I first saw her on the swing set at the dilapidated wooden park in the middle of our neighborhood.

She was only a silhouette outlined by the full moon, gently swaying back and forth. The tip of her shoe traced circles in the cool sand. Her head was tilted downward, as if she was staring at something on the ground. Or maybe she was staring at nothing.

I stopped in my tracks on the sidewalk. The moon cast a faint silver glow upon the iron chains of the swings. When I looked at her, I felt a tug of sympathy in my chest.

The decision had to be made in a split second, otherwise it would look odd just standing in one place on the sidewalk. Should I try to comfort her or should I head home? I didn't know it then, but what I chose would influence my life in unexpected ways.

There I stood, still as a tree, looking slowly back and forth between the figure on the swings and the end of the street. Then, preparing myself for the certain awkwardness that would follow, I wrenched myself off of the sidewalk and tore through the dry grass toward the swings. The girl looked up, startled, as I approached. She warily eyed me as I came near.

Now that I was closer, I could see that she had shiny gray eyes that matched the gradually darkening sky. Her brown hair was chin length and slanted downward in a neat bob. She had a small nose with a spattering of freckles across it. And dark eyebrows that were knitted with confusion.

"Hello," I greeted, taking the swing next to her. She nodded once and turned her eyes back to the sand.

Feeling awkward, I started swinging. After a few swings, I stopped. "So," I said, "what's your name?"

Not looking at me, she quietly responded, "Casey."

"Er- nice name." I nodded. "Mine's Amber. 'Cause, you know, the eye color."

The girl looked up and studied me like she was trying to see for herself whether my eyes actually were that color.

Trying to get her to open up, I asked, "So, why'd you come here?"

"Same reason as anyone. I was just taking a walk." Her voice was remarkably small. If it hadn't been night time, I don't know if I would have heard her. She seemed like she didn't talk that much.

A few beats of silence ensued, in which I contemplated leaving. After all, my people skills seemed to be lacking. But there was something about her that made me hesitate.

I scratched the back of my head, thinking of something I could say to her to ask why she looked so... lonely. Eventually, I decided to just bluntly ask.

"You seem kind of... sad or something. Is there anything I can do?" She tilted her head questioningly.

"You don't know me. Why would you want to hear about my problems?" Her voice had a sort of quiet intensity to it and I knew that I was walking a dangerous line. I tried on my best "concerned stranger" face and tried to look as accepting as possible.

Her Converse scratched in the dirt.

Then, looking absentmindedly at the moon so as not to look at me, she answered, "I, uh. I came out to my parents as agender." She paused. "And they... kind of hate me now."

She wasn't a she.

Agender! my mind screamed. Never assume, Amber, never assume! "I'm sorry!" I squeaked.

She looked at me quizzically. "For what?"

"I thought you were a girl this whole time! I assumed and I'm so sorry I used she pronouns in my head I'm sorry! Do you use they?"

"Well, I've never actually asked people to use anything other than she/her. But you can use they/them if you like." They looked me in the eye. "You didn't have to apologize, though. You didn't know."

Sheepishly, I traced a circle in the sand with my flip flops. "I, uh, tend to overreact sometimes. Sorry."

Casey cracked a smile. "Well, to be honest, I assumed you were a girl too. Are you?" They were asking me, with my pink tank top, short shorts, and rainbow flip flops, if I was a girl? Well, I guess you can never be too careful.

I smiled, looking up at them. "Yeah, I'm a girl." Pausing for a moment, I added, "I'm also pan."

Their smile vanished, and they looked at me warily again. "I'm a demiromantic asexual, so if you're trying to imply anything, it's not gonna happen."

An icy feeling started in the pit of my stomach and spread through my limbs. They must have thought my tone sounded flirtatious or something.

I backtracked. "No no no, that's not what I was saying at all! I'm asexual too. I just didn't want to have to explain about the different types of attraction."

Casey laughed. "Ha, yeah. That is something I didn't attempt to explain to my parents."

This was a turning point in my closeted life. We lived in a small, conservative town in southern Tennessee, so coming out wasn't exactly a thing a lot of us queer kids did. Casey was the only other asexual I knew, even though we are supposed to be one percent of the population.

We talked until the sky went dark enough to force us to begin making our way home. Casey went one way, and I the other. I walked down the street, made a left turn, made a right turn in the middle of that street, and walked up to my front porch two houses down the street. The light was still on, signaling the presence of my mom inside.

The reason my pride flip flops aren't suspicious is because of my mom. She is a straight ally, and wants to make it absolutely clear that our household supports LGBTQ+ rights. However, she assumes that all three of her kids are heterosexual and cisgender. She'd be okay with it if I came out, I think. She would probably be ashamed of assuming and would react the way I did when I found out Casey was agender. She's not the reason I haven't come out.

The reason is my Uncle Ned. He's my favorite uncle, but he is quite homophobic. He sometimes comes over to help around the house, at which times he will debate with his sister if she brings up anything about civil rights for LGBTQ+ people. I don't think I could stand it if he found out. He'd never look at me the same way again.

I pulled open the screen door and pushed on the main door until it fell open with a squelch of air. The fan was on and my mom was sitting at the dining table reading a magazine. The light from the fan turned her dark skin honey-brown. "Hey Mom," I greeted her. She smiled at me over her magazine and kept reading.

My siblings were both in bed, but I tripped over their backpacks on the way up the stairs. Cursing under my breath, I lugged the heavy bags up to their room, where I left them outside the door. I quickly changed and got into bed, and I heard the fan click off.

I was alone with my memories. I went through my day in my head, playing back memories from this morning, the first actual day of my sophomore year of high school. I finished with the memories from tonight. My uncle coming over. Me avoiding him because I knew he'd ask me how my day went, and all I had been thinking about was my huge crush on this girl at my school. Walking to the park.

Casey.

I smiled.