The door, have you ever wondered what it looks like? The one to the past? The one holding all that baggage and history behind it. It's like that one storage closet in your house, that everyone chucks everything in, and yet at some-point, everyone becomes terrified to open it, because of what's sure to fall or burst out of it?!

It looks normal, it's a normal mahogany door with a gold handle and bold letters on its middle that I have traced with my eyes for fifteen minutes as I wait outside of it.

Claudia Michaels.

It's eerily quiet out here, only a receptionist typing away in front of me, sounds that start to get louder the longer you are here, as your senses get accustomed to it.

Morgan isn't here yet, and I'm relieved, because if we had to sit here together for these fifteen minutes, I may literally have had some kind of break down.

I couldn't imagine the insufferable silence if I was placed beside Morgan, her overwhelming presence making my body awaken once again to her presence. Truth is, I didn't want my body to know that Morgan Keaton still existed, it had taken long enough to silence its wanting of her, no good would come from her existence being known.

The mahogany door finally opens and a young therapist looks out "hi" she says sticking out her hand with a wide smile, she has a short brunette pixie cut and a kindness to her blue eyes.

"Hi" I greet shaking her hand. "Willa it's lovely to meet you, my names Claudia. I've heard all about you from Teddy" she says stepping aside and allowing me entry.

"How did you know I wasn't Morgan" I ask.

She points to the couch opposite "please sit" she asks.

I consider where Morgan would prefer to sit, always the left, and I sit on the right.

"Morgan told me to call when it was time to come in. She waited downstairs" she reveals.

I frown. "She didn't want to wait with me I'm guessing"

She ignores my question with a gentle smile until there is a knock at the door. My entire body reacts as soon as I see the blonde hair, the striking features, the red lipstick and the deep blue eyes. My heart races and I force myself to look away as my entire body begins to clam up, my racing heart threatening to kill me, the hair on my arms stand up as the couch dips and she sits beside me.

I honestly have to force myself to turn back and acknowledge her, because I wanted to close my eyes and turn away.

"Hi" she greets

I feel nervous as I look back into her eyes, the deep blue drawing me in, until I'm swimming in them, a regular occurrence once upon a time "Hi" I return.

Her eyes look over me hesitantly "this is weird right" she asks.

I take a breath and force a smile "kinda beyond weird"

We finally break eye contact, and look back to Claudia, who is sat opposite us, her leg thrown over her opposite knee, looking ready to study us for the long haul.

"Morgan and Willa" she begins "I can't tell you how relieved I am to have you here for Teddy. It's a huge thing after so many years and the fact you both showed up tells me that A, you want to help Teddy, but B, you perhaps knew that this was still something that needed discussing in a safe place, together.

We both nod hesitantly and as Morgan does I get the waft of her shampoo and it starts stirring those memories I would love to forget.

***
"Willa come here and kiss me" Morgan begs as she sits beside the window, wearing nothing but an oversized white shirt that she had stripped off of me the night before.

I roll onto my front in the bed "why don't you come here and kiss me" I ask playfully.

She smiles, and my stomach flips at the beauty of her in the morning light, her golden hair seeming to glow as it came through the window  behind her.

She unravels her limbs and walks across the room, her long legs looking absolutely delightful as she bends down and crawls across the sheets above me. She flips me over with one hand and lowers her lips onto mine, the sweet caress makes butterflies take flight through my stomach. I unfasten the buttons on her shirt and let it fall open, my hands slipping up her ribs to her breasts as she moans into my mouth, her tongue brushing against mine as the heat takes off down my naked torso.

Her warm body lowers onto mine, her breasts press to my nipples as my hands slips down to her hips. I am overcome by the smell of her shampoo as her honey blonde locks fall around my cheeks.

She breaks away and looks at me. Her eyes wondering over my features with an intensity, a warm and loving intensity, and then she strokes my cheek "Willa... I never want this to be a memory that I have to look back on,
Just to have you again. I want this to be a memory, among a lifetime of them, that I can look back on, with you , in our old age and say 'do you remember the days we spent in bed... completely infatuated with each other... did we ever even eat?!' And then we will laugh and kiss and go down to the old peoples centre and play bingo"

I smile at the thought, it sounded perfect, and I reach up and take her beautiful face in both hands and place another kiss on her full lips.

