneath the scorching sunlight this noon.

Amy laughed. "Doesn't taste good, does it?"

Leo shook his head frantically. "No." He leant forwards on his elbows, eyeing the grass that churned through the dirt with the combined curiosity of a child and a puppy. Did this taste bad too? He tilted his head first, then subtly stole a glimpse at Amy and plucked a single grass out. He let his teeth touch the very tip. The taste that swamped his tastebuds brought a distasteful frown to his brown brows, maybe not as sharp as it'd been when he'd eaten dirt. Grass was a little more tolerable, he realized.

"Done eating everything you see, Leo?"

"No."

Something boiled his back. He craned his neck, tried glimpsing over his shoulder. The skin was a faint rosy hue and when he tried touching that spot it hurt enough for him to hiss and quickly withdraw. When he looked up, he found something large and fiery hung in the sky staring indifferently back at him whilst burning his eyes. He'd seen that through the glass but now he realized it wasn't nice.

"Oh man, did you get sunburnt? What the heck?" Amy inspected the spot on the back of his shoulder. He hadn't even been under the sun long enough. She frowned. Was his skin that fragile? "Maybe your skin isn't used to this. That's gonna hurt. I'm sorry."

"What's that?" Leo pointed up.

"That's the sun."

"Can... I eat it?"

"No, dammit, no you can't just eat everything."

Leo kept staring at the sun. It was small and glowed the same color as the lamp in the basement. He stared longer. Blinked a few times, deep in thought. Then he made a conclusion. "It's a lamp?"

"No, Leo, it's not—" Amy froze when she heard the roar of an engine close by, beyond the fencing. Jayden came back. "Oh God, we need to go in, quick." She jerked forwards, grasping Leo's hand and forcing him to his feet. He whined. Outside was so much more interesting; so much to observe, so much to play with. He still hadn't gotten to see everything. What about the long brown trunks, the white cotton in the sky? "Leo, move if you don't want your dad beating you. And me."

"But-"

"Shh. We're going in."

Even when he dug his heels into the ground, it wasn't enough for him to defy. He barely weighed anything. He was all thin flesh over biscuity fragile bones that subtly protruded through his ghostly pale skin. So one tug and he was forcibly dragged behind across the backyard towards the door.

Amy shoved him in and the shut the door to the basement behind. Not even a single breath through her dry lips until Jayden barged in. Amy held her breath, nervously glancing at Leo. He could give it out with sunburnt tint on his shoulder and the faint sweat gathered on his body, the dirt on his knees.

Jayden cocked his head in Leo's direction but kept his eyes locked on Amy. "Why is there dirt on his knees?"

Amy cursed in her head. "He was playing."

"Where?"

Her heart stuttered. "Here."

Silence. The expression on Jayden's face wasn't remotely convinced. Skepticism lurked in his dark eyes. He walked forwards and crouched down beside Leo on the floor. Caught his arm and turned him. All he saw was the glory of that pink tint staring tauntingly back at him—he'd been lied to. "What's that?"

"What?"

"Are you messing with me? This, this pink thing on his shoulder. It looks like he's been sunburnt. And the dirt on his hand and knees. Did you let him out?"

"N-No. Come on, Jayden. Don't be stupid. It needs a lot of time under the sun for him to actually get sunburnt. I didn't."

"No it doesn't need a lot of time. Especially not if it's noon and his skin isn't used to being in direct contact with sunlight. Do you think I'm stupid? You let him out."

Amy stayed silent this time because she'd been busted and lying to him more would be the equivalent of committing suicide. Jayden snorted, then ambled back to the the shelves and picked the knife that was painted a crusty red. The usual. Leo could tell what was coming. His heart still raced, even when it'd happened before.

"Leo, remember what we always say?"

Leo looked at him through innocently shimmering eyes. "I killed mom?"

"Yeah. But something else. What is it?"

"Mom hates me?"

