SENA'S POINT OF VIEW:

I'm too scared to move. He's probably asleep. He's sleeping peacefully while I lay here- awake- in panic.

I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate that we're in some sort of argument or dilemma, actually I don't even know what we're in. All I know is, that it's killing me. It hurts so bad when I get the feeling that we're broken, that we aren't like we used to be.

My heart. My heart is pounding, of course it is- how could it not be? I feel excited, guilty, scared and happy at the same time- I mean, happy in the sense that he's here, in the sense that I thought I'd never get to be alone with him after what happened.

I glanced over to his side, he was laying face-up; and it created the most beautiful silhouette thanks to my weak-ass curtains not blocking out all light. The light coming in wasn't yellow like the light of a street lamp, it was white- silver almost- I looked at my window, an odd crescent shape of a bright moon was visible through the material. It wasn't a full moon. But it was pretty...
So this is the fucker that's been telling Jimin what I've been up to? Huah? Square up son. FIGHT ME.
FUCKING LETSDO THIS.
MEET ME IN THE ALLEY HOE.
I giggled under my breath at my thoughts.

I turned my attention back to Jimin, the outline of his hair- how his fringe had been swept to the sides (thanks to this amazing thing called gravity, everything accelerating downwards at 9.81m/s^2), how his forehead was once again on show- did I ever mention how much I love his forehead? Hosoek's too, they have great foreheads and they look great with them on show.
Where was I? Oh. Yes, the majestic silhouette of the majestic Jimin.
The way it swoops down for his nose- ah, but there's a small hill- a little pit stop, barely noticeable, but just as important and charming as all of his other features.
His lips, plump. The upper lip seeming more tamed- more regal. But holy shit the lower lip looked so juicy it seemed illegal- how on earth can a silhouette look plump?!
His lips look delicious- not in the sense that I have the urge to kiss him (well, sorta), but in a way that I think it would be strangely satisfying to poke or chew on-
His lips parted (like the Red Sea).

"I thought you were asleep."

Sadly, I did not even hear what he said, because now, I was staring at his neck- and how it looks so smooth and warm and inviting. How I want to run my index finger along his sharp jawline and down his soft neck.
Not in a sexual way, but more in a way of admiration...fascination?
No, captivation.
His Adam's apple danced up and down as he spoke.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop staring."

I lay my head back down and stared at the ceiling, "I thought you were asleep."

"Is that why you were staring? Do you stare at me every time I sleep at your apartment?" He cautiously asked me.

"What? No! Who said I was staring. I simply stated that I thought you were asleep..." I waited a few seconds, but he didn't say anything.

Silence.

"Jimin- I... Can we talk? I mean I ... I hate this. We're frie- we're close. I mean, we are, right?... Or we were?" I furrowed my eyebrows, why was it so difficult even bringing 'this' up.

"Yes we can... and yes we were- or are- well, I don't know actually... That depends on you." He said- whispering the last part.

"I'm sorry." I finally blurted.

"Me too." He blurted back.

"For what exactly?" I asked.

"I- I actually don't- wait, why are you sorry? It's my fault..." He sounded more normal now, less cautious but still slightly uncomfortable.

I needed to think a moment, how could I paraphrase any of what I was thinking. The answer is: I can't. I simply can't.

"Let's go back to normal? Please. I really hate this. It's confusing and painful and I don't want to be like this at all." Exasperated, he pleaded.

I closed my eyes and smiled to myself, I was nervous but I was happy- and yes, my hands were clammy, but I didn't care.
Because my hand was in his now. I'm not sure who reached out first or if either of us actually did reach out, but we were holding hands, and it was wonderful and warm.

"Thank you." He calmly sounded, those two words echoing through the silence.
This is a beautiful moment, yet I'm tempted to ruin the mood- I don't want to, but I'm so tempted, because it's my natural train of thought.

In my head, I replied with "No worries fam, all good init."

But in real life, I just squeezed his hand tighter. Afraid he'll let go- or leave- NOT THAT HE FUCKING COULD BECAUSE WE'RE FUCKING CHAINED UP.
CHAINED UP.
BAJALWX CHEOREOM IM ON FREEEEEEZEEE NANANANANANNANNANANANA.

My brain. Shut up shut up. This is the most action you've ever gotten and you're raving in your own little bubble.

I let out a sigh and focused on Jimin again.

"Hey, let's play the others. I mean, let's tell them we fought, and things are worse than ever. Make them feel bad, maybe guilt trip Jungkook into buying me icecream." I chuckled.

