Disclaimer: The following book critique is intended to provide constructive feedback and suggestions for improvements, and is not a substitute for professional book editing services. It should not be considered a definitive assessment of the book's quality and potential. The author is highly encouraged to consider these comments as a starting point for further enhancing and refining their work, but ultimately, the power to make final decisions regarding their work rests solely with them.

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Title: Dark Soleil
Author: irivyle
TEE Critic: SujinXi

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STORY INFORMATION.

The color palette used for the cover is appropriate to the novel's main genre. Still, I suggest using a contrasting color to highlight the title or the character's face, specifically his eyes. Personally, I like the typography, particularly the font choice for the title, but it could be something bolder or more stylized to match the intensity of the genre and the blurb. The author's name is also overshadowed and isn't easy to read. I suggest adding a lighter shadow behind it, making the font size larger, or using a lighter font color. Another plus point is the character's expression and pose, which already provides a hint of a mysterious and complex personality. Overall, the dark aesthetic and vibes match the novel's chosen genres, successfully adding intrigue.

If I am not mistaken, the title means "dark sun" in French, which is a good paradox and juxtaposition that suggests a duality of character and a mystery beneath a seemingly bright exterior. It is evocative and mysterious, particularly since it highlights the light and darkness in relevance to the plot. However, it lacks specificity, given that the title alone doesn't directly hint at the core conflict unless the readers read the blurb where they'll be informed more about the characters' attributes and roles. With Dark Soleil, there is a potential misinterpretation, but I believe it won't affect the story that much.

The contrast between Elara and Aiden, together with the hints of the story's emotional depth, is a good way to draw readers in. It effectively sets up a mysterious atmosphere with the serial killer plotline, which is good, considering that your main genre is mystery. Despite these strengths, it is worth mentioning that your blurb suggests a generic romance trope. Added to this is the excessive use of figurative language, which can be a bit too poetic and might not resonate with all readers. Hence, I suggest emphasizing elements that will set your book apart from other mystery-romance novels. You may also consider adding more specific details about the serial killer or the mystery itself to truly hook your readers. Keep in mind that while figurative language is a powerful and effective tool, it is still important to balance it with concrete details that will ground your story. For instance, instead of "...a pinch of darkness...," you can put a hint of a specific incident or revelation to make it more enticing.

NARRATIVE ELEMENTS.

Correct me if I am wrong, but "The News" seems to act as a prologue for your story. Anyhow, it is good that it's easy to understand, as well as it provides essential details about the crime. Naming it with "Bloody Fire" serial killing also establishes an engaging atmosphere. On the other hand, one notable thing I noticed is that, as a prologue, this excerpt doesn't quite fit the bill. Typically, a crucial plot point with settings and characters that will set the stage for the main story is what we're looking for in a prologue. It's not just brief; it is also impactful to hook the readers. This chapter is more expository and factual, lacking the narrative flair and emotional impact needed. Hence, I suggest focusing on a character's perspective, such as highlighting their reaction to the news or showing the discovery of the crime scene through their eyes to build suspense and emotion. You may also want to provide hints of a larger conspiracy, or perhaps, introducing a mysterious figure who may be connected to the crimes. And finally, establish the tone and atmosphere by using vivid descriptions.

Since this is news, I suggest adding more information, such as the victim's name, the specific location of the crime scene, as well as any eyewitness accounts to enhance its realism. The tragedy that the victim suffered from will be more humanized if they have a name. Also, a clear motive (even if speculative), can add depth to this news and provide a potential direction (perhaps even hints of what may happen). Specific details will pique the reader's curiosity, encouraging them to find more information in the latter chapters. Even though this is just fiction, including such details will make it more believable and can help transport the reader into the world of the story.

