50.

5o.
chapter fifty:

is anyone else
up with me
when I say
I regret this
cruelly damned world?

"Sir, I request you to let this one pass."

"Pardon me, Mister Ketchum, but I cannot excuse your lack of interest in my class."

I clenched my jaw in barely constrained anger. Lysandre's demands were getting out of hand, despite the decorum rules he's supposed to follow.

"If you fail, I'll be held responsible —"

"What do you expect me to do?! I know that I'm clearly not enough!" I shot back, feeling something in me burst open, as if it were carbonated and shaken for a long time. "But I have managed to pass all of your tests so far! Why would you assume that I would fail the finals? Sir?"

I heard exclamations erupt around me. May was looking at me with a pleading expression. Lysandre slammed a book on the table hard, and everyone fell quiet. "Because all you do is sit silently during class, not take down any of my notes despite being seated specifically in the first row, and stay wrapped up in your own world."

His tone was surprisingly calm, but I felt the ferocity behind it, masked as thinly as a lake under a cover of soft snow. I kept my silence, and the man continued. "Why don't you just tell me what's bothering you? I'm sure I can help. You can tell me right here, if you'd like, Mister Ketchum."

What happened next was a blur. A hot liquid rushed down my cheeks, and I realized, faintly, that I was shivering and shouting at the same time. "It's none of your business!" And I ran out. I left the classroom, the college, and the city itself.

"Ash, what's wrong?"

I tried opening my eyes but found I couldn't. Something was weighing me down, and all I could make out was an unsettling darkness. The voice, however, carried an angelic presence, and I would know it anywhere, anytime. "What's this feeling?" I found myself asking. "Serena?"

"You've been alone for too long, Ash."

I tried moving. "Alone?"

"Yes, Ash. Why don't you come live with me?"

I straightened my fingers and felt a little relief rush through me; I wasn't paralyzed. "Live with... you?"

"You're right. We could live together... grow old by the fall, die, go to heaven... Ash."

A strange fear shot through me, and I swiped my arms back and forth. "What do you mean? You know I can't think about... you... dying."

"We all must. Why not together? We don't have to tell anybody, let's not call anyone. Let's bury our phones at the place, Ash."

Bury our phones.

That seemed too similar for my liking, and I shot my eyes open. We were back in the college, only everyone around looked like total strangers. Everyone but her.

I felt tempted to ask as her lips quirked upward. "Can we... do it, now?" She bobbed her head.

"Of course, Ash. We just need to find the right place."

"And..." I paused. "End it all?"

Serena looked positively encouraged. "Yes, Ash. Before we meet the English assignment deadline."

What?

It was nearly dusk when I woke up, all sweaty. I took a few deep breaths, trying to get some control over my racing brain. My muscles felt cramped when I tried to switch on the stereo system, and I winced after successfully doing so.

The news about the murder of some man named Giovanni boomed through the speakers. Murder, death, then what? I winced and hurriedly changed the channel.

Thankfully, a calming beat started playing, and I leaned back against the driver's seat of my car. The window was open, and a chill breeze blew in with a whoosh, running through my hair.

I let out a ragged breath I didn't realize I had been holding. After frightening nightmares, I was getting disoriented dreams that had one part connected to one of those nightmares.

I felt tears of rage well up in my eyes. What was happening to me? What should I do to stop these... trances?

It took me more than a few minutes to compose myself. Finding the spare tissues in the dashboard, I fixed my face and started the engine. I was on the outskirts of Lumiose, mostly on the side of Aquacorde. The town was quaint and didn't question people falling asleep in their cars in parking lots.

As I turned onto the main road to head back to the hostel, the sun's last rays illuminated my path. What was the use of beautiful sunsets when all my tears were getting used up on the pointless feeling of love?

The drive back was just as nerve-wracking as the one to Aquacorde. The only difference back then had been a furious need to run away from my problems. With the adrenaline factor out of the way, I felt too tired to do anything.

I wouldn't have minded spending the night in my car, alone, if I had some money on me for food. In my rush, I had forgotten my wallet in my school backpack back at college.

If only I could get back to Pallet, I thought. I would just spend my life with Mum, make sure she's happy, earn something for a living. Just the two of us. At least I wouldn't have a nagging professor on my tail or any other chances of heartbreaks.

The road ahead blurred with another bout of moisture filling my vision. I shook my head vigorously. If I were to get back to her, I would have to learn to live.

I pulled up in the parking lot of my hostel well after midnight. Thankfully, the warden, Nurse Joy's relative, let me go after seeing my miserable state. I entered the common room to find five figures curled up on the couch, softly snoring. I hesitated, then took a step toward them.

The dying flames of the mantle shone enough to illuminate their faces: Gary, Misty, May, Dawn, and—my breath caught in my throat—Serena. What were they doing there?

I swallowed the lump in my throat when I saw the golden-haired girl clutching a book. Horror gripped me when I realized it was my rough notebook; Butterhead's recent letters were stacked inside it. I looked around frantically for my bag. It was lying askew, a few paces away.

I slowly picked it up from the carpeted floor and walked around the sofa to look at the open notebook. Several handwritten notes were scribbled on the page, but I could only read one in the faint light—it was tiny and cute.

Ash, we care about you.

— 💌 —

Hey guys!
Happy 5oth chapter to this book! We're halfway through the story for real this time, and we've already got over 2k reads!

Thank you all for your support!

Miyoko x

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