A chapter updated soon to clear off your doubts. Brace yourselves and be strong, we are going to face this. I read all of your comments in the previous update and I lacked words to reply to them, please comment and let me know your views. In shaa Allah, I would soon regain my strength and reply back >3

Bismillah hir Rahman nir Raheem.

Five days later.

Jesima laid on the soft mattress of the king-sized bed, her gaze fixed on the delicately decorated ceiling of the hotel room she had been staying in for a week.

Her breathing became hoarse, her throat clogged and no matter how many tears she shed, her heart felt the same raw pain, again and again. A drop escaped and rolled out of her right eye socket, it went on a straight line to wet her hair behind her ear.

Her Aashiq betrayed her.

Not once did she think that Aashiq was capable of doing such a silly mistake and had the audacity to lie in front of her, saying he just forgot with such carelessness. Her heart didn't break for not getting her project selected in the University rather it broke the moment, Aashiq's selfless love turned selfish.

Her Aashiq lied to her.

Heck, It would be an understatement of the century if she denied the fact that she liked him. 'like' was a small word to describe what she felt for Aashiq. She tried her best to not fall for him, not anytime soon but for the first time in her life, she failed in her determination. From a scratch, love started to sprout inside her, and being with him made it grow into something so much big that she often felt surprised to see how much she had started to feel for him. She fell for him whenever he was around. All the walls, she built around herself crumbled to ashes. All her waves found their shore. All her maps lead to him. All her flowers bloomed for him. All the clouds of love, she saved throughout her life gathered to rain on him and just as they were about to shed those pearl drops, he came like the blazing sun and made them disperse away. He ruined them. Ruined her in the process. Shattered her into shards.

Her Aashiq broke her trust.

She dreamt of living a life for the needy, to care and to take care of them. For the oppressed, to give and to shelter them. For the sick, to treat and to cure them. She dreamt of spreading her wings and protecting all the innocents inside those fragile feathers. She dreamt of a life where she would live for others but her plans were snatched away, she was told to make a choice, to think about marrying someone which eventually lead her to agree and to tie a knot with Aashiq. His arrival opened the cage she lived in and he made her fly high without any boundaries set. There wasn't any compulsion from his side or any full stops. He made her the person she was today.

And for him, to be with him and to live a life with him, she set her dreams to the side.

If he had asked her to stop dreaming, she would have stopped herself from doing the chore. If he had asked her to stop working, she would have stopped herself from going to the job. If he wanted to control her, she would have let him control her but he didn't ask that. Instead, he played with her, made her believe that he truly cared about her wishes, and the moment she entrusted him with the keys of her trust, he lost them. Now, even if she searched for her entire life, she wouldn't be able to find them, find it in herself to trust someone more than she did on Aashiq.

He was her everything and now, she felt numb. She loathed herself to have come under his wisps, to have given her heart completely that presently, she lacked the beating organ in her body. For it only pumped his name.

The snow continued to downpour on the city. The five-day vacation she planned to celebrate with him, only passed by sulking on a corner of a hotel room she checked in that fateful night. The next day was New year's but she had been called in for work.

Jesima got up from the bed and went to switch on her phone that laid dead on the table she had put on the night she started staying in the room. She had switched it off because she did not wanted to be disturbed by anyone. She wanted to spend some me-time, where there weren't any chaos caused by people instead wanted to face the chaos her brain rattled with.

The moment the screen of her phone turned bright, the device started to ring. She knew it wouldn't be Aashiq. She told him to stay away from her and her gut told her that he wouldn't disturb her unless she lets him to.

The amount of time she spent alone did not lead her to come to the conclusion. She was yet to figure out how she would react to see him around in the same house.

Rafa's name flashed on the screen and a surprised gasp left her lips. She swiped the screen to answer. "Assalamu Alaikum. Rafa, the last time I checked we dont celebrate New Year's---".

She was cut short by Rafa's overwhelming voice which was filled with emotions of great rage. " Wa alaikum assalam. Where the hell did you keep your phone? If you planned to keep it on silent mode, you better throw it in the water. It would silently rest in peace".

