New York was everything I remembered it to be but different too. The lights were brighter, the streets more crowded and the noise, the noise was deafening. Steven turned the radio down, running a hand through his brown hair to look at me.

"You look tanned," he chuckled, "I remember how you'd spend hours in the Hamptons trying to look the way you look now."

"And now I've effortlessly got it," I replied, posing for him to get a better look. He rolled his eyes at me but failed to hide his smile. I knew that he was distracted. He and I had been friends before we'd started dating and now, I knew him like the back of my hand, practically. I slumped in my seat, "Okay, spill. What's wrong?"

"Well, it's just, seeing you has brought back a lot," he admitted, "When you left, Addison and I got close and she started to feel guilty. Like she didn't deserve to be your friend and she spent so much time in fear that you became some distant scary person."

I understood completely what he had to say. Though I wasn't proud to admit it, I knew that Addison wasn't wrong to think that. After all, I had known that she had liked Steven when he'd shown interest in me. And we had dated. And Addison had been forced to sit and watch us be happy together.

It dawned on me that I had painted Addison as some distant scary person too as soon as she hadn't answered my texts. She wasn't like that. She was an angel. She was the person that had noticed that I was missing at the club that night and that lead to her saving me from Archer.

"When do I get to see her?" I asked. He was silent as we turned into the apartment building that had been my home so many months ago. All I could see on the streets was white from the snow and it disappeared as soon as we were in the familiar parking lot. I released a deep breath, opening the door.

Steven spoke once we'd entered the elevator. "How does it feel to be back?"

I pressed the button that led to our floor, the top floor, and held onto my handbag. Of course, Steven had insisted to carry my bag even though it wasn't heavy and I could have managed. Some of my clothes had remained here so I hadn't over packed.

"You didn't answer my question," I said, giving him a dead look.

He seemed shocked by my bluntness. I was reminded then that old Maddie used to leave things the way they were and wouldn't demand answers when she wasn't answered.

"She's in the apartment," he sighed. Immediately, I panicked and pushed the emergency stop button. The elevator came to a halt. I tugged at the sleeves of my black coat and crossed my arms over my chest, turning to face him. "You're being very scary and not distant at all."

I huffed. "Steven, were you planning to tell me or was I just supposed to walk in there and see her?"

"What's the issue with you seeing her?" He asked, "You two are best friends, Maddie. Whatever has happened between you two can be fixed."

"And what if it can't?" I asked, without hesitation. That thought had raced through my mind at the thought of seeing her again. Now that I knew that the person I had been before was bad, was I ready to be forgiven for what I had done? Was I ready to ask to be forgiven?

With that confession out, I moved to the other side of the elevator, trying to remind myself to breathe. I jumped slightly when I felt a hand wrap around my shoulder and I turned, shocked that Steven's face was blurry because of my tears. He wrapped me into a hug and my arms went around his waist.

"Look, Maddie, nobody is expecting you to be perfect," he said, pulling away so that he could see my face. "We know that you've tried to change. We know that you're not proud of the person you used to be but I can see that that person isn't the same one that's standing in front of me right now."

There was a thick and heavy silence that took over for a moment before I nodded, wiping away my tears. I pressed the button and the elevator jerked to a start. We continued heading up and I felt ready to face Addison.

She was standing in the living room when we entered, watching me cautiously, like she was afraid I'd spit venom at her or something. I could see the relief on her face when I smiled at her. It made me hate myself for ever making her feel like she had to be afraid of me.

"I missed you," she said to me, approaching slowly. I held my arms open, glad I wasn't holding my bags and she rushed into them, hugging me tightly.

"Its good to see you," I said into her hair, "And I'm sorry, Addi, for everything."

We didn't have to say anything. The air around us was calm and soothing. She smelled the way she always did. Like her signature perfume and grass, probably from all the time she spent at the park during her babysitting gig. That scent alone was a sign that despite the big changes in her life, she was still the same person.

And that made me happy.

"Okay okay," Steven grumbled, his blue eyes filled with mischief, "Addison and I had plans to go visit her brother in the Hamptons tonight. We're sorry Maddie but we have to go. You know how my mom feels about driving late at night."

A small nod was all I could manage. Steven had lost his dad in a car accident some time ago and his mother still had her worries about him driving late at night.

"Don't worry about it," I said, "I have to call my mom anyway. You guys enjoy your night."

Addison gave me another side hug. I could feel the excitement radiating off of me and I couldn't help the smile that spread onto my face.

"Say hi," she told me, "And I'll see you  tomorrow. Merry Christmas Eve."

Once they were gone, I looked around the house. Nothing had changed. The walls were a neutral grey colour and so was most of the furniture. The only other colour in this room was red. I walked to my old room. The posters were still up of bands that I liked and so were most of my pictures of my friends and I. I had left all this stuff because a part of me wanted to always feel anchored to this place, even though another part of me, the dominant part, had been quick to try to move on.

My phonecall with Mom was brief. She told me that she was at her parents' farm and I told her that I was in my dad's apartment. I told her that the air was cold and that I missed her but I was glad that I had decided to come. I tried not to think about our empty house in the small town.

Most of my evening was spent packing up what I had and sifting through the things I'd forgotten I'd had. I managed to write a bit in my notebook but nothing serious. I didn't have any fixed stories in my head but I was just glad to be writing again.

The entire time though, I had two thoughts in my head. Would my dad like this version of me he saw? And would I be able to rest until I finally saw Archer?

The first question was soon answered when I heard the door swing open at about 9pm. I walked out of my room like it was any other day and into the living room. There he was at the front door, loosening his tie until he stopped and he saw me.

"M-maddie," he said, his voice shaking.

"Dad," I said, tears already pooling into my eyes before I rushed across the room and into his arms.

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