The sound of the ringing in my ear was a sheer anxiety that surely got my blood pumping. I had a hard enough time telling Juliet about all that's happened, and though she was understanding, I wasn't sure my parents would be the same. "Hello?"--"Hey, it's me." The silence that immediately greeted me was anything but comforting however, I knew I couldn't expect any less when I've barely spoken to them in about a month. "You sound upset, is everything alright?" I honestly didn't know what else I expected, I can sometime be easy to read and it wasn't unusual that mom could tell something was wrong right off the bat.

I took a couple deep breaths attempting to calm myself down so I could hide the fact that I had been crying. "No actually," I stuttered. I was having difficulty admitting to myself that dad may have been right about Mark not being right for me, and now I being forced into a position were I had to admit it to them too. "I wanna come home." Needless to say, it became silent once again. It was a brief moment of silence but, I could tell she wasn't expecting me to say that.

"Well I hate to tell you this dear but your father and I are on our way to the airport. He has an emergency business meeting and we'll be gone all week, you wouldn't be able to get inside. Why? What's going on?" More than anything else I didn't want to admit I was coming home because my relationship was spiralling out of control. Dad called it the first night having met Mark, and I'd never hear the end of it.

"I don't want to get into it but, I'm sure I can find a way in through a window or something," I giggled trying to hide the fact that I was serious about the window thing. I needed to be back in the comfort of my own home, and if that meant finding a window to crawl though, I'd be willing. "I just want to make sure I'd be allowed to come home."--"I'll deal with your father, sweetheart. You do what you have to do."

***

The sound of the car tires rolling to a stop in front of Mark's home was unsettling. I certainly didn't expect to be back here so soon, let alone bring Juliet with me and for that, the anxiety was killing me. I tore off my seat belt and sank lower into my seat when the car came to a full stop, just trying to allow my nerves to subside. I had no idea how Mark was going to react, what he'd say or what he'd do, especially seeing Juliet by my side. However, this was something I had to do and I wasn't strong enough to do it alone.

"I seen the way you looked at each other by the way." I felt my brow furrow and slant at her random statement, and looked back to her with curiosity. "That's how I knew about you and Mr. Fischbach. Well that and a few months ago, on my way to school I seen you two in the school's parking lot. I just didn't want to say anything because I knew you'd tell me when you were ready." It was very clear to me that she was talking about the day Mark told me he quit his job and looking back to that day, I never would have imagined this day would have come.

"Are you sure you're ready to do this? I mean, I know it was my suggestion but, this is a big step." She made it sound as if I were leaving him for good when in reality, the thought had crossed my mind but, I couldn't do that. Not right now at least. I just needed enough time away from him to figure things out on my own. I scooted upright, and took one good look at the brick structure. That's exactly what it was to me now- a structure. It didn't and could never feel like home again for me.

I wasn't ready in the least. I never thought I'd have to prepare myself for this, and just trying to ready myself for what I was about to face was mentally draining. "Let's just go and get this over with," I sighed in response yet hesitant to open my door. Just about as soon as my hand touched the handle, I was reluctant to even step foot outside of that car. More than anything I just wanted to go to sleep and hope that when I wake up, I'd find this was all just a really bad nightmare.

"We're gonna have enough room in the car for your stuff, right?" Although I already knew the answer, I cocked my head anyway to look over my shoulder. The car was spacious and even then, there's alway the trunk anyway. "We should be okay. I don't have much anyway. You grabbed empty boxes from your garage right?" Juliet nodded to me with a slanted mouth, and motioned her head towards the back of the car, insinuating they were either in the back seat or the truck.

'This is it.' I closed my mouth and bit down upon my lips beginning to breath through my nose trying to mask the hyperventilating which was now occurring. When I made the decision to do this a short time ago, I thought than that I was a lot stronger then I was now. My trembling hand reached for the door handle when Juliet had shut off the ignition and, still completely petrified, I stepped out of the car and upon solid ground on my shaky legs.

