A week had passed since Marshall broke up with me, and I'd like to say I was doing just fine.
But I'd be lying.
I was practically alone. Marshall was avoiding me and Fionna usually ditched me for him whenever it came down to the two of us. I shouldn't be mad though, it is exactly what I asked her to do. Make sure he's not alone for too long. It was just hard going through this without someone right by my side. I guess I had Cake to talk to, but it wasn't the same considering she's still in a loving relationship; she couldn't relate to me like her sister did.

Fionna had ended her and Flame's short relationship the day after the lunch incident, which brought her and Marshall even closer. They bonded over a breakup and a new dislike for the hot head. She mentioned Marshall not liking the fact that she broke up with her crush because of him, but she obviously ignored his opinion. Flame wasn't too happy about that either. He even confronted the duo a couple days ago, calling them slurs. Most of his hatred was focused on Marshall, of course, but he still managed to get out a few 'whore's and 'slut's at Fionna. Cake and Mono instantly defended her and were able to get Flame to leave, thankfully.

Flame and Cam were the new hot topic around school. They were seen everywhere together and, of course, were liked by everybody. (Mostly because they sold the best pot in the school but let's not get into that.) They spread their anti-Marshall propaganda around, starting mean rumors and other bullshit to the idiots that would believe it, and soon enough they spread like wildfire. It was almost like every week there was a new lie about him that sprung up.

"I heard that Marshall actually got held back but is just pretending to work here so that he can save his ego."

"I heard that all of Marshall's old friends ditched him because he's gay now."

"I heard that Gumball was only with Marshall out of pity, and broke up with him because he was getting too annoying to deal with."
Etc, etc.

It was hard on Marshall, I could tell. Anybody who had ever liked him in this school had turned on him. He was upset, and it showed. He carried himself differently, he didn't joke around as much like he always did, and he even looked different. There were always dark circles under his pained eyes, his hair wasn't as shiny and wavy as it used to be, he even wore duller clothes. It was like he wasn't even trying to put on that façade he used to wear back in school. As if he didn't have the energy to even fake being fine. That scared me, but at least I could see how bad he was getting.

So badly I just wanted to just hug him, and tell him that everything was going to be just fine. But he wouldn't talk to me. And when he did, he just replied with short, vague answers. It hurt that he was pushing me away. His actions filled my mind with obsessive thoughts about him hating me. Hating me for ruining his life. Hating me for making him look weak. Even hating me for how I looked. It made no sense and I knew it, but I couldn't stop the thoughts. They brought my self-confidence down. Thanks, OCD, for making me feel even more like shit!

I sighed and ran a hand though my hair, breaking the strands free from the stiff, solid hair gel. Marshall had said he liked my hair down. Made me look less prissy. But that didn't matter now. There was a movie playing on TV but I hadn't been paying attention. Some Adam Sandler film. I huffed and stood from the couch. Pepper watched me.

"I'm just gonna go to bed. I'm not feeling it tonight," I said. Pepper swallowed her mouthful popcorn and paused the movie.

"You sure? Aren't you going to mess up your routine? It's only nine." I had strict routines that I followed every morning and night. Everything had to be done at a specific time or else the whole day could go horribly wrong! There were exceptions, however. Like when something wasn't done thoroughly enough, or if I was sleeping over at someone else's house. Nonetheless, bed time was no earlier than ten, no later than ten thirty. That way I'd get exactly eight hours of sleep and still wake up around five thirty and start my morning routine. Ridiculous, I know.

"I'll catch up on some books, I guess. See you in the morning, Pepps." I started walking away.

"Wait, wait. Come back here," she called out. I did as I was told. Pepper's blue eyes watched me for a moment. "How are you doing?" She asked seriously.

I ran my hand through my hair again and shrugged. "I'm alright..." She watched me again. I looked away.

