It was a busy Saturday night, a huge game was just played between us and the rival city team, there was huge crowds and a lot of press, more than I had seen since I had been here, some from the states I even noted. It was common for press to return as the season neared the end. The press, and the coaches at home, they always looked to see how their girls were playing abroad. They looked at each woman's game, and fitness to see who perhaps would be top of the picks for the WNBA season at camp in April.

Our team had absolutely dominated the play tonight. We won way ahead of the opposing team in points, so much so I was now half deaf from the chanting home crowd.

"We are all going out tonight" Avery announced as she flung her arm around my shoulder in the changing room.

I turn to her and shake my head "I just want a warm bath and an early night"

Tasia grabs my arm and pulls me through the open doors into the hallway with the other girls "you are coming Nomikos" she demands, not giving me a choice.

I went with the crowd as we left through the back doors. I didn't feel dressed for a night out, but I could just about pass for entry into a club.

I looked down and observed my tight black jeans and cropped white tank, no bra "Tasia let me go back and put on a bra" I ask pulling back.

She looks down and laughs "it's trendy to go nipples on display, is it not" she asks.

I give in and go with it as we are all bundled into the team mini van. Our driver takes us into the city.

I take my phone out of my pocket and text Harper;

T- if you see any pap pictures of my nipples in the morning, I want you to know, I would have gone back for my bra but Tasia is taller and strong armed me out the door. Tonight I am free the nipple like Avery and all I can do is apologise. Love you xx T

***
The streets outside the club are bustling with people all over, party goers in every corner, the line miles long for entry into the hottest spot to be on a Saturday night, the local celebrities using the place as their personal playground.

Avery wraps her arm around my neck affectionately and looks sideways to me as we walk down to the back entrance where the manager was awaiting to let us in.

"This is going to fun Nomikos" she says excitedly.

I raise my eyebrows "I mean I wouldn't say no to a drink... but I'm not getting drunk" I state.

She laughs and pushes her forehead against mine as the lights flash on some pap cameras "Shit, what are they doing here already" I ask, holding my hand in front of my face, blinded by the flashing lights.

Avery looks up frowning "they are desperate for news of Teddy Nomikos dating life out here... you've been gone months. I bet they are gagging to have your personal business thrown over the front cover again. Especially now Jay is dating that supermodel" she says.

I frown "I didn't know he was dating again.."

"Oh yeah... she's hot too... so with him and her in everyone's tabloids, there's no wonder they've come looking to see who you have moved on with"

"I think perhaps they are here for the celebs inside" I state naively as we walk to the door.

"Nope it's you" she confirms, as we disappear inside, her hand pressed to my back.

***
The club is so loud, I can hear almost zero of what anyone is saying, what with the deafening crowd at the game tonight and now the music blaring here, I was quite literally lip reading.

Tasia brings a bottle of champagne over to our team table in an ice bucket and the bar tenders bring four more and set them up on our table.

Tasia, Amira, Avery, Ray, Lauren, Mo, Jem, Kiki, Mirve, Latoya, Zehra, Ayse and me, all sat as our drinks were poured for us.

I slipped my jacket off of my shoulders and looked down to check you couldn't see right through my top.

I look up to find Avery smirking at me at the opposite side of the table "what" I mouth.

She comes over and slips in beside me, her fingers sliding my hair to one side as she leans in and shouts "Every time the strobe lights hit you I can see your breasts through your tank" she laughs.

I slap her thigh as she moves away from my ear. "Avery" I chastise "now I'm going to be doing this all night" I say holding my arm across my breasts.

Avery smiles as she eyes me up humoured by my predicament. "Listen if it makes you more comfortable I will go free the nip too" she says reaching around and unclipping her bra. "Shoot, it's stuck" she says trying to unlatch it with both hands behind her back, under her top.

"Teddy help me out" she asks.

My eyes widen as she looks to me "Um no" I state and I pick up the champagne and take a sip.

Watching her struggle beside me publicly is kind of killing me... "okay wait" I say and she stops struggling as my hands disappear up the back of her top.

Her body flinches at my touch "sorry are my hands cold" I ask.

She takes a deep breath "a little" she returns.

I lean down to get a better look, Tasia and the girls are playing about beside us, and she leans into me, pushing me further against Avery, which makes me have to reach down and grab her waist to steady myself. The clasps fall away finally with my spare hand twisting them to the left.

I sit back up as my hand slips away and release her waist "there" I announce "Nip freed"

Avery looks a little strange.

"What's wrong" I ask "did I hurt you" I ask worried.

She shakes her head and lifts her champagne flute to her lips before she places it down. She whips her bra down her arms and out of her top, placing it inside her bag. "I'm going to go sit over with Ray" she says removing herself from beside me.

I watch her go, confused. What did I do?!.

I spent the next hour drinking far too many glasses of champagne and dancing with the girls around our table. I can't help the way my eyes look to Avery, as she looked to me, periodically, there was something wrong and I felt like I was the cause of it. I didn't mean to touch her like I did earlier, and now it was as if I had been inappropriate with her and I felt sick about it. We were always cool, why was she looking at me like this?!

"Teddy" comes a voice from behind me.

I turn and find Isra there. "Will you dance with me" he asks.

I shake my head and take a sip from my drink "not a good idea" I shout over the music.

"Please" he asks.

"Isra, no" I return.

Tasia pulls me back into her arms and saves me from Isra, sending me flying out with her long extended arm before pulling me back in and making me laugh.