"Which means?" Jayden tapped his foot expectantly. When Leo frowned and mulled over the options, Jayden felt his patience run out. He twisted the knife between his fingers. "You're such an idiot. That you're bad, Leo. That's what we always say. How can you forget that?"

Leo had known that. He'd never forget it but he hadn't realized this was what his dad was implicating. "Didn't forget," he mumbled. "I thought something else."

"Well, you don't need to think something else. You need to think that you're bad. You can't forget that, ever." Jayden caught his arm and pulled him up until he was on his knees. "Wanna know how we write bad?"

Leo swallowed. Amy heaved in a breath. Her lips parted for protest but Jayden pressed a finger to his mouth dismissively whilst glaring at her. Don't even open your mouth, his eyes warned.

"Let me teach you how we write it." Jayden turned Leo so his back was facing him and shoved his face into the wall. One hand grasped his shoulder to keep him stable and the other traced the peeling skin stretched over the pink spot with the tip of the knife. Leo twitched, whimpering and pressing his forehead to the wall.

When Jayden started pressing the blade further in, almost enough to draw blood, Amy took a quick step towards and caught his arm, pulling him back. She knew. "He won't learn if he can't see," she reasoned. Her lip quivered. "I- I think a paper would be better."

"He'll feel how the letters are drawn. Don't poke your nose in my business. I know how to teach my son." Jayden pushed her off. BAD right over the sunburnt spot; pain over pain. The thrill made him shiver. Justice for Eliza! "First, there's a B."

He carved the letter into Leo's tender flesh. And Leo felt it, felt the blade curve and dip then slash a line. A pitched cry tore his throat. His spine arched in but he couldn't free himself so he was left to remain helplessly still as the pain latched onto him. Nipped. Bit and clawed like a crazed cat. Pain was so excruciating.

"Now A."

Another burst of pain. Another pattern drawn onto ripe and raw skin. This time a rise and fall like a sharp hill then a short slash. Leo whimpered first then leant his head onto the wall and bit his bottom lip. Harder, harder. Blood dribbled down the dip of his mouth, seeping inside where it didn't belong until it touched his tongue. Leo grimaced. It tasted like the knife itself. Like he bit his own flesh. His eyes bled too, only they bled salty water rather than blood. If he cried long enough the oceans might drain.

"D-Dad, I understand. I'm bad. Please stop." Leo's words were as pointless as his pleas had always been. He pressed his palm into the wall. Scratched it down. Screwed his eyes shut. But all attempts went vain and nothing relieved the pain.

"Just the D left and we're done. Focus. I want you to feel how the letters are written."

Leo let out another cry that made the walls in front of him shake and Amy's heart quiver. She squeezed her eyes shut, put a hand to her mouth. But if she couldn't see it, she could hear it. And if she couldn't hear it, she could sense it. The angels wept for an innocent's pain and the devils relished in the thrills of welcoming a sinner (or two) to their hell.

When the word was done and Jayden pulled the knife back, Leo let out a long quivering breath. He realized that the A had hurt the least. B hurt the most. The blood that trickled from the open wounds shrouded the art sewn over his skin. Jayden ran a cloth over it, cleaning off the crimson so he'd observe his work done and polished. Pride filled his chest. The label had been stamped. Justice for Eliza!

Leo turned and pressed his back to the wall, slumping limply against it even though the wounds rubbing against brick hurt. His head hung down. Brown hair flopped over. His chest heaved. In his mouth and along his tongue lingered the metallic aftertaste of blood and the bitter remnants of forsaken pleas for mercy.

When Jayden saw his son's face like that, something in him hitched. Maybe his breath, maybe his heartbeats. Maybe both. He couldn't tell. Something was different. Leo looked exceptionally like Eliza, he realized the longer he stared. Like his love. What was it today? Leo's boyish thin lips had been the only contrast to Eliza's face. Hers were plump. Hers were always enticing.

