Lavender. Lavender with perhaps the subtle scent of vanilla. That's exactly what I could smell from off his shirt. Although it had been severals days since I got to smell that fragrance, it was permanently embedded into my memory. Like a parasite I couldn't get rid of, and it ate away at me all weekend. It was just always there in the back of my mind, and any time I thought back to Friday, that's when I could always smell it the strongest.

If it was indeed perfume, there could have been a number of reasons. Perhaps he hugged a co-worker or a student having a rough day. Perhaps he went and visited his parents and it was his mother's perfume that had rubbed off on him. Whatever the case, I was desperate to come to some sort of answer on my own. I was trying so hard to make up a comforting excuse that I could latch onto in order to put my mind at ease. However even than, nothing was adding up. I knew in my gut that just simply wasn't the case.

What bothered me the absolute most was that I couldn't say anything to him. It wouldn't be fair of me to make accusation, he deserved better than that. Jumping to conclusions would ruin everything that we had worked so hard to build and I trusted him... or at least I wanted to. Aside from that, I couldn't see any form of real motivation. Even if there was motive, I refused to believe he would do something like that to me.

I loved him with all of my heart and soul and I knew that he loved me but, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a shred of doubt to that now. In fact I was doubtful of anything and everything in my life right now. Doubting I could work things out with my parents. Doubting Juliet would ever forgive me. Doubting Mark, doubting our relationship and even doubting my own thoughts and emotions. It just all seemed to be a battle I wouldn't and could never win.

"(YN!)" Hearing my name being called, I came to and peered up from my text book completely shaken of the thought. I'm sure my vaciant expression lined across my face said it all. I had no idea what was going on, and everyone's eyes were on me. "Would you care to explain what Metaphysics is," Ms. Fernandez bellowed back at me. My mouth ran dry as I stuttered for an answer. I took a deep breath and swallowed hard struggling for the words. I remembered briefly flipping through my philosophy text book over the weekend but I just couldn't remember coming across anything to do with Metaphysics.

I found myself sinking lower and lower into my seat beginning to feel so small, knowing everyone's burning gaze was boring into me awaiting an answer. I could only shake my head seeing as I just didn't have one to give and with my luck, Metaphysics was probably covered in the first chapter of our textbooks. "It's talk of abstract theories without basis in reality." I shuttered hearing that string of words on that voice, and cocked my head off to the side. Juliet who sat two rows behind me had her hand in the air ever so slightly, and for a split second she returned my gaze.

"It covers concepts such as: being, knowing, time and space just to name a few." She spoke with such confidence and seemed relatively sure of herself. Part of me was impressed but, on the other hand I had realized something. She saved me when it was clear I was drowning but, I couldn't understand why. "Very good. I'm glad to see someone did their research," Ms. Fernandez hissed and without even having to look back at her, I somehow knew that jab was directed at me.

I turned back around to the front of the classroom watching Ms. Fernandez pace back and forth as she continued to speak. Although her lips were moving and I could clearly hear the sound of her voice, I just wasn't listening. My mind was far too hazy to take in anything she was saying and as a result, her words were just going in one ear and out the other. She may as well have been speaking gibberish because I just couldn't understand.

***

At the sound of the dismissal bell yet another day of school was over and although I just wanted to get home, I wasn't particularly looking forward to having to see Mark. I wasn't looking forward to having to pretend as if everything was alright. I didn't want to plaster a smile on my face each time I felt my heart ripping into even more pieces. I wanted answers, answers in which I'd never get. Not without risking our entire relationship because if I was wrong, it would ruin us and that would completely destroy me.

Being a prisoner of circumstances had be sunk to the lowest point of my life and he had always been my escape but now, I doubted everything I was once so sure of. It may not be fair to jump to conclusions but, I couldn't find any other excuse. He was late coming home, he seemed so disconnected from the world and wouldn't answer my questions. As much as I didn't want to believe he would cheat on me, nor could I find a reason as to why he would I knew in my gut something wasn't right. My whole world was crumbling around me and there was nothing I could do but play victim to my own personal demise.

The chit-chatting from my fellow classmates to one another filled the room as they began to file out of the classroom. They all seemed so happy and joyful and I found myself longing to be like that again. With a huff I leaned down, sweeping my book bag up from underneath my chair and dragged  it up onto my desk, cramming in my binder and text book in a rush. I was in no hurry to head home but, I certainly didn't want to stay here. I was losing my absolute mind over everything going on, and the sad part was, there was no safe haven. Not anymore.

Hearing the noise in the room fade and eventually grow silent, I could sense I was the last one in the room. It was no surprise that when I peered up, the only other one in the room was Ms. Fernandez who was clearing the blackboard. I kind of felt as if I should have apologized for being so out of it as normally, this wasn't me. However I picked up my book bag, sliding it over my arm and proceeded out of the room deciding against it. My behaviour the last few days had been completely out of my control and there was no reason to apologize knowing come tomorrow, I'd most likely be the same way.