She pulls my mouth further against hers and hesitates to let me go, the parting is slow.

As we part, I place my forehead to hers "Morgan we will never not be looking back together...there's nothing that could ever change the way I feel about you. I am so in love with you it's not normal... tell me you don't feel it" I whisper.

She looks down to my lips and back to my eyes "I feel it... and I feel the same way... I want you forever Willa"

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

***
"Can I ask if either of you still have any feelings, regarding the sudden end to the relationship you shared"

Silence, a silence full to the brim with thoughts and feelings being screamed between us, but neither of us wanted to break the door open first.

"I spoke with you both briefly before today on the phone and I understand the reason you ended was because Morgan wanted children and Willa, you didn't. From what I understand Morgan didn't want that to be the end but Willa... you gave her up? Morgans words, for this dream of hers to be fulfilled?"

We both nod, but the cliff notes on the end of us, they threw a dagger straight into my heart.

"Willa do you feel like you have any unresolved issues with the way this all ended?" She asks.

I can feel Morgan's eyes gravitate to me beside her and I begin to fiddle nervously with my hands. What a loaded question.

I shake my head and my eyebrows knit together as I finally open that door, letting Claudia and Morgan take the front row seats.

"I have this recurring dream" I state looking up finally.

Claudia nods and takes her pen in hand to write down what I am about to say.

I look to Morgan and feel nothing but absolute anguish, before I turn back to Claudia "it's a nightmare really. I wake up from it sweaty and breathless"

Claudia places both her feet down and sits forward "what happens... if you don't mind sharing"

I fiddle with my fingers again nervously.

"I have this nightmare perhaps once every six months or so... sometimes only once a year, but it's most definitely recurring. Its the day I leave Morgan but I don't ever tell her I'm going. I just go. I disappear and she's sat there waiting for me to return. Then suddenly it's years later, and she's still there waiting, and when I realise, the panic, it wakes me up."

Morgan's eyes look like they fill with tears. She turns away from me and gathers herself.

I swallow the frog in my throat and look back to Claudia.

"You have anxiety dreams about the end" she asks.

I nod "Yes. I clearly should have had therapy a decade ago"

"And you Morgan" she asks "does this still effect you"

Morgan runs her hand up through her hair and pushes it behind her ear, it reveals her helix hoop on the curve. I had bought Morgan that piece of jewellery, all those years ago, on a holiday to Europe.

***
"What are you thinking" Morgan asks as I sit and smile at her dreamily.

We are sitting in a restaurant, outside in a busy square in Amsterdam. She lifts a joint to her lips and inhales.

I smile wider because neither of us smoke at home, it is amusing to witness as Morgan coughs slightly as it hits.

The want to try a joint in Amsterdam, it had got the better of us both. Being born into the strict church life I hadn't ever dabbled in anything more than alcohol before. Morgan confessed she had smoked joints in her teens, but it had been a long while. I think she honestly just wanted to witness me getting high for the first time, so she could enjoy my reaction.

She leans across the table after inhaling and pressed her lips to mine, blowing the smoke back through my lips.

She leans back and sits in her chair, her pupils completely dilated.

My god, the rush of the drug filtering into my system, the sensation is wild. My entire body began to feel weightless.

She smiles, and it's the most insanely adorable smile in the world.

I start to laugh and she looks amused as she watches me "what's funny" she asks as she starts to hold back her own laughter.

I start to vibrate a little. The laughter hurts my belly, "oh god" I say clutching my stomach "it hurts"

She laughs "what is funny"

I shake my head "I don't even know. I was just thinking how ridiculously adorable you are ... you are like a cute puppy" I say reaching forward and squeezing her cheeks.

"I like to think of myself as more of a cat... ready to pounce" she says playfully.

I don't know if it was the drugs, having us lose all our inhibitions, but we left way too much money on that table as Morgan grabbed my hand and pulled me away to the nearest quiet corner. It was there, in a completely public, yet quiet spot, she dominated me entirely against a wall.

She quite literally wrapped my thighs around her waist, pushed up my skirt and took me there and then, and I've never felt a rush like it.

