Chapter 26 | Aaron

David woke up hungover, draped like a dead man on the couch. Groaning, he pulled himself upright until his feet met the carpeted floor, spine aligning with the backrest.

He blindly tapped his phone, and when the screen lit, he squinted at it, trying to discern the time. Nine-thirty in the morning. He frowned.

As soon as he stood, his vision clashed with the door and it was then that everything that'd happened the night before flooded his brain. He'd been drunk. He'd fought with Aaron

Aaron. Where was he?

"Aaron?" David called as he stood and hurried to Aaron's room. First knock was useless, second just as much. He barged in but found the room empty. The first quiver caught his heart.

He ran back to the front door and held the knob. It was locked. He remembered kicking Aaron out and he'd locked the door behind. So he couldn't have entered again. He'd been outside all night on his own.

"Shit." David fumbled with the keys and unlocked the door then stepped outside. "Aaron?" he shouted into the brisk air, bounding down the stair-steps of his porch. He glanced around him like he was lost himself more than like he'd lost his son. "Aaron! Come, you can come in now."

No answer. "Aaron," David repeated, this time gruff voice tinged with annoyed warning. "Where the hell are you? Cut this bullshit and come."

He walked around the house, even stepped past the gates and meandered a little down the road, shouting Aaron's name. But nothing.

David tried to pretend his chest didn't constrict. He entered the house again and marched straight into Aaron's bedroom. Maybe he'd just gone to Erika's house? Maybe he hadn't wanted to sleep outside so he'd gone to her—

Aaron's phone was on his bed, untouched. Surely he wouldn't go there without it. David's heart dropped as he reached forward and picked the phone, only to find the lock-screen drenched with notifications

Ten missed calls and thirty texts, all from Erika. Most of them just asking: Aaron? Hey. Still sleeping? Come on you sleepyhead, we said we're gonna...

David cursed under his breath and quickly spun around and opened Aaron's closet. All his clothes were still there. Had he decided to run away just like that? Had it been too much for him, that he couldn't even wait till morning so he'd collect his belongings?

The panic caught with him now, lungs straining like they'd been sliced and the air was seeping out the wrong place. He plopped down on the edge of Aaron's bed, facing his worn wooden desk, spine hunched forwards. He stared at the books scattered along the surface.

It took him a minute to bring himself to reach out and pick one. He opened it and leafed through the pages. Philosophy? It dealt with death and the desire to live, the mechanics of wanting or refusing to love and be loved.

David frowned as he closed the book. "The hell do you read about?" he mumbled to himself. He stood and shoved the rest of the books roughly aside: all astronomic.

He exhaled shakily then walked to the foyer. He grabbed the keys. He didn't know where Aaron was but he needed to find him on his own. Police involvement meant doom. He couldn't.

He climbed into the car and started the engine, for a second just staring at the windshield. He might've been mistaken, probably so, but there was a part of him that couldn't tolerate losing his only son.

David drove through the entire neighborhood. He exited the car at times only so he'd go through the corners, hoping he'd find Aaron there. He drove to the town nearby and mapped every inch of it, leaving nowhere he'd assume Aaron would head to as refuge.

By the time he finished and was heading home again, he'd become devastated, the only hope keeping him sane the possibility of finding Aaron already there.

That wasn't the case. He parked the car and shouted one last time, "Aaron? Come out if you're here," as he headed to the front door. He glanced around the garden, eyes scouting for a boy he'd lost, or maybe left lost.

The hope diminished and he stepped in, closing the door behind. The wood was blemished with a trickle of dried blood. David reached a hand there, fingers shakily tracing the crimson that'd oozed out of Aaron's temple. He remembered banging his head into the door, and suddenly, it killed him.

"God, no. This can't happen," David mumbled to himself as he stumbled back and threw himself onto the couch, head in his hands, fingers tugging his hair. "You idiot—" he knocked a fist against his knee, epitome of frustration, "—you dumbass, come back. It's not the time for this."

He tried to stop it, he really did, but suddenly all he'd ever done to Aaron flashed in his head. Belt and cigarettes, crying and hating. Death and dying—

Prison, prison, prison.

