4o.
chapter forty:
I love my
life.
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This was it. Two more goals, and I would win.

I ran as hard as I could, juggling the ball between my left and right ankles. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Barry closing in. No, I'm not going to give up!

With a surge of strength, I kicked the ball forward. It shot through the net before falling to the soft grass with a bounce. I wiped the sweat off my brow as Alain blew his whistle, signaling a timeout.

I retreated to a chair and dabbed my towel at my forehead. Barry was out of the trials, and I had one more major rival to face: Paul.

Somebody waved to my left, and I craned my neck to smile at Dawn, in her cheerleader uniform, flailing her pom-poms around in celebration. Barry was as good a friend of hers as me, yet she was supporting both of us.

The person beside her had my eyes widen: Serena. She smiled and waved. Why'd she come?

I turned away. I had behaved badly to her, even if my anger could be justified by impatience. That was the least I could tell to console myself.

Time had not let me ponder further. Alain had called Paul and me on. I righted my sports shoe and headed to the field again. The sun was shining overhead, stimulating much sweat. I made a mental reminder to take a nice, long soak after school.

"Go!" I heard Alain shout, and charged forward. Paul had managed to secure the ball in the brief moment and was heading towards my goal.

I wouldn't be able to defend, as I wasn't supposed to be a goalkeeper, so I tried cutting him off. In a few minutes, I was running towards him. He hadn't seen the move coming and was shocked when I yanked the ball away from him with a side kick.

Everything seemed to be going just fine. I was charging towards Paul's goal, the ball was secure, and he was still lagging behind. But then, it happened.

Dawn and she screamed their loudest. "Go, Ash Ketchum!"

Ketchum.

The headstone.

No!

Paul collided with me, pushing the ball away from me as I nearly tripped. He then took charge of it and started speeding towards the other goal. I barely caught a breath before backtracking, but it was too late: he was far ahead.

I stopped myself a second before the goal was scored and the whistle sounded. It was gone. The only hope of happiness in this damned college life. I saw my dreams sink right in front of my eyes.

Whatever happened next was a blur. Paul shook his head, and we exchanged a "good game." I was dismissed instantly and warned by Angie to give another tryout if I at least wanted to be part of the team. I agreed soberly and resorted to the changing rooms.

Within the safe confines of the room, I sank against the wall. It was gone...

Another failed opportunity.

Another failure.

Another reason to regret myself.

I hugged my knees closer as my throat parched up, threatening to burst.

How did that happen?

Ketchum.

The damned nightmare.

And she was the one to remind me of it.

She, Serena Yvonne, of all people.

My so-called best friend.

My crush.

Of the entire community.

Serena.

I couldn't believe myself for falling into the trap. Her love was a game, wasn't it? And I still couldn't process if I fell for her looks, her personality, or her lies?

"I'm sure you'll win!" she had said earlier that afternoon, giving me one of those perfect little smiles.

Win, heck. I didn't even give a good competition.

The tears finally spilled, and I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from shouting out loud what I felt.

What I felt about myself.

For losing myself to the same trick twice.

For that word I called my last name.

Ketchum.

My chest tightened, and I felt a weight settle on it. It was nerve-wracking, the feeling, and I shivered uncontrollably, unable to think straight. I felt the air rushing out of my lungs quickly. The room was spinning before a firm hand grasped my shoulder.

"Ash! Snap out of it! Deep breath! Deep breath!"

I followed the command like a doll, a no-brainer. It took me several tedious moments to finally regain composure. Through blurry vision, I spotted Gary. I gulped the lump in my throat and jabbed at my face before giving him a smile. I was pretty good at it.

The only thing I was good at, oh, it's such a shame.

Make-believing.

"I'm fine, Gar-bear. Just tired." My voice cracked, but I managed to stand up straight and push him out. I shut the door behind me, locked it, and sank against it.

I needed time to recollect myself.

To forget everything.

With steely determination, I swore to avoid Serena and forget the entire Ketchum tragedy. If they were being hindrances to my life, I had to let them go.

What other options do I have than to let her go?

I didn't know how long it took for me to regain my senses, but I could think better after a few rounds of pacing back and forth. I changed back to my usual shirt and tracks before packing my bag and leaving the changing rooms. It was nearly quarter past six, and I doubted I would crash into anyone, seeing as college was dismissed for the day.

I almost ran into her when I exited the courts. "Oh! Ash!" Her tone was breathless, as if she had been dancing. Her friends, Shauna and Lisia, caught up to her. "Ash, I just wanted to tell you that it's okay to not have—"

"Shauna!" I growled at the other girl. She flinched in surprise. "I'm in no mood to talk to anyone right now. I hope you keep that in mind!"

With that, I stormed out into the college grounds and away from the institution itself. Deciding it was best to take lapses, I headed for Lumiose Park. It might even help settle my anger.