"It's okay to be sad, you know. Your allowed to feel upset." She offered her arm out on the couch and I accepted, curling up next to her. She rubbed my shoulder in a motherly fashion. I rested my head on her shoulder. "I know this rough but you're gonna get though it. All it takes is time. You're a strong kid, Barnaby. Strongest boy I know. You're gonna be just fine, I know it." She kissed the top of my head. This is what I needed right now. Just someone to tell me it was going to be okay.
"You're like a son to me, Barney. I love you so much and I hate to see you like this."

"I love you too, Pepper."

"That reminds me. I called your doctor, you have an appointment next week. I'm getting you help." I lifted my head up and looked at her. Her small hand found my cheek. "I should've gotten you help a long time ago. I'm sorry that I didn't, but I figured you'd just grow out of it. You did for a while, which I was glad about, but now it's back. So I'm getting you the help to overcome this obsessive compulsiveness once and for all. And also help with this breakup, too."

I smiled, "Thank you, Pepper." I gave her a hug and she returned it. I know not that long ago I had said I was doing just fine, and this OCD thing was tolerable, but since then it's gotten even worse. It wasn't tolerable anymore. I was spending hours upon hours every day cleaning and organizing stuff that was already neat and tidy. Doing normal, everyday tasks was hard because I didn't feel like I was doing them correctly, so I had to redo them until it was perfect. It was getting ridiculous and I couldn't deal with it anymore. Not to mention dealing with a breakup with someone I truly loved wasn't helping anything. I worried about him too much on top of worrying about literally everything else. It was all too much, so I was eccentric to hear I would be getting help finally.

"You're welcome, sweetheart."

I went upstairs to my bedroom and closed the door behind me with a sigh. Leaning against the door, I stared at the wall for a minute thinking about what sort of "help" the doctors would give me. Pills? Therapy? Who knows, let's just hope it works. I pushed myself off the door and walked into my spotless bathroom to take a shower. As I let the water heat up, I undressed and folded my clothes. My reflection in the mirror copied my movements and I watched with a flat face, neither happy or sad about the way I looked.

I had an alright body, I liked to believe. I wasn't chubby, but I wasn't too skinny either. My stomach had a faint outline of abs and my arms and legs were toned enough. The more I continued to stare at myself the more I pictured my arms buffer and my abs and pecs chiseled. It wasn't a bad sight. In fact, I really liked the thought of being buff. Maybe one day. I hummed with a shrug and put my shower cap on (I washed my hair separately because it needed to be washed in cold water. Didn't want its pinkness to fade any quicker than need be), and entered the scalding shower. The extremely hot water burned my skin but at least I'd know the germs all over me wouldn't be able to survive.

After I made sure my nightly routine was done perfectly, I turned off the lights and crawled into bed. The clock read ten twenty-four. Perfect timing. I reached under my pillow and pulled out the one thing that'd been helping me sleep lately: Marshall's shirt. It was a shirt that he'd lended me a while ago that didn't fit him anymore and had some band's logo on it that I've never heard of. I didn't care, though. I cuddled with it every night, inhaling his lingering scent. This shirt was probably the one item in my house that I never felt the need to clean, and frankly, didn't want to; it would lose his scent. It never left my room because I feared what sort of germs would get on it if it did.

I pressed the collar to my face and inhaled deep, a sad smile on my lips. It smelled just like him. I missed him. What I wouldn't give to have him here; to hold him in my arms. I hoped and prayed that he was alright, that he was working on figuring himself out. I also hoped that he'd come back to me soon, and realize that we were meant to be together after all. I closed my eyes, my face pressed against his shirt. I told myself that it would be okay if he didn't come back either. As long as he was happy, I was happy. I would just move on and go forward with my life. All would be well in the end. I clutched the shirt tighter.

As I was trying to let my muscles and mind relax, I heard a buzzing sound come from behind me; My phone was vibrating on the white nightstand. I turned over and answered it, not bothering to look at the name or number. "Hello?" I answered. Better be important.

"Hey, Gummy! How's it goin'?" It was Fionna. I wanted to keep this conversation short because of the late time, but I hadn't talked to her in a while so I'll make an exception.

I turned back over, fiddling with the shirt between my fingers. "It's going alright, I guess. How about you?"

