I ran down the hall and towards her door, desperately hoping that I could catch up to her- that I could apologise to her and hold her tight.
I was too late, the door slammed shut before I was anywhere near. I slowly exhaled, trying to calm myself. She's crying, she's broken. She was holding everything in all this time, I literally just placed the one grain of rice that tipped the scale.

I knocked on the door.
Nothing.
"Sena?..." I sounded.
Nothing.

I have to do something. I'm such an idiot, I pulled at my hair in frustration.
"Sena, please..." I desperately begged.
Nothing.

I tried to open the door myself: locked.
I leaned on the door and slid down, I pulled my legs into my chest and waited.
I probably looked like a frail ball of defeat.
"Sena please open the door. I'm not leaving until you let me in."
I'm Desperate.

I heard movement from the other side of the door. She finally responded,
"Please. Go away. I don't want to see you!", her voice seemed hoarse and pained.
"Please... Let me help." I begged.

"You've done enough."
Her voice was forced but steady.
There was a disgusting sinking feeling in my chest.
Idiot. It's all your fault.
It wasn't my fault, it was all Suho!
The reason she's crying right now, however, is because of you.

I held back my tears- I felt anger and remorse. And an unpleasant stinging that I could never describe.

"I'll be back. I'm sorry..." I apologised once more before standing up and walking down the hallway, towards the exit.
I need some air.
I definitely cannot go back to the others right now.

I'm not an alcoholic- in fact I hate alcohol, but I want to numb the stinging pain inside me and I hear alcohol is good for that.

Don't drink. She would hate you for it.
You should just feel the pain, you deserve it.

19:54-
I sat down on a park bench, pulled my hoodie up and plugged in my earphones.

21:22-
I looked up at the sky, my neck almost screeching from how stiff it was- from how cold and chilly I had gotten.
The sky was dark- it was pitch black in fact, not a single star in the sky. Just the moon, in its full glory, shining alone.
Beautiful, but alone.

23:41-
I made my way back.
I wanted to try again, knock on the door again, apologise again.
But she's probably asleep, crying makes her sleepy. I guess that's how she gets over things.

05:00-
I woke up, earlier than usual. Perhaps it's best to say I "got up" rather than "woke up", considering that I didn't sleep for a single moment.
I actually spent a majority of the night blankly staring at Sena's sketchbook.
Am I actually as wonderful as she apparently believed me to be?
No you're not.

I didn't mean to upset her, I didn't do anything deliberate or offensive, she'll forgive me. Right?
Please... Please.
Forgive me.

SENA'S POINT OF VIEW:

I jolted awake. My eyes were practically glued together from the tears.
It took me a moment to recollect what exactly happened last night.

Suho.

Jimin.

My least favourite name, and my most favourite name.

The things Jimin said.
I remember that everything was vividly racing through my mind as he spoke, it was all too much. I had leave. I was going to break down. It was a small crack in a pane of glass that is me- the pressure was too much and I smashed into pieces.

Did you know that for centuries, mankind did not know how to make large panes of glass that didn't immediately shatter? That's why windows in homes were build using several small panes joined together by the cross-shaped plastic thingy? It's because, back then no one knew that the smallest bubble was a huge pressure point for the glass- that as the size of the glass grew so did the pressure on the bubble- they're directly proportional. And the glass would break.
Just like I did.
Now, liquid metals are used when making glass- a liquid is the smoothest surface we have.

I didn't have a melted metal- I guess you could say Jimin was my liquid, but since I didn't have him I had a bubble, or perhaps you could say Suho was the bubble?
All in all, I guess I just sort of- I  just shattered.

Jimin.

A feeling of dread occupied my body, I should've opened the door.
I should've.
I didn't want him to see me like that, so weak. I didn't want to make up and run back into his arms, because afterwards -letting go and telling Jimin "no" would be harder.
I don't want to think about him, how much I'd upset him, how much I have upset him.

Honestly, I was somewhat scared of him last night. I'd never seen him so angry before.
It's like something dark took over him, his eyes had growing shrouds of darkness. It was like the cheerful-smiley-dopey guy I knew wasn't there.
It was like Jimin wasn't there.

I curled into a ball under my covers and grabbed the plushie of Dooly Jimin gave me. I poked and prodded at it before pulling it into my chest and hugging it.

I'll be okay.

No you won't.

A day passed.

Two days passed.

I aimlessly wondered around my apartment, eating what I could find.
I spent most of my time sleeping and eating.