One foot in front of the other, I took my time pacing the halls. Each step forward seemed as if to be an effort and going back would do be no help at all. The weight of my entire world on my shoulders was weighing me down, making each step I took sluggish and ever breath I took uneven. Walking the hallways, although flooded with students, made me feel so isolated.

I could hear all different voices but they seemed as if they were faint and off in a distance and the perpetual blackness around my peripheral vision made it seem as if I were walking through a tunnel. However, that tunnel was something I was walking alone. The only voice that seemed to come in clear as crystal was one that although seemed very loud was also comforting and sweet- Juliet's.

I lifted my eyes from off the tiles beneath my feet only long enough to pinpoint her location and stopped in my tracks to take a look around. Through the sea of people I somehow managed to pick her out of the crowd with incredible ease. She was standing at a set of lockers that were not her own, right beside the chemistry lab.

Juliet was laughing and smiling talking to a short brunette that I had only ever seen around but, didn't exactly know her name. Of course that was no surprise. Juliet and I did have several classes apart from each other and she kind of was what would be considered a social butterfly.

I observed from a bit of a distance as they carried forth a conversation, wondering if it'd be rude of me to interrupt them. However, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity seeing them finally hug each other goodbye and carry off in their separate directions. Although I still didn't entirely regret my decision to not tell Juliet what was going on Friday, I did hate how it went down and more than ever, over the weekend, it really sunk in just how much I need her in my life.

I didn't know what to say, how to say it, or how to even open up the conversation. I just knew that it was important for me to talk to her. Although my head was calling me stupid, trying to convince me I should give her a little more time to cool down, my heart was saying otherwise. I felt the longer I leave this go, the worse off it'll be, and that was the final burst of motivation I needed in order to be sure that I should chase after her.

I followed suit swiftly behind her, keeping my distance but still keeping a tight lock on her and followed her every move. I wanted to get her alone and talk to her in private but, I didn't want her to feel cornered or trapped so I was cautious to wait until we both exited the building. I found once out of the building and I was given the perfect chance to pull her aside and talk to her, a part of me couldn't.

I was still so worried about what may happen but, I needed to talk to her, or my own sake. I just didn't exactly have the courage in the moment. The pressure and anxiety of not knowing what to expect gave me a sensation of free falling one thousand feet per second. Knowing there may not be anything at the bottom to soften the fall was an indescribable sense of vulnerability. Although I felt as though my feet had now been glued to the ground, I had to keep close and I continued to follow her, down the cobbled path and out onto the sidewalk.

"You gonna say something or do you just plan on stalking me?" Juliet's head was still held high, focused on her destination and continued to walk but at a slower pace. Her words were enough to knock the wind out of me and leave me near breathless from sheer surprise. I had though I was keeping a considerable distance and out of sight but, I guess not."We need to talk." I still had no idea what I wanted to say, how to go about it or what may happen next but, it was too late to turn back.

Juliet let out a loud audible groan as if in annoyance, stopped, turned around to me and folder her arms gracefully in front of her chest. Her body language was closed of, reserved and the draggers in her eyes spoke of hostility. However, behind that raging fire there was a slight sense of compassion that told me, I still had a chance to fix this. Even if I couldn't right now, I knew I was at least making a step forward on the right direction.

"I wanted to say thanks for earlier. Y'know, saving me in Philosophy." Inside I cringed at myself knowing that wasn't at all what I really wanted to say but, quickly shook the thought aside because it was at least an opportunity to start dialog. With her nose stuck in the air and a slight huff she rolled her eyes and unfolded her arms, sticking her hands into the pockets of her sweater instead.

I always thought at times Juliet could be more stubborn than me but, she was willingly letting down her guard, even if she didn't realize it. "Don't be mistaken. I didn't intentionally save you, I simply knew the answer." I couldn't deny that seemed kind of like a punch in the gut however, the warm light in her glance when our eyes met still gave me the feeling of our friendship still being salvageable.

"So is that all? Are we done here," she hissed with a snarl. I simple sighed and shook my head. She was clearly still very upset at me. Perhaps I misread her. "You can pretend to be mega bitch all you want but, I know you still care." -- "I always will, but as for right now, just like you need time, I do too. I'm hurt, that's all." Needless to say that wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear but I could respect her wishes to give her time and found comfort in knowing our situation clearly wasn't something I had to worry about.

It wasn't like Juliet and I to fight and usually whenever we did we could make up within hours. This was the first time I could recall where we had spend a number of days without communication. Just knowing that, kind of put it into prospective for me just how upset she must be. All I can do is hope one day, when I do tell her, she'll understand. A part of me still somewhat felt like now would have been as good of a time as any to have that discuss with her but, I had to bite my tongue for now. I had much bigger things to worry about.

"Okay," I sighed. I was understanding and respectful of her request to give her time. Even if it wasn't what I wanted, I didn't exactly have a choice. "Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow." I knew I couldn't exactly expect forgiveness right now, especially when nothing had changed. I still hadn't told her what was going on, and I didn't apologize either but, having been rejected of an immediate quick-fix kind of deflated my ego. The only good I could take away from this was the fact that she basically confirmed we can sort out our issues. 'If only Mark and I can do the same...'