Jesima raised her hands in surrender even though Rafa was not anywhere near by her range. "Woah! What was that? Is everything alright?".

" With you hibernating like a bear, how will everything be normal?".

"What do you mean?".

" Jesima, it's fine to act on impulse but I didn't know you can fall to this level. Do you even have the sense to listen to the other person about the reason why they committed the mistake you assumed they did?".

"Rafa, if it's about Aashiq. I am not in the mood--".

" Shut up, Jesima. You did more than enough".

Jesima laughed out loud. "So now all the blame is on me? Not on the one who broke my trust? Not on the one who fell so low to keep his love to himself?".

" Are you blind?".

"Are you deaf? He accepted his guilt in front of you all--".

" Jesima, I knew you were stupid but I didn't think you would be this stupid. He accepted in front of everyone because he didn't commit any mistake in the first place".

Jesima's heart stopped beating on its chest, her blood ran cold, her fingers froze holding the phone. "What do you mean?".

When Jesima heard Rafa tell the truth, she wasn't a speck angry with Rafa for forgetting to submit the file rather she was angry with herself. Her heart won the race, leaving her brain on the road. No matter, how much she withered and cried, her heart didn't agree with the reality. That was the sole reason why she stayed at the hotel for five consecutive days, to fix it in her trecherous heart which beats his name, that everything has happened and there was no turning back. That Aashiq had done the damage of breaking her and there was no repair.

Hearing the truth was like a bucket of water-thrown her way, drenching her wet with tears to shed all over again but this time not due to the fact that she got hurt rather for the fact that she hurt the person she loved.

...

Aashiq opened his eyes, barely registering his surroundings. He got up to a sitting position on the rug he was unconscious all this while. A fresh set of tears rented his eyes at the thought of-separation.

Being alone in this large bungalow, perhaps no one noticed that the master/owner who went to grab a glass of water nearby his nightstand, fell to the ground. Blackness screened his eyes and oblivion invited him for a peak view.

He sat there for several minutes. His head pounded and his stomach grumbled. At first, he thought it was because of hunger but when his eyes laid on the food that covered the whole length of the dining table, nausea bubbled in his chest. His appetite ran away.

For the last week, all he did was to scorch in his agony. He didn't sleep, he didn't eat, he didn't do anything.

He was hurt.

'I feel disgusted to see you'

Jesima's words rang bells in his ears. Did he do something that unworthy to have heard those words? He was too pure to be cut with venom. His heart sored with pain and started to bleed due to loneliness.

He closed his eyes shut, to let the moisture to flow out. He got up and walked up to his study table. By now, he was completely aware that something was wrong with him.

Jesima was his everything and without her, there was nothing left off of him. He prayed to Allah to bless her a life filled with paths of roses, gulping the clot that formed in his throat.

The flipbook that he drew with so many dreams, dreams of living a reality in which she would eternally be in his arms, laughed and mocked at him, made him doubt himself-whether he would live a day in which it would become true. For the first time, negativity ran through his veins, making him believe the inception was the ultimate truth. True to its word, when the flipbook was turned from the opposite direction and the pages flipped with a huge speed; The girl who was about to accept the boy's heart held her hands to herself, the boy stood up from kneeling, there were stars in the girl's night sky but with each flip of the book, the boy vanished.

Aashiq choked in his breathing. There was a life that awaited for Jesima but he was no more a part of it. He grabbed his pen from it's stand. He lifted the nib over the page to bleed the words which his heart refused to believe.

Aashiq - the lover

What is a lover, they ask: A lover, my dear, is one who has died far before he is buried,
he dies a thousand deaths while still breathing
the death of his desires, the death of his dignity, and the death of the future he once dreamt with you.

A lover is one who has torn
himself apart to complete you.
who has poured himself into you until he is empty.

A lover is, my dear, one who you fell in love with too late,
one who has longed for you while being next to you,
longing for the future he wants but knows he cannot have,
longing to reach out and grab it,
longing, begging, crying to hold on and not let go,
who waited patiently for you, battling the storms and the cold,
tearing himself apart to keep you warm.

