5 days ago

Gabi

Nasaan na ba si Lee? 

I drink the last shot at the table then walk and search for him.

"Hey, Gabi!" Rinig kong tawag saakin ni Celine, but I didn't bother to look. She just want some chismis, that's why she's with me. Oh plastics. Buti na lang I've been in the right group of friends. I really love them.

But the hell, where's Lee? Kanina lang magkasayaw kami. Then when I closed my eyes while swaying my hips, pagdilat ko he's nowhere to be found.

Buti na lang wala pa akong masyadong naiinom, I still have the strength to walk straight. Tumaas na rin siguro yung tolerance ko, since I've been so frequent at the club.

Simula ata nung naghiwalay sila Mommy and Daddy, hindi na ko maka-iwas sa club.

Ate Patty said I should quit clubbing, dahil wala naman daw magandang naidudulot 'yun saakin, at it's just making my situation worst. But no, besides the fact that I'm enjoying, dito ko na-meet si Lee, this is the reason why I have him now. So I'm not quitting.

After all, I'm not regretting involving myself into the world of club. Kundi dahil sa decision kong mag-club, kung ano man ang meron saamin ni Harold might not be existing.

I squint when I pass by group of smokers. Kahit na electric cigarette ang gamit nila, i still don't like the smoke coming out. And by the way, what's the idea of smoking? I really don't get it. They just make their lungs suffer. I really don't like guys who smoke, major turn off.

Buti na lang si Lee, he's not into smoking, pero drinking? Sobrang addict talaga, Kaya sobrang magkasundo kami, specially in drinking, kaya siya ang lagi kong kasama sa club.

Unfortunately, ako lang ang umiinom talaga saaming lima, kaya si Lee lang ang nakakasama ko sa ganito. They aren't drinking unless may special ocation, and minimal lang if ever.

But anyways, I still can't find Harold! Ano ba 'yan!

Where's my phone ba?

Bakit ngayon ko lang naisipan na itext siya?

Kinapa ko 'yung bulsa ko, then remembered that I don't have a pocket, dahil naka dress ako. I left my purse at the table, and I'm freckin' far away from I was earlier. I don't want to walk between people again! 

'Yung iba kasi dito, mga feelingerang frog lang, 'yung masabi lang na nag-club sila, kaya mga nagfifeeling night club people. Imbis na matuwa ako dahil mas dumadami na ang tao dito sa club nila Harold, naiinis pa ako dahil ang mga dumadagdag na tao ay mga feelingera.

They were just going here and pump their asses then act like a fancy night girl. Sobrang nakakainis. Puro kaartehan lang naman ang alam, I can sense some of them aren't legal to go to clubs yet.

Nangawit na ako sa paglalakad, but I still can't find him. I tried going outside, pero mga kotse lang ang nakita ko doon.

I felt tired and stressed out, so I decided to go home. Kung nasan man si Lee, patay siya saakin bukas.

Why the hell he would leave me in the middle of the club? Is this a kind of a joke?

I hailed a cab, and hop in. I never bring my car kapag pupunta ako sa club. First, dahil 70% na malalasing ako, and I won't even have the courage to drive, Second, Lee will surely be drunk too, Third, I don't want to throw up inside my car, that's so... just ew.

Medyo naiiglip na ako sa Cab nang maalala ko na naiwan ko nga pala 'yung purse ko sa loob ng club.

"Shit." I hissed.

"Kuya, balik po tayo sa Xclusive." I said.

Pagkabalik ko sa club, agad akong nagpunta sa table namin kanina ni Celine. I saw her making out with some random guy i don't know. I just let them, and thank God that my purse was still there. 

After all, mayayaman naman pala talaga ang mga nandito, cause they didn't steal my purse. Hindi 'to pwede mawala, nandito ang phone ko. Phone is life. And besides, nandun ang memories namin ni Harold. It can't be gone.

Kinuha ko 'yung phone ko, but walang text or tawag si Lee. Hindi na ako tumawag o nagtext sakanya, naiinis na ako. Kung ganya lang pala ang gagawin niya saakin, dapat 'di na ako sumama sakanya dito.

I walk away to the club, dumaan na ako sa likod para 'di masyadong matao. 

Gosh those people! Why are they making out anywhere? Kahit sa hagdanan meron? Are they out of their mind? Is this a making out session? Me and Harold would never do that, lalo na sa hagdan? What if people will go down? So they'll have to interrupt you, and that's so awkward.

Tsk. People now a days.

My phone beeps. 

It's from Ate Patty. 

Woah. Himala, she's still awake. That's odd. Lagi siyang maagang natutulog, coz' she's afraid of eyebags. Kaya hindi talaga siya pwede mag-film. Imagine, she's invited to be in a horror movie, tapos magre-request siya kung pwedeng pang-umaga lang? 

May horror movie ba na umaga lang ang set? Gosh!

Patricia Soriano

Gabriella, please punta ka dito kila Bella. Please. She needs you...