He didn't want to spend his life there. He didn't want to spend his life behind bars with guilt clawing his heart out. Aaron couldn't have done that. He shouldn't have. Men wouldn't run away. He taught him that.

Aaron's phone rang. It was Erika. David decided he'd tell her Aaron had traveled to visit his mom. Perhaps that could buy him more time so he'd figure Aaron's place.

*_*_*_*

Erika couldn't understand why Aaron would travel without telling her. She knew he was secretive about his shit but not like that. Something about the entire ordeal didn't settle in her gut.

It'd been a week since David had told her. After that, he'd refused to answer her calls, much like Aaron. Which was weird. Sure Aaron had an awful habit of ignoring texts but for a complete week? That was out of place.

She stood by the gates. It felt like she was being sticky, but she couldn't hold back the worry anymore. She marched into the garden, straight towards the front door.

She knocked at least four times and stood like a fool for two minutes until David finally opened the door. Erika almost gasped. He was a fleshed wreck, an embodiment of insomnia and dishevelment. Black bags hung like grooves beneath his eyes. Grey eyes. Like Aaron's. She missed seeing them.

"Hasn't Aaron returned yet?"

David sighed. "Darling, I'll tell you when he does. Go home." He made to close the door but she slapped a palm on it, squeezing herself in. "The hell are you doing?"

"I left a book in Aaron's room. I wanna get it real quick."

"You can't—"

Erika jerked her arm free and disrespectfully continued inside. She hurried to Aaron's room.

"This is the second time you break into my house, Erika."

"Sorry." Erika entered Aaron's bedroom. She looked around. Atop the closet, the edge of his suitcase could be seen. She opened his drawer and found all his clothes there. "Oh my God."

"Erika." David caught her arm and dragged her out of Aaron's bedroom. "For God's sake, get out. Your book or whatever isn't here."

"His- his suitcase, his clothes—" she looked around, eyes falling upon Aaron's phone, "—his phone!" She raced towards it and picked it up. "How did he travel without all his stuff!"

"Calm down, he won't pack everything for a small goddamn trip. Stop panicking and get out, please."

Erika turned away, heart racing, terrified of the possibilities. Then her phone buzzed—a message from Aaron's mom, asking about him. Erika didn't know how, but the woman had found her insta account a while ago and occasionally shot her a text, asking about Aaron.

"Oh my God," Erika said, hand on her mouth as the realization slammed into her. She faced David again. "Aaron's mom... she just texted me. She's asking about Aaron. That means... He's not with her... He's not with her!"

David pretended he was shocked. "Wh-What do you mean? I drove him to the airport myself."

"I just told you she's asking about him! Your son has been missing for a week! I'm calling the police."

David caught her arm. "This is my business. I'll deal with it."

"Will you? How? You're not doing anything! Did you even check if he got there safely? He didn't even get into the plane. He- He must've run away. Oh my God."

"I said stop panicking and let me deal with it."

"Okay, I want to go with you to the police."

"Wh—"

"You said you'll deal with it. Your son's been missing for seven days, I think now you have to go to the police. I'll do it myself if you—"

"Shut up," David mumbled, hand rubbing his mouth. He snatched the keys and hurried outside. When Erika stepped out, he shut the door and headed to his car.

For a second, he just sat in the driver's seat, doing nothing, saying nothing. Just staring at the windshield like he had the day Aaron disappeared. Police. He might be going to his doom with his own feet. He might be overreacting. Maybe he shouldn't care. He never wanted a child. He never wanted Aaron.

What was worse? Driving to his end on his own for a child he never wanted or appearing like the worst father? No refuge to hide, no mask to wear. Today, naked. Exposed.

Erika looked at him. "Please, he's my best friend. I want him back."

David stared at her for a second, contemplating, then finally started the engine. He kept it idling. Today was only windy and the windshield couldn't have fogged. It took him a second to realize a part of his heart still beat, to blink the ghost of tears away and finally drive into the road.

Erika said, "Why do you think Aaron ran away just like that? Why now?"

"I don't know."

