The funeral was finally over. We were home again after hours of kind words weighed down with depressing meanings.

Stiles sat next to me, rubbing my back. "Are you okay? Wanna talk about what you were feeling?" He asked gently.

I nodded.

After I stayed quiet, Stiles spoke again. "How did you feel during the survive?" He asked.

"I felt sick."

"Like...?"

"To my stomach. I wanted to... To..." I felt dizzy.

"Just keep talking. Pretend you're in there right now and tell me exactly what's going through your mind."

I took a deep breath and did just that. It all came flowing out of my mouth. "They're all sad and the music is too and the flowers are too bright and colorful and the stupid casket looks like a cage. She's gone and we're singing depressing songs. We should be having some crazy, fun party with slides about all the cool shit she did. Instead we're here, mopping and crying with family members we never see and friends we barely know and I hate it!" I took another shaky breath, my fists clutching my hair.

"It's driving me mad. I feel like I'm going to throw up..." I too a deep breath, trying to calm my stomach.

"Idk what to do or say. They're all looking at me, asking if I'm okay and I've hugged so many people they've started to blur into each other. They're waiting for me to cry. But I'm not sad. I mean, I am, but the emotion I feel most is fear. I want to run up and rip her out of the casket and and run away. I want her to get up and laugh and say "gotchya!" But she's not going to, and it scares me. It terrifies me to picture her, the most beautiful old woman I know slowly rot away."

Stiles pulls me into him so my head lays on his lap. I relax but keep talking.

"Her face looks all weird. She looks... Chinese. Her face is droopy and the muscles are dead and whatever thing they put in her makes her look weird."

I was on the verge of tears.

"What do I do? I know I should stay strong but I'm falling apart. It's tearing me up from the inside out. My stomach hurts and I want to run out of that stupid room and go outside, get some air. I'm suffocating in this sad, heavy air, weighed down with depression and sorrow."

I cut off, feeling all the consuming motions from earlier that day. Stiles finally speaks.

"Let's go outside." We did, him carrying me and sitting up on the front porch on the stairs. Then he sits us how we were before. "Get some air. Cry. I'm right here. Let it all out," he said soothingly.

"I know you're sad, and don't want to cry, want to stay strong. But at some point you have to let it all go. Jut sit
here, in this stupidass Hot sun. Just imagine all the fun things you and your grandma did together. Let all the tears come out, and you'll feel relieved."

I nodded. "Keep talking," he added.

"That's basically it. That's what I was feeling. What I wanted."

"How about when they buried her? How did you feel then?"

"Mainly disgusted. They were putting her in a dirty hole to rot away. It was just gross in every aspect..." I paused. "But then I let it go. I just thought that she no longer had to suffer. She was finally at peace. I guess." I shrugged.

"Tell me about some things you remember about her."

"There was this one time, we went to Denny's..." I spent maybe an hour, more just telling Stiles about all the memories with my grandma. I stopped only when the sobbing was too much. Stiles held me close, and I clutched him.

"It'll be okay," he said agin and again.

When it finally died down I felt better. I looked up at him. "You can't die, okay? You're the only one I have left. You can't leave me..."

He looked at me very seriously. "I will NEVER leave you. Ever."

He kissed me gently then carried me back inside, ticking me into bed.

Ever.

The word echoed in my head and for the first time in weeks, I smiled. I fell asleep in Stiles' arms, warning at his loving touch.

"I love you," He said.

"I love you too."

-----
Thank you, dylanstilllinski. You were my Stiles. It means a lot. This is dedicated to you. ❤️❤️❤️

I guess I can't always be the Stiles in the group, huh?

Hope you enjoyed it. Beyeiiiii!!!