When I woke up in New York the next day my head was banging from the Martinis thrown back the night before.

I sit up, the sheets fall away from my naked torso and I hold my palm flat to my forehead "ouch" I murmur at the banging sensation in my head.

My eyes adjust to the room and I feel a tug inside as I reach for my phone to see if Allie finally returned any of my messages. None have been read, my heart sinks in my chest.

I dial her number but it rings out, and so I leave a voicemail.

"Sooner or later Allie you are going to have to speak to me again. You know that right? You are my wife and I need to talk to you. Please put me out of my misery and just scream at me or tell me you hate me... anything but the silence. I think perhaps you have forgotten what silence from you does to me Alberta because it's torture and although I fucked up last night I'm not sure I deserve the deafening silence and the flashbacks it conjures. I love you, and I messed up, but Morgan and I, we needed to close this chapter, she had so much trauma still Allie, we clearly both did a little bit. We had to talk it out, it was a decade late and we should have done this a long time ago... but it is done now..."

"Allie, I am not in love with Morgan still. I am in love with you and all that you are. I have not once wished I was still with her, only that It hadn't hurt either of us so much. That moment in Oregon when you came and confessed you liked me as more than a friend. Allie that was when it all started to become about you... you are everything to me. I swear to god Alberta if I get home and you have destroyed all of our poetry or written me a poem that hurts my heart, I will return the favour and not talk to YOU, because I don't know HOW you could EVER doubt my love for you. I've shown you that I love you and adore you, every day, and I will be disappointed beyond belief if it was all for nothing."

"I am sorry!!! PLEASE Allie, call me back."

I put down the cell and fall back into the sheets. I had fucked up so badly I didn't even know how to start to make it better. Allie was right to be mad, I had seen Morgan after therapy which wasn't appropriate, given the circumstances. Allie didn't know the half of it, she had no idea Morgan confessed she was in love with me still. I wished I had told her last night, because now I was dreading the moment I finally had to reveal it all to her, when she was mad at me already.

I pick the cell back up and look over the texts I had received.

One from Teddy;

T- I hope therapy went okay yesterday? I love you. Did you watch the game? Tell me what you thought of the final basket by Lane. She's incredible right?!

One from Harper;

H- Willa, you better get your butt home now... mama is making a list, and this time, YOU are the subject line. :/

Oh Christ I knew it was bad, but now I was getting a list?! I jumped up from the bed and started to throw clothes on. The sounds of cabs honking outside and the bustling city sounds filtered around as I got myself together. I had to get home.

***
The flight back to Manchester was short considering our recent cross country flights to the west coast, but getting back home was urgent, and every second felt like torture.

As the cab pulls up outside the house I step out and the cab driver assists me in getting my case from the trunk "thank you"

He nods with a smile "no problem have a good day" he says getting back into the cab.

I note that there are no cars, other than mine, in the driveway. Allie's car is not here which means either she is out, or Harper is using it. I roll the case along the driveway and pull it up the steps to sit beside me as I unlock the front door.

The silence as I open the front door is deafening, a few of Wrens toys are scattered on the floor, but other than that everything is in it's place "Harper... Allie" I call but it is met by a silence.

It was the afternoon. Harper was back to work in the morning so where were they now. I shut the door and take my cell from my pocket and dial Harper.

It rings "hey" Harper answers.

"Hey where are you all?" I ask and she sounds as if she is out somewhere busy.

"I'm dropping mama off" she returns.

I slump against the kitchen island "where" I ask

She is silent for a moment.

"The airport" she returns.

"Harper put her on the phone please" I ask feeling panicked.

There is a muffled conversation.

"Willa I don't want to talk right now" Allie says coming on the line.

I sit myself down on a stool beside the breakfast bar. I am completely overwhelmed.

"Allie I'm sorry...please" I beg "where are you going? Please don't run away"

"Gus is in labour. I'm going to go and be there for her... you know mama would have wanted me too" she replies.

"I understand that, but Allie, you've not returned any of my messages or my calls... and now you are taking off and leaving without even letting me know"

I feel tears prick my eyes.

"I left you a note on the bed. Willa I can't do this right now I have to go"

"Alberta I love you" I state desperately.

"Willa... I love you too... I just don't like you right now" she replies honestly, and the line goes dead.

I look down at the phone as a tear rolls down my cheek, and I place it down on the kitchen island, looking around the room, the nest we had built was empty and it felt all kinds of wrong.

I slip off of the stool and make my way up to the bedroom, and as promised there was a white piece of paper on my pillow.

Willa,

I am going to Utah for the week to help Gus with the newborns. I have to be there for her, and I honestly can't face the idea of you coming home, having to see you and knowing I'm so mad I won't be able to talk to you. I know you hate my silence, how could I forget, but please don't think of this the same way, you are my wife. I love you, no matter how mad I am right now I know we will talk it through sooner or later but please give me some space this week to formulate a thought, to try and calm down. When I am back we can have a conversation that is not riddled with anger.

I love you, always have, always will, always a little... too... much!

Allie x

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]