"You'll be fine," I looked off to my right to see Juliet who had now come to my side and was going into the backseat to get the stack of boxes she had retrieved earlier. "Seems like a pretty nice place for a teacher's salary," she stated coming out of the back and shutting the car door closed behind her. It seemed as if Juliet was as curious as I was about how he could afford a place like this in the area, however there was really no need to get into that. It just wasn't important nor was it her business.

"Let's get this done, I just want to go home." At my request we began our walk up the driveway and towards the front door. Every step I took closer towards entering the house was more and more inevitable pressure and anxiety that seemed to be taking completely control of both my body and mind. When we got to the front door that was when my nerves really got the best of me but the desire to finally get an escape from this situation was what somehow managed to help push me through, and at least got me to unlock the front door.

Entering the house, it was quiet, so silent I could hear the wind blowing from outside. Initially I took a moment to look around out in the main area, and Mark was nowhere to be seen. I motioned Juliet to stay where she was and went to investigate Mark's whereabouts. I still had no idea how to approach the situation but, I needed to know where he was and what he was up to. If he were napping, waking him up to something like this would make matters so much worse and I needed to be mindful of that.

I took light, reluctant footsteps starting from the kitchen and trailed through, making my way down the hallway. I noticed that the bathroom was unoccupied, so I passed it and crept towards his office as I was positive that was where he'd be. Too my surprise, his office was empty and being able too see into the bedroom from where I stood, it was clear he just wasn't home. I turned around shrugging my shoulders and went back towards the front door.

"So where is Mr. Hardass," she inquired. Again I shrugged my tensed up shoulders, as I did find this somewhat odd because his car was in the driveway. Usually if Mark were to go out he drives, but this was kind of strange. "Maybe he's gone to see that side hoe of his," she joked with a grin, clearly proud of her statement. I however, wasn't impressed and shot her a cold glare to show her how little I appreciated her remark. "Right... Sorry."

***

I suddenly heard loud heavy footsteps closing in on the bedroom and immediately I began to panic. Finally within the bedroom doorframe was Mark. He took one wide eye look of shock at Juliet standing before him in his own home, then looked off at me, clearly confused and perhaps a bit upset. "Don't gimme that look. She figured it out on her own." I could only imagine the thought process that was going through his mind; a former student standing in his bedroom and his girlfriend packing her belongings. He must have had so many questions.

"What are you doing," he asked taking a hesitant step into the bedroom. The tension boring itself down on top of me like a boulder was almost entire crushing. I looked over to Juliet as if waiting for her to speak for me. I could hear the panic in his voice. Despite all the doubt and questions I had, I had a hard time finding it within myself to tell him I was moving back home. The slightest bit of comfort I clung to was realizing this wasn't exactly a break up but, if I didn't do this, and figure things out on my own than it may eventually lead to that.

"I knew if I let you walk out you wouldn't be coming back," Mark uttered under his breath just loud enough to hear. I huffed, shook my head and rolled my eyes at that nonsense. I just didn't have the energy to argue or listen to what I now somewhat considered pathetic pleas and pitiful excuses. After speaking to Juliet, she only opened my eyes to what was already in front of me that I was blind to the first time. I still hadn't decided if this move would be final or if their were a breakup at hand, but this move was something I thought we could both benefit from.

"Did you put this idea in her head," Mark bellowed out. I was disgusted at the mere thought that Juliet would be to blame for the move. As I cocked my head to look at him, he had an angry red glow to his entire face and neck as he pointed off towards Juliet. "Given the circumstances I think I'm being quite reasonable, and DON'T talk to my friends like that! After all, she isn't the bad guy here." My outburst immediately surprised even me. I had called Mark out as the bad guy, and I started to think subconsciously I believed he was, even though it was clear my heart didn't want to believe it.

"For fuck sake babe! I already told you what happened was out of my control, so would you stop acting as if I'm some kind of criminal." Perhaps it was naive but, there was a small fraction of both my mind and heart that wanted to give Mark the benefit of the doubt. However, Juliet's words from earlier rang so clear in the back of my mind that at the time, it started making sense. I wasn't anything special so maybe she was right about not being the first/last and only student he's ever taken advances from or towards. I still didn't want to believe it but, I was starting to.