"Did you ever notice that Aaron's not stable? His mental health?" Erika waited for an answer but it never came. "Did you ever talk to him? Do you know that he has bullies at school but he refuses to tell anyone? He said he's not a child, he can handle it."

David didn't know what to feel about this—to realize Aaron's actions were exactly what he'd prepped him to be, to realize that every time he'd told him be a man translated into constant refusal of help. It'd worked.

"Aaron never talks about anything other than philosophy or astronomy. You'd think a teenage boy like him would be interested in other things."

"You can't accept him the way he is?"

"I can. But that's not normal. He talks about the stars like they're... real. Like they're something he'll never achieve and that's not normal. He's young. Too young to keep thinking like that."

"No wonder he left. His only friend can't respect his interests."

This hit Erika in a different way. She'd defend herself, tell him: no, sir, I've been a great friend. But looking back, recalling the time she'd made it look so easy: why don't you just tell the principal? she realized she was just like the rest, incapable of understanding. Because from her place, outside Aaron's bubble, far away, everything seemed so small. A bird above the world, a wanderer peeking into a minuscule universe.

The only person capable of viewing the problem implicitly as it was, was Aaron. He was inside it, letting it crawl in his chest and curl around his bones. For him, there was no distance to mare the real perspective.

Introspection?

Erika remembered what Aaron had said when they were twelve. In class. You can't understand what you haven't been through. Had it been a sign? Had Aaron tried to tell her that she wouldn't understand, that his actions were relevant to his perspective of the issue?

To understand that she would never understand.

She'd underestimated that. Maybe that really was why he left. Even she let him down. When Erika's gaze met the side-mirror, she realized her eyes were saucer-wide and watery. She let her head hit back against the headrest. "Oh, oh no," she mumbled. "I... What if he tried to—"

"He's not suicidal."

"How can you be sure? Do you even talk to him?"

"I know that my son isn't suicidal. That's it."

"And I know that my best friend hasn't been feeling well. He... he hates himself so much it's not normal. And everything was so much worse lately. He wouldn't let me touch him anymore. What if he decided to end it—"

"If you knew him one bit, Erika, you'd be sure he's not suicidal."

"You don't get it!" Erika shouted. Her voice resonated inside the car, outweighing the soft hum of the AC. She'd subconsciously tensed and twisted to face David, but now she leant back again, deflating, voice shaking as she remembered what Aaron used to say. "He used to say that he didn't know if he wanted to live or die. He- He said that once."

David's grip on the steering wheel tightened, knuckles popping out harder. Live or die. Death. Aaron wouldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. He couldn't—

"I don't want to lose him," Erika finally said, each word a tremor. "He was never okay. I don't want to find him dead, Mister Williams. I don't want to find Aaron dead."

The words broke a bone in David. His eyes widened, and suddenly he was swerving the car to the right like a reckless manic. Erika just about crashed into the dashboard.

David parked in his spot by the pavement. Both of them jerked forwards at the sudden halt. He stared straight out. Death. Prison. Death. Prison. Aaron. Without warning, he sprang out of the car and threw up into the lawn beyond.

Erika didn't say anything. She readjusted herself on the seat, waiting patiently until David gathered himself and climbed into the car again like a robot, refusing to hold eye-contact.

When she opened her mouth, David cut her off by holding a palm to her. Slowly, he lowered his arm and leant his elbows against the steering wheel, fingers weaving into his hair. He cried.

For every time he saw love me, dad, on Aaron's face but refused to love him. For every time he saw when will I be worthy, dad? in Aaron's behavior but refused to give him the satisfaction of validation. For every bruise and every cut and muffled cry. He cried for it all.

But more importantly, he cried for himself. The boy he'd been was the boy Aaron turned into. All his pain concealed in younger copies of his own eyes. Maybe jail was his place. Maybe jail would be his grave.

This time, David broke the rule. This time, he wasn't the man.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*

hi there! Hope you enjoyed getting to know what happened after aaron disappeared. If u have any theories on what exactly david went through (emotionally) here, i'd love to hear <3

(prequel ends in five chaps. Y'all can rejoice lol)

Thank you so so much for reading/voting/commenting<33