She wraps her arms around me and leans into my shoulder "I got ya Ted... fuck him" she says.

I turn back into her and squeeze her "fuck him" I return.

Tasia was straight, and a wonderful wing woman for any of the girls here in Turkey because she had a long term boyfriend back home, and plenty of time to play Cupid.

I lean up and shout into Tasias ear "what is wrong with Avery" I ask.

She looks over across the room to Avery, who was now sat, and having a deep conversation with Ray. They both glance over at Tasia and I, who are almost standing still at this point looking to them too.

Tasia whips her head back and moves us to the music again as she dips her lips to my ear "I think Avery is conflicted" she shouts.

I frown "about what" I ask.

She shakes her head "not my place to say"

I literally roll my eyes back. I either heard too much of peoples opinions and gossip, or zero, there never seemed to be an in-between.

"I'm going" I let her know, letting Tasia go.

She reaches for my arm "don't go Teddy... stay and play" she says "it's going to be a fun night" she promises.

I shake my head "later, Tay"

I move through the crowd and back to the table, grabbing my jacket and placing it over my arm with my purse. I don't even want to say goodbye, I want to slip out unnoticed and go home.

I make it out the door and halfway down the alleyway before Isra grabs me and pulls me toward him against a wall. His hands run down my bared flesh at my waist, his mouth pausing beside my cheek as he leant over me and into me. He was so close I could feel he was hard against me.

"Teddy... please" he begs softly.

I closed my eyes tightly and willed myself to find the strength right now to push him away, my mind started to flood with a tidal wave of grief. If not for Harper, perhaps I would give in to the way I wanted to silence my pain, and my grief. Self harm, that's exactly what it was, when I fucked Isra those months, a version of self harm. The want to hurt myself, to release some of the mental pain, it was still there... but my love of Harper was stronger.

I placed both of my hands against his chest "no" I say firmly.

Unfortunately, before I can push him off of me the lights flash and the paps take a hundred pictures, of what looks like, an intimate embrace in an alleyway. Isra and I look sideways towards it, before being blinded by the flashes. I push him as hard as I can until he flys off of me and I run, literally run, deaf and a little blinded up the street, sobs coming in fast. My throat feels as if it closes, my senses completely overcome and not functioning.

When I make it back to my apartment, I fall into the dark space and shut the door heavily, falling down onto the floor, my sobs filling the space and echoing against the tiled room.

"I want to go home" I cry.

"Baba I want to go home" I whisper into my arms. I lie down and roll onto my side into a self soothing embrace.

It felt in that moment, as I lie on the floor, my tears coming continuously, that my world was beginning to close in a little. My grief for my fathers death it hit me continuously and I felt bruised and broken by it, each hit so intense it felt like it would be the one to end me. "I need you" i whisper "Baba I need you" I say before closing my eyes and clutching my stomach as another wave came in, tears painfully flinging from my eyes.

Grief over a parent was more than enough to bear without the added complication of being far from home and the added shit storm of both Isra and Avery.

The photos that would no doubt trigger Harpers phone to ding at any moment with a notification, it would be another implosion I didn't have the strength for. For Harper to feel any more pain from me, and it was all out of my control, I fucking hated this, my life was all being extorted by others, the media were about to blow something up between Isra and I, perhaps even Avery and I just wanted to scream... "I want to go home" and return to the safety of what I knew and what I needed. At this rate Harper wouldn't even be waiting for me.

***
When Avery came in, it was almost day light, I was in bed but I wasn't sleeping. I was waiting for Harpers message because I had searched my name and the first articles over night had been uploaded;

"NOMIKOS MOVES ON WITH NOT ONE BUT TWO NEW LOVE INTERESTS, AS JAY JONES DATES NEW FLAME CAPRI MAPRECHIO"

"SPORTS GOLDEN COUPLE ARE DONE"

A split picture underneath of Avery with her arm wrapped around my shoulder, my breasts completely visible with the camera flash, her hand hovering over one, where her arm was draped around me. Her forehead was touching mine, and it made it look like she was about to kiss me, which she wasn't. The other half of the picture was Isra, his body pushed into me in the alleyway, it looked like we were doing something we weren't, and my heart sunk.

I was literally cannon fodder at this point to the fame machine, and I didn't want to be, for the first time in my life I wished I had never made it into professional sports, because the other side of it, the fame, it was like doing a deal with the devil.

I can hear Avery laughing and another voice talking as they move into the bedroom beside mine, and it's clear she brought home a girl as the sounds coming from her room begin to escalate.

"Great" i muse as I place a pillow over my head. I could have done without hearing Avery fucking all night.

I look at my phone and consider calling Harper but she would be asleep and I don't want to interrupt her, she clearly hadn't looked at the notifications yet.

I decide to text her so atleast she has the truth when she sees it, not that she would perhaps believe me, the pictures were incredibly damning.

T-

Harper there are a tonne of pictures and articles online from last night. I would ask you to not look at them, but I know you will. What you will see is perfectly orchestrated bullshit by the media and not one picture shows a true representation of the moment or what actually happened. Avery is NOT kissing me. Isra is NOT fucking me. It pains me to even say those words to you. I didn't do anything!!! I swear to god and I know you won't believe me but I swear on Wrens life, yes on our child's life that I did neither of those things the pictures suggest last night. I love you and I hope you see through it all, but I understand if you are tired of this media bullshit that surrounds me and want to bow out of it. I wish I could too. I hate myself for being the reason you may hurt today but it's not true and I hope when you see the pictures you remember that. I love you so much, T xxx