A lover is one who doesn't know what tomorrow will bring
yet hopes it is with you, you in his arms, safe and secure, protected from the world he knows is too cruel. A lover is the one who will wait for you in the end,
hoping for a forever in Heaven,
amongst the lush green fields, countless beds of roses, and palaces of pearls, he will wait for you alone.

A lover, my dear, is not fit for this transient life because a lover is too fragile and precious for this
world, he wants a forever and not
just today.
He is Aashiq, a lover born to die.

As he finished penning his heart out, he pulled the tissue from its pouch and wiped his nose, the white paper-like thing got smudged with blood.

He shook his head in ignorance, a cry left his lips, a moan of pain commenced to seer through his rib cage and he finally, choked and sobbed to let the pain out. The one-sided love/feelings he had caged inside him roared with intensity and he broke down the and there. The blue inked words smudged with saltwater. He put his head on the table and wailed his heart out.

He didn't know how much he cried but even after crying, he didn't feel any light. The same burden weighed his shoulders. He begrudgingly wiped his face and sat staring at nothing in particular. His brain stopped reasoning and numbness started to rent his soul.

After a few minutes, his fingers closed the journal of his thoughts-his love, his desire, and his deepest wishes, only to open it again. He read through his words, blinking his blurry eyes at the love he held and which he still has to give, to provide, to bestow on Jesima.

The pain wouldn't leave him until he would offer all the love he had in himself to her and it will wash away only if she accepts it with open hands.

He was just reading through the journal when he saw something out of place, something new, something which was added as an addition to his words. His hands stilled at the task of flipping the pages and his vision froze on the spot which was scribbled a testament he begged to hear.

Please don't forsake me, love.
-I won't

He smiled through his tears. Like a kid who would rejoice when he is handed chocolates, Aashiq grinned. He didn't know when would Jesima return back to him but for now, he had something to believe-he had her word. He had her testament that no matter what happens, she wouldn't leave his side and that was enough for him to spend a lifetime.

Aashiq got up, determination glazed in his eyes. He knew Jesima wouldn't like him to help her but he was the one who was responsible to what happened that day and he was the one who asked Rafa to submit the document. He would turn the world to fulfill her wish of building the internship camp in Palestine along with the hospital like the way, she desires. He pulled on his jacket tugging it along with his car keys. He quickly set the car to start and excited about the lengthy pathway of his house and within a blink of any eye, he was out on the road.

His car sped with so much speed that he failed to see the other car get inside the huge gates of his house. Jesima jumped out of the door once the car halted near the marble staircase that lead to their threshold. She wiped her eyes and ran inside. She had already wasted so many days. She didn't felt embarrassed to apologize and beg for Aashiq's forgiveness. All that moment she desired and craved was to be in his arms, now and forever.

Jesima opened Aashiq's room door with a thud, her rational thinking expected him to be there but due to her unfortunate fate, he wasn't. She called aloud his name and walked inside, her eyes glazing. She wanted him. She wanted him so badly. She couldn't even will herself to think what Aashiq might have felt all these days waiting patiently for her to reciprocate what he felt when even a second of wait felt like a year for her. She screamed his name again but his reply didn't come instead her voice echoed throughout the empty household.

Her eyes landed on the open journal and she quickly walked up to it, her vision searched through the page. He has finally seen that she has read his journal. Maybe, seeing the unruly scribbled letters of her handwriting 'I won't ' would have acted as a balm on his pain, she consoled herself.

" Monkey, I would never leave you. There is no future for me without you", she squeezed her eyes shut and whimpered with agony.

...

Jesima saw the tissue covered with red patches of blood. Her body froze at the sight.

From where and how did the blood come?

Her total concern was focussed on Aashiq. She wailed to Allah to keep him safe. The light snow drizzled over her body, as she stood still. Even in the extreme cold, she didn't shiver because her own body was giving her cold treatment for treating Aashiq the way she did.

