'I'm going to be late. Take the bus home.' I clutched onto my phone as tight as I could against my chest. Just reading that made me somewhat weak and I felt absolutely sick about it. This would be the second time he was gonna be late and after smelling that perfume on Friday, the uncertainty made me uneasy. I tried taking shallow breaths attempting to not allow myself to get so worked up but, it seemed as if breathing alone was an effort. Somehow seeing that text message didn't at all surprise me, but it certainly was cause for concern.

Although I found it absolutely unfathomable to even consider the possibility that Mark would cheat,  it was a thought I just couldn't shake. What made matters one hundred times worse was knowing I had to act completely normal, as if nothing had changed. If I accused him and I was wrong, I don't think he'd ever forgive me. I would of liked to believe my mind was only playing games with my heart but, in the moment I was just so uncertain and the answer I was looking for could be something I may never get. Even if I did, I had to question if it was something I truly even wanted.

Walking from the corner of Juliet's street, I began my journey to the bus stop which wasn't too far. The whole time I kept questioning what he was doing and if he was cheating on me, if he was with her now. I found myself wondering about this possible 'other woman,' and what he may see in her. The more I thought about it, the heavier it weighed upon me until I found myself an emotional wreck. Perhaps she's prettier and has a nicer body or maybe she's his age and can give him a type of personal and mental connection that I couldn't.

Whatever the reason was, considering the endless possibilities had me in a slump so vile, that I was beginning to blame myself. I was fully aware that if he was cheating, he was in total control of his actions. However, if I could have been everything he needed in a woman, I probably wouldn't be in this position. I never thought Mark would be the type to cheat, he was always so good with making me feel like I was the only one for him. However, I wasn't so sure. Nothing made sense to me anymore, and nothing could ever feel the same. Not until I know the truth.

***

Hearing the car pull up in the driveway, immediately my ears perked up at the sound of the engine and my eyes darted to the time that was displayed on the digital box. Mark was no where near as last coming home this time, and that allowed a rush of relief to wash over me. However even then, I still found myself questioning why he was coming home late at all. I tried to convince myself that he had a meeting or something, at least that would be a comforting excuse but, deep down I knew otherwise.

I heard the car door slam from  and the few seconds it took Mark to approach the door, I found my heart rate increased significantly. The pounding had become so violent I could hear the pulsing in my ears and feel it thundering against my rib cage. After I had spent all day dwelling over my situation, I was more nervous than ever to be confronted with Mark. Although I wanted desperately to come clean about my suspicions,  I knew I had to bite my tongue, and that was killing me inside.

As I looked up to the front door, I watched the doorknob turn every so slightly as Mark juggled the key around. My face began to flush red and hot, I just wasn't prepared. It was show time. Time to fake a smile and act natural, pretending as if everything was alright. Until I knew otherwise, I couldn't allow my thoughts to get the best of me. Hesitate but still willing, I allowed a half ass grin to line my face as I got up off of the sofa, and started making my way towards the door, ready to greet him.

With one final click, the door was pushed open and immediately it seemed as if the temperature in the house had dropped significantly. As Mark walked in his eyes were hung to the floor and the relief I felt prior had vanished. "Hi baby. How was work," I stuttered in an attempts to keep calm and collected. I had to act normal for the time being, so I faked a smile and extended my arms, reaching out for a hug.

My question went unanswered, I didn't get that hug either. Instead as I watched Mark kick off his shoes by the door it seemed as if he didn't even acknowledge that I was only a few feet away. Or rather, he seemed as if he were purposely trying to avoid any and all contact me with entirely. Be it physically or verbally, there was nothing of the sort.

"Are you alright?" Still, I hadn't received so much as a glance. I took a step back observing him out of curiosity and concern.  He wasn't looking at me, speaking to me and he just seemed so cold. Immediately I got flashbacks to Friday and that triggered an overwhelming desire to vomit. At least on Friday, Mark was a lot more warm and welcoming but, the gentleman that was standing before me now was but a hollow shell of the man I loved.

