October- I texted Gwen today, asked if she wanted to hang out or something along the lines of that. She said she had Independent Reading work to do. So I left her alone and went to the movies with Paisley. The thing is, what got me really mad, was Gwen was there with Charlotte. She said she couldn't go because of IR but now she was here with Charlotte?! 

I am not proud to admit this but I decided to be a complete and utter douche to her. When I saw her, I pulled Paisley closer to me and made it seem like we were together. Then after the movie I saw her texting someone so I had Paisley trip her and we argued. Then she left with some older guy, which of course got me mad. I was mad because, I don't want her raped and killed, then dumped in some street's sewer. Not my Gwen. 

Damn that seems possessive. She's not mine. I don't own her. Neither do I date her, I mean we haven't dated.. Not that I wouldn't love to date her but... I'm going to stop writing about Gwen now. Right now. 

On the way back to my place, Paisley asked about Gwen. Who she was and why she made me pissed. Well, I refused to tell her. And she got pissed. Which is great and all, having two girls be pissed at me since, I am a douchecanoe. Maybe just maybe I shouldn't get so mad or mad as easily. I used to be a very agreeable person. But after what happened with our little Homecoming thing, I kinda became an asshole. Especially to Gwen. 

Anyway, I finally broke down and told Paisley. Everything. I would assume that I wrote all of it down before but that was the end to another notebook. So I'll rewrite it just for the occasion of having time on my hands and needing to get rid of my thoughts before mom decides to grill me about what happened today. 

"Over the summer, we had hung out. A lot. And so I asked, more like begged mom and dad to let me use the lake house. I wanted to bring Gwen there and show her the awesome end-of-the-summer bash they have there at Cherokee Bay. Finally, they said yes and since Gwen's parents loved seeing her happy, they also said yes. So Gwen, Dervik, my parents, and me all drove up to the lake house and stayed there for a couple of weeks.  During our stay, Gwen and I went tubing; swimming; had fun in the sun; went boating; and on the last day, went to the bash at the pier. We played several games and she ended up winning me a little stuffed animal, cause I'm horrible at carnival games. We both bought T-shirts and ate cotton candy. Then as the sun was setting, we sat down on a bench near the edge of the pier and she rested her head on my shoulder. Gwen sighed and commented about how beautiful the sunset was, that's when we stood and I lead her to a secret spot near the pier. Once we arrived there, I did the worst thing for a friendship but the best decision of my life. And I-"

After I told Paisley the story, I could help but add, "The whole night was just-" My phone pinged and I picked it up. The ping was Instagram letting me know that Gwen had posted a new picture. Her and a guy, holding hands, and looking like the perfect couple. My chest tightened and a stutter before the first tear fell, "But..."

"But..?" Paisley looked concerned, "Noah?"

"But that was ages ago." I spat and sped down the road to Paisley's house

My bad.

October- After Gwen and my 'little fight', I didn't see Gwen for a couple of weeks. She wasn't at school; I hadn't seen her mom's car in the driveway; and her normally open window, was closed. Did she move? No. All her things were in her bedroom, same with rest of the house. 

I found out a couple days later, from her Instagram, that she and her family took a trip to visit Gwen's aunt and uncle in Hawaii. Thanks for letting me know, Gwen. Now would be a good time to tell about how much of a douche my parents can be. My mother and father purposely go out of their way to annoy the hell out of me and to strongly disagree with all of my life choices. I might as well be Harry flipping Potter for how much my blood-sharing kin hate me. "Noah, can you for once turn down that music? Do you know how annoying it is to try and read when your crappy punk rock shit is playing?"

"No I do not mom, maybe if you would tell me that. Nicely, then maybe I would listen and be a good role model of a child."

"Sometimes I wish you were the one to die, not Rachel or Reuben." Mom went back to her book and I headed from the sun room to my room. I finished editing the new track for Dervik's band: The Medo-something-or-another Meintals. Walking to my desk, I made one long swipe with my arm, knocking off all my homework. Then I sat and finished editing. As dad said, "Maybe if you spent half as much time mixing music and hanging out with Gwendolyn, then you'd get good grades." 

I try dad. I try. I try to try. 

October- I should start adding dates to these but I'm too busy and lazy to do so. I called Gwen. 

"Gwen?" 

"What?"

"We- can we talk?"

"We are right now."

"Face to face. Please." 

"No." She sounded pained

"Gwen, I'm begging you."

"It's Gwendolyn. We're not friends." She hung up.

I suppressed the urge to cry and instead, flipped onto my bed and stared at my least favorite poster. I really should get rid of this poster, I thought, Nah. I stood to grab some darts from the dartboard in my closet, when I heard the door open and mom say, flatly and sarcastically, "Hello Gwendolyn. Long time no see. How can I help you."

Gwen always had a soft persuading voice when it came to adults.

"He's upstairs in his bedroom, probably smoking pot."

I quickly looked around, my room looked like shit. Grabbing shirts and CDs, I tossed the shirts into the pile forming in my closet and closed that door. As for the CDs, I tossed them in the one corner of my room that was being swallowed up by vinyls, cassettes, and plastic CD cases. The door knob shook, "Noah it's stuck."

I flipped onto the bed, just missing the shelf nearby and just saving my head from a huge bump, "Ow. Um.. You just have to push." I offered, taking the darts and throwing them at the ceiling. The ugly poster.

I door swung open, 'Got it." She walked in and used her foot to close the door. Taking five long strides to where I was, she sat on the edge of my bed, "You shouldn't throw darts at the ceiling."

"Yea. Your point?" I asked, annoyed with her sudden presence in my life. Don't get me wrong, i love Gwen but she really needs to decide what she's doing. Whether she's staying in my life or going off with some older guy at a movie theatre. The dart hit the band's lead singer in the nose before falling back toward me and just missing my nose

"Noah." 

"Hmmm.."

"Noah."

"Hmm.."

"Look at me."

I looked. 

Her hair was cascading down her back, she wore those skinny jeans that looked amazing on her, and a loose T-shirt that proclaimed that 'Pets are family too!' I smiled as I saw the necklace I bought her, peaking out from the collar of her shirt. It seemed that she always wore it under her T-shirt or whatever she was wearing that day. I don't think she ever takes it off, at least I hope she doesn't. 

"Noah." 

"Yea." I responded and snapped out of the little 'wow she's an angel' trance

"I don't want you dead." She told me in all seriousness

"Why do you even care?" I turned away, mad, waiting for her response

"Why do I care?! Why does there have to be a reason?!" She stood and started talking with her hands, "Noah, what you did at the theatre hurt me!" 

"And you saying 'no' to going to hang out with me?! That didn't hurt me when I saw you there with Charlotte?!" 

"I finished early and all I've been doing is hanging out with you! What about Charlotte, Rosie, and Kiera!?" She yelled, "What about them! Am I not suppose to spend time with my best friends?!"

"What about them!?" I yelled, throwing a dart at her, "What you did was wrong! You didn't have to go behind my back!" 

The dart flew at her and just missed her head. Gwen's eyes grew wide and she opened her mouth in shock, "You-!"

"Gwen. Oh my god Gwen! I'm so sorry!" I quickly stood and started walking toward her

She held up her hand and turned, grabbing her coat from the floor. Gwen quickly put it on and slung her purse on her shoulder, then before closing the door she uttered one thing, "For the record, Noah, I am not your girlfriend. Quit acting like I am." 

The door was slammed shut and it took me a couple of seconds to realize what was going on. That's when mom came up, "What's going on up here and why are you two slamming doors?!" 

I threw a pillow at her, but hit the door frame instead, "None of your fucking business!!!"