I knew for a fact that from yesterday onwards the boys had very very busy schedules.
For once I'm glad they're busy, it would keep any of them from visiting- it would distract Jimin.

I sat infront of my laptop as checked through my Emails.

I had an email from- [email protected]

I opened it to find numerous files attached and a link to some software.

"Bangtan's manager has decided to finally sub it's videos on BANGTANTV, get to work, the boys will be very busy for a while, do something useful. Here's the program to open up the videos and edit subtitles on, we don't want to use the CC option, that way people will be less likely to sub and repost."

Finally. Best decision BIGHIT has made tbh.
I mean, honestly, I feel bad because this will make life hard for ARMYBASESUBS and all the other subbers... But I have to.
The footage dated up to 2 weeks old, it was unseen footage.

I had around 4 bangtanbombs to sub, well with one of them being an "Eat Jin" I guess you could say 3.
One of them was a Jhope selfcam, it included Hosoek smiling, posing, doing aegyo and then making horse noises, later he's joined by Taehyung who also does a fair deal of aegyo, gets frustrated and decides to seduce the camera instead, causing Jhope to turn the camera back on himself.

I opened the last file, the last bangtanbomb I had left to sub, the video began with Jungkook facing the camera and dancing around to Zico ft ZionT's Eureka, throwing in some sick-ass moves, just as the chorus is about to drop, Jimin slides into the shot with a HUGE GRIN on his face.

I paused the video and got up.
I took a few deep breaths to steady my heartbeat then presumed, focusing on Jungkook.
With the help of the software, it didn't take me too long to finish.

Once I was done, I played music aloud. Starting with BTOB's It's Okay.
It was at the max volume.
It's a beautiful song, truly.
I dabbled around and danced a little, well it doesn't count as dancing actually but I guess you could say I just did what ever felt right with the song.

I always lose it towards the end, when the vocals get powerful, and he powerfully sings "Melody, Melody". The fandom name. The song is literally talking about how life can sometimes be heavy and that it can bring you down, and that they can't help you, all they can do is give you this song, and say that everything will be okay. They're telling Melodys that it's going to be okay, and the constant use of the word "Melody".... I can't help but tear up.
I'm not in the fandom, and I don't know all the members, but I love this song. So so much.

A few songs later, I feel lighter, not quite stress-free but less tense.
I know it won't last though.
BLURRUUUUUUP BLUUURB
I have a message.
A small part of me- no wait, a HUGE part of me wants it to be from Jimin, but is pretending to hope it's not from him, that it's from Sariah or Lisa.

I looked at my screen. The message was from an 'unknown number' I opened it:

Hey, this is Hana. I got your number from Jungkook- I was planning to message you earlier but I didn't have the courage...
I'm so sorry about the other day. I shouldn't have said anything, I didn't know, I'm sorry. Are you okay?

I smiled a little reading it, but ended up frowning after thinking about why she had to apologise.
I responded-

Hey, I'm fine, thanks for worrying. It wasn't your fault, there is no way you could've known, please don't feel any weight on your shoulders for what happened.

I sent the message and threw myself on the couch.

BLUUURP BULUURP:

Are you sure? Is it okay if I stop by quickly? I was just passing through the area really and I sort of thought of you.

I kind of want to say no, but at the same time....

Yeah, sure, give me around 10 minutes to prepare.

I got up and headed to my bedroom to get changed when she replied once more-

Oh. Whoops..... I'm outside ^^'

I quickly messed around with my hair in hopes of making it "semi-presentable" and hurried to the door. I opened it to find Hana standing there with a wooly Red and Green hat, a red scarf and a dark green trench coat, in one hand she held one of those cup holders- with two drinks in it, and in the other she held a carrier bag.
She looks sort of... Uncomfortable? Nervous? Or just anxious?

"Come in, everything is a mess but that's not my fault given that you showed up in 0.34 seconds instead of 600" I jokingly said while forcing on a smile, not because I was angry with her but because I  needed to actually seem okay to her.

"Sorry, I sort of got everything prepared and made my way- THEN I realised that I actually hadn't even asked you yet, and it's okay, I don't mind the mess... I'm messy just normally!" She said in a friendly tone.

She sat down, took out one of the drinks and smiled, "I bought you a white chocolate milkshake, well, actually I have a normal chocolate one as well, you can pick whichever one you want." She held a drink in each hand now and she held them out to me, I reached for the white chocolate.
"Thanks Hana, I really really like White chocolate you know?" I took a looooong sip, trying to enjoy myself as much as possib-

ASHSHHFHEJSJ AFHG AGH.
BRAIN. FREEZE.
OH. THE . PAIN.