'What if he is cheating...' I didn't want to believe it but, in the moment it seemed to be the one thing my mind kept coming back to. Although I refused to believe it, it made sense and that's what scared me. With a sigh and a heavy heart, I hung my own head not even wanting to look at this man out of fear of crying. For whatever reason, Mark's whole demeanor had changed. Regardless if that was because he was indeed cheating or another unknown reason, I just didn't like it. He wasn't himself and that broke my heart.

"It's been an extremely rough day, alright?" Just the bitterness in his tone of voice told me something wasn't right. I could sense it wasn't something he cared to talk about and I couldn't help but question why that was. Still too hesitant to look in Mark's direction, I listened carefully as he trailed around through the kitchen, counting each step he took until eventually his footsteps faded off into the distance.

I was left with nothing but the sound of my own breathing and a bit surprised by his actions. This wasn't the man I knew, he was becoming someone entirely different. Although now my suspicions had only heightened, I reminded myself of how unfair it'd be of me to jump to conclusions. If he suggested he simply had a rough day than I felt inclined to believe him, or at least I chose to.

I knew that may have been considered rather naive on my part, but that was something I needed to do for my own sake. It was the only way, at least until there was more concrete evidence. I was still full heartedly head over heels in love with the man, and against my better judgement, I had to be there for him like any loving girlfriend would be. If he was having a bad day, then it was up to me to help fix that.

I followed suit after him, and made my way slowly down the hallway one foot dragging behind the other. There was a small part of me that felt I may be doing the wrong thing. Mark clearly wanted to be left alone. Although, I knew if I disrupted him now it may do more harm than good, my heart was there, and I only had his best intentions. Despite what my gut was telling me, I crept up to the office door and peeked in. A brush of cool air rushed over my body taking in the sight in which I was greeted with.

Mark was slumped in his chair, elbows resting against his desk and both hands up in his hair. He was just staring blankly down at his empty desk, with a furrowed brow and a scowl. I swallowed hard, hesitant to approach but proceeded quietly into the room. Mark seemed so out of it and lost on his own little world. So lost in fact, that the creaking floors under my feet were not enough to shake him of his revery.

"Mark... baby," I started in a rushed tone, resting both my hands upon his tense shoulders. At first contact he slightly jumped but I expected that. I began working my fingertip into his tightened muscles hoping to provide some relief of sorts. Whatever was bothering him I just wanted him to know I was there because even through my suspicions, I still was.

"Is there anything I can..." I began leaning into his ear to nibble on it how I usually do when my sentence was cut off by a familiar fragrance. I felt all colour in my face drain, and my whole body went numb. In a single moment I felt the weight of my whole world crumbling down on top of me. My chest became tight and it got difficult to breath. 'Lavender...' I knew that smell all too well, he was with her again.

"Would you leave me alone for ten fucking minutes," Mark shouted spinning his chair around, causing me to lose grip of his shoulders. I took notice to his icy cold glare, the sweat that started to form in his hairline and the way he clenched his teeth. I was completely stunned by his outburst and backed away slowly, scared and confused. Suddenly his eyes softened and he had a pitiful plea in his glance. "I-I,'m sorry just... I know you want to help but, I need a few minutes to myself."

I could understand if he wanted to be left alone, I was completely aware of that before I even stepped into the room. However, I had nothing to do with this. If he was having a rough day, that was not my fault and I didn't deserve that. "Just because you're pissed doesn't give you an excuse to be a prick," I snarled back leaving the room in a huff, giving him something to think about.

***

Feeling the bed sink in, shook me from my peaceful sleep. I opened my heavy eyes realising I must have nodded off to see Mark who had taken a seat right beside me, just looking down at me with deepening sorrow filled eyes. I understood this was his home and he had a right to do whatever he pleased but, he did not have a right to talk to me like that. I rolled my eyes in a huff and turned away from him to face left wall, trying my best to ignore him.

I did however find it kind of odd that he wasn't speaking a word to me, not even an apology. In fact the room had fallen so silent that it was almost eerie and the tension between us was thickening. The only thing to be heard was our own deep exhales and the sound of Mark fidgeting with something in his grasp.

