9o.
chapter ninety:
teenage nightmare.
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"What do you mean I was?" I blurted out, exasperated. I felt my palms turn sweaty, so I rubbed them on my shorts. Serena followed the action, then snapped like a dry twig stepped upon when I smirked.

"You didn't let me complete my sentence!" Nodding, I encouraged her to continue, although the smile was a facade. My insides were on fire, dreading whatever was coming. "I feel like… like we should take a break. You know, a break from our relationship."

Any remaining hopes I had left careened to the floor when Serena didn't speak any further. I assumed she had reached the end of her speech when she picked up her bags. A heavy lump formed in my throat, but I forced myself to swallow it just to voice out a question. "W-why?"

Serena inhaled and looked down at her feet, her fingers trembling on her bags. "You were the one who uplifted me with your strong feelings, but now, those very same strong feelings have gone down the dark side!"

Dark side?

"Huh?"

"You, Ash Ketchum." My breath hitched when she came closer, close enough to poke my chest accusingly. Her eyes had turned cold enough to pierce through me like an arrow through a marshmallow. "Have developed all the negative emotions you ought to keep in check!

"You get jealous. Remember when I told you Calem's coming over and cut the call? Well, that was a lie. I only wanted to see whether you'd continue talking, but all I heard was how damn insecure you were that I'd run off with another guy, seemingly better than you!"

I wanted to speak, tell her I was fair enough, but he was a step ahead in things—brains, leadership, beauty; however, the words never came. They died at the back of my throat before they could be formed into a coherent, meaningful sentence.

"You are barking reckless; you don't think before doing something, nor before speaking something.

"Don't mind me spitting these things out harshly. I didn't wish to either, but the strings broke yesterday when you refused a second chance to a worthy person." Her demeanor faltered, and she heaved out a sigh, as if the mere action pained her to the very core. "Please, Ash.

"I don't wish whatever relationship we have to be broken with a hammer the way our friendship had been because of every darned emotion. So, please. Please don't look at me like that."

I didn't realize how tightly I had clenched my jaw or how pale my knuckles were. My mind had gone blank, dejected at my own flaws and shortcomings being hurled at my face by the one girl I valued the most, the one presence I had come to appreciate and worship as the moon.

"Haha." A humorless, almost involuntary, laugh escaped my lungs as I shifted to my right to lean against the mantel of the fireplace. "I was under the impression my pessimism would be my downfall, but it seems like I've got a horde of flaws to weigh me down. Well, what do you know?"

Our gazes met in a heartbeat, frightened chocolate ambers to melancholic oceanic blues. It was a somber communication between our souls, on a whole other level—an intimate encounter, because we knew what exactly was coming up next and also understood that neither of us would fancy the decision. But it had to be made.

"I guess you'll be leaving Kanto, then?" I whispered, not quite trusting my voice to be clear enough to be coherent. To my pleasant surprise, Serena shook her head no.

"No. I've lost my opportunity as part of Lisia's backstage dance crew, so I can't go to Hoenn until I've been called."

Her lips quirked downward, but her piercing gaze never deterred. I wanted to reach out to her, heart against heart, and console her but held myself back at the last moment.

"Will you get another chance at performing?"

"Most likely, no. Lisia has talked about whisking me into the fashion-slash-set-design crew, though. The future is cloudy until then."

I hummed in response as the next, inevitable question popped into my mind. I had suspected such a situation to arrive but even so couldn't face it when it showed up knocking at my door. Now that it did, I struggled to form the right words to ask her. It felt like I had forgotten every word of the dictionary I had read and learned day after day, for years on end.

"W-where will you go, then?"

There was no hesitation in Serena's voice when she stated, "Misty's. I had promised to come visit her once, back in the airport. I don't see why I shouldn't now. After that… I'll probably be heading back to Kalos."

Once again, our sad eyes caught each other in the very same intimate conversation, the very scintilla tingling to the ending of my nerves and the marrow of my bones. Her lips quirked downward, and she swallowed heavily as if trying to push down whatever words were itching to be thrown out at me.

The usual warmth between us had turned into icicles poking into my stomach. The finality of the moment had arrived, and there was but one option. Let her go.

"This is it, then," I whispered, unable to trust my voice. I could see the storm of internal conflict in her beautiful orbs that I had gotten lost in many a day and wanted so desperately to hold her, even if it meant letting go the next instant. "Can I get a hug?"

Serena looked down, slightly shaking in her spot. When she angled her head to face me, her eyes glistened with unshed tears. The rope that had formed in the pit of my stomach all but loosened at the sight, at the implication of that gaze; no. You do not have the permission to touch me.

I nodded soundlessly, as if to assure her that I got the reason. But I don't.

"Take care." She tried to smile, but it only came out as a resigned sigh. The honey-blonde started walking towards the main door, her soft heels clicking sharply against the tiled floor for what might be the last time. Farewell, she meant.

I turned around on my heel, seeing her reach for the knob. Her knuckles blanched around it. "Goodbye," I whispered hoarsely, even though my heart screamed for her to stay. Please don't go.

The front door closed the next minute, leaving me in a deafening silence, one that was amplifying by each minute within my chest and leaving sweet nothingness in them. I lost… again.

It felt like my entire, colorful world was walking away from me. I wanted to run after it, to yell, to plead, to beg even, but I could do nothing but stay rooted to my spot and watch it leave, to let my teenage nightmares come true, let her go.

I was painfully aware of how cracked my voice was when I whispered her name to the wind, hoping at least the very sound of it may give me some sort of comfort. "Serena."