"Fuck." I hissed. What happened?! What the hell?!

Another text, 

Michelle Dee

Gabi! Where are you? Punta ka dito kila Bella. NOW NA!

Is this a prank?

But... they're not that kind of person to do this kind of prank if it is...

Shit.

Binilisan ko ang lakad ko palabas. 

Wala na akong pakielam kung may mga nababangga na ako o may naabala na akong mga taong  nagme-make out.

But, suddenly, napahinto ako sa paglalakad nung makita ko sa labas si Lee...

KISSING A GIRL!

NO. NOT JUST KISSING! MAKING OUT WITH A GIRL!

FUCK.

He's caressing the back of the girl, and the girl's arm is in Lee's neck. And the girl is fucking moaning!

Fuck shit.

Just fuck.

Eto ba 'yung dahilan? Kung bakit siya nawala kanina? Putcha.

Hindi ko namalayan may luha na palang tumutulo sa mata ko.

Pinunasan ko 'yun agad.

Shit.

After almost 1 year, eto? Eto ang makikita ko?

Why now? Bakit ngayon pa siya nag-loko when I am already in love with him?

Putcha. 

They both get away from each other and their breathing heavily. 

Maglaplapan daw ba kasing parang wala nang bukas. 

"Gabi?" Wow! Kilala pa pala niya ako!

"I.. I can explain." Tumalikod na agad ako at nagsimulang mag-lakad.

Tears are falling down again, pero pinunasan ko agad. I don't want him to see me like this.

He doesn't deserve any of these tears.

Hinitak niya 'yung braso ko and make me face him.

"I'm sorry.. It's an accident.. I.. It shouldn't be like that..I'm-" I slapped himd as hard as I can.

Parang nabali ata'yung kamay ko sa pagkakasampal ko sakanya.

"Accident? Huh? Ano 'yun? Napatid siya sa'yo tapos nahalikan ka, tapos ayun 'di na siya makaalis kaya inenjoy niyo na lang? Ganun ba Alexander? Tangina pala." I shouted.

It hurts, it really fucking hurts, to see him kissing another girl.  Sobrang sakit na ilang buwan na kayong masaya, tapos biglang ganito. Ang sakit na ilang buwan ikaw yung hinahalikan niya tapos makikita mo siya ngayon na nakipaghalikan na parang wala ng bukas sa iba.

Parang sinasaksak 'yung puso ko ng ilang beses. 

"Ano? Ano ba nangyari ha? Okay naman tayo ah? Bakit mo 'to ginawa? Huwag mo sabihin glasing ka dahil kilala kita. You still know what you're doing kahit lasing ka. You have never done that. Kahit sobrang lasing ka na." Ano ba nag-sawa na ba siya?

"Gabriella..." 

"Bullshit Alexander! Answer me!" Tulo lang ng tulo 'yung mga luha ko. But I don't care anymore. All I need now is his answers.

"Give me a valid reason why did you do this. Are you fucking out of your mind? Akala ko ba gusto mo ako?"

Napahilamos siya ng mukha at napasuyod ng buhok.

"That was it Gabi, that was it. Gusto kita, pero hindi kita mahal. There's a difference. And I'm too tired being with you, ilang buwan kitang niligawan pero tangina, you're playing hard to get. Akala ko iba ka kasi, but no, you're just like other girls. I'm so tired, Gabi. I'm so tired showing up what I feel but all you do is ignore them and act like I'm the only one who likes you." He explained.

It's like every words he say are stabbing me multiple times.

"Fuck, Alexander. Fuck you. Kung ikaw gusto mo ako, ako kasi mahal kita. Pero ikaw, gusto mo palang ako nag-give up ka na. Nakakahiya naman sa'yo. Sorry ha? Sorry kung sobrang playing hard to get ako. But buti na rin na nangyari 'to, atleast now, I know you're not worth it for my feelings. Asshole." Sabi ko at pinunasan ang mga luha ko then walked away.

Tumakbo ako ng tumakbo hanggang sa nakalayo ako sa club.

I was running and running until nasa harap na ako ng isang rover na mabilis ang takbo.

I heard a long beep of sound and blinded by the strong light.

Napa-upo ako sa kalsada at napa-iyak. Bakit hindi pa ako sinagasaan? 'Yun na lang naman kulang, mamatay ako. Emotionally I'm already died. 

I hate this life! Kung kelan handa na akong mahalin siya, handa na akong maging kami talaga. 

I let out a heavy-fake laugh. 

Sino banaman ako para mag-reklamo? Eh hindi pa nga pala kami. 

Shit. Naalala ko, we're just fucking flings. 

That's the worst part, you don't have anything to hold on, kaya kahit anong gawin mo, wala. Wala talaga.

"Fuck you, Alexander Ramirez!" I said numerously at binato ang wedges ko. 

"Gabriella! Shit. What happened?!" May tumulong saaking lalaki.

"Dave?" I looked up at him shockingly.