The sweat pouring off our hairline, and the reddish tinge to our cheeks was just a sure tell sign of our physical exhaustion. Detention was served with Ms. Playford for about an hour after school, doing just about everything. Part of me felt she didn't see it as just a detention but rather a chance to watch Juliet and I slave away doing everything: from reorganizing the gym equipment to just running errands that she couldn't be bothered to do herself. 

Matched up with the fact that I wasn't able to go back sleep last night and that left me absolutely wiped out. I had been miserable as all hell the entire day. "Ladies, there's a track meet starting in about..." Ms. Playford began, while checking her watch for the current time. "Fifteen minutes. Just give me your slips and you can get out of here."

Juliet and I looked at each other with wide eyes and kinda grinned at one another. We were both grateful to have been released from our confines earlier then expected and, instantly we dove into our pockets to retrieve our deletion slips. Of course I was happy about finally being released however, at least school today acted as a distraction. I not only had a busy night but, a busy weekend ahead of me as well. Although, that was the least of my worries.

Now that the weekend had finally arrived, there was nothing to act as a barrier between Mark and I. When we woke up this morning there was brief conversation, nothing too in depth. Both still being completely exhausted from last night and being relatively tired, conversation was kept minimal and perhaps at the time, that was for the best. However now, I'd be stuck at his house all weekend. It doesn't even seem like home anymore and, who knows what'll happen. At least school gave us some extra time apart.

"Hello, Earth to (YN.)" I was snapped out of my reflection to find I must had dazed off. Juliet was looking at me with slanted eyebrows and, Ms. Playford just seemed to be annoyed. It made me wonder how long I had been out for. "Sorry, just thinking of something," I confessed shaking my head with a bit of a nervous chuckle. With my detention slip still folded into my palm, I quickly slipped it into Ms. Playford's hand not wanting to waste anymore time. I watched as she brought her pen down to the paper in hand and made quick work of a sloppy signature before finally passing it back.

"Don't let me catch you two skipping class again. Next time I'm sure you won't get away with just a day's worth of detention." Of course, I knew if I were to ever get caught skipping class again I could expect a few days worth of detention. That was something Mr. Neilson was famous for and, I for one was more than happy to have only received one day. 

"Have a good weekend ladies. Now get outta here," Ms. Playford joked pointing off towards the Gymnasium door. Juliet and I made haste towards the middle of the left wall where we had set our bags down, and picked them up before taking our leave. It felt great having school over for the week but, on the other hand I wasn't exactly looking forward to the weekend either.

"So, you wanna come over, maybe spend the weekend?" Of course, I would have loved to spend the weekend with Juliet but, not now. I knew it'd be yet another distraction but, I didn't to just distract myself. There was an obvious issue between Mark and I and I felt it necessary to work it out as soon as possible. "I can't," I replied pushing open the heavy metal front doors of the school, stepping out into the brisk February air. I was very aware my response was vague but I was hopeful that it'd be enough to satisfy. 

As I began to walk down the cobblestone pathway, I heard a loud breathy sigh, slightly off in the distance. I didn't bother to pay much attention to it until I noticed Juliet was not by my side and I couldn't hear her footsteps either. When I turned around Juliet was still standing by the doors, with a blank expression but a questionable glare in her eyes just staring at me, and I had no idea why. "What?" I had to know what was on her mind, this wasn't like her. She seemed so lost in thought and, the longer she took to reply I became increasingly concerned.

I took an extra moment or two waiting for an answer and, I went without. I could see the wheels in her head turning as if searching for the right words but instead, she hung her head and began to walk towards me, ever so slightly shaking her head. Juliet seemed to be dragging her feet carelessly down the path without so much as a glance up at me. I felt perhaps I had done something wrong and more than anything I wanted to know what but, it wasn't like I could force it out of her.

The air surrounding me felt significantly colder as she walked past me. Eyes shot to the ground, hands shoved in her pockets and a her bag dangled crudely off of her arm. She seemed so emotionless, like something was eating away at her. She hadn't been like this all day, if anything she was the cheerful one keeping me from having a break down for most of the day but, now it seemed the roles were reversed and something told me it was all my fault.

"You know you can talk to me about anything right?" When she hadn't stopped nor turned around, I followed suit swiftly chasing after her. As I got to her side, she had seemed to be mouthing something to herself with a scowl on her face. Now more confused than even, I took a hold of her wrist forcing her to stop. "Seriously, talk to me. We're best friends, we're suppose to tell each other everything. So, if I did something please tell me."

I was happy to see I at least got her to look up to me, but her glare just seemed like a dead void. I felt as if she was sending me daggers and I was just beyond confused. We had been fine all day and now all of a sudden she's treating me like she doesn't even know who I am and this only started after I rejected spending the weekend with her. I was trying to piece two and two together but, I just couldn't make any sense of it.

"That's kind of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?" Immediately Juliet pulled away from my grip and continued walking without elaboration. What caught me off guard wasn't what she said but how if was said, as if it were meant as a jab towards me. Just considering what she said and how it was meant caused my heart to jump into back of my throat. If I wasn't positive before, now I knew for certain something was going on.