"Great idea. We need to think up a good story though... We'll make up an elaborate and tragic story in the morning"

A few minutes went by- they weren't uncomfortable or eery- they were good.

"Jimin, I know you've asked me before, so it's only fair that I ask you too? Right?"

"...uh...sure?" He agreed, skeptical.

"How many girlfriends have you had?" I threw my question at him.

He took a few breaths before slowly replying, "That... Well, just once. We started dating before I debuted, while I was still a trainee... The boys met her too." He didn't sound calm but there was a strange sad yet nonchalant tone to his voice.

I was afraid to ask- but I already had decided that I was going to-
"What happened?"

He softly smiled, I felt his thumb brush over my hand- repeatedly drawing little circles. Tickling the skin.

"Well?" I tried again, but I almost didn't- his hand was a huge distraction, well more of a small distraction- his hands are smol.

"I wasn't enough, I wasn't good enough, she got tired of me. She found someone else- I guess it was my fault for not being good en-"

I cut him off. Idiot. I was so furious that yanked my hand out of his.

"No. Shut up. How dare you even think to say that? Not good enough? Yeah, riiiight. That's her fault for not seeing it. Not yours. And quite frankly I'm glad it didn't work out, she sounds like a snotty girl who thinks she's prestige-"

"No. She isn't- wasn't. She was nice. She made me happy, we were one of those couples that people would admire and compliment when we went out in public. She was great. I just wasn't... Can we not talk about this please?" He interrupted.

"Fine. But listen to me Park Jimin. Don't you dare ever, ever, think you're not good enough for anything because I will personally kick your face in if you do. You're amazing. Every time you smile, every time- you dance, sing, laugh- every time you ruffle your hair- even every time your little lisp is noticeable, every time you slip up and accidentally speak in satoori-" I hadn't noticed but I was speaking fast now, I paused to breathe.

"-What? Every time what?" He said, probably smirking.

Shit wait do I. I didn't. I'm. Ugh.
EVERY TIME, JIMIN, IT MAKES MY HEART FLUTTER AND IT MAKES ALL OF THE MINI SENA'S IN MY HEAD SQUEAL AND RUN FRANTICALLY IN SEARCH FOR SANCTUARY. That's what. That's what.

However, that would boast his ego and I'm not quite ready to actually confess... So I ended up saying-
"Uh it's ight I mean, it's not BRILLIANT but it's not not good enough... I mean it's sufficient, I mean well done..."
Great, well done Sena.

He laughed a little. Then I felt his hand cautiously slither back into my clammy hand- yes it sounds gross because I'm gross, deal with it.

"You're ight too I guess."

It's extremely difficult to describe how I felt at the time. It was like my heart and airways were constricting- like there was no room for anything else. I felt full, not in my stomach, but just in a way that 'this' was all I needed. Just 'this'. Just 'now'. That was my capacity. 'This' was my peak.
If I were any happier, I don't think I could've taken it. I would have had an actual heart attack.

Neither of us said anything else for the rest of the night.
Nothing else had to be said.
We both fell asleep.
Side by side.
Hand in hand.
Clam in clam.

-------

I woke up from the movement on his side of the bed, oh wow- his side, he's been here for a few hours and it's already 'his' side?
I looked over to see him on his phone, updating twitter, looking through his other SNS.

"What time is it?" I asked, squinting at the bright white light shining through the curtains.

"It's 7am." He calmly answered, still staring at his screen.
"Okay, I'm done." He said before locking his phone and then rolling onto his side to face me.

"This is kind of weird."

"What do you mean? Waking up to see my beautiful face?" He jokingly asked.

I nodded and laughed.
Well yes, it's weird. Plus I can feel how puffy my eyes are and I probably look like a zombie or a toad, shit didn't even think about morning breath.
I NEED TO PEE TOO.

"Uh... Jimin... I really need to... Pee." It took great difficulty, but I finally said it.

"... And I knew that this time would eventually come so I devised a plan to minimise how grossed out either of us get, first, who ever isn't going toilet will be blindfolded- then, they'll put headphones on that will be blaring out Linkin Park, and then both parties will extend there arms as far as possible. Capisce?" I quickly added reaching for my phone.

I'd left it on silent, but I unlocked the screen to find multiple messages:
From Yoongi and from Hana.

(01:26) Yoongi:
Hey, I just realised how stupid this all is and I'm so sorry.
I wish I had the key so I could give it to you.

(01:32) Hana:
Don't do anything Jesus wouldn't do ;)
I'm serious, keep it PG

I face palmed myself with my free hand.