To say Europe with Morgan was exciting was an understatement, but sex was not the biggest part of our relationship, or that trip to Europe.
It was the memories, walking around seeing everything together for the first time, the awe, the wonder in her eyes, the way she held my waist and leant into me to enjoy something a little longer, together. It was the laughter, the love, the long nights, beautiful mornings, declarations of love and plans to travel more the years after... it was all perfect.

We never did take those trips, because our time was cut short, but I would never forget that trip to Europe with Morgan, and the way each day felt like we were more alive than ever before.

Young, carefree and in love, is there anything more exhilarating?!

***

"My wife will tell you that Willa still lives in here... " Morgan says as she gestures to her chest.

"And does she?" Claudia asks.

"Yes" Morgan admits.

I look to her completely thrown by that admission, and she looks away.

What was she saying?!

"Willa are you still in love with Morgan?!"

I take a moment to compose myself because that question hits like a bat to the stomach "I think the question is more did I ever not love Morgan ... because no I've never not loved her"

"Are you in love with Morgan still?" She asks again, because I've obviously avoided answering that clearly.

"I'm in love with my wife. Can you be in love with two people at once" I ask "And give one everything" I question.

"I don't think you can" I add before Claudia can answer me.

"Do I give Allie everything, and all of me the day we married....Yes... always. Did I have to work hard to stop being in love with Morgan" I ask out loud.

"Absolutely"

"It took longer than I care to admit, but am I in love with her now...No. Allie has everything, every inch and every piece. Does that mean Morgan isn't still in there? No. It just means I learnt a long while ago how to silence the way my heart called out for her, because every fibre of my being yearned for her to return to me, for a long time"

I take a breath and tighten my grip of the couch beneath my knees, avoiding eye contact as I shake my head and reveal with honesty. "It was brutal, to ignore it, that call for her, but eventually it quietened, and then one day the quiet voice, even that stilled, and she was released of me. So, no Claudia I'm not still in love, I can't see how I could be when Allie has ... she has all of me"

"Morgan how does that make you feel?" Claudia asks.

Morgan looks sideways to me, calmly "It makes me feel like I want Willa's secret" she questions curiously eyeing me "To silencing that inner voice, because I still hear it" and she looks away from me "over a decade later I... still... hear... it."

"And does your wife know that?" Claudia asks.

"I'm sure a part of her knows. I mean I've not exactly been acting myself since I bumped into Willa last year. I've kind of been crumbling a little, my marriage is extremely rocky, my wife thinks I don't love her, my kids it feels are always mad at me. Honestly I feel like a failure sometimes, like I gave Willa up...only to fail"

"Morgan you haven't failed, you have three beautiful children" i interject.

She looks back to me, her eyes wondering over my face, full of apprehension, her chest rising and falling quickly.

"I know and I love them to death, the little heathens. I just... it always feels like something is missing, and I know what it is... of course I know... it's you... and I wonder if I will always walk through my life like you're missing from me, because I don't want to feel this way anymore"

Her voice is strained, and her eyes fill with a fresh wave of tears "But to me it's like I became a widow the day that Willa left" Morgan says looking back to Claudia, a fresh tear rolling down her cheek "because it was sudden and she just didn't exist to me anymore, and to be honest, I'm still grieving. Does a widow ever fall out of love with the person who died? No they don't, but they move on because there isn't a choice, and they love again of course they do but the love is still there for the person they lost, because it never died or disappeared with them... it had nowhere to go, it just stayed and sat there inside of them"

Morgan runs her hands down her knees and it's clear she is feeling far too much right now.

She anxiously moves around beside me like she would really like to jump and run away, but instead she faced it and carried on with a voice full of raw emotion. "But Willa is sat right beside me, she's not dead, I am not widowed, and I can't begin to tell you how that feels...."

Her words hit me like a hail of bullets and I feel like I can't breathe, she was still in so much pain and I had caused that for her. I didn't know how I would ever not have nightmares about us and how I had left her. The door to the past had blown wide open as a tornado whipped out of it. and it threw everything and every part of me around with it, leaving our entire life a decade ago strewn over the room, and we didn't have a choice but to look at it, the destruction, and try and figure out how to begin clearing it all up.

"Morgan have you ever had therapy or counselling to deal with that grief you still clearly have"

"No Claudia, but the more questions you ask the more I realise I should have done, or perhaps I should start. In fact, can I have you... Teddy says you Skype her in Turkey? Could you Skype me in Arizona until I come back here in the spring?"