"Oh I'm great, thanks for asking! Just called to check up on ya, felt like it's been forever since we last talked forreals." Her voice was bright and cheery as usual. Just hearing her talk instantly lifted my mood. "So what've you been up to lately?" She asked.

I thought for a second. Now that I think about it, nothing really. "Not much. Just the usual studying as usual."

"BOORING!" She shouted. I smiled. "I would say you should come hang with me and Marsh sometime but, never mind that!" She laughed awkwardly. Yeah, I'm sure being a third wheel with my ex would be loads of fun.

I huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, that probably wouldn't be good." I paused for a moment. "How's he doing, Fi? Is he okay?" I picked at my lip, nervous about her response.

She hummed. My worrying grew. "I'd say he's... okay. He doesn't really do much, either. Whenever he hang out we pretty much just talk and watch movies. He's pretty boring, actually. It's so weird to see him like this! I've never seen him so messed up before. Kinda makes me sad." I frowned. This isn't good.

"But you're with him often, right? He shouldn't be alone for too long. Has he shown any signs of hurting himself? Or worse? Has he been taking his medicine?" I rapid-fired questions at her. I needed to know exactly what he's been doing.

"Slow down!" She complained. "Yes, I'm with him as much as I can after school. I make him go to Simone's office during school too. And I don't think he's doing any of that. He makes death jokes sometimes but that's about it, I wouldn't worry about it. And uh, well... he says he's taking them but I'm not really sure about that. He gets kinda defensive when I ask too much." I heard her sigh over the phone.

I took in the information and frowned. "Anything else? Is he eating enough?"

Fionna took a second. "Not as much as he used to but he's not like, starving himself or anything if that's what you're worried about." At least he was eating. "Oh! I meant to tell you something important! You CAN'T talk to Marshall about this, okay? He'd kill me if he found out I told you. Extremely confidential." Anxiety struck me but I promised not to tell anyway. "He started texting Ashley again, and they're meeting up this weekend."

I froze. Anger now replaced the anxiety. "He WHAT?! Fionna, what the hell?! How did you let this happen! Oh glob, this is not good." I sat up in my bed, the shirt tight in my grip. "She's going to destroy him, Fi!"

"Maybe she's changed, Gummy. Marshall says she has-"

"Of course he thinks so! Since he's in such a great, clear, not at all depressed and desperate mind set right now!" I yelled, sarcasm exploding from my voice.

"Gumball, chill, what if she has changed-"

"Don't tell me to chill, Fionna! You don't know her and what she's capable of! Do you know all the things she did to him when they were together? Do you know how fucked up he was after he was finally free from that manipulative little-!" I stopped myself there, not wanting to cuss too much in front of Fionna. I was beyond angry. "Trust me, Fi, people like Ashley never change."

She was silent for a while. "Well, there's nothing I can do to stop him. And no, I don't know what she did to him, but I know it wasn't good... Anyone is capable of changing if they really want to. Maybe she did," she spoke in a hushed tone. I just shook my head even though I knew she couldn't see it. This is not good. How can Fionna just let him go through with this? While supporting him, too! Does she not understand how bad this is going to turn out?

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. "Alright, Fi. When he comes to you crying about how she broke his heart after he thought she'd changed this time around, don't say I didn't tell you so," I scolded her in a less angry voice.

Fionna took a moment. "Nobody said they're going to get back together. They're just gonna meet up... Probably just catch up and stuff." Her voice sounded offended that I didn't believe her. I was too mad to control my arguing.

"Marshall isn't in the best mindset, which means he can be easily manipulated. And guess who's very manipulative? Ashley. Of course she's going to get him to come back to her! I can tell you exactly what's going to happen right now. Ashley is going to trick him into having sex with her and then while he's distracted, she's going to get him to agree in getting back together. That's how it always goes."

I have dealt with those two breaking up and getting back together so many times it's ridiculous. Every single time Marshall would end up so hurt and I would have to be there and heal him until she'd trick him back again. And the cycle would repeat until finally he had the guts to stand up to her. They didn't break up but she had been calm for a while, back to how she was when they first got together in middle school; nice and funny. But suddenly out of nowhere she up and left him with no explanation, leaving him completely wrecked and heartbroken once again.