We both sat up.

"Hey, we should tell them soon, that we've made up- after our fake fight I mean."

"Let's wait a while, please? Enjoy the quiet. No ones going to even come near your apartment for a while unless we tell them we made up."  He pleaded, while pursing his lips and looking around- trying to look cute.

"Fine. But I'm going to need to pee. Like 34 times..." I fake laughed while mentally crying.

I
Do
Not
Want
To
Go
Toilet
With
Him.
Welp.

I crossed my legs.
Must. Not. Pee.
Think solids.
Don't think about liquids, ignore waterfalls or rain or the sound of a dripping tap- ignore the water bottle by your bed-
I lunged towards my water bottle- pulling Jimin onto his side, paralysed with surprise.
I grabbed my water bottle and started drinking.
Oh my fuck I was so thirsty and I hadn't drunk anything since pizza.
I chugged down the rest of my water.

"Uh, you okay?" He said, concerned.

I looked at him and began choking on my last bit of water.
It was a battle to swallow. I felt like I was dying, like my throat was being clenched.
By now, Jimin had made his way to me and was hitting my back to help me recover- except it was more like fucking tapping and didn't help at all.
This is so embarrassing.

I finally won the battle and let out a burp of victory.

"Attractive." He mocked.

"I'm sorry- I mean- pardon me ^^'" I said, trying to sound adorable- which was practically impossible after what I just did and  since my voice was still gritty because my throat wasn't clear yet.

"I. Need. To. Pee."

"WHY DID YOU DOWN THE WATER THEN??" He questioned, laughing as he shook me by my shoulders.

"...I was thirsty." I said, trying to seem as cute as possible, which isn't actually cute at all tbh.

We walked out of my room and towards the bathroom- upon reaching our destination, we just stood there, staring at the door. Are we really going to do this?
"Hurry up, I need to pee too." He said as he nudged me to walk on.
I made sure his blindfold was secured properly and that his earphones were blaring rock music.
We extended our arms out as far as possible. It wasn't far enough.
It was the most terrifying and exhilarating feeling.
I pulled my bottom half of clothing down and sat down.
I was bursting to pee, it felt like litres and litres I'm my bladder- but now that I had sat down, nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Come on. Hurry. Omfg.
I began shaking my leg, this was too much.

One thing I've learnt throughout my lifetime is that: if you push hard enough, something will come out. (When giving birth s lot of women poop you know).

So that's what I did.
Upon accessing my bladder- finally- to my dismay, I'm 89% confident that I let out some gas too.
I nervously glanced at Jimin, he was absolutely still.
There's no way he could've heard and there's no smell. I guess he'll never know.

I began cleaning myself and pulling my clothes up- ONLY USING MY RIGHT HAND BTW. Which was fucking difficult.
It's really strange actually thinking about it, I mean, HE was right next to me as I had my pants down. And now it's his turn.

I washed my hands and nudged Jimin.
He took out the earphones and pulled off the blind, "All good?" He nervously said.
I nodded and gestured towards the toilet, as if I was escorting him to some glorious event.

He was trying to tie the cloth around my eyes- pathetically struggling.
"Hey wait you aren't wearing your watch, right?"
"Nope, don't worry." He replied, the sound muffled from the cloth.
"You probably got my hair caught on purpose last time, thought it'd make a good icebreaker, right?" I joked.
He tightened the blindfold.
"OUCH."

After that slightly disturbing (and perhaps amusing) event, we made our way to the kitchen.
I set the kettle on.
"Don't touch anything, I don't want anything knocked over- not that your clumsy... Well you kind of are, but because we might reach for different things at the same time."
He nodded and chewed on his bottom lip.
Why do his lips look so plump? Can he not.

"Hey, uh, I'm actually not too hungry, I'll just snack on whatever- anything specific you want?" I asked Jimin, who was now looking around the kitchen.
"Jimin?"
He smiled a little.

"Yes? I mean yeah, have you got any apples?"
"Yeah."
"Cinnamon?"
"Yup."
"Any... honey?"
"I said yup!"
"Yeah, to the cinnamon, I was asking about honey. Aw, wait did you think I called you honey?" He teased.

WELL HE MADE IT SEEM LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE.
Idiot.
I flung bottle of honey at him.
"There you go: honey." I mimicked.
He playfully rolled his eyes and laughed.
"Mind if I just-" he gestured towards his three ingredients.
"Yeah, go on..."