"Of course. I will set something up before you leave. I'm glad you are open to it Morgan, it would be hugely beneficial to you."

Claudia looks to us both and places down her pen. "It is clear there is a lot of love still here between you both. The pain I witnessed in both of you as the other spoke ... it was palpable ... there is still so much love and I think that's what Teddy could never understand. She never understood how you could be so very deeply in love and walk away..."

"I didn't walk away from Morgan..." I correct,  hating the way it was said like that even though sometimes I cursed myself and told myself it's what I did.

I didn't walk away.

"I set Morgan free, so that she could have the future she wanted and dreamed of" i finish.

Morgan looks to me and smiles regretfully "that's true..." she says looking back to Claudia "Willa is probably the most genuine and loving person I've ever met. She put me above what she wanted that day and she set me free to make my dreams a reality. I don't think I ever appreciated what she did for me at the time. I hated her for not sharing that dream with me, for so long it was easier to hate her, but I never truly hated her, not really, it was just all that love with nowhere to go, poisoned by the pain"

"Teddy needs to hear that, that what you did Willa, it was actually because you loved Morgan... you literally made the ultimate sacrifice for Morgan's future happiness"

The tears, they come fast, and my face crumples because that's exactly what it was, a sacrifice for love.

"You didn't collapse because love was lost, you collapsed because the love was so pure, you could give yourself up for it" Claudia says.

Morgan wipes tears from her cheeks, as I wipe my own, and Claudia hands us both a tissue.

"Thanks" we both say and we kind of laugh.

"Well we are officially a mess" Morgan announces as she dabs her cheeks with the tissue.

"I didn't realise I still had so much to let out" I say honestly.

She nods "I realised... I just didn't want too" she confesses.

Claudia leans forward "Teddy has taken and internalised so much from the break down of your relationship, and she's using it as a comparison in her own dating life. If it looks to good to be true she dumps it, if it starts to feel too intense, it's gone. She is terrified right now to place Harper in a higher position in her life, like you did with Willa, Morgan, where one day Harper could turn around and leave her, right when she loved her the most"

Morgan and I exchange a heartbroken look.

"We both love Teddy" I say focusing back on Claudia "and this is most definitely not what we want for her" i state looking back to Morgan who watches me closely.

"I agree" Morgan says "Teddy shouldn't have to be scarred by us, it's not fair for her. If we had known back then, we would have taken her aside and explained it all a little more deeply. We had no idea"

Claudia smiles "Teddy is actually on the cusp of huge change. I believe little Wren has had a-lot to do with the way she has started to view the future and her relationship issues, and she clearly feels incredibly deeply for Harper. Our next session with Teddy is going to be very productive and I want to thank you both for coming here today and opening up these old wounds. Morgan I will see you again soon, and Willa if you ever consider therapy I would gladly hear from you again solo."

"Thank you" I offer.

Morgan sits forward "yes thank you Claudia, and I will see you soon"

We both stand awkwardly and neither of us knows who is going to move first. "You go" she says lifting her lips.

I must look confused and a little pained, because concern washes over her features as I grab the door handle and get out of there quickly.

"Willa" I hear her call after me.

My mind was rushing with a hundred emotions and thoughts swirling around like a chaotic electric storm. A storm that hit me periodically with a bolt of lightening, and my heart would jump as if I was electrocuted, but this wasn't any old storm, this was Morgan, and she was suddenly filtrating my brain, her pain seeping into neurones that when fired had reminded me of my own pain and what I had done to her by leaving her. Yes I had left her, for her, but at the time, she didn't understand that, and even now she's still in love with me. What was I meant to do with all of this dug up trauma?! And as I got to the privacy of the elevator and the doors shut I slid down the wall, to the floor, my head in my hands, sobs coming from somewhere deep and dark.

I wondered how I would return to Allie... when I was currently suffocating on Morgan. I should have gone in alone like Allie said.

***
I decide to stay in New York overnight and return first thing. I couldn't physically return to Allie this way. I stand in the foyer of the hotel and wait as my room is processed, a vibration in my pocket alerts me to my phone ringing.

Its an unknown number. I click the accept button and place it to my ear "hello" I say and there is a silence for a second.

