The whole day before the club meets in the store, my insides squirm, and shake themselves up, they go bobbing and knotting and thumping under my ribs.

I don't know how to teach signing to people. Parro said he'd translate and help teach but he also said I had to be there so what if I actually end up trying to teach everything and Parro barely says anything?

What if Mackere's there? I don't know anything about her, what if she doesn't know I can't hear?

She probably doesn't know I can't hear.

I count boxes in the back; should I start teaching about pronouns or maybe objects or what about verbs? Then I start over counting at the beginning of the shelf since I lost track, we have a lot of extra boxes in the back room, maybe we should ask Da to stop making boxes again, or we could start selling them and probably make a big profit. The prices are still inflated because of the volcano eruption, the people down in the city haven't calmed down yet or maybe Ange and the other stores on the street are still trying to eke out extra money before they all cut their prices to outcompete each other.

I mean, with prices still inflated, we could start selling boxes at a big price and no one would complain about how our boxes have suddenly shot up in price since they had no price before this. Then we could make a big deal out of making them half-off their "original price" when the inflation nonsense stops, and that'll make people feel like they're getting a good bargain.

I start over counting the boxes because I've lost track again, how am I supposed to teach signing? Maybe I'll start with objects, like kitchen tools. Pot, bread, stove. My swim bladder's all in knots, making me float, and I lose count again so I have to paddle down to the floor using my wrist fins because the inventory paper's puttied to the bare floor, I scratch out this third square for counting numbers and start over counting the boxes.

***

Ange and Parro move a display of shorts off a table, they start pushing away lots of other tables and shelves to open up the whole center of the store with just the lone table in it and I take a bunch of shirts and drop them into an empty box in the back, I return from the back room to this exposed arena, bobbing from the floor to the ceiling then into the back room like I've forgotten something but I haven't I roll out my neck.

"Are you okay?" Parro signs, calmly sprawling on the white wood table weighed down with something inside each of the six table legs.

"How do you teach signing?" I ask, fins fluttering to keep me clear of the ceiling.

Ange flutters from the checkout counter, silver glinting in his hand. "Does anyone know where the key to the back door is? I can only find the lockbox and the front door ones."

"I thought we threw it away," Parro signs.

"I don't think so."

"Why do you need it? We never lock it anyway."

"I know, I just thought I knew where it was but I don't."

I scrub my hands together at the thought of oily cold keys, my back fins quiver. "Parro, I don't know how to teach someone to sign."

Parro holds up a finger to Ange. "Nudibranc, we'll all be here, it'll be a team effort," then he turns to Ange, "did we stick it in the house somewhere?"

My head bumps the ceiling and I spin upside down so I can pretend vaguely like I'm calm enough to sit down. Flakes of black mud drift against the ceiling, we should clean the ceiling more.

"I don't think we did, but I don't know," Ange signs, silver things glinting in his hand.

A pulse vibrates through the front door. My heart drops. Or rises?

It tries pounding out of me into the ceiling.

I flip over and my right arm twitches jerkily and Parro shouts something and the door opens.

Sta and Mackere come in, Mackere holding a box of brittle cookies, Sta's wide-toothed and arm-looped to Mackere.

My swim bladder knots up and I sink to the floor. I can't start off teaching them how to sign kitchen things, we have no kitchen things here to demonstrate with, of course I can't start off teaching kitchen things. My gaze speeds over the store, in my head I slow-motion do the signs for "hat" "table" "shelf" "wood" "money," my heart bangs against my bones and I mentally repeat the signs again, my brain might freeze up and forget these words I use every day under the studious stare of all Parro and Ange's friends.

Ange swims into the back room--with no keys, so he's put them in the checkout counter shelves somewhere. Parro and Sta laugh. Mackere stares at me and I stare at the box of cookies, maybe she has no clue where to put them, brand new to this club. "Cookies" I practice signing in my head. "Arm" "leg" "fin" "gill" "mouth" "water" "box" "hat" "table" "shelf" "wood" "money."

