"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WON'T DO IT?" I screamed. Derek and I were mid argument, me angry and fuming and him even more so. "I'M IN DANGER EVERY SINGLE TIME I GO OUT THERE AND PUT MY ASS OUT ON THE LINE AND SHIT I MEAN I'M NOT COMPLAINING BECAUSE I WOULD PUT MY LIFE AT ITS END IF IT MEANT YOU ALL WERE SAFE BUT I DON'T WANT TO DIE IF I DON'T HAVE TO!" I continued. "I HATE FACING DEATH EVERY SINGLE DAY AND I WOULD BE SO MUCH MORE HELPFUL IF I WAS A WEREWOLF TOO!"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Derek screamed back at me.

"WHY? NOT?"

"BECAUSE BEING A WEREWOLF ISN'T ALL ITS CRACKED UP TO BE!"

"The bite is a gift," I shot at him, glaring. We were practically nose to nose now. Derek's jaw worked as we stared each other down.

"Not always," he responded simply. "Not for everyone."

A groan ripped from my throats and I leaned away, turning my back on him. "I'm just as good as Scott and Isaac and - And Erica," I added, shooting him a glare.

"Of course," Derek agreed. I looked at him accusingly. "You are! Can't you stay human, though? It's so much easier!"

"It is in NO WAY easier!" I argued.

"WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE ALLISON?" He screamed on the top of his lungs.

"What, DEAD?" I screamed back. Both of us stopped. Allison was still a sore subject.

"Happy being human," he told me. "Adaptive. Strong, but human."

"She's DEAD," I annunciation again. "She's human, strong, and dead. I'd prefer to not follow in Allison's footsteps."

"No," Derek finalized, moving his hand through the air as if to cut my words in half. "That's the end of it, Y/n."

"So then did you lie to Scott?" I accused. "Did you lie to Erick and Boyd and Isaac? Is the bite not actually a gift?" Derek kept walking, ignoring me. "DON'T IGNORE ME DEREK I'M TALKING TO YOU!" No response. "Derek!" Nothing. "Fine. Then I'll ask Scott."

Derek turned, laughing at me. "You think SCOTT is going to turn you? He barely turned Liam because he had to. It would have meant Liam's death." Derek shook his head. "It's over. Drop it."

"I'll ask - I'll ask..." I crossed my arms, wracking my mind. "I'll ask Theo." That got Derek's attention. I kept going. "You're right. Being a werewolf sucks. I'll ask Theo. It works, too, because I got a liver transplant when I was really young. You remember that. We were worried about them taking me. For so long, we were worried. I'll have a little talk with Theo, don't worry."

"That's insane, Y/n," Derek growled. "The Doctors would take you. Torture you. Deform you. Then release you. And if they're successful? You're a monster. You're a beast. A mindless drone to do what they want you to. And if they don't? You die."

"They all came back. So will I. I'm a strong human. Theo told me plenty of times that the Dread Doctors would take me gladly. That they like me, but can never get to me. I'm a slippery one, he says. Desired, though. Still."

Derek stared me down very seriously. "That isn't funny, Y/n."

"I'm not joking." I crossed my arms. "I'm not Stiles, Derek. I can't be human and still stay sane. He has so much pain, and he goes through so much. I can't do that. I can't sit back and watch everyone else fight while I pull strings behind the curtains. Stiles is okay with doing research. He's even good at it. I can't do it, I'm ADHD. He might be too, honestly, but he uses it to fuel him. I... I can't do that. I don't know how he does it. We've had three humans, Derek. One of them is dead. The other was possessed by a demon. And me? I'm being hunted down by the Dread Doctors. They would leave me alone. I would be able to help. I'd be safer because I'd be stronger. I'd be in the middle of it, yes, but I would heal faster. Move better. We'd all benefit from the extra hand, especially in battle. I don't understand what's holding you back. You turned Jackson with the blink of an eye, the bat of an eyelash. Why won't you turn me?"

Derek paused a long time, then walked back to me. He grabbed m arms in his hands, resting his forehead on mine. "Isaac didn't mean anything to me. Not at the time. Not when I changed him. Erica and Boyd were just teenagers that went to a high school. I wasn't attached to them. I didn't know who they were before, or how their lives were. I saw weakness in their vulnerabilities, lied to myself that I was helping the weak become strong, and made a stupid choice. I was angry at Scott when I turned Jackson, and I ended up making a fricking monster that almost killed everyone and caused Jackson some serious mental struggle. And -" His voice broke and he cleared his throat. "Do you remember Paige? What I told you about her?" He asked ever so softly.

"Yeah," I asked quietly.

"The last time I got my girlfriend turned into a werewolf, she died a slow and painful death. In my arms. You're not just a person to me, Y/n. You're not just someone I fight with. You're my life. My family. I love you. I can't put you in the life that I live, through the struggles that I go through because you want me to. It would be like a parent letting their kid do drugs because they said please. I can't, Y/n. I won't." He kissed my forehead and stepped away, walking out of the room.

Derek very rarely showed even me his tender side. The fact that he so easily opened up to me, vulnerable and weak, showed me more clearly than anything that he meant it this time. No meant no. Looking back and thinking about what he told me, I could understand why.

Sighing in defeat, I padded after him. He lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He looked over as I walked into our room. He watched me get closer, then slip into bed, and pulled me close as I lay down next to him. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I didn't realize what this meant to you." I pursed my lips.

"But?" Derek prompted.

"I respect that you don't want to turn me. I won't ask. And I won't ask anyone else either. I'll stay human... If it means that much to you." I chuckled. "God I swear I feel like Bella sometimes. Please turn me, Edward, I want to be a vampire." I mocked, my voice going higher and me being overly dramatic. Both of us laughed.

"I love you, Y/n," Derek whispered softly. I looked over at him, smiling.

"I love you too, Derek."

The rest of the night I thought up alternatives to becoming a werewolf. I could train harder. As a human, I could deal with Wolf's Bane. I could do more. There was a lot that I could do that the others couldn't. I thought about when everyone was trapped by the Mountain Ash, how I could get out. When Scott was flipping out because of Wolf's Bane, I was able to get rid of it. Everyone we hung out with was some weird mythical something.

Becoming one of them would be simply inconsiderate. Poor Stiles needed more humans he could bond with. I could be a bad ass human. Being just as great as everyone else would be even more impressive because I'd gotten there by myself, no superpowers to boost me or help me or anything. I smiled, thinking about that.

"What's got you so smiley?" Derek asked.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head, but my smile didn't fall. "Go to sleep, Derek." He chuckled and shook his head himself. We both slept very well that night, me dreaming of a better future, and Derek dreaming of me being safe, happy, and above all else - human.

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A/n: Well that was shit, you're welcome.