She gazed at the waning crescent, the half ring-shaped moon. It was the time to let go and fully surrender. If Aashiq makes his appearance now, she would surely surrender herself to him. She laughed at her own joke. Who was she kidding? Aashiq wouldn't accept her surrendering herself to him. He would like to have her the way she is. He would love to see her marching towards her success. He would smile seeing her happy and he would tear up seeing her cry because he was born with kindness.

When did I get so lucky?

Is there any validity that my lucky charm would be with me for forever?

"You are going to get a cold", someone draped their jacket over her shoulders.

She let out a breath of relief and turned around only to gasp at the sight of Aashiq's worn-out face. Guilt gnawed her insides. Her brain failed to present her the dictionary of words to speak, to apologize, to tell aloud how much she liked him.

She just stared at his eyes. For the first time, she lacked words. The words to speak about her feelings.

Aashiq broke his eyes from her, took her palm in his, and placed a paper on it. " I am sorry. I know you dont like to have my help but after all, I am your husband, your supporter, I should be the one to give you a hand when you fall. That's how this relationship would go. I contacted the hospital and directly met your Dean to give us another chance but it was too late for submission. That's why I reached the Government to grant us permission and your Dean was ready to support us medically, Jesima", he smiled, his dimples which she adored came in view. " Don't worry Habibti, we will fix this together. This paper gives us the authority of our claim", he pressed her hand in assurance, "I am so sorr--", she retrieved her palm from his grasp, only to put it above his lips, to stop him from blabbering things which would cause her more guilt to weigh over her shoulders.

Jesima wanted to throw that paper away and show him that it doesn't matter anymore to her but it was his Mehnat, she didn't had any right to do so.

She hugged him instead, taking him by surprise. He hugged her back and clutched her tight.

Aashiq felt moisture wetting his shirt, so he slowly pulled away and made Jesima look at him. " Why are you crying?".

Jesima smiled with her tears, her gaze tread through his face, midnight black which messily fell over his forehead, his long and thick eyebrows, his greyish-green orbs which shined like stars yet with the dark circles on, his straight and slim nose, the beautiful beard that gardened his face and to his pink lips. "I am not crying", she dismissed.

" Then what are they?", Aashiq pointed towards the tears that stained her face.

"These are Tears of Love", Jesima wiped her eyes. "They are a vow to show how much you mean to me. Nothing matters to me more than you, Aashiq. You mean the world to me. I love you".

Aashiq's heart melted into a puddle, the words he waited for so long to hear were finally been said, and he heard, he heard them with all of his heart and soul. He pulled her face towards his chest and kissed her hair twice, shutting his own eyes in the process who blurred and mirrored her expression.

" I love you more".

Jesima again pulled away, she wiped his eyes. "I am sorry for hurting you Aashiq. Please tell me you will forgive me or else I would die with this guilt--".

" I am not angry with you, Jesima".

"That doesn't mean I didn't hurt you".

Aashiq went quiet and contemplated for a moment. " On one condition".

"What is it?".

" Promise me you would never leave me again".

Jesima's reply was immediate. "I promise. I would never leave you. Marna bhi hai tho bhi tumhaare baahon mein marungi (If I have to die, I would die in your arms)".

" I forgive you. Don't talk about death this soon, we are going to live a long life ahead in shaa Allah".

Jesima grinned and finally felt peace. They hugged each other one more time, their hearts found the rhythm to their music, found the reason to beat and the two heats started coaxing into one.

After a long time when they pulled away, her eyes landed on the red moisture that leaked from his nose. Her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, "Aashiq, your nose is bleeding", she pointed out.

....

"I love when you treat me like a kid", Aashiq said, his hand grazing the seat belt that binded him in the backseat.
Jesima didn't let him drive and instead asked the driver to take them to the hospital.

" I simply love being with you, Aashiq. Each second we spend together makes me crave for more. I wait for the time you come back home from work. I anticipate each opportunity that would lead me to talk to you. I don't treat you like a kid, I treat you with care. Beware, this is just the start. In the future, you would wish to run away from me because of my extra caring self".

Aashiq took hold of her hand and his dimples curved down his cheeks. "I would never get tired of it".