"We need to talk," he whispered reaching out lightly gripping onto my shoulder. Instantaneous, my heart sank and my stomach twisted into a tight knot. Nothing good ever comes when someone says 'we need to talk,' especially one's significant other. I was already dreading whatever he was going to say. The fear that had set in was overwhelming and it was pulling me under into a place so dark, leaving me with a pain in my chest so strong, it was almost paralyzing.

"Don't touch me," I hissed through my teeth while scooting over, breaking our contact. "Seriously, (YN!) Look at me please, this is important." I had a feeling I already knew what it was he was going to tell me, and I just wasn't prepared. I thought I wanted to  know for sure, but now that I thought the time had come, there was a part of me that still wasn't ready. In the moment, I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to talk to him, look at him or hear what he had to say.

"Just please... leave me alone," I whimpered, beginning to curl myself into the ball. "I've been suspended," Mark bellowed back at me. "And the school board will be doing an investigation." My eyes had shot wide open, and a chill coursed my veins causing me to shutter. That was certainly not what I expected to hear, and although I was concerned I was curious more than anything. I may not have wanted to talk to him but, he certainly had my attention now.

"What do you mean you're suspended! Suspended for what," I snapped back out of shock, springing up into a sitting position. Mark hung his head and let out a breathy sigh before staring down at what was in his hand- a paper. "That's part of what I wanted to talk to you about." Mark unfolded the piece of paper, and with a shaky hand I took it.

I grasped the crinkled letter in my hands, and brought my focus to it. Each line I read made my breathing become more shallow and still. It didn't say what he was suspended for, just that he was suspended for a period of thirty days and depending what the investigation uncovers, could face termination. 'Could this be why he's been acting so strange lately?'
I wanted desperately to believe that were the case. If it was, that would explain a lot, but it still didn't explain the perfume. Even if it could explain the perfume he did go to work today, which would mean he was only suspended today.

I tried to remain calm under the anxiety and pressure. On the outside, I'm sure I looked collected but, inside I was screaming. I was a complete mess. All my doubts came flooding back to me which caused me to shake the thought of this being the reason Mark had been acting so out of it. Although it still explained a lot, it didn't explain Friday and he wouldn't be suspended for nothing.

"So what exactly were you suspended for?" Again I had to ask, although I was absolutely petrified of the answer. As soon as those words left my lips, Mark's eyes seemed to be focused on everything else in the room, aside from me. He had that look of a lost child, eyes filled with regret and a his upper lip quivering. "Mark, what happened," I asked again in a soft whimper while I became more nervous by the second.

"There's this girl..." Instantly in a matter of a single moment my still beating heart stopped, sank into my gut and completely shattered. My nerves were shot. That was all I needed to hear, my suspicions were confirmed. "I fucking knew it," I screamed up to the Heavens while balling the blankets up into my fists. All at once I was being plunged into a pit of so many different emotions: Anger, jealousy, hurt, betrayal, confusion, and above all, loneliness. Now I truly was all on my own.

"You knew, what do you mean you knew?" -- "Next time before you start sneaking around, make sure to bring a change of clothing. I could smell her perfume off of you." There were so many things I would have liked to say to Mark in the moment but, no words could express the way I felt. I was sitting beside the man who not only broken my heart but turned my entire world upside down and inside out. I simply couldn't find the words to express how absolutely destroyed I was.

"You don't get it. She came onto me." I found that to be absolutely rich. It was the classic line any cheating male would give. I began to gnaw on the inside of my cheek and shaking my head at the fact that he clearly thought I'm naive enough to believe that. "Really babe, you have to believe me," he begged reaching out his hand yet again, this time pushing the hair from out of my face as if to swoon me.

"She came onto me Friday and I turned her down. Then when she still persisted during class today, I kept her after school to give her the same talk I gave you. That's when things escalated." What bothered me the most wasn't what he was saying but how it was being said. There was a warming sincerity to his voice that made me want to trust him. However, it seemed so hammed up, the act was pitiful. If sympathy or pity was something he was trying to get from me, he certainly was not going to get it.

