I want to be free
Free of pain
Free of sorrow
Free of confusion
Free of life

I just want to be free

One day, I will.

I know that.

One day soon.

Being in love with someone for as long as you can remember... It's hard when they don't love you back. That's how it is with me and Stiles.

I was never his friend, but I knew him.

I heard things.

Saw things.

And I came to love him before I even knew what love meant.

First grade I had a crush on him. That was when I just accepted it, at the end of first grade. Second grade I tried to be his friend. Third grade he ignored me and gained over Lydia.

So the years passed and it continued, me admiring and learning about him. Loving him. Him admiring and liking Lydia.

It wasn't fair.

But then Scott got bit.

And then Derek bit me.

And then Stiles had to
pay attention to me.

And then he moved on to Malia.

And then Void happened.

And then he got back and eventually broke up with Malia.

Then "STYDIA" happened.

I hated that I loved them. I hated that I saw them and liked how they looked together. I loved them as a couple-how they acted-but hated that it was them.

I mean, Stiles was happy.

But I wasn't.

Or...

I don't know.

Seeing him happy made me happy all through out the school day, but then my heart broke at night.

All alone.

He and I are friends now.

But he doesn't see the marks.

Or the pain.

And he doesn't care.

I stand now on the edge of forever, looking down. The concrete below me seems so far away but I know it's not. The rope laying loosely around my neck tickles and the cops metal in my hand warms with my touch.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to be free.

I put the weapon in my mouth and squeeze my eyes tight. I pull the trigger as I step off, the rope tightening around my neck.

I will be free.

I made sure of it.

I did it twice just to make sure.

Then it all goes dark.

------

-STILES POV-

I let my hands trail circles on her stomach, as she played with my hair.

"You can't imagine how happy I am right now," I told her.

She smiled. "It took me too long to admit I loved you," she said back.

"Well, you realized it. That's all that matters. I love you Lydia, and you finally realized you love me too. I couldn't be happier."

She smiled wide and pulled me softly to her for a kiss. I treasured these moments. Moments without werewolves or death or complications or banshees.

She wasn't a banshee right now, she was Lydia. The girl I was completely and totally in love with.

There was a ring in the room and she pulled back.

"That's Scott's ringtone," she said.

I cocked an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"

"Because it's the only time I hear that ringtone-which is often. It's the only unique ringtone in your phone besides mine and it goes off like every five seconds. Go check your phone Stiles."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my phone.

"Yeah?"

"Stiles. It's Y/n..."

I laid my head back. Y/n was like my little sister. I loved her like one. She made me laugh, made me excited. She was always there for me, ever since she joined our little group. She was the dirt one to forgive me, the one to smack Scott into his senses, the one to comfort me. She was the one to talk to Lydia at the end and get her to admit she loved me.

"What about her?" I asked, not at all worried despite Scott's low tone. Y/n was an extremely happy person and we hadn't had any action at all from anyone. O refused to admit that Y/n would be harmed in any way. Not kidnapped. Not killed. She was too strong for that.

"She's dead."

I froze. "Wh-what?" I asked, sitting up.

"We found her, Stiles. There was a gun shot and we investigated and- I'm so sorry Stiles. We were way too late. She was so thorough and-"

"Who was?" I demanded.

"What?"

"Who killed Y/n?" I asked deadly quiet.

Lydia gasped and wrapped her arms around my torso.

"Stiles, Y/n killed herself."

"What? That's not funny Scott," I snapped.

"I'm not joking!" He snapped back. "Get over here. We're at the school."

"I'll be right there."

So they had some surprise for me. This was a sick way to get me there, but they had some surprise for me. She was okay.

She had to be okay.

-at the school-

Lydia and I raced to where Scott said they were and I stopped short, my chest tight.

She looked so horrible.

Her face was red and the blood...

I covered my face and stumbled to her, falling to my knees. "No..."

"Stiles. I'm so sorry baby," Lydia said, falling next to me and holding me as I cried. She was crying too, looking at Y/n with broken eyes. She was like Allison. We all leaned on her when Allison died, and she stepped in to fill the hole. Minus the dating Scott thing. Kira did that for her. She was so emotionally THERE for everyone, it was like Allison was still here.

And now, they were both gone.

I buried my head on Lydia's neck and she rubbed my back soothingly.

"It's okay. It's okay."

"Stiles," Scott whispered. "There's more."

"What?" I asked, sniffling my sobs deep within me for now.

"There's... A note. One for each of us."

He handed everyone each an envelope.

Me.

Lydia.

Isacc.

Liam.

Derek.

Kira.

Malia.

Everyone.

We all went to the side and opened our letters.

