34.
chapter thirty-four:
dandelions by
Ruth B is my
song.

It was hard not to look at Serena, especially when she was dressed in formal wear.

No, scratch that. It was an impossible task.

She was talking excitedly with Lisia and Shauna, waving her hands around. From where I was, I couldn’t tell whether she was blushing or if it was just my poor vision.

Dressed in a chic black blazer, a dark skirt that fell just below her knees, and a white shirt to complement it, she looked absolutely elegant.

"Ash," Misty warned, and I slumped over my desk, feeling shame and guilt creeping in. I heard her sigh. "Here I was, thinking you genuinely liked her and supporting you for that."

"You don’t have to make me sound bad."

"No, but I’m not okay with you staring at her just because of how she looks."

I slouched over my table, exasperated. "How do I delete them, then?"

"Pardon?"

"My feelings. How do I delete them?"

Misty looked like a goldfish out of water for a moment. "You can’t—you can’t just delete feelings!"

I peered up at her. "What do I do? I don’t want to... look at her the wrong way! That’s so inappropriate, but I—what if she develops feelings for Calem instead?"

Misty exhaled. "You’re not thinking clearly, Ash. One minute you’re calling those feelings lust, the next you don’t want her to—"

"No, it’s not entirely... that. I want her to like me too! I genuinely adore her." She quirked an eyebrow. "At least, that’s what I think."

"What you think? Clear your head, Ash. Be concise with your intentions. You can only make a move if you’re in the right headspace. Your conscience won’t let you if it’s the, y’know, other thing."

I nodded and stood up. If I was going to think, I might as well be jogging. Seeing as classes hadn’t started yet, I excused myself to take a lap around the college’s vast grounds.

The air was crisp with a sense of foreboding as I laid my problems into a mind map in my head.

Problem one: What exactly was I feeling for Serena?

Until then, I was sure I adored her completely, but as Brock pointed out, if I did, I shouldn’t be getting pent up about not spending enough time with her alone.

Problem two: If I didn’t act within four days, I might lose her heart forever.

There were only four days left until the grade leader elections. With no other competitors, Serena was bound to win. As for the male candidates, there was Calem and Kiawe, but since most of the class seemed more inclined towards Calem, I doubted Kiawe stood a chance. This led to the insecurity of her working together with Calem, my potential rival for her heart.

Problem three, and the most important one: If Brock was right, and I wasn’t being a gentleman, I would never be able to confess to her.

Which meant her affection lost forever.

I took a deep breath and skidded to a stop in front of the garden patches. The dandelion we had visited was now almost bare, with only one petal left. I crouched down and whispered to it, "Hey, Dandy. It’s me, Ash, and I have one more wish. I—I want to be Serena’s boyfriend. I really do adore her, and I’m not sure why Brock and Misty think otherwise, but I don’t want to turn out like Father."

Foolishness crept into me, and I straightened up, looking at the sky. I had ten minutes left to get back to class, according to my watch. I couldn’t help but feel miserable as I glanced back at the single petal, swaying in the wind and bending to its will. If only wishes upon dandelions and stars actually came true.

Professor Grant’s Business class was rather long. The whole time, I was staring at the girl in front of me. Once, when she flinched, I wondered if she could feel me watching her.

I concluded that these three problems were truly causing conflicts within myself, and I hated it. There was only one solution: to figure out what I actually felt without overthinking Brock’s or Misty’s words.

I decided to spend some time alone with her and ask her what she would do if she were in my shoes.

After all, Serena had been the one who helped me with my previous dilemma of choosing between giving up or living the life.

If my feelings turned out to be genuine, I would confess to her right then and there, no matter the outcome. I only hoped I wouldn’t mess it up.