33.
chapter thirty-three:
I was dragged
to breakfast,
so I invited my
girl best friend
and hurt my crush.
yup, that's my life.

I returned from my wild ride of emotions into the hands of a rollercoaster driver. I briefly considered walking right past her and into the lifts, but she beat me to it and approached me head-on.

"Ash! Good morning!"

There was no way out. "Morning."

"Where's the good?"

"Beats me," I shrugged, then mumbled mostly to myself, "Not that anything good ever happens to me."

"Pardon?"

I turned to face her with a scowl, but her unsure eyes held me back. "Why are you here?"

The girl merely looked away from my scrutinizing gaze. "Calem informed me you were heading out to the park. I would have gone with you if you'd told me."

"I wish to be alone."

"Wish or wished?"

Clenching my fist, I withdrew from her. "You heard me."

There was a minute's silence. I stared at my shoes, feeling a twinge of regret creep into my veins, and the inevitable question reached my mind. What was my anger for?

"Well, too bad for you, I'm not leaving you alone."

"What?" I turned sharply to look at her pouting, arms crossed over her chest. She sent me a glare.

"And you heard me." Suddenly, she was standing in front of me, her index finger poking my chest accusingly. I cursed the fuzziness that enveloped me at her touch. "You're not alone and never will be until you decide to run out on me."

I cringed. The phrase was still unsettling. "I–"

"That's enough talk." Then she withdrew, her face morphing into a smile, as if she hadn't just issued a death threat. "Let's grab some breakfast."

"No, thanks," I retorted, fixing my backpack. "I've already had my fill."

Serena's face fell. Nevertheless, she spoke in a cheerful tone. "At least sit with me?"

I couldn't exactly turn her down when she looked me over with those gorgeous eyes. "Uh–"

"You were working out." It wasn't a question, rather a statement. "You're all sweaty."

"Yeah?"

"Doesn't matter!" The girl walked behind me and held my shoulders. "You are watching me eat before you go shower or whatever." Serena started leading me to the escalator forcefully, and I could not help but oblige. What's wrong with you?!

In minutes, I was seated facing her at one of the long tables. She had bread and some fruit on her plate. "Are you sure you don't want a bite?" she asked, looking up from her meal. I held my hands up, and she resumed eating.

I couldn't just sit there and gawk at her eating, so I turned to my phone, switching it on and sending Misty an emergency text.

You: MISTY! GET YOUR LAZY HE3D TO THE DINING HALL!

You: *head

You: *HEAD

Mist: Eh???

It took Misty only five minutes. She was standing near the doorway, panting with her phone clutched in her hand. I grinned at her, then turned to Serena. "I hope you don't mind company?"

Serena, who had been focused on her meal, looked up from her plate. She chewed on her food for a bit before replying. "Of course not!"

Misty shot me a dirty glare as she casually slid into the seat beside me. "Morning, guys!"

Serena smiled back at her. "Good morning, Misty." I remained silent. Misty started piling some plums onto her plate.

Seconds passed, and I found myself growing agitated. I didn't want to be alone with Serena because of the failed confession the day before, but having Misty by my side was no more comforting than having a sleepy dog near you when you're on your deathbed.

I finally mustered up the courage to start a conversation. "Guess we have college tomorrow. The same old drill."

"Yeah," the girls replied.

"The grade leader elections are next week. Are you excited, Serena?" Misty continued. The other girl gave a little chuckle.

"Not quite. I don't consider myself leader material."

"Why not?"

"Well," Serena shifted in her seat, looking a tad uncomfortable. "A leader is supposed to be strong and charismatic."

Misty turned to me, as if egging me on to say something. My mind was blank, though, and I let her perform the deed in my stead. "I don't consider you unattractive."

Serena looked up sharply at Misty, then her face brightened. "That's sweet of you, Misty." I found myself facing Serena for a second. She regarded me with keen interest before looking away, her face blanching.

With her appetite quenched, she placed her dishes away and looked at me, but the question she addressed included Misty as well. "H-how are you guys gonna spend today?"

I thought for a minute and chose to lie, though it made me feel bad. "Gonna work out more."

"I'm basically gonna loaf about," Misty joked, and we chuckled. "How about you?"

Serena shifted again, and I couldn't help but notice her nervousness. "I think I'll be practicing my campaign speech for tomorrow. Maybe in front of my friends."