Stiles,
I know you must be confused. Im not here to tell you what was really going on. Just don't blame yourself. For anything. I made sure you wouldn't know. You wouldn't see my pain.
Just know that there was no way you could have done anything. At all.
Just know I love you Stiles. You were like a big brother to me. You cared. You supported me. But there was something you could never and can never know.
You were the most there for me. I've known you since before you even liked Lydia. You just didn't know me. You are an amazing person, and your strength kept me strong too.
Think of what Void told me, and you'll understand that the only thing I can't live with is losing you.
Don't let them burry me. I don't want that. Do whatever with my ashes. I don't care. Just don't put me on the ground.
Make sure you guys have a party. I don't want a funeral either. I don't want you to be sad or feel pain. Forget about me and everyone will finally be happy.
I love you.
Goodbye.
-Y/n

I didn't understand. I looked around me and saw that everyone had different expressions for each of their letters.

-Malias POV-

Malia,
I'm going to miss you. If Stiles was my brother, you were my sister. You were the only one who knew about my feelings for him.
I can't love my brother. And that's how he acts. He can't know why I did what I did. You can't tell him. I'm telling Lydia so that she can help Stiles through this but she won't tell
Him either.
Make sure no one shares their letters with anyone. These are for their eyes only.
I love you, Hun.
Bye.
-Y/n

I looked up, searching Stiles' face. I felt angry. Not at Stiles, but myself. I did find myself glaring at Stiles.

I quickly crumpled the paper and shoving it in my pocket. I folded my arms and wanted to punch something, but I didn't.

-Lydia's POV-

Dear Lydia,
Lydia.
Lydia.
Do you know how lucky you are? To have someone who loves you like Stiles does. Know that I harbor no hatred or any bad feelings toward you. You made Stiles happy, and for that, I will forever be grateful.
Keep him happy.
For me, Lyds.
Keep him happy.
He's so sad. Just, please keep him happy.
Don't let anyone share their letters with anyone else.
Especially because I need to tell you something.
I'm in love with Stiles. This is something you needed to know. This is no way a guilt trip or any reason to feel bad about being with him. DO NOT let this destroy you or him or you guys.
I've been in love with Stiles for a long time. I liked him since before he even liked you.
And you're such an amazing girl, Lydia.
Stiles deserves better than me. He deserves you.
Love you so much.
Goodbye.
❤️ Y/n

With teary eyes, a hand over my mouth, I looked at the horrifying words. She went through so much, sacrificing herself for everyone.

All alone.

My teary eyes met Malia's angry ones that bore into Stiles' broken ones.

Malia knew too.

Oh my god...

-Stiles POV-

I looked at Malia's angry eyes. Was she angry at... Me? Why?

I looked over at Lydia and she was crying. Hard. We're their letters a different message? What had she told them?

Everyone came to the middle, each holding a different look.

Scott opened his mouth, looking half like a kicked puppy, half like a hypnotized zombie. He was shocked and hurt and confused. Y/n was like his sister too.

"No one show your letters to anyone else. I'm sure your guys' said it too."

"Said what?" I asked.

Scott looked at me. "To make sure that no one directly got to read the letters or that anyone exposes anything in the letters. These words were meant only for the people who read it," Scott explain.

Why hadn't mine said that? To make sure no one shared?

"Lydia, we need to talk," Malia said. Her anger was obvious and Lydia looked a little nervous.

"Don't touch her, Malia," I said.

"I'm not going to touch her!" She's sneered. "I'm not mad at her."

She said the word accusingly. Like she was mad at... Me? What had her letter said? Geeze...

Scott looked up. "Malia, I think you, me, and Lydia all need to talk."

"Wait. About what?" I asked.

They all looked at me, nervously.

"Nothing Babe," Lydia said. "Don't worry."

She came over and gave me a huge hug, rubbing my head and kissed me on the cheek. She held my face for a second and smiled.

"I love you, Stiles."

I looked at her, eyes wide. She hadn't said it yet. She'd nodded when I asked and implied it when she'd admitted it, but she'd never bluntly said it.

"I love you too."

She left to go talk to Scott and Malia.

Isacc and Liam were sharing something, pointing at the letters. I could tell there was something thy needed to talk about-some similarity. The letters were folded, not to be seen directly. Derek was leaning on the wall, next to the arguing boys, seeming to have the same problem they did.

The two groups of three discussed while I sat there by myself.

Everyone came back together.

"I thought we weren't supposed to talk about the letters," I told all of them.

Kira bit her lip, having slipped in with Lydia and them in the last few seconds.

"Some people had exceptions. Things that Y/n wished us to... Know." Kira shrugged.

"Why didn't I have something in common with someone?" I asked.

Lydia seemed to know the answer, but didn't share.

"It doesnt matter. We have a lot to plan, Coke on dear." She led me outside and then the worst month on my life went by.

------
-at the funeral-

If you want the letters for anyone else, I'll post it. Just ask. Idk.