" Let's see", Jesima chuckled.

They both had a light chat but that didn't take away the slight fear that gripped her on the corner of her mind. She feared that the smiles with which they were going wouldn't be with them when they would return.

Perhaps, it might be the calm before the storm. The storm which would uproot the strong roots that grew with each passing day, the strong stem would break down, the leaves would crumble and the flowers that bloomed once would shed down like rain.

Soon enough they found themselves seated in front of the Primary care Physician. Jesima didn't know who he was but recognised his familiar face, for they studied their masters in the same batch. He was also a fresher when it came to work, just like her. It was New year's night and most of the Doctors were on vacation and only a few were available. His eyes recognized her immediately not just because she was in his batch but because she was also the one who won gold.

Jesima revealed about the frequent nose bleed Aashiq was undergoing. He nodded in understanding and he turned towards Aashiq.

"Do you feel dizzy or any other trouble?".

" I fell unconscious today", Jesima gasped looking at Aashiq, so he turned towards her, "You want me to tell everything I feel right?".

" Yes".

"Let me", Aashiq pressed her hand in assurance which he held under the table. " I slightly feel dizzy but most of the time, my head is pounding".

"Since when are you having these symptoms?".

"For two weeks now".

"He got his temperature very high last week. His fever didn't subside with ibuprofen and I changed his medication more powerful, that's when the fever came under control", Jesima said.

" I need you to take a few tests. For now, you may go with a CT scan".

" A CT scan?", Jesima coughed.

"Yes", The Doctor replied.

" I think it's mostly because of the high fever he had. His body might be feeling very weak and the lack of nutrition, may have caused him dizziness".

The Doctor chuckled. "Doctor Jesima, it's alright for you to feel protective of your husband but as a doctor who is treating him, I should think more professionally, keeping my emotions at bay. It's just a test, after all, if we find something out of place, it may help us to cure him".

Jesima pursed her lips shut and Aashiq laughed at her embarrassed face.

A CT scan is a type of scan that can be taken to diagnose and decide what type of treatment you would need or to check whether the treatment you are previously undergoing is effective or not. The scan uses X-rays and a computer to put them together. This scan can be taken anywhere in your body and they take cross pictures that would give a clear view of the said body parts.

Aashiq was given a dye called contrast medium which would help to make the scan clearer. A drip was enjoined in his elbow which would assist the dye that he took in before.

There was a bed stretched like a roller, situated in the middle of the machine which would go back and forth. Aashiq was made to lay down straight. Tears filled Jesima's eyes. " Habibti! Everything is going to be alright", he smiled in order not to make her feel weak. He kept his emotions in wraps.

She nodded and went out of the room to stand and see through the glass separation.

The radiographer started the procedure and it took a few minutes. When he finally came out, Jesima hugged him. "I am fine, Jesima. Don't worry", he assured her by wrapping his arms around her petite form.

The doctor told them that they would get the result by eleven in the morning.

Jesima sighed and sat on one of the benches that lined the corridor. Aashiq dropped beside her. Even though she was a doctor who worked in the same hospital, it was a rule in their country to not reveal information in secret.

Jesima closed her tired eyes and Aashiq watched her every move. " Hey! Do you plan on staying here all night?".

Jesima opened her eyes. "Why? Do you have better plans?".

As if in reply the sound of rockets bursting filled the air and they looked out through the windows behind them. The night sky was soon filled by several thousands of crackers, bursting into beautiful variations of colors. Everyone chanted, " Happy New Year".

Aashiq smiled mischievously. "I have better plans", he clasped her fingers in his and started towards the exit.

That night was the best night of her entire lifetime. They had so much fun watching the firecrackers from the park, then they strolled through the streets, they chatted and laughed. They moved in and out of shops, drank one cup of hot chocolate sharing with each other, smiled, and reminisced each moment.

They went to malls, played small rides, and went ice skating holding each other's hands.

For a moment, they both were so lost that they forgot that something bad, something terrible awaited for them to be revealed. When it would get itself revealed, all the fun, all the enjoyment they were undergoing, would forever be deprived.