My swim bladder loosens up so I start floating from the floor, Mackere's got her eyes half-lidded at me, I half-heartedly paddle to keep myself level in the water. "Water" "box" "cookies" "table" "eyes" "swim" wait that's a verb "fin" "box" "door" "glass" Parro and Ange laugh at something and another pulse from the front door makes my heart give out, the door sign has been switched to closed, that's good, no interruptions but

I don't want to teach anyone how to sign not ever.

***

I sit behind the box of brittle cookies. At the round table, everyone's arranged themselves like a color gradient, but not really, silver-gray and yellow-green and red-orange and blue-gray quite mottled and mismatched.

Everyone floats around the table, but I have to keep paddling to keep myself from either floating up or sinking down, though I don't think anyone notices.

I've got the box of brittle cookies on the mostly-empty table right in front of me and I pretend it's shielding me, slightly.

Mackere signs out "I'm doing fine, how are you?" (or technically "I fine, you?" for proper signing grammar) again and Parro replies back. Ange practices with Hamme and Sta. Anemon and I got assigned together, staring across the table, a box of cookies shielding me not at all really.

"How are you?" I ask him.

"I like, you?"

I wobble my hand sideways; everyone's learned that symbol faster than any other, it means "not quite" or "maybe" or "sort of iffy," or something like "almost!" if you smile right.

I don't smile right. Anemon deflates. I slowly do the proper motions to him to say I'm doing fine, how about you?

He slowly signs back, pauses halfway through. He must have forgotten how to say "you."

I sign again to say I'm doing fine, how are you? And he repeats it, alright this time. I try to smile right at him, and he nods.

I tap Parro's shoulder. He and Mackere pause. Mackere smiles at me. "Should we keep practicing I'm fine, how are you?" I ask Parro. "Or do some other stuff?"

Anemon's glancing between us. I remind myself, there's a box of cookies shielding me; however flimsy and thin the box.

Parro shrugs. "We could start teaching them hello and goodbye and stuff."

I slowly nod.

I don't know how to do that. I can say "hello" to Anemon, but how's he going to know it means "hello?"

Also, we've learned hardly any objects.

"Are we going to teach hello and goodbye together, or is it just me and Anemon again?"

"Mackere's mastered this stuff," Parro glances at Ange, who bursts out laughing, and Sta flails her hands about, whacking Hamme's shoulder. "I'm guessing they," his eyes flick between the three of them, "are still a work in progress."

Parro says something aloud, signing to me at the same time that we can teach Mackere and Anemon, and Ange can teach Sta and Hamme, and we can split the students into pairs so they can practice with each other.

"Okay," I sign back, my back fins tense, feet paddling to keep me from sinking to the floor.

Are we really doing this for the students to be in pairs, or are we doing this because I need Parro to help me teach anything?

Parro and Anemon talk aloud, I tell that thought to go away, I flex my fingers behind the shield of the cookie box; this is better than me teaching everything on my own, right?

Parro signs to me, "let's demonstrate for them. I'll say hello, you say goodbye," he pauses. "Hello," he signs.

"But that's super easy," I sign. I start floating upward so I pause to paddle downwards. "Goodbye."

"They need super easy. Hello."

"Goodbye. Is that good enough? Goodbye?"

Parro turns to Anemon and Mackere. Vibrations bounce between them, mouths moving until Parro says something and they stop. Anemon signs, "I'm fine, how are you? Hello."

Mackere signs. "Goodbye. I'm fine, you?"

"I'm fine, you?" Anemon signs. "Goodbye. Hello. Hello."

Parro starts laughing, so Ange and Sta pause and stare at him. "This is so hilarious," Parro signs, saying something aloud too. "I can't handle it."

"Hello," Hamme signs over Sta's shoulder. "Goodbye. I'm fine, you?" Sta turns and jabs them with her elbow.

"Hello," she signs. "I'm fine, you?"

"Goodbye," Hamme signs. I'm sinking to the floor but I don't bother keeping myself afloat, I sink out of sight beneath the table.

Is everyone laughing a good thing? Are they having fun? Or are they making fun of this? Same as my aching swim bladder, I don't think I can tell up from down anymore. Metaphorically. Or, socially. Words-ly. With words. Up for fun, down for making fun. Is this what it feels like having fun?