Tears from Alec

Curse

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Alec's

I was born with this curse. I considered it a curse ever since I learnt about it. People would say I'm still lucky that I am physically stable but they don't really know what's happening inside me. It freaks the hell out of me.

The cause of this personality disorder is still unknown. A genetic or environmental factors could play a role with this however, there is a higher risk of possibility if you came with a family of schizophrenics. Kung minamalas ka nga naman ay isa ako sa sampung tao na nagkaroon nito.

If I would to wish for something, I would wish for this curse to disappear.

I am having troubles in socializing with other people. I prefer to be alone and do things on my own rather than making close relationships with somebody else. In short, I am distant and detached.

In accordance with this, I have difficulties in expressing strong emotions. I rarely do. I don't show any emotion. Neither anger, compassion, sadness, happiness or even grievance in someone's death. And because of this, people tend to think of me as I don't care about others or even on what's happening around me.

But after that day, after that untimely meeting with that annoying woman, my life became completely different from the way it used to be.

She's clingy, I must say but I don't give a damn until she started to ruin my peaceful life. Or was it really peaceful in the first place?

I don't want her to meddle in my life so I build my own kind of barriers to stop her but she successfully broke all of it and made her own way. I didn't stop though, I rebuild them.

Until, suddenly, slowly, I just found myself breaking my own massive barriers. Hinayaan ko siyang makapasok sa buhay ko at 'yun na ata ang pinaka-pinagsisisihan kong desisyon na nagawa ko.

I lost her.

And that's when I though that she already changed me. She changed everything about me. And I wasn't able to say those words to her until she left me alone.

She's my first time in everything.

For the first time, I created a close relationship with someone.

For the first time, I cared for somebody else.

For the first time, I showed strong emotions.

And for the fucking first time, I cried because of her.

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