"What the hell does that mean," I yelled breathily, running trying to catch up to Juliet. As I approached her side she didn't stop walking but she did give me a glance over to me and rolled her eyes. "If we're suppose to tell each other everything then why are you hiding something from me?" In an instance it felt as if my throat had collapsed on itself and my eyes grew wide. I made direct eye contact with her trying to get a read on her. It was clear she knew something was going on but, obviously didn't know what.

"What exactly do you know?" I was at a loss for words, that was about the only thing I could manage. "I knew it! I knew you were hiding something from me." Still she hadn't specified what she knew and it seemed as if I had played into a trap of sorts. However, it was out. Just by me asking her what she knew was obvious confirmation and I felt like an idiot for playing into her trap. "Ever since we came back from break, you haven't been yourself. We never talk or hang out after school, you've seemed quite lost in your own little world and you seem so distant. If we're suppose to tell each other everything then why are you keeping this from me!"

A couple months ago I would have said I could tell Juliet everything and anything and she could do the same. However, as much as I would have liked to tell her what been going on, I couldn't do it. I felt guilty knowing she now was aware that something was going on that I've been trying to hide. In a way, I felt like a really bad friend but, I was doing it with best intentions. There'd just be so many questions I just wasn't prepared to answer and so many things she wouldn't understand.

"Jewels, I want to tell you but..."--"But what!" Even if I did tell her she probably would believe me and, on the rare chance she did there was just so much explaining I'd need to do. She wouldn't understand and as much as I wanted to tell her what was going on, I couldn't. "I'll tell you one day but right now, trust me when I say I can't. It's far too complicated." 

A part of me wondered if this happened for a reason. Perhaps this was the Universe saying I should tell her but, as much as I wanted to I couldn't risk it. Juliet's eyes just bore into me as looked at me with disgust. In the moment, I also kind of felt disgusted with myself. I felt like a terrible friend and the guilt had slowly begun to eat away at me. "You know, this isn't like you. You've changed. Tell me when I can have my best friend back, I miss her."

I felt my heart rise into the back of my throat and I could feel the pounding as I watched Juliet walk away from me in a huff. I could understand that she'd be rather upset but, I never thought my relationship with Mark would have an impact on our friendship. I thought that she would be understanding, especially since I did say I'd tell her one day.

I just couldn't believe what had just transpired. More and more so it began to sink in that the whole world was against me. First my family, then Mark and now my best friend. It seemed as if I was losing everything. Now, I truly was on my own. I stood on the edge of her street corner in complete disbelief. A small part of me was hoping she was going to turn around but, she didn't... she just kept walking until she was entirely out of view.

Realizing she wasn't coming back I set my sights on the ground watching my feet as I walked. The cement beneath my feet seemed a deeper shade of grey, the world felt still and quiet and I couldn't shake the feeling of a dark cloud looming over my head. Everything was falling apart: my friendships, my relationship and even my family and I couldn't understand why.

I felt as if I had been submerged into a pit of loneliness in which I could never escape. I had no one but myself. This mess all started because of my relationship. I risked everything and was coming up empty handed. It was in this moment, I really started to wonder if it was even worth it anymore but, I knew I'd be nothing without him. That's what scared me.

When I approached the bus stop, I was lucky enough to have gotten there briefly before the bus did. Had I waited any longer, I would have missed it. The bus slowed down, pulling over to the stop and the doors opened wide. I dove into the pocket of my jeans to pull out some change, and stepped onto the bus slipping it into the meter saying hello to the driver with a light smile despite not being very happy at all.

I took a seat closest to the front of the bus, and the entire ride was spent watching  out the window as if I were waiting on something. My whole life felt as if it were coming to a standstill and slowly falling apart. I was losing control of not only my life but everything and anything I ever loved. Sitting on this bus I had this looming darkened pit of despair forming in my gut. Something told me it was a mistake to head home.

When I stepped off the bus and started making my way down the street towards the house, my nerves were really starting to kick in. Although I wanted to see Mark so we could talk about what happened a part of me was still dreading the confrontation. Now that the weekend was here there was nothing standing in between us and even if we don't immediately make up, I just hoped we could find mutual ground. I wasn't concerned about an immediate make up, but there were clear issues that needed to be resolved.

Getting closer and closer to the house, I began to feel sick again. My heart was pounding, mind racing and legs shaking. It would be easier if I could walk in and pretend like nothing had happened and everything was fine but, that wasn't a possibility. Pretending would not solve anything and I wanted to work passed our issues as opposed to sweeping them under the rug. I just prayed Mark felt the same. However, I just couldn't shake what he said about my dad being right. That was a scar no amount of talking was going to heal.

Stepping foot into the driveway, a rush of relief washed over me seeing Mark's car was nowhere in sight. Of course I found myself wondering where he may be and, if like me, he was also nervous about coming home. I shook the thought aside trying to keep positive thinking it was possible that perhaps he just got held up at work and I felt infinitely better. Even if I was wrong, for the time being it was enough to sooth my mind, we could cross that bridge when we get there. Even if I was wrong, It would allow me to carry on with what I needed to do without worry and I could have some peace, if only for a little while.