Morgan's voice breaks the silence "Willa are you okay"

How did she still have my number after a decade?!

I take a breath and sit down on one of the chairs in the foyer "No" I answer honestly.

She is quiet for a moment "me neither. I feel like it's a decade ago and it's all just happened" she confesses.

I feel my heart quicken again because I felt the same way. "I know" I agree. "My body feels like it's in a constant state of panic" I confess, feeling like I'm going to pass out.

"Let's meet up" Morgan suggests.

I shake my head "no Morg, that's not a good idea"

She sighs "Willa the only other person who knows what you are going through right now is me... let's talk it out... together...where are you, I can come by"

"Morgan I cannot be in a hotel room with you alone... that would not look good, or be a good idea" I return.

"Do they have a bar" she asks.

"They do" I say turning and looking into the bar to the left.

"Send me the address and I will be there" she says.

I am not sure this is a good idea, in fact I know it isn't, but she was right, we were the only two people in the world who knew how this felt.

"Morgan don't you need to get home to your wife and kids" I ask.

"Annie has her parents visiting, they are taking the kids to dinner. I said I would be back later"

"Okay... I will message the address" I return and she clicks off.

***

I sit at the bar, having just taken my luggage up to my room "Apple martini please" I ask the bar tender.

He smiles "coming up" he says as he walks back down the bar, picking up a glass on the way.

I glance down the bar and behind me, it isn't busy, in fact it's quite quiet. There are a couple tables busy at the back with a group of family or friends. I glance their way admiring how content they all seem, when in comparison, I am sat here in the eye of a storm.

I look back to the thin mirror that runs the length of the bar, and my reflection says a lot, i look solemn, like I am somewhere else entirely. I push my long brown hair behind my ears and look away. I am casual in a light grey t shirt, a warm green cable knit cardigan, tight fit black denim jeans, and a pair of black Chelsea boots. The bar man returns and places down the martini glass in front of me "thanks" I say taking the little cocktail stick beside me and stirring it mindlessly through the light green liquid, head cocked, the alcohol swirling as my eyes follow it mesmerised.

"Sorry I'm late the traffic was already building down town" Morgan apologises, appearing beside me.

I sit up straighter as she sits beside me.

She waves her hand at the bar man "same as this one please"

He smiles "sure thing" he says and he almost does a double take at Morgan.

It was a common reaction, she was indeed quite striking, resembling a famous actress, in fact whenever we travelled it was always brought up by someone "you look just like..." and we would smile, because she really did, it was uncanny. It was a shame the world kind of hated that actress right now for being embroiled in a court case with her ex husband, because I bet Morgan got looks for all of the wrong reasons now.

She looks back to me with a soft smile, pushing her golden blonde hair behind one ear, my eyes gravitate back to that piercing and I reach out and touch it, she almost flinches as my fingers brush over it "I remember getting you this in Amsterdam"

She licks her lips apprehensively "Willa" she asks

I lower my hand back down to the bar and lift my drink by the narrow stem "yeah" I return.

The bar tender sits her drink down, and she smiles up at him as he looks at her curiously "you look just like-"

She throws her hand up "do not say it" she instructs, eyes wide and warning him off of continuing his observation any further.

He laughs "you get that a lot do you"

She lifts her lips to a smile "too much... especially right now"

He chuckles "I bet" and he leaves us to it.

She turns on her stool, and looks to me intently "This kind of feels like a full circle moment"

I frown slightly as I take a sip of my martini "how so" I ask.

She raises her eyebrows as she sips her drink and swallows "Willa you finally met me in the hotel bar"

I smile at her grin "the day we met" I muse.

She nods "The day you stood me up and left me to be hit on by a dozen middle aged married men....whilst you were in your hotel room completely naked, sipping martinis" she says with a little laugh at the memory.

"My plans that night sounded much more appealing" I argue playfully.

She laughs "they do..." she says and it almost comes across flirty.

"Willa I'm sorry if what I've said today makes you feel any kind of way... if I made anything worse" she apologises.

I look away from her and nurse the glass in my hands briefly.

"Morgan it was always going to be like the opening of Pandora's box the moment we had to sit down and go back... I just had no idea that you still..."

"That I'm still in love with you" she asks.

I look to her and nod.