There's no chance in the world she's not going to do it all again.

He truly loved that girl so much and she had done nothing but use him and manipulate him. She was verbally and mentally abusing, calling, him names and making him feel like he was worthless, like she was the only one that would ever love him. She was physically abusing, hitting him and forcing him to wear and do certain things. She was sexually abusing, forcing him to have sex with her or else she'd hit or threaten him. Marshall was so blinded by his love for her that he would do anything just to make her happy. Plus at the time he was still being neglected and abused by his mom so he was used to that sort of thing anyway. It wasn't like she was abusive all the time either, that's what was even worse. Every time Marshall thought she was normal again, she went right back to abusing him and thus fucked him up more and  more.

"I have done nothing but be there for him when she left him in pieces. I've spent my whole freshman year catering to his depressed ass thanks to her. And now after all the shit she's put him through, after all the nights he snuck into my room in the middle of the night to cry on me, after all this bullshit... he goes right back to her! I can't fucking believe this! Do I mean nothing to him or something!? Did he just forget everything I've helped him through!? Is he that fucking thick-skulled that he doesn't see what a big mistake this is! You know what, fuck it. Have fun dealing with his shit, Fionna, because I'm done. If he wants to ignore everything I've ever done for him and go get himself hurt again, fine by me. Don't say I didn't tell you so." I quickly hung up the phone and chucked it across the room, enraged. It hit the wall with a bang and fell to the carpet.

I grabbed up my pillow from behind me and shoved my face into it, screaming as loud as I could into its cushiony softness. After my voice was raw and I had let out most of my anger, I put my pillow back and slumped down. Letting out a loud sigh, I curled up in a ball and clutched Marshall's shirt tight, inhaling it's scent one last time before throwing it off the bed.

How could he be so stupid! Going back to the girl who completely destroyed him. What an idiot. What does she have that I don't? Boobs? A vagina? Big whoop. Her boobs aren't that great. Trust me, I've seen them (she's shown everybody). I sighed again.

My eyes glanced around my dark room, looking at the eerie shadows and shapes of everything. I stared at the silhouette of the orchid Marshall had given me on our first date months ago. 'Symbolizes love and true affection.' Yeah right. The petals were wilted and dry and the stem was slumped. The little flower was dead. Just like the love we once unspokenly shared.

Did he ever even love me? I know we never said it to each other but there were many times where I felt it. Like that time when I got randomly emotional about my parents and he had all that makeup on. I definitely felt it then. But did he? And if he did, did he know what it was? Did he care? I wish I could just know what was going on in his mind. What he thinks about me; what his justifications were for breaking us up; why he wants to see Ashley again; if he's having bad, depressing thoughts still. I wished to know anything and everything, then maybe I wouldn't be so angry at him. Glob, I miss him so much. I just want him to be safe and Ashley is nothing but a danger zone. A lit stick of dynamite ready to explode and obliterate everything in its path.

I suddenly felt bad for screaming at Fionna. She didn't deserve to be yelled, all she did was try to defend her friend. I'll apologize to her tomorrow. Right now I'm too tired and way off schedule. I just need to calm down and go to bed.

If Marshall wanted to break up to focus on himself, then he can handle everything just fine. He's made a statement that he doesn't want me to help him so I won't even bother. He's clearly got it all under control. "Hmph." I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to turn my mind off.

Soon enough I drifted off in a restless sleep, dreaming of memories of Marshall Lee.

                            >>>>><<<<<

Howdy-ho, how've y'all been?
Excuse this chapter, I shat it out of my ass so sorry if it's not that great.
I've been busy with two camps and haven't had much time to brain storm and write.

Next chapter should be more exciting, it's about Marshall's little date with Ashley 👀

Thank you all for reading my shit show of a book. I'm so glad there's people out there that still appreciate gumlee. We will not let this ship die !

Anywho, see you guys in the next chapter! ❤️😘