With a firm hand on my shoulder, Mark swiftly spun me around to look at him. The moment our eyes met, it felt as if I had been kicked in my gut, and a lump had formed in my throat making it difficult to breath. My lungs seemed as if they were collapsing on themselves every time I attempted to take a breath in, and the longer I stared into those bright, beautiful brown eyes of his, the more it ripped me to shreds. "You don't believe..." Fact is, it wasn't just about believing him anymore. Now it had become all about if I could trust myself in making the right decision and the uncertainty if I could believe him or not was what was convincing me that the move would be the right thing to do.

"Mark," I sighed bringing my focus to the ground, unable to look him in the eye any longer. "Please don't make this any more difficult than it already is."--"I-I'm just gonna take these boxes to the car and give you two a few minutes alone. Come out when you're ready." That was the last thing I wanted or needed at this point. I brought Juliet along so I wouldn't have to face him alone, yet I couldn't stop her from doing exactly what she said she was going to. "Yeah, that may be best," Mark snarled as we both watched Juliet pick up the last stack of boxes I had, and exit the room.

For the moment, I had nothing to say to him, even once it was just him and I alone. I had this feeling that he thought this was probably an easy thing for me to do but, it wasn't. The last several months, he had made the best time of my life. Mark was everything I wanted in a man and so much more. It was unbearably painful to come into this house that use to be ours and look him in the eye to tell him I'm leaving. It may not have been a break up but, that's exactly what it felt like.

Mark took a seat on the corner of the bottom of the bed, just watching me as if I was the one who had to do the talking. I suppose he figured he said all he needed too, and now the ball was in my court which it was, but there was nothing I needed to say. I was more concerned with gathering my belongings and heading home. After a moment of silence, Mark made it a point to clear his throat and look up to me, as if I owed him an explanation, an apology or something but, I clung tightly to my pride. I wasn't about to let this man watch me break down and I'd be damned if I gave him the satisfaction of seeing me in such a state.

Uncertain of how to respond to this situation, I turned back around to the dresser and pulled the last remaining drawer out, proceeding to empty it. As my hand became full, I carelessly dropped a handful of my clothing into the half empty box sitting beside Mark on the bed, and he continued to watch me, shaking his head as if in disgust. "You always said you trusted me, why has that changed?" The icy cold grip of reality held me tight, seeming as if it were crushing my chest at the very question. "I wouldn't say it changed..." I peered up to Mark who was looking back at me with pleading, sorrow filled eyes and seeing the wet consistency that was starting to form tore me apart.

"Right now, I just have more questions than answers. I need to figure things out on my own," I replied closing the lid on this final box. I never thought I'd be walking away from Mark for a second time, nor did I think he'd ever give me a reason to. With a heavy heart, it was finally time to make my leave. I had said and done all I could for the time being and I had heard enough from him. "I'll call you when I've figured things out," I whispered leaning in and planting a goodbye kiss to his cheek.

As much as that hurt, the real pain came from that perfume still lingering on his shirt. I would have thought he would have changed but, I could still smell the lavender crystal clear. It was just a reminder that hours prior some girl had her hands all over my man, and for all I knew he may have been all over her as well. As soon as my lips left his warm, scruffy cheek there was a moment of immediate regret. Somehow deep down I knew, even if he was innocent, this has changed my life... OUR lives. I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Nothing could ever feel the same, and that I found to be absolutely devastating.

Unable to even look Mark in the eyes again, I picked up my last remaining box from off the bed, with intentions of leaving in a hurry. I knew I would never know how hard this was on him, if it even was, however, this was the hardest decision I ever had to make. Although this wasn't a break up, my whole world had spiralled out of control and completely crumbled beneath my feet. After speaking to Juliet I was no longer questioning Mark and if he cheated but, I was questioning our entire relationship.

It was hard to imagine Mark making and accepting advances from his students before after he met me but, truth is I just didn't know anymore. If there were others than, it was clear I was just the one who got the furthest with him but maybe I'm not and never was the only one. The more and more I allowed this thought to cross my mind, the more the hypothetical questions made me feel sick. Saying my heart was breaking at the thought was an understatement. It was more like my very soul was being completely shattered.