"I know, and I don't think I've ever admitted that either... it kind of shocked me when it came out of my mouth. I knew I loved you... and that never went away, but honestly the way you made me feel when I saw you in New York last year...I knew it was too strong, the way you left me feeling so lost again, so broken. It was painful not to be able to touch you and that wasn't a normal reaction"

"I'm so sorry"

She lifts her hand and places it on mine "don't be...it's not your fault, it's my damn heart, why won't it take a fucking hint... how many times do I need to remind it that you are not coming back"

She lifts her hand from mine and picks up her glass by its stem, taking a large gulp and wiping her mouth "mmm I needed that" she says and she holds up her hand again with the empty glass "another two please" she asks.

The bar man nods "coming up" he says.

"Morgan when I said I wasn't in love with you" I begin.

She turns back to me and shakes her head "do not apologise for moving on Willa, it's what I should have done" she says cutting me off.

"I know but it made me feel like I hurt you. I wasn't expecting you to say you were still in love with me straight after. It made it sound cold and I don't want you to feel like I don't love you.I told you last year... I will always love you, always. I just, I am in love with Allie and she is everything to me, with Allie there is no room for anyone else, she takes it all, every part and like I said that doesn't mean I don't still love you, because Morgan,  I do. I just can't feed that feeling or give it any of my time and it kind of just went into a sedentary state"

Morgan looks back to me, her eyes searching my features, and her lips lift affectionately "I mean it kind of stung, I'm not going to lie, but I know you love me. I see it in your eyes"

Her deep blues look straight into mine as her words leave her lips, and it makes my heart begin to race, to have her so close and her eyes solely on me.

The barman places down the drinks but neither of us flinch and I feel my eyes fill, as hers do, at the overwhelming sensation of taking each other in so deeply.

She reaches forward and wipes away the solo tear that rolls down my cheek with the pad of her thumb "don't cry" she whispers "we will get through this... again... and perhaps more healthily this time"

I take a breath like I had been holding it in too long "We will" I agree confidently shaking off the oppressive feeling. "We will get through it for us and for Teddy"

Morgan picks up her glass and holds it out "let's cheers to closure for us and for dimple popper" she suggests with a smile.

I gather myself and lift my glass up clinking hers and I match her expression "to closure" I agree "and to our little Tedmeister and Harper who are going to do what we did not... and make it down that aisle and into forever"

"Into forever" she agrees clinking my glass.

We both take a large sip of our drinks before Morgan looks to me with a grin and I can't help but laugh "what" I ask.

She leans forward, resting her chin on her hand "Willa I have something quite ridiculous to confess and you must promise not to laugh at my expense"

I can't promise that though, because I'm already amused at her damn face. "Tell me" I beg.

She scrunches up her nose cutely like she's holding it back "oh god, okay, I'm just going to rip the band aid off" she says and she takes a deep breath before downing her drink and wiping her mouth. "Oof" she says grimacing at the alcohol "that is good" she remarks and she shakes it out and looks back to me kind of amused "You are going to absolutely rib me for this... " she says hiding behind her hands briefly.

"I named my daughter... Jameson" she confesses.

My eyes widen, and I let out a laugh, a loud and unapologetic one before placing my hand over my mouth "noooo" I say "you did not"

She nods "I did" she confesses with an amused smile, and she picks up her purse and reaches for her phone, she flicks through some pictures and hands me it open on a picture of a young blonde girl, who looks so much like Morgan I am stunned.

"Wow" I say stunned, looking from the picture, to her and back again "she's so much like you" I observe.

She nods "I know... she's just turned nine, quite the teenage attitude already" she confesses and she scrolls along to her boys and I lean in and admire them "Asher and Gage... they are five and three"

I smile, they are all fair with Morgan's deep blue eyes.

"They are wonderful, you and your wife must be so proud"

She  frowns slightly "We are. I'm just not proud of myself. I am letting Annie down. I love her, so much" she confesses "but this whole thing with you it has really upset her, and of course I understand that, but I don't know how to make it better because what she fears is true. I am in love with you and I can't deny it, but I will work really hard to stop because I do want to be with Annie, she's my wife for goodness sake and I adore her... but she, like Allie, deserves it all, not just half"

"She does" I agree. "She must hate me" I add taking a sip of my drink.