He washed the apples, I watched- closely observing him. How he didn't dry his hands after washing the apples, how drops of cold water were now trickling down his hands.
He pulled out a plate and placed an apple in the centre- he began slicing away, being careful not to cut himself, being wary of my hand joint to the one wielding the knife.
He squeezed the honey onto the slices- randomly drizzled over them, his thumbs turning white under the pressure.
Finally, he generously sprinkled cinnamon on the apple slices, careful not to overdo it.
"Bon appetite." he said in a poor attempt of a French-accent, handing me a fork and picking up another for himself.

We sat on the sofa, the plate on my left thigh and on his right thigh.
It was strange, this was something that I had been eating since I was a little girl, I never thought anyone else would eat apples like this. Especially not my bias, Jimin.

It feels weird calling him my bias, he was so much more than that.
I smiled as I look at him. I smiled when I saw him smile.

The whole handcuff issue meant that if we were to eat- we couldn't at the same time. Just a friendly reminder that the cuffed hand for both of us was our dominant hands.
I attempted to skew an apple slice onto my fork- completely missing, almost flinging the slice off of the plate.
Second attempt, I got the food onto the fork- just didn't manage to get it into my mouth. It fell onto the floor.
I needed to clean it now.
I heard him laugh at my failure, "Here." He said, "Eat." He said. Holding the fork infront of my face. I ate it.  I couldn't help but smile as I chewed.
"I guess I'll just have to feed you, since you're so dysfunctional..." He smirked.
"-Hey" I yelled, reaching for my fork, accidentally whacking it away from me.
The fork landed next to the apple slice.
"SEE!" He burst out laughing.

We cleaned up and sat down on the sofa once more.
"Now what?" I asked.
"I think we should spend today doing normal things, things we don't get to do together."
He quietly suggested, looking away.
"What? Like laundry???" I joked.
He laughed and nudged me.
"How about we just binge watch a show... You like Gotham??" He asked.
"Ooo I've heard about it and I've been wanting to watch it." I lied. I lied, but I had a good reason I promise- I've already seen and finished Gotham, but if we watch something I already have, I can pretend to pay attention while I admire his face and I could join in on any discussion because I've already seen the show, get it?
I'm just a genius.

We spend the next 3 hours watching Gotham, eventually, we both got distracted. I was staring at him, and he was busy playing with my hair.
It was nice, I like him playing with my hair- he wasn't careless or ouchy, he was soft and cautious as he played with my hair.
"Your hair smells nice, coconut, right?" He asked, still focused on the lock of hair he was holding. He twirled it around his finger.
"Yeah, and thanks... Uhm, Jiiiimiiiin... can I smell your hair too? I mean, just so it's fair... Not that I care..." Ugh I sound so creepy.
He tilted his head towards me, I leaned in and took in his scent.
Of course it smelt like his shampoo, but to me, it smelt like home and comfort. It gave me nostalgia. It took me back to when I was a kid, back to the good ol' days (when our mama sang us to sleep)- back when things were simple, when things were good.
"You like?" He said, sitting back up.
My brain automatically responded with 'No. You smell like shit.'
But that wasn't true.
"You smell nice." I confessed, while softly smiling.

I wish I could make a candle out of his scent, so I could carry it around with me. So I could go back home whenever I wanted.

We decided that watching something wasn't going to work.
I don't know about Jimin, but I just wanted to enjoy his company.
So, We sat there, for what felt like hours, leaning on eachother- him, still playing with my hair, and I, drawing little imaginary circles on his knees- talking. Just talking.
Occasionally my little circles would tickle him and earn a small giggle, or he'd tug on my hair to get a reaction out of me.
He told me loads of things. He told me about how school was, how being a trainee was, how his life changed after debut, how much he loved BANGTAN and ARMY, how much he's been struggling to not disappoint them, how hard he's been working.
He told me about the things he wants to do, the places he wants to visit and the memories he wants to make.
And I did the same. Because he asked, because he cared enough to ask.

Unfortunately, our long conversation was rudely interrupted by my stomach growling.
"I'll order pizza, OK? We barely got to eat any yesterday."
"Sure, but can I order it my way?" I nervously asked.
He took a moment to consider before replying.
"Sure~" he sung, handing the phone to me.

When the pizza arrived we both sat on the floor, facing the white board (Now a screen, thanks to my projector), we decided that we were both allowed one can of Pepsi each- to minimise the number of pee events.
It's strange but I need to watch something whenever I eat, and this time, we put on Miss Granny (one of my all-time favourite Korean films).