When morning rolled by, they came back to the hospital. Jesima lead Aashiq to her cabin. " Wait here, I will go ask Samra and Rafa to take over my shift today".

Aashiq silently agreed and took a seat. "You may even lay on the bed except you are the first male to lay there because mostly that bed has ladies, who come to get vaginas and uterus checked".

Aashiq scrunched his face in disgust and Jesima laughed at the sight of his red face. Her attempt to distract him and her from the anxiety was accomplished.

Soon enough, they both again found themselves facing the same doctor, seated in the same cabin. Their hand gripped together with the same force they had when they first sat in those chairs, beside each other. Their hearts were in their throat. Their heartbeats were loud enough to be heard from a distance.

Jesima tried to calm her nerves by looking around the cabin of the doctor. He seemed genuine and caring. The small quotes written on posters were stuck on the wall behind him, to the side laid a small table with a bowl in which a golden fish swam, giving hope to the onlooker. There were small indoor plants that lined the corners. Everything gave hope except for her. Giving hope in situations like this can be helpful but no matter how much you give hope, at the end of the day, they should will themselves listen to the report and they have to know what was inside it.

The Doctor read silently went through the file, a grim expression took over his features and before he said anything, dread settled in the pit of their stomachs. Though Aashiq showed that he wasn't scared or was he anxious, Jesima felt the wetness in his fingers. The sweat that excreted from his palms. Aashiq ran his other hand through his hair, he uncomfortably shifted in his seat and patted his shoes on the wooden floor with impatience.

Jesima wanted to say that there wasn't going to be anything wrong with him but her doctor's brain told things which were out of the picture, doubts which led her to lose the rhythm of her breathing. She palpitated and felt out of place. She wanted to run far away from the chaos- each passing juncture of silence that stretched out around them. It was heart-wrenching. The noise of negativity echoed through the small cabin which otherwise gave hope. She wanted to scream and tell the world that nothing is going to happen to her Aashiq. She wanted to rip her throat out and wail with pain. Willingly, she braced herself and mirrored what Aashiq was doing, controlling not to portray his emotions and spill them all over the niche.

The doctor looked up and addressed them with his gaze fixed on the couple, his hazel eyes turned like a well of sorrow." I told you Jesima, I am not suffering from any disease. I am alright, there is nothing wrong with me. I am perfectly healthy" Aashiq nervously chuckled.

The doctor's face told otherwise. Their heartbeats stopped for a moment. That one second of a wait to hear the truth weighed them like thousand ages passed in a desert island searching for their mirage. "I am sorry", the doctor shook his head and Jesima held tight to Aashiq's hand and for a moment, she forgot to breathe." I am sorry to disclose to you that the symptoms were caused due to glioblastoma".

" It's a deadly type of tumor that forms in the brain".

The world started to rotate and crush itself on their shoulders. It felt like a thunder strike, the world went numb, their blood ran cold, their hands froze, their hearts stopped beating. The world they planned to create in each other's arms started to disintegrate into a faraway dream. Jesima left out the breath she was holding and it came out hoarse and more like a choked up sob. She couldn't will herself to look up at Aashiq.

Aashiq fiercely withdrew his hand from her grasp and stood up with such force that the chair he was sitting all along, fell to the ground. "Listen. This is my life, not an absurd joke, alright? Nothing is wrong with me. I am fine and believe me when I say I am fine because I am fine for real", he screamed at the doctor and Jesima jolted in her seat at the fury his voice laced.

Aashiq didn't even wait for her to get up and stormed out of the room. Jesima gaped at the sight of his departure and the force with which he went by. She apologetically looked up at the doctor. " It's alright to react like the way he did. I understand and I have seen far many cases worst than this. He is reacting in an impulse because I dropped a bomb on him about a disease which perhaps, has no chance of recovery".

***

Anyone, planning to murder me?

I am here and I am all ears. Sue me with your reviews.

Btw
The poem about Aashiq-The Lover was written by
hvfsa_ / su_shhii
Well, both are the same.