For the next chapters, the scenes and dialogues are good driving forces in moving the story forward. Kol's behavior after recognizing Elara, as well as his seemingly innocent question about the rainy weather raises questions about their past connection, which is a good way to build mystery surrounding Kol's character. It adds depth to his character and suggests a hidden agenda. His ability to hide the background information about his family for eight consecutive years somewhat shocks me-it is quite unrealistic given his status as a big celebrity. He must be good at hiding things from the invasive and nosey public if this is the case. I mean, this is fiction, sure... but information like this (unrealistic scenarios or plot points) actually tends to pull the readers out of the story. I noticed this since this can potentially be your story's drawback. While a certain degree of "creative license" is encouraged in fiction, it's still important to strike a balance between imagination and reality-that is, by grounding your stories in believable scenarios and characters.

Additionally, I suggest further enhancing the tension of the story. Some dialogues are straightforward and don't give the readers a chance to explore the emotions of the characters. For instance, the scene in the police station setting is quite underdeveloped. A brief interaction with the police officers or setting a tense atmosphere first can improve this.

The clues so far are well-paced. They lead the readers effectively without giving it away too early. There are scenes wherein I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow, particularly with Kol's unclear motivation and Maia's sudden agreement with letting Kol go-it makes me wonder and quite confused at the same time. As for Elara's character, she seems passive and primarily reacts to other characters' actions and dialogues, rather than actively driving the narrative. I suggest making her engagement more active, perhaps by making her ask questions or probe deeper into the subject matter at hand to demonstrate her intelligence and curiosity. Her personality traits-such as being a cynical and reserved individual, who is not impressed by the superficiality and intrusive behavior of others-could be further developed as well. But, so far, her character arc is interesting and surely aligns with the theme. It would be compelling if you successfully managed to create a character that will resonate with other readers, whether she ultimately finds common ground with Kol or remains distant.

WRITING STYLE.

Even if "The News" is a prologue or not, I still would like to suggest focusing on establishing a clear timeline of events by using clear time indicators. This is the first thing I noticed: the article jumps between past and present tense, which confuses me as a reader. Always remember to choose which verb tense you'll use and stick to it. Please note that some words are used incorrectly or unnecessarily. I suggest using strong verbs and varying sentence structure to fix this to create an interesting flow. Moreover, in this chapter, run-on sentences are also evident, which makes the news difficult to read. For example, instead of:

"The forensics found multiple stab marks and severe skull fracture on the woman's body during the autopsy, which conclude that the fire was not the cause of the woman's death."

You may break it down into more concise sentences or simplify it like this:

"Forensic examination revealed multiple stab wounds and a severe skull fracture, indicating that the fire was not the cause of death."

There are other run-on sentences and redundant details in the next chapters. Hence, I suggest thoroughly proofreading your story. Watch out for these grammatical errors because they will make your story difficult to read and understand for your target audience. Try using Grammarly or QuillBot to help you with this matter. They're both free and effective; I use and love them. You may also write using MS Word first before transferring it to Wattpad since it has a built-in offline proofreading tool.

Some paragraphs can be compressed and combined into one. Take note that if the paragraph is shorter, it'll make the narration fast-paced. This is good if you want to put suspense, thrill, action, or even a sense of urgency in your narration. It can also be used to emphasize specific details or moments. However, I suggest using long paragraphs if you're trying to establish your atmosphere/setting, delve into a character's thoughts and feelings, or convey a character's internal monologue. This way, you can immerse the reader in the world of your story and make complex/believable characters.

OVERALL EVALUATION.

This story displays a promising foundation-one that I can imagine myself reading in the future. The characters have the potential for interesting development, but they can still benefit from more depth and complexity. Meanwhile, the contrast between the glamorous world of celebrities and the dark realities of crime can create a thought-provoking atmosphere. Watch out for some elements that may strain credibility and ensure that the pacing between various scenes and atmospheres is well-balanced.

I recommend adding more details about the celebrity culture, the criminal underworld (in the next chapters), and the specific setting. You may want to set the tone and atmosphere first before dropping the bombs immediately to create either a sense of urgency, mystery, or both. Also, pay close attention to grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure.

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