We were ready to commence with stuffing our faces.
Jimin opened the pizza box, "wait what, THEY FORGOT THE TOMATO SAUCE OMB CALL THEM BACK" He screamed, feeling around for his phone.
"Shhh shh shh it's fine, this is what I ordered." I nervously attempted to reassure the boy. I pressed my lips together and raised my eyebrows.

"W-w-what did you order?"

"Cheese crust, no tomato sauce, pineapple, mixed peppers, chicken and extra cheese..." I quickly mumbled.
He stared at me, I could swear I heard actual crickets.
"Just try it! You might like it... If not, I'll eat it all and you can have another apple." I teased.

We sat and we ate. And we BOTH enjoyed the pizza.

There's really nothing much to it. It was normal, it was good.
It was simple.

We finished the pizza, finished the movie, then tidied up.
And- We once again ended up on the couch.
"It's late." He sighed.
"No it's not, it's only 10pm" I argued.
"Yes but the day is practically over." He sulked, once again twirling a lock of my hair around his finger.
"And?"
"Nothing, it's just, today was good, and it's over..." He quietly said, more to himself than to me.
He suddenly clapped and sat up, "I have an idea! To the backpack!"
We both shuffled to his backpack, Jimin pulled out a small cable, 2 going in and one going out. Earphone splitters. We both smiled at eachother.
We got changed and headed out.

It was dark and we were holding hands, with the excuse of "No one will suspect that we're cuffed to eachother if we do" according to Jimin. We walked to the park. The park is huge and it has a pond and a section for kids to play and a walk path- this is the park I go to to clear my head.

Jimin chose a song- he grinned as he pressed play. It was Hold me tight. The cheeky boy chose his own song. It's hard to describe the unique joy you experience with earphone splitters. It's like- for a while, it's just you, the music and this person. You're completely engulfed in the music- and so are they. It's like we exist in the same little bubble, the same emotion, the same song. It's amazing.
Jimin and I both showed off our excellent lip-syncing skills, acting as passionate as possible as we danced and pretended to sing along.
And of course, fucking of course. He hit me with the body rolls.
My God. They're a whole new level of "Help me" when you see him body roll in real life.

We did the same for a number of BTS songs, turning up at every Rise of Bangtan, Baepsae, Cypher, Ma City and Heungtan Sonyeondan. And bringing it down to an overly dramatic performance for every Let me know, Tomorrow, Coffee, Love is not over, Hold me tight and House of cards.
It was amazing, it was fun.

At my request, we also listened to Zero for Conduct by Bastarz, and my lord, I think I scared him. Never do I ever turn up as hard for anything else.
We had our fun songs.

After, we just continued walking around, listening to slower songs, calmer songs, enjoying the night, enjoying the music, enjoying my hand in his.
We also listened to ZionT Eat, and it's one of the most amazing songs, I think, it makes me hurt sometimes.
I couldn't take my eyes off of him for the whole song.
After looping around the park multiple times, we halted at the bench and sat down.

"Your hands are clammy." Thanks for stating the obvious, how could they not be?
"I'm sorry, I can't help it..."
"Don't apologise."

He let go of my hand and I frantically rubbed it against my trousers- in hopes of drying it out.
"Hey, can I ask you to do something?" I said in the sweetest voice I could create.
"yeah, sure. I mean, it depends, w-what is it?" He stuttered.
"Well, you see how Yoongi and Namjoon released there mix tapes, Hosoek has a few solo pieces and Tae, Jin and Jungkook have numerous song covers... You have nothing. You've released nothing. And for once, for once, I wanted to hear a song that was just you. Just your voice."

And so he sang for me.

A/N-
HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IM SO SORRY GUYS I KMOW I SHOULDBE UPDATED SOONER BUT I HAD MOCKS AND I WAS RUNING LOW OM INSPIRATIOJN AND UHH AND YEAH HERE I AM.
ALSO THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR 50K. HONESTLY I DOMT UNDERSTSND, I DONT BELIEVE I WHAT EVEN,DMFJDJDMD.
And omg, okay help me I actually can't, I bought tickets to see BAP live.
I'm kinda ill.
I have cough.
Are any of my readers in Belgium or near? Guys be careful. I saw the news and just felt awful, it's so fucking stupid, people are so stupid. This is just unnecessary pain. Please just, everyone, take care of yourselves.
I love you all 💜💜💜☺️☺️☺️✌🏻️✌🏻✌🏻🤓🤓
(I shall proof read at some point)
Ugh I just realised how short this update is, I'm sorry :(