"That's great! Wish you luck," Misty said, placing her dishes away. Serena thanked her happily, then once again faced me. Her expression unsettled me, and I considered my next move before she opened her mouth to ask.

"Ash, would you like–"

I bolted to my feet. "I gotta get going. More! Workout!" I laughed nervously, glanced at Misty to tag along, and bid Serena farewell before sprinting off. I didn't stop until I reached my empty dormitory, where I scanned for any signs of movement before entering. Misty caught up, breathless, and slumped down onto Gary's bed.

Once she caught enough oxygen, she chided, "What's wrong with you?"

"What?"

She didn't look pleased. "What in the name of Gyarados is going on in your mind?"

"I'm afraid I'm not getting you, Misty," I snapped, pulling at my bedsheet. She threw her head back to look up at me, her eyes furious.

"One day, you want to tell her how you feel, and the next, you're hurting the poor girl? What's wrong with you?!"

Hurting? "What do you mean, hurting?"

"Yes, you are! Didn't you notice how uncomfortable she got when I sat beside you?"

"Why would she get uncomfortable because of a girl?" Misty lunged for Gary's pillow and threw it at me. I managed to catch it before it hit me. "What in the—"

"Are you acting blind, or are you really a fool? Serena wanted to spend time with you, alone! Why did you call me? No, wait." She contradicted herself when I opened my mouth to speak. "Are you ignoring her?"

I sucked in a sharp breath and looked away. Ignoring? I couldn't even... "Trying."

"What for? Did she reject you yesterday?"

"No."

"Are you injured in the head that you're ignoring your girlfriend the very next day?" My girlfriend. That gave me a fuzzy feeling, like before when she poked me. I shook my head rapidly to avoid getting lost in fantasies.

"She isn't my girlfriend."

"Eh?"

Misty was looking at me, flummoxed, and I sighed. I owed her an explanation. "I didn't get to confess to her. She was called away before I could make a move."

"Oh?" Her expression changed to one of strange sympathy, and I hated that look being directed at me. When she spoke, her voice was soft, as if being loud would break me. "Why are you ignoring her then? I could tell she wanted to spend time with you and is apologetic about leaving you yesterday."

"How can you assess that?"

"For starters, she looked on the verge of breaking down from nervousness and was very quiet. If you'd noticed, she barely ate anything other than the fruit. Not even her complete slice of bread. And she kept glancing at you, expecting something."

"Expecting what?"

"I don't know... maybe words of affirmation or just that you forgave her for yesterday."

"Oh."

"Yeah, and if you'd let her, she would have asked you to be her audience for the campaign speech rehearsal."

I picked at a loose thread on the bedsheet. I had been really cranky all morning and pushed away the only person who had dared to try and calm my storm. The weight of that thought was pulling me down. I didn't realize when Brock had joined us or that he had been eavesdropping all along.

"Why do you want to avoid her?" he asked, taking a seat beside Misty. They exchanged a quick greeting before he looked me in the eye. "Why?"

I shrugged. Truth be told, I was frustrated that she wasn't listening to my attempts. But she was trying to, wasn't she?

"Sometimes I feel like... I'm just a chapter in her book, while I've always thought of her as my whole story."

"You're afraid of rejection without giving it a go."

I clenched my jaw in an effort not to snap. "I've tried, so many times! But circumstances always mess up! I don't even know if she was actually asleep the other night in the hospital wing or just pretending not to have heard me tell her I liked her!"

This elicited a gasp from Misty, but Brock continued questioning me. "And you decided to ignore her based on a completely hypothetical scenario?"

I nodded slowly, unwilling to admit that it was the circumstances that had messed things up and not her, and that I had been wrong about the entire ignoring ordeal. "I guess I was just pent up with frustration... that she won’t look at me."

"Ash, the question here isn’t about rejection. It’s about how genuine your feelings are!"

I snapped back up. "Genuine?"

"It’s time you mull things over and ask yourself this: do you like her for who she is, or for how she looks?" I made to answer, but he held his hand up. "Think it over."

And so I did. Even as the day bled into nightfall, even as I was comfortably tucked in my bed, my Pikachu plush by my side.

It was true that Serena was a very pretty girl. Naturally, it was easier to fall in love with her looks, but I didn’t, did I?

If that were the case, I realized with a gripping fear, I was not being the gentleman I was raised to be...

Instead, I was going down the worst path I—or my mother—could fathom: the path my father took; the path of lust.