Now Leo's lips weren't thin. They were swollen, sliced and haphazardly painted a cherry red. The same shade that Eliza used to wear. The same shade he'd tasted off her lips, traced with his teeth and tongue until it smeared her chin like Leo's now. His heart softened and the nerves in his hand withered at the recollection. He dropped the knife.

Slowly, subtly, like a devil whispering sin into his ear, the delirium enveloped his senses. The longer he stared, the more he felt the world slosh before him. Eliza Eliza Eliza. I miss you. Reality was but torture. Fantasy encased his eyes. Now Leo's lips were like Eliza's.

Jayden put a hand on the side of Leo's bare neck but his fingers trembled against his skin. So gentle, so foreign. He'd never been like that with his son. Leo cowered, shrinking against the wall with his eyes screwed shut. He prepared for pain which, to his surprise, never happened. When he opened his eyes again, Jayden was still staring. Frowning. Not an angry frown; it was uncharacteristically soft.

Tip by tip, Jayden's fingers trailed up the arch of Leo's neck until they brushed by his jawline. Soft skin burnt underneath a hand that longed for a forsaken love and lover, for long-forgotten touches in dead moonlit nights. His eyes followed the path of his thumb as it traced Leo's jaw. So soft. He edged his face forwards until he could stare straight into familiar blue eyes.

Sin was tempting. Eliza was tempting. The devilish chants by his ear loudened, drowning out the cries of the world: keep your filth away from the innocent! The illusion filled him now. The world blurred. The murderer that he loathed wasn't there anymore. His heart crashed in his chest. Loud and rapid and lustful. His queen was before him. Now Leo's lips were Eliza's.

"I just want to taste you one more time, Eliza," Jayden mumbled as he leant forwards. Closer. All he could see was Leo's mouth. He stared with wistful eyes. Beautiful lips. "One more time."

Leo stiffened, tried blending into the wall further but his dad was still nearing. He didn't understand what was happening. Didn't understand why his dad was acting like that. Why he was mumbling Eliza and staring at his lips like that. It made his chest tighten until his ribs crushed onto his heart.

Jayden was just an inch away from Leo's face, just an inch away from committing an atrocity when someone crashed into his side and sent him tumbling back.

"What the hell!" Amy shrieked. Her eyes wider than a plate and her jaw unhinged; she lurched forwards and caught his clothes, tugging at them. "What were you about to do to him, you sick bastard? You... you pedophile!"

The world suddenly settled. The fantasies in Jayden's head buried themselves in Eliza's grave where they belonged. Reality came flooding back. He was back in the basement and Leo was there with the wound he'd cut on him. What he'd been about to do popped in fragments in his brain.

Jayden pushed her off him and sat up impetuously. "No. No no no. I wasn't about to do anything. I- I thought-"

"You were about to moles—"

"Shut up! No, I wasn't!" He put his head in his hands, tugged his hair till his heart's content. Then he looked at her again. He breathed. Composure. "You don't get it." He extended a hand out in a conciliatory gesture. "I wouldn't do that to him. I hate him. He disgusts me. That killer. He stole my happiness." His eyes seethed at his son. "I don't know what happened. I thought he was Eliza. I- I imagined her. I swear, she was there. She was about to kiss me. Not- not Leo."

"How could you imagine Leo as Eliza? Don't even deny it—"

"He looks exactly like her! His- his lips were red and swollen. They reminded me of Eliza. And I imagined her. That's it. Nothing even happened. Forget about it."

If Amy knew him enough, he looked disoriented. He wanted this to end because he knew he'd messed up. That he'd gone farther than he'd thought he'd ever go. She breathed shakily, lifting her chin. "If- If you touch him like that one more time, if you ever try molesting him again—"

Jayden raised his brows. His face twisted in a countenance that said: somebody thinks they're some mighty shit. "You think it's wrong?"

