~ Important Author's Note (Pls Read) ~
First things first... art used for this oneshot above is by @/TQuakers so go give them some love their art is amazing.

Now that that's out of the way, I don't know how long this oneshot will be. It might be on the shorter side but ya never know with me. So we'll just play it by ear to see how long I end up making it. Other than that this oneshot is a bit on the sadder side of things. I don't normally write angst but sometimes do thus getting this idea. It doesn't follow my SolRuin AU fully where Ruin found a way to save Solar but more so canonical events in SAMS.

Basically what spawned this idea is, I know it's not in order but it's the fact that in the 3rd part of the oneshot called "The Return Of Solar" Ruin said he hallucinated Solar multiple times almost constantly during the time Solar was dead. So this is a little bit of a singular deep dive into what he went through with hallucinations.

So with that being said, this oneshot takes place in the past a few months after Ruin killed Solar. It's during the time Nexus was going insane. So not when Ruin was locked up in parts and service but more so a little after. So it's basically a down time in his work he's been burying himself in and his grief about killing Solar keeps returning thus being another hallucination episode. So I hope you guys enjoy ;3
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~ Ruin's POV ~

It's been a few months since I killed Solar. However it hasn't been an easy few months. For starts, ever since I was locked up in parts and service removed from all motor functions by the one who now goes by Nexus. My guilt for killing Solar has been eating me alive and haunting me daily.

I have been hallucinating Solar for months now. Sometimes multiple times a day. This all started when I was locked up and unable to move. Since then these hallucinations have only spiraled further downward.

On top of dealing with hallucinations, I've been tortured and yelled at by individuals as well as used as a wireplay toy unable to do anything about it because I couldn't physically move. I was kidnapped by someone who goes by Molten Freddy. Found, repaired, and returned to what I now call my home by Dark Sun. Choked by Nexus as well as locked up again but in a different cell. Freed by Bloodmoon and forced to help get revenge for his twin. Almost blown up by Nexus with starpower if it weren't for Puppet. And finally now forced to work with Moon and find where Dark Sun and Nexus now are.

So in all I've not had it easy. Then again in this place none of us can ever catch a break. Either way I've been working myself to the bone on different projects trying to distract myself from my grief over killing my lover.

I've been tirelessly working on finding Dark Sun and Nexus by sending small bots in different dimensions. These bots are meant to report back to me if they find anything interesting that's worth analyzing and taking a closer look at.

Other than that I had finally gotten some down time to think to myself for a little while. So I headed up to the room I once shared with Solar and rested for a bit. I was so dreadfully exhausted but couldn't fall asleep. Instead I just laid there and stared up at the ceiling thinking.

However just like always, my grief for killing Solar comes back and bites me in the buttocks. I felt myself thinking back to what I did and on the verge of tears. That's when I shut my eyes and say to myself "He should be there any minute now"

(Hallucination) Solar: "Hun?"

Ruin: "Ah, there it is."

(Hallucination) Solar: "What do you mean by that Hun?"

Ruin: "Why must you haunt me so?"

(Hallucination) Solar: "Haunt?"

After the hallucination said that I sat up on the bed and continued to talk.

Ruin: "Don't play coy with me. I see you but I know you're not actually there. You never are. You are just a figure of my imagination. A hallucination and nothing more."

(Hallucination) Solar: "So what if I am? I could be a hallucination or a spirit for all you know."

Ruin: "Spirit? Oh how I wish you were. Then I'd actually be talking to something instead of nothing."

(Hallucination) Solar: "What if I am a spirit?"

Ruin: "Darling, I've dealt with this far too many times by now. I know you're nothing more than a figure of my imagination manifested in front of me due to my excessive amount of guilt and grief for what I did to you."

(Hallucination) Solar: .....

Ruin: "I know because Sun had the same problem with Bloodmoon. Moon had the same problem with the victims he killed due to KillCode. Now it's been me with you for months on end since your death."

(Hallucination) Solar: "Hey, even if I am just nothing more than a figure of your imagination, I'm not mad at you hun. I never will be."

Ruin: *shuts eyes and lets the tears fall saying in a soft choked up voice* "You always say that"

(Hallucination) Solar: "It's true hun. I'm not mad at you. I never will be. I understand you did what you had to do. There was no way to save me."

Ruin: "I know. But if I was just given more time. I... I could've saved you."

That's when the hallucinations gets close to me and places it's hands on my cheeks and it's forehead against mine thus making me cry a bit more.

Solar: "No. You couldn't. You couldn't save me no matter how hard you tried. And that's ok."

Ruin: "I'm sorry. I-I'm so so sorry Darling."

(Hallucination) Solar: "Again, it's ok sweetheart. I'll never be mad at you. In fact I'll forever forgive you."

Ruin: "Please. Just leave me be."

(Hallucination) Solar: "It wasn't your fault honey."

Ruin: "Yes it was. I... I know it was."

The hallucination of Solar then pulls away from me.

(Hallucination) Solar: "No. It wasn't. You did what had to be done. If you didn't do what you did everyone here would have to deal with something so much worse than what they have now."