"Oh she does" she says matter of factly "you are most definitely front and centre on the dart board"

"Allie doesn't much like the idea of you either" I reveal.

She raises her eyebrows "then they are going to hate that we met up outside of the therapy" she realises.

I nod regretfully "I think we actually just fucked up as far as our wives are concerned"

"I wasn't really thinking clearly but I'm not sure a hotel bar was appropriate" I muse.

She takes another sip of her drink and rolls her eyes up "Well, fuck. I guess we both better prepare to be sleeping in the dog house for the foreseeable"

I down the rest of my drink and close my eyes momentarily as it runs down my throat "I'm not sure I will survive that look Allie will give me for this... and I know what she is like... she will be beyond furious with me"

"Annie will just give me the silent treatment" Morgan says pointing to the barman and down to the glass, and he nods and starts making another set of drinks.

"We may as well get completely pickled whilst we stew on our demise at our wives hands" she muses and she leans down on her hand and looks to me, her hair falling sideways to the bar "So let's talk ball... how's your current team fixing" she asks.

I smile "good... they are fantastic girls... and yours" I ask her.

"I don't currently have a team. I gave it up to travel back and forth with Annie. I miss it"

"Wow you gave up coaching. I'm amazed, you lived for it" I reflect.

She bites her lips and nods in agreement "I think I need to get back to it. I think part of my disconnection from my marriage is that im not doing anything for me, it's all about Annie"

"I think that's a good plan, that whole speech you gave me on our first date... it was all about being independent and having your own life, but wanting someone to share it with"

The bar man places down our drinks and Morgan looks up and winks "thanks" she says as he walks away with a spring in his step.

"He thinks you were flirting with him" I say looking down the bar as he walks away.

"He would know if I was" she says eyebrows raised with a wiggle.

I laugh because it was quite true, Morgan was not shy when it came to flirting.

"Little does he know, I'm a raging homo" she confesses sitting up and running her hands through her blonde hair.

I pull my eyes away from her, because as the drink in my system intensified, my eyes took her in a little too familiarly and it wasn't in an ogling way, only appreciatively. I had missed her, being in her presence and the aura she had, she was quite something . Annie was lucky to have her, I hoped they could get it together and work it out because from what I had seen, they were a good couple, and they had kids, kids that needed their parents to be happy.

"So does Jameson know she is named after your ex"I ask lifting the fresh drink by its stem, the apple aroma floating under my nose.

Morgan lifts her drink too and we both take a sip "no" she says after a moment "and my ex didn't realise either at the time" she admits.

I widen my eyes in shock "how did she not know" I ask.

She laughs "probably because at the time Jameson was born, when I was with Kristen, I literally never mentioned you, it was my 'I didn't ever know a Willa' phase where I literally blanked you out of my entire life. I banned your name with my friends and family and quite honestly it's how I ended up with the name Jameson. I blanked you out a little too well, but clearly you were still there in my subconscious throwing baby names at me"

I snort a little into my drink and Morgan holds in the mouthful of martini she had just sipped, threatening to spray it over me as I laugh heartily right from my tummy.

"I won't ever be able to get over that... Jameson... that literally can't do much for your forgetting of me Morg" I question.

She shakes her head "she suits it and honestly I don't associate it with you anymore, nine years down the line, she's just Jameson, although we call her Jamie mostly"

"Did Annie put two and two together" I ask.

She nods and widens her eyes dramatically "oh yes" she says "Annie doesn't miss a thing"

Her eyes crease up as she remembers it "I remember the day we were discussing exes and you came up and honestly when I said your name, she did a double take, she said that was some next level lesbian ex shit, and she wouldn't want any part of it, if I wasn't so fucking hot, her words not mine" she says animatedly.

My lips lift into an amused smile watching her. "And here we are years later still dealing with that crazy lesbian ex shit"

She nods and downs the last of her drink, wincing as it goes down "yup...here we are" she says licking the droplets of drink from her plump full lips.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I lift it up "it's Allie... shit I have three missed calls too... I need to take this" I say slipping off the stool and wobbling.

Morgan reaches out and steadies me, her hands on my waist, there is a strange moment as she connects with my body that we both flinch and pull away quickly.

What was that?!