Before stepping foot outside of the room, I drew a sharp yet shallow breath and took one last look back at Mark who was watching me in what appeared to be complete disbelief. Truth is, I couldn't believe it ether. I never thought he'd give me a reason to walk away, and here I was doing exactly that. I could no longer stand before this man without having a meltdown and decided it was best to take my leave.

Holding the box tightly against my stomach, I trailed out of the room and down the hallway approaching the kitchen that we had once filled with so much joy. It seemed like yesterday I was sitting at this table enjoying a romantic candle lit dinner, and for a moment I could perfectly visualize it. The way the flickering light of the candle bounced off of Mark's blushing cheeks, his warm chocolate gaze set upon me and the feeling of falling in love with him first setting in. Just taking the moment to reminisce produced butterflies all over again.

"Maybe I should have given into her advances," I heard his stern voice bellow at me from behind. I almost didn't want to bring myself to turn around, but that statement came out of nowhere and hit me hard. "P-ardon," I whimpered back setting my box down upon the kitchen table before turning around. That look of a pitiful lost puppy was no longer evident upon Mark's face but rather, he was visibly upset. The fiery daggers in his eyes as he looked at me caused the cold tension within the room escalated and I got weak.

"Yeah, maybe I should have. At least then I'd be deserving of all this." I found my stomach twisting and turning every which way imaginable. Both my knees and my bottom lip began to buckle hearing that he feels that way and I couldn't understand where this was coming from. The only thing I requested of Mark was that he gave me time, I needed a breather away from him and time enough to shut out the world to weigh all the information I had recently received.

Given the circumstances, I felt that was a fair request. Many girls would have left their lover without giving it a second thought, and although I had pretty much convinced myself that he was guilty, the love I still and would always have for him was what kept me from walking away for good right now. "Mark... You act like this is it, I'm just moving back home. I need you to understand that I need some time."--"Let's face it... it's over (YN,)" he whispered hanging his dreary head to the hardwood floors. Although I heard what he had said, I was somewhat stunned to even hear him say that. I thought for certain that wasn't truly how he felt, and that certainly wasn't what I wanted. Not at the time anyway.

"A-re you breaking up... with me," I stuttered, shaking from head to toe. I couldn't deny having foreseen a break up after all of this, I just thought I'd be the one to do it. At least than it'd give me a piece of mind, and some closure because, that would mean I would have figured things out but, this was something I didn't expect. "I think I was right when saying the first time that your dad was right. I'm just too old for you."

"The age gap isn't anything new, Mark! Why is this only coming out now?" Throughout our entire relationship I always thought perhaps our age difference would hinder it in one way or another but, we tried so hard to move passed that anytime the situation had arisen. If he had this feeling of being too old for me, I just couldn't understand why it was never really something we discussed.

"You know... you must be really fucking immature and incredibly insecure to believe I would cheat on you," Mark snapped at me seeming more angry than ever. The tone of voice he used and the red glow to his face when he finally did look back up to me was only evidence of that. In a way, I kind of felt cornered and I was left speechless yet his hurtful words left a bitter taste in my mouth. "In case you didn't realize, it's clear there are other women interested in me. I see the looks I get around school from both female students, and faculty. However, I come home to YOU every night because you're the one I love."

I couldn't find the words to express the way I was feeling. I had a looming sense of what felt like one million different emotions, none of which I could make sense of. I desperately wanted to believe what I was hearing, only problem with that was, I still had my doubts. So long as I had those doubts, no matter what he said to me, I knew I was still doing the right thing by moving back home.

I was frozen in place unable to speak a word, just blindly staring at him contemplating all he had said. "The last little while, I've helped you out as much as I could. I've given you a home, all my love, time and affection but, it's clear your immaturity and insecurity is not something I'll ever be able to help you with." -- "Fine, if that's what you want, so be it," I whimpered in response. "Goodbye, Mark." I hung my head, unable to look him in the eye again, picked up my box from off the table and proceeded to take my permanent leave, still somewhat in shock by all that had transpired.