Ruin: .....

(Hallucination) Solar: "Listen to me honey. You successfully got rid of the entire Creator Council. You saved this dimension."

Ruin: "But I Couldn't Save Yours!" *sobs*

(Hallucination) Solar: "And that's ok. My dimension was just one of the many other unlucky dimensions that collapsed. You can't do anything about that. I know you did everything you could in your power to save me."

Ruin: "I could've been successful in saving you if I was just given more time. If you and Nexus didn't find out about my plan as soon as you did."

(Hallucination) Solar: ........

Ruin: "It's my fault you're dead and nothing you say will make me feel any different. I was still the one who killed you. I was still the one who collapsed your dimension. Your death was because of me."

(Hallucination) Solar: "I know you were the cause of my death but I'll still forever say this.
I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you. I understand you and what you did more than anything. In all I forgive you and always will."

Ruin: ......

That's when my hallucination hugged me and only made me sob harder.

(Hallucination) Solar: "Hey, listen Hun. My death was inevitable but not in vain. I won't ever be vengeful for what you did to me. If anything I feel like I was sacrificed for the greater good. I wasn't entirely scared and only felt anxiety durning the time I was fading. After that everything just melted away."

Ruin: ....

(Hallucination) Solar: "You see, when I originally fled my dimension for safety, it was already falling apart. When I left, it became a dead dimension. In fact, it possibly would've only be a matter of time before it took a further turn for the worse and naturally collapsed on its own. So if anything you possibly spared me."

Ruin: "Still! I'm sorry! I-I'm so sorry!"

(Hallucination) Solar: "Shhh, it's ok Hun, it's ok. No need to apologize."

Ruin: "No it's not! It's not ok! I didn't want to kill you! I didn't want to hurt you! I... I tried to save you! I tried so hard but I wasn't given enough time! I... I tried so hard..."

(Hallucination) Solar: "I know. I know. You did everything you could to save me. I know you did. You just couldn't and that's ok."

Ruin: "I miss you so much Darling."

(Hallucination) Solar: "I know you do. In fact I miss you too."

After it said that the hallucination pulled away from the hug but I continued talking.

Ruin: "Solar Darling, you're the only person I ever let myself get close to again in years. Years darling, since I lived in my home dimension."

(Hallucination) Solar: "I know."

Ruin: "Yet even you were ripped away from me like everyone else I cared about was. At this point I feel cursed. Cursed to have whoever I grow close with lost to death or gone insane. It's so unfair."

(Hallucination) Solar: "It is."

Ruin: "Could you please just leave me be? Leave me to wallow in my sorrow as I cry for my lost love."

(Hallucination) Solar: "I rather not."

Ruin: "Of course not. My consciousness can never give me peace. I am forced to forever live with the burden of killing you."

(Hallucination) Solar: ....

Ruin: "Why must I forever be haunted with this memory? Just to always be reminded for what I did that day? Oh more than certain."

(Hallucination) Solar: ......

Ruin: "I lost my beloved Solar Darling, my true love that day to nothing more than my own hand. Now I'm forever haunted with such weight of this guilt. It hurts me so."

(Hallucination) Solar: "I know."

Ruin: "I'm sorry Darling."

(Hallucination) Solar: "Again, I know. I know you couldn't do anything about it. I know you didn't mean to kill me. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I know you tried to save me and that's all I could ever ask for."

Ruin: "I'm so sorry Dear Solar."

(Hallucination) Solar: "You can apologize profusely, as many times as you want Ruin, but you know damn well that still won't change the outcome of my answer. Unless you think of something else which I know you won't."

Ruin: ....

(Hallucination) Solar: "It's ok Ruin. I forgive you honey. I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you. Nothing you do could ever make me hate you. I love you more than anything hun and that will always last."

Ruin: .....

(Hallucination) Solar: "Plus, you know I'm being rebuilt. You'll see me again soon and it will be like nothing ever changed between us. I promise you that."

When it said that I nod in agreement then see the hallucination start slowly fading away.

Ruin: *says under breath* "I love you."

(Hallucination) Solar: "I love you too Ruin. Now Please, stay strong for me until I return."

Ruin: "I... I'll try."

(Hallucination) Solar: "Good"

With that the hallucination in its last moments kisses me on the forehead then faded away fully. Even if I know I wasn't kissed by anything but my own manifestation of Solar in a hallucination which to someone else wouldn't see anything there. Once it was gone I broke down and started crying until I cried myself to sleep.

End A/n:
And I'm ending it there. God that was heart wrenching to write probably even more so on your guys' behalf as the reader. Especially if Ruin is your favorite character. But on a more positive note, there you have it, that's basically what happened in this AU more canonical to SAMS during the times Ruin hallucinated Solar when he was dead. Other than that, I hope you guys enjoyed this oneshot it was approximately 2081 words in all by the end of it. So until next time...
"Stay Awesome, Stay Safe, Have A Great Day Wherever You May Be And Remember I Love You All And I Will See You Guys Escalater Peace Out My Pups." ;3