ONE YEAR EARLIER

It was one of those moments where I woke up so confused. The lights in my room were too bright, my bedsheets too cold and the room held the strong stench of bleach. I sat up, regretting it immediately because my head was spinning and a sharp pain came from it as a result of the movement.

"Maddie," I heard my mom say. I forced my eyes to open fully, looking around. This wasn't my room. I was in the hospital. Confusion overthrew panic. I tried to move again but I felt a dull tug come from my arm. A cannula. Figures. I only registered my mom's presence in the doorway then.

She rushed towards me, tears spilling down her face. "My baby," she sobbed, pulling me into a hug. I winced, feeling too weak to hug back.

"Give her some space Dee," my dad said, saying the nickname he usually used on her. She stepped away from me, hesitantly, right into my dad's arms. It was nice seeing them together, especially after the argument they'd had in Spain a few weeks ago. I blinked at them. My dad gave me a small smile, "How are you doing princess?"

"My head hurts," I admitted, my voice coming out hoarse. My throat was insanely dry. I run a hand through my hair slowly with my free hand and looked around the drab hospital room. There was a brown armchair in the corner, diagonal to where the tv was on the other side of the room. The room had blinds instead of curtains and I could faintly see the tall buildings through the spaces. I looked back at my parents. "What exactly happened?"

Two men walked into the room. One a doctor and another a cop. They both had stern faces that softened the second the saw me. I leaned towards my parents without realizing it, not feeling safe at the sight of them.

"Don't worry baby," my mom said, sniffing as she smiled at me. "They aren't here to hurt you. They just want to help."

"Hello, Ms. Clearwell," the doctor said, approaching me as though I was a frightened kid. I knew I was shaking but I wasn't necessarily frightened. More like confused. I let the man walk to me, never looking away until he was right in front of me. He did some test with his flashlight that passed in a blur before he stood back and gave me a kind smile. "I'll be back with a glass of water for you. Okay?"

I nodded slowly. The police man was up next. Thankfully, he didn't act like I was a child. But there was still some ounce of sympathy in his voice. What had happened?

"Hello Maddie," he said.

"Hello Officer," I read his badge, "Peterson."

He smiled at me slightly before he nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Confused," I frowned, "What happened to me?"

"What do you remember?"

My head thumped in response. It wasn't too keen on thinking at that particular moment. Despite that ache in my head I tried my best to remember. I had been in the club. We had snuck in of course, just to dance, not to drink. A man had bought me a drink. Non alcoholic, he had promised, and I'd drank it until the glass was empty. Then we'd talked for a bit. He'd asked me questions. I'd answered them, my words slurring the more I tried to speak. After that, I didn't remember anything.

The officer looked at me for a long time. This confused fifteen year old who didn't know what had happened. He held up his phone silently. On it was a picture of a man, standing in a toilet cubicle, his eyes wide for a moment. I was behind him, looking drowsy. But why was I drowsy? I hadn't taken in any alcohol.

My mind already knew the answer.

"Your friend Addison took this photo," he told me, "Is this the man who bought you the drink?"

I slowly nodded. My mom sniffed again, looking up at the roof, not saying anything. Officer Peterson looked visibly upset. He nodded. "This man is Archer Diggins. We ran his face through the facial recognition system while you were asleep," he told me, "Your friend, Addison, took this photo when she found him attempting to sexually assault you in the bathroom of the club."

I was silent. I didn't know what to say. It didn't make sense to me that I could've been in a situation like this. I knew that wasn't a good way to think. I was a female living in one of the biggest cities in the world. If things like this could happen in small villages thousands of miles away, why did I think they couldn't happen to me?

"Maddie, are you alright?" My father asked. I nodded. It was an automatic nod but I was grateful for it because I didn't know how I was feeling. It was like a dark cloud was hovering over me. I suddenly felt sick.

"Don't worry Maddie," the officer said, giving me a kind smile. I knew what he was thinking. What if this had happened to his own daughter? He took a step towards the door, "We're sending officers to his apartment right now. We will find him. You're gonna be alright."

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NOW

But I wasn't alright. I still froze up whenever I was offered a drink. I still thought about him from time to time, hating myself for letting that happen, for letting it affect me still.

When we'd gotten home, I had wordlessly walked up the stairs and shut myself up in my room. My mother hadn't said anything. She understood that I needed space. I loved that she could read me like that, that she could see when I needed to be rationalized with and when I needed to be allowed to vent.

I had tears streaming down my face, but I failed to cry. To let out a sound or to actually feel the moment. The adrenaline from my anger was numbing everything, just like it always did. That made me even more angry. Why couldn't I just feel what I was feeling?

I switched off my phone so that I wouldn't read any of the texts or receive any of the calls from my friends. They had called during the car ride, so much so that I had to turn it off. I couldn't face them just yet, not when my secret was out. Not when they could pity me.

When I tried to write I ended up writing about a girl and a man. The girl was angry at the man and the man was passive, staring at the girl with dead eyes. I huffed, shutting my laptop off. I couldn't do this anymore. Now, the memory was prominent in my mind. I had to let it go. I needed to let it go. I got off my bed, letting out a deep breath as I stood in the center of the room. That's when I heard the knock. I jumped, turning in the direction of my window.

And there he was, perched on the tree branch.

Without thinking I rushed to the window and opened it, allowing him to slide in. He was dressed in sweatpants now, his tux probably somewhere in his room. I was expecting him to say something when he entered, expecting him to apologize or get angry at me for leaving, but he took one look at my red, tear-stained face and he pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair. I had never realised how tall he was until just then. Or exactly how strong. "I'm sorry that you feel like you have to go through all of this alone."

"I just...I don't want you to look at me and see some broken person," I said, voice low as I looked up at him. He was silent. Slowly, he led us to my bed until we were sitting, side by side with this arm still around me and my head on his shoulder. I didn't know what he was going to say but as soon as he spoke, my eyes widened.

"My dad is in prison," he said. I looked up at him but his eyes were on the wall across the room. "He killed his wife. Beat her to death. Just like he almost did to my mom."

"Jade-"

"That day I wasn't in school, you knew I left out something when I told you why I went into the city. You wanted to ask but you didn't," he told me, "but I could tell that you did and I still didn't say anything."

"It's a big secret," I told him, "I understand now why you didn't want to tell me."

"That's the thing, Maddie. There was a point when I wanted to tell you everything but by then I was addicted to the escape you provided. Addicted to the way you made me feel like I was more than the secrets I had," he paused, pursing his lips for a moment before he finally got the courage to look at me. "I didn't know that it would affect you. I didn't think that it would make you question whether I really cared about you."

The first thought that came to mind slipped out, "When did I become more than just an escape?"

"I can't tell you exactly when," he told me, "but I realized it when I was in court, testifying against a man I hadn't seen in ten years. Telling them that he was a killer. I realized it when I saw all those people who didn't know who I was. People who knew why things were the way they were. These people were an escape too."

"Except?" I asked.

"Except all I could think about was how much I wanted you there. How much I wanted to walk right out of that courtroom to where you were. You have no idea how much being with you that night helped me," he brushed some of my hair behind my ears, a small smile on his face, "Maddie, you're not just an escape. You're my peace and my happiness. And I never want to make you feel like you're anything less again."

I held my breath as his hands moved from my hair to cup my cheek, my eyes moving to his. We made eye contact and I could see it in his eyes, the sincerity.

"I'm sorry," he told me truthfully, "I love you."

I didn't say anything. I just leaned in and pressed my lips against his.

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This chapter is dedicated to that ass sandwich knchi14.

I love you <3

And tell me what you think of this chapter.

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MUSAWA