The menace in his voice made Amy lose part of her newfound confidence already. "Of course it's wrong. Teaching him that he's a murderer is wrong. But this, this is far too messed up. I won't let you abuse him like this."

"Call the police then."

"What?"

"If you're against this, call the police." Jayden stood, patting his pockets for his phone whilst keeping his eyes hard on Amy. When he found it, he shoved it in her hand. He nodded frantically at it. "I'm giving you the phone. Call them. Do it. Report me if you can."

She knew what he meant. That the moment she'd dare backstab him she'd be following him into jail. That he'd stop paying her and she'd be kept with zero income and a crime haunting her. She became part of this on her own will. Pulling out meant paying the price she knew she couldn't handle. "No."

"Why?"

"I can't."

Jayden snarled then lunged forwards; grasped the hair on the back of her head and pulled down until she had to look up at him. "Why can't you? Don't you think it's wrong?" The spit that flew from his mouth as he spoke landed right on her face. "You sounded confident. Why back out now?"

"I need the money," she said. And she did, urgently. For her mom's survival. She needed it to pay for her mom's pricy medicines and hospital visits. All on Leo's expense.The guilt constantly pricked her soul but she ignored the pain. "If I don't need the money, I would've called the police long ago. I- I wish I don't need it. I wish."

"And you act like you want to protect him." Jayden snorted, pulling her closer to him. The stench of cruelty killed her nostrils. "You are a bastard, Amy. If you care about him, you'd call the police. But you don't. You're selfish. You care about your mom and you'd rather have Leo suffer."

He was right. And sometimes, Amy didn't know if she could blame herself for caring about her mom more than Leo. "Why don't you just kill him? Why do you make him suffer?"

"I'm not a murderer like him. I want to kill him but I can't. I'm not like him, I'm not like him." Jayden glowered longer at her, nostrils flaring, before finally thrusting her head back until it hit the wall. He walked out of the basement and slammed the door shut behind, hard enough that the repercussions rang loud in Amy's ears. Leo was used to it at this point.

When Amy turned back to Leo, her heart shattered. He was torture. His eyes were torment. Because even after all the pain, after all the cuts and the blood, he looked like an angel misplaced from heaven. Even with the pouty bloodied lips and the tear-stained cheeks. It was this look of oblivious innocence that struck harder than lightening right into her chest.

The knife winked at Amy. She stared at it. If she could dare, she could end this. Her feet moved forwards. She could end Leo's sufferance. The cool metal was in her hand now. She looked at Leo's wrists. How long would it take for his blood to drain?

Leo wasn't used to Amy holding the knife. Maybe it was her turn now. Maybe everyone in that place liked to give him cuts. Liked to try the thrill. He watched warily as she reached for his wrist, holding it in her hand.

"Isn't it better if you just die?" she mumbled. No, it isn't. Was that the voice of guilt or conscience? She stroked his little wrist. But then her vision blurred with the tears swishing in her eyes. She tried to bring the knife down on his skin but something in her didn't agree. Her fingers trembled. Her pulse thumped in her ears.

"I can't do it!" She shouted, flinging the knife into the corner. She put her hands to her face and cried. "I'm so sorry, Leo, I'm so sorry. I can't do it. I can't save you. You.. you don't understand how many of your rights are being violated right now. You don't understand what your dad was about to do to you."

Leo only watched her. She annoyed him at this point. He was the one bleeding but she was the one sobbing. He looked away because this was not worth his time. He caught upon the knife in the corner.

And he wondered what it would feel like if he cut himself on his own. He wondered if it'd hurt less. He kept staring at the knife.

*_*_*_*_*_*

So ngl I'm kinda worried about how you guys would take the chap. I know this was messed up af but unfortunately boys aren't immune to assault (or whatever you'd call what happened to Leo) I'm so sorry if it made you uncomfortable, please don't leave me :(( Anyway, thoughts on the chap?

Thank you so so much for reading/commenting/voting <33 it means the world to me and it keeps me motivated to write <3