The brisk air that swept over me as I opened the front door and took a step outside was a certain reminder just how cold and cruel the world can really be. Set in my sight was a red Firebird about fifty feet away, with Juliet bent over clearly situating my remaining boxes in the trunk. My entire body seemed to have gone numb, and my weak arms could barely keep hold on the cardboard box in my grasp. I was going through so much pain that it seemed as if it were physically hurting which I could only assume is why my body was trying to numb the pain.

The slamming of the front door behind me caused Juliet to peer up from the trunk. Just the look on her face as we made eye contact told me, she knew the conversation Mark and I just had didn't go very well. As I approached the car, I could hear her sigh heavily and she reached out for my box in hand. "What'd he have to say," Juliet inquired having taken the cardboard box from my hands, slipping it into the trunk with the rest. "I-it's over," I stuttered while my eyes began to swell tears.

Being the good friend that she was, Juliet immediately lifted herself from the trunk and threw her arms around me. However, even the comfort and warmth of having my best friend there wasn't even enough to console me in any way. I was being overpowered by so many emotions but, the one that struck me by surprise the most was something I surely shouldn't have been feeling- guilt.

I clung onto the back of Juliet's sweater and tightened my arms around her, sniffling into her ear. I didn't exactly want to admit how torn apart I was but, I couldn't hold it in. What was worse is now, I was confused all over again. After what Mark had said about getting looks from other women but coming home to me because he loves me had me reconsidering what I had concluded. Maybe, I was wrong. However, it was too late and the damage was done. He wouldn't have said what he didn't mean, and I heard every every single word crystal clear. Guilty or not, I ruined everything.

"Hold on a minuet," was bellowed out from a short distance behind us and I heard the front door being slammed again. "Get in the car," Juliet whispered into my ear while breaking out of our hug. I took one good look behind me to see Mark walking across the lawn towards us, and I just didn't want to deal with this. I scoffed and rolled my eyes seeing an inevitable confrontation, and heeded Juliet's instructions by getting into the car without having said a word in response to him.

"Go back inside, Mark" I heard Juliet say to him. I looked out the window to see that she stood in front of the car door, preventing him from getting any closer to me. "Please, just let me talk," Mark pleaded trying to step around Juliet. My heart and mind raced with fear of what was about to happen. I had no idea what to expect but the uncertainty and intimidation was overwhelming. As I continued to watch,  I was still in a state of shock by all that had gone on, and Mark seemed to be trying desperately to get to the door.

"Please, (YN!) Just listen to me," he shouted the moment our eyes locked. I could no longer watch this scene unfold. I no longer wanted to listen, nor look at him. I had enough. Desperate to escape the situation at hand in some kind of way, I bowed my head and closed my eyes trying to drown out the world around me. The voices out the window soon turned to was seemed like muffled tones and for the moment, I was in a happy place.

"You've hurt her enough, now leave her alone!" Juliet's outpour of now belligerent rage broke me from the false sense of security I had just provided for myself, and it got me to look back out the window. Mark appeared frantic, still desperately grabbing at the air, as if he were trying to reach out for me, and watching this scene hit me hard in a way I didn't know I could feel. I felt as if I were trapped in a never ending nightmare in which I would never wake.

"You've got thirty seconds to turn around and go back inside. I swear to God, I'll call the school board first thing tomorrow morning and confirm everything, and than you'll have no chance to ever get your license back. Is that what you want!?" I witnesses Mark's eyes had shot open wide, and he gave Juliet a dirt look, probably just as disgusted with her over that threat as I was but then, things changed completely.

Observing Juliet with her arms crossed at her chest, I knew she was serious. I did appreciate what she was trying to do but, this was escalating much further than I ever intended it to, and I started to blame myself more and more. Had I not tried to seduce him months ago, none of this would have happened. Had I been all he needed and deserved in a woman he wouldn't have cheated, which I was still somewhat convinced of and he wouldn't be at risk of losing of the things he loves most in the world.

Witnessing the scene brought me back to a few weeks ago and having that conversation with my mother. She had told me love always wins but this-- this was a losing game. Mark, although clearly tense, seemed to have stopped fighting and instead switched modes back to that pitiful lost puppy phase and than our eyes met for the final time. I knew in that particular moment, regardless if he did cheat or me or he didn't, everything was destroyed. However, I still couldn't help but, blame myself.