I move away and lift the phone to my ear. I try and sound sober, but oh dear god, I had had more than expected, and I had drunk them way too fast, my head felt a little cloudy.

"Willa are you okay" Allie asks concerned.

I sit down onto a couch in the hotel lobby.

"Yes I'm fine" I return "I'm sorry I missed your calls"

She sighs "where are you" she asks.

I look around the large modern foyer and the people milling about "my hotel" I answer.

"How was therapy" she asks.

I pause for a moment to consider the answer and the appropriate way to confess, that it was heart wrenching and an emotional onslaught.

"It was... hard" I answer honestly. "Really hard"

"Can I ask what was said" she asks.

I run my hand across my jaw anxiously wondering what I should share, what was appropriate to share and what would just make her crazy if she knew.

"A lot... too much to say on the phone. I will be home tomorrow we can go over the whole thing" I suggest and she takes a deep breath.

"You sound funny" she notes.

I widen my eyes, she can hear the slight slur in my words.

"Do I" I reply coyly.

"Willa are you drinking" she asks me directly.

I wrinkle up my nose, not wanting to confess, but of course I had to. "Yes" i return.

She goes quiet, and my god, I hoped she wasn't about to ask if it was alone because I wouldn't lie to her, but I didn't want her to overthink it for an entire day with me still here either.

"Are you with her" she asks me.

I can hear it in her voice, the emotion, the agitation just at the thought, and fuck this was a mistake. I place my head down between my knees and run my spare hand through my hair.

"We are having a drink... yes" I confess.

The line goes dead as I bring the phone down from my ear and look to it, the Home Screen visible, a photo of me and Allie together, her kissing my cheek as we stood beside a great view in our national park , the red call ending sign flashing in the corner of the screen "fuck" I whisper. The shit had hit the fan, Allie was beyond mad and I couldn't blame her either.

I stand up and slowly make my way back to the bar where Morgan is sat texting on hers. I sit down opposite and place my phone down beside the drink.

Morgan looks up and frowns at my sudden mood change "what's wrong" she asks.

I look up to her and run my hand across my cheek "Allie knows we are having a drink together"

She wrinkles her nose and bares her teeth "oh god" she confesses.

"yeah" I agree, and I take the entire martini and down its contents shaking off the sensation of it as it hits my throat.

"Annie just asked where I was too, and I said I was here with you also, the little dots keep appearing like she's messaging back, but then they disappear, so I'm pretty sure she's trying to come up with ways to express her displeasure without divorcing me on the spot, which I'm sure she would love to do at this point"

"I'm sure that's not true" I return.

"I've not been easy to love recently Willa, so I'm pretty sure it's a valid concern... and I don't want her to leave... I love her" she says and she looks into her drink mindlessly and mulls over the state of her marriage.

"Morgan" I say pulling her hand into mine, she looks down as my fingers smooth over hers.  I look up at the exact moment she does, and we sit once again in each other's orbit "You will work me all the way out of your system... you will go home and give Annie the whole hundred percent... then you will go and get your coaching job back... and you will fall in love with life again. I promise!"

She smiles "you were always good at pep talks" she muses.

I remove my fingers from hers and inhale dramatically picking my phone up and seeing zero from Allie... "I bet she's furiously writing down everything she hates about me and getting ready to burn it in the fire pit along with all the poetry shes ever lovingly written me..."

Morgan picks her phone up as the notification bell rings "fuck" she whispers and she pushes the phone toward me.

I look down to the message from Annie;

A- don't even bother coming home Morgan!

I push it back frowning "Morgan that means you need to leave right now and go home"

She nods and pulls her purse onto her lap "Yep"

She looks to me and smiles affectionately "it's been a time" she muses and she reaches out and squeezes my arm "I needed this" she confesses "to make you real again, so I can put you away, as a real person, and not a memory"

"Me too" I reply honestly.

She leans forward and captures me in a tight hug, kissing my cheek as she pulled away, a kiss that drags delicately down my cheek to the corner of my lips . "See you with Teddy then" she muses as she parts.

I inhale deeply, all that she is, as she pulls away "With Ted" I agree.

She smiles softly , turning and then walking away.

The day I had been dreading was over, Morgan and I had left each other in a better place, but our wives would disagree, our marriages were now in the red and I needed to get home to fix mine.

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