As I tilted my head up to him, and we locked eyes, I could see them swelling with tears almost as bad as mine were. He was pleading for me to believe him without any words at all, and I almost fell for it. However there were a few details that still didn't make sense."So how exactly did you get suspended?"

I watched the bulge in Mark's throat appear and disappeared as her swallowed hard and he flinched at my question. As much as I wanted to believe him, this just didn't feel right to me. "Well, today she had me in a very compromising position."--"Like?" Although each word he spoke made me even sicker to just look at him, I couldn't stop with the questions. I had to know.

I watched as his eyes fluttered closed for a moment, and Mark remained quiet as if he were trying carefully choose his words. In the meantime, I was still trying to wrap my head around his confession, and the longer he took to answer the more unsettled I began." She-- uh, she had me pinned against the blackboard, and forced herself onto me," he replied, fumbling on his words. "Did you fuck her?"

Immediately I was surprised by my own question, it was blunt and straight to the point. My mouth had asked what my head needed to know without even realizing I spoke. "What!"--"Answer me," I whimpered in response feeling my heart rip into pieces bit by bit. "No, I didn't." At first there was a sense of relief but, it quickly faded realizing that for all I know, he may not be being honest with me. I really wanted to believe he was telling the truth but still there was a part of me that wasn't buying into this.

"Did you do absolutely ANYTHING inappropriate? You may as well fess up, I mean there IS a reason your teaching license was suspended for a reason after all." The atmosphere in the room took a shift into some cold and empty, and so did his eyes. As soon as my words roller off of my tongue, the guilty expression playing upon his face said it all. He didn't even have to answer me, his stalling was confirmation enough. He was able to tell me what I so desperately needed to know without any words at all.

"You fucking disgust me! How could you do that to me," I cried out of anger and disbelief.
It was a rhetorical question. I didn't want him to say another word, and I couldn't even look at him. Enragement was flooding over my entire body, coursing through my veins causing my blood to boil. However, the most intense feeling I had in the moment was despair.

Hiking my knees up to my chest, I hugged them tightly, and buried my face into them in an attempt to hide the tears. Already my eyes were beginning to sting and my cheeks had flushed so hot, I could feel the heat against my legs through my pants. "You did do something, didn't you!" I didn't want to hear him say yes, but I needed to know exactly what happened in order to sort of my own thoughts and emotions.

"It wasn't like that! Let me explain," he replied placing his hand onto my back starting to rub it. It was almost as if he were trying to console me even though he was the one to break me down. "When she had me pinned, she did try to kiss me. Believe it or not, I do have a student who is more bold than you ever were." I immediately regretted having asked the question. The answer didn't make anything better.

"However, when I turned her away yet again, she attempted to entice me by cupping my hands against her breast. She then made it a point to speak some vulgar, sexual actions in which she clearly wanted me to act out to try and seduce me  further. Then I found myself in a situation of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Another student had come in to retrieve something they had forgotten and seen the whole thing. Next thing I knew, I had several members of faculty storming through my classroom door."

I could vividly imagine the entire scenario. I could clearly visualize what the girl might look like, and the shock on Mark's face when they got caught. He may have claimed to have been innocent in all of this but, the one thing my mind came back to was, asking myself what made this time any different. If he had turned her away before, I couldn't see how it so easily could have escalated. Needless to say my mind was racing at a speed of one million miles and hour, full of nothing but confusion. I didn't know what to do or how to respond, so I did nothing but continue to sob silently.

"You believe me don't you, (YN?)" His words were soft spoken and I could hear the pain in his voice. I just wasn't sure if that was because he had regret of some kind or if he really was telling the truth. The fact that I couldn't immediately trust him is whar worried me the most. In the moment I would have preferred if he had admitted to cheating because at least then I'd know what to do. The fact that I really wanted to believe him is what kept me on the edge but, right now... I just couldn't.