46.
chapter forty-six:
Misty walks her
fishes. what do
I do? break
myself.
:)

I rolled around lazily in my bed. It was a Sunday, and I was more than glad to be free of college, people, and most importantly, Lysandre. That didn’t, however, stop me from overthinking.

After my morning ritual, I had a hasty breakfast of waffles and fruit, then rushed to lie down on my bed with my Pikachu. The stack of letters sent by Butterhead was neatly arranged in order in the cupboard I was allotted.

Butterhead.

Whoever that girl was beneath her mask had an amazing sense of eloquence. Even her signature showed conviction of optimism.

I sighed as a flash of Tenerife blue crossed my mind’s eye. Then there was Serena. *We don’t talk anymore, but what was all of it before?*

Rubbing my eyes, a tired sigh escaped my lips. Brock had described love as something that could make you smile like an idiot with just a word or a look, but I couldn’t possibly like two people at the same time, could I?

Anticipating Butterhead’s letters had become a chore I was happy to perform, but I felt butterflies each time I smelled strawberries in the wind.

Oh, how I wish Serena was Butterhead.

Despite the dilemma, I was conflicted about my actions toward the honey-blonde and hers toward me. I decided I would need to talk it out with someone to get it out of my brain and put it into the right words. I didn’t like being split between two girls, and with Butterhead’s vague hints of having an eye for yours truly, I was in a disastrous situation of potentially hurting either or both of them—and myself in the process.

You: Oi, Misty. Free?

Mist: I’m walking my fish.

You: Better bring it here.

Mist: On our way.

You: :]

Mist: :]

After a while, there was a knock on the door and she entered. There was no fish with amphibious legs by her side, though. “Where’s the fish?”

“Back in the aquarium,” she replied and took a seat by Gary’s bed. I snickered.

“Let’s make a deal.”

“Deets?”

“You help me find Butterhead’s identity, and I’ll get you a date with Gary.”

Misty quirked her eyebrow and looked on. “Any person in mind?”

“Definitely from our class, meaning someone besides you and May.”

Misty shifted in her seat and looked deep in thought. “Butter could translate to golden yellow. Lana’s all blue, and we have green in Mallow. Cyan is Lisia—”

What?

“Hold up, what?”

“The colors they prefer and have dyed their hair in,” Misty supplied before continuing. “Shauna’s got brown, so there are only two candidates.” She looked at me with a teasing expression. “It’s either Lillie with silver-blonde hair or Serena with golden-blonde.”

I felt my heart skip a beat. “But I’ve never talked to Lillie!”

“Then you’ve got your answer.”

I wanted to protest, to tell her that Serena probably hated me right now and that she had been oblivious to my feelings all along, but no words came to mind. “How do I find out for sure?”

Misty brought her legs up to her chin. “Why do you want to?”

My cheeks heated up, and I looked at my feet. “I’m conflicted... I feel fuzzy reading Butterhead’s letters, but I can’t get Serena out of my brain either.”

“Why exactly do you think Serena hates you?”

I bit my lip, feeling all the questions from before resurface. “I tried ignoring her when she did nothing. We fell apart, and I’ve hurt her more times than you know.”

“How?”

I shrugged. I was under the impression it was clear as day. “I told her off for coming to the captaincy trials. When she cheered, along with Dawn, I just... found myself distracted and thrown back to some peculiar nightmares, and... you know the rest.”

Misty dipped her head. “So you hate her too? Is that why you aren’t reconciling?”

I drew in a sharp breath. “No, of course not. I’m just afraid that I’ve hurt her beyond limits and that she probably hates me now.”

“Other than your displays of anger toward her, how else have you wounded her?”

The question brought back unbidden memories of the past, and I hesitated. Misty didn’t take no for an answer, and I gave in after a few minutes of consideration. “I promised her,” I began slowly, “that I would make sure to make her smile at least once a day, back when the second summer camp hosted by Professor Oak ended.”

“Oh?”

I felt bitter tears moisten my eyes. “And all this time, I’ve done nothing but bring her misery. Have you seen her in class? She’s so... sad.”

“As Brock said, you’re afraid of rejection before even trying.”

“What if she hates me now? It’s better off this way than confessing and hurting her even more!”

Misty exhaled, and I looked at her. She was wearing a tight smile. “Then why did Butterhead get in?”

“I don’t know who she is or how she looks, but she’s always sending these encouraging notes, and I can’t help but feel good reading them.”

“Now you’re afraid of being in love with both of them? Oh.” Misty interrupted herself, then a small grin broke out on her face. “What if Butterhead turns out to be Serena, and she’s been writing her heart out to you, quite literally? What will you do then? Run away again?”

My chest tightened with a strange pressure. Running away was never an option, but I couldn’t help it either. “Maybe keep my emotions in check so I don’t hurt her too?”

Misty let out an exasperated sigh. “You daft, I’m asking if you’ll accept Serena if she turns out to be Butterhead and is in love with you.”

The reply was obvious. “Yeah.”

Misty clapped her hands. “There you have it. The answer you’ve been looking for.”

I didn’t get it. “Huh? Isn’t that a hypothetical scenario?”

The girl bobbed her head. “Yeah, but you know you aren’t mad at Serena, and you would gladly get back to talking if you learned she wasn’t disappointed in you.”

I laughed hopelessly. “I’m in love with Serena, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, and Butterhead is just a well-wisher. You’d do well to remember that.” She stood up and hurried to the doorway before turning slightly. “And you should fulfill your end of the promise, too.”

The corner of my lips quirked up into a smile. “Of course.”