I was physically and mentally freaking out, Hana laughed at me once she caught on that I had not been possessed by some evil spirit and that I actually had severe brain freeze.

It was unexpected, but I enjoyed her dropping by, she's friendly and she has a 'homey' feel. She's just comfortable to be around. We spoke a little about Jungkook and Sungra, and about music and our favourite groups- and favourite choreographies, even demonstrating some of them to each other.
We spend almost 2 hours like this, while eating the chocolate and sweet&salty popcorn that she had brought over in the carrier bag.

Eventually, exhausted from dancing about, we both threw ourselves on the sofa and rested for a moment.
"Thanks, for worrying." I quietly said.

"To be honest, since only Jimin knew, I figured that your friends didn't know either... So I thought I'd utilise the knowledge and try to help. At first I was going to come by the day after, but a Jungkook told me- well that Jimin told everyone to give you some space for the time being. That, and I couldn't muster up the courage to see you again." She confessed.

"He told everyone to leave me alone?" I was confused, I mean I understand a little... But I would expect him to tell people to try to make me feel better.

"He said he would talk to you and cheer you up, and that everyone should give you some space..." She nervously added.

He didn't come to me. He said he'd be back but he lied. That night I did wait a few hours. And he didn't come back.
He could've at least tried calling.

Maybe it's his way of saying that he actually doesn't care.
Take a hint.
He was playing with you Sena.
Stop being to stupid.

I couldn't hide the pained expression on my face, I felt worse knowing that he told people to leave me alone and that he was one of those people who left me to be alone.

I should've opened the door.
What if he hates me now? Am I too much drama?

Of course you are.

"Oh.. Well he didn't really reach out to me. I guess he forgot." I bluntly said.

Hana gave me a 'are you being serious look', "I doubt it, according to Jungkook, he's been pretty out of it for the past 2 days..." She objected.

I changed the topic. We hung out a bit more, and she left.
Before leaving, she gave me a hug- our first proper hug together. It felt genuine, it felt nice, it was a nice hug.
Thanks.

Later on that evening I received another message, initially thinking "oh finally, Mr. IDC is trying to communicate".
Turns out, I spoke too soon:

Message from Namjoon oppa:
Hey Sena, are you okay? You've been all cooped up in your apartment, I mean, not that I would know, but I haven't seen you leave... Not that I was watching your door or anything...
So, I was wondering if you'd like to join us Thursday evening? Just to hang out and relax, our schedule ends pretty early that day.

Thursday evening? That's in... *check calendar on phone* 4 days.
It's Monday today. No wonder I feel like crap.

I'm ok. And maybe.

My reply sounded mean and blunt but... I have no excuse, I'm a horrible person.

Another day passed.

From Jimin? Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

Fucking nothing.

I knew it, he doesn't care. He doesn't care. He hates me now. And it's my fault. He doesn't care.
Maybe I should go back to Turkey and forget about everything that happened, stay in my mother's arms and be happy. Maybe I should get an arranged marriage with some Turkish guy someone my parents approve of.

Maybe.

And yet another day passed. Alone with my thoughts and music. I couldn't bring myself to draw. It's hard to draw when what you thought was your muse hates you.

The thing Namjoon invited me to is the day after tomorrow.
I need to leave the house. I can't wait that long. It's late but I need some air.
I need some air.
I need to breathe.

I checked the time, 23:41, it's not that late... Ok it is, but it's a weekday- it should be okay. I put on a pair of black jeans, my black jumper, black trench coat and black boots. Oh and, my black scarf.
Yay all black, at least this way you won't attract any attention!

I walked out, earphones in, head low, rather than sticking to main roads, I decided to stick to the side roads... I mean the chances of seeing people on a main road is higher?  Chances of walking into a dodgy character is higher too?

JIMIN'S POINT OF VIEW:

Practice ended about an hour ago, I stayed behind a little to be alone. Rather than practicing I listened to a few songs on my earphones and freestyled. Just to loosen up a little.
I haven't been my usual jolly self for obvious reasons, during yesterday's radio show and today's interview I remained fairly quiet but faked joy when needed.
Is this how Hosoek feels? He's always under pressure to be happy and jolly... But you can't always be. Sometimes, there's pain behind a smile.

I walked through the streets, looking at the passing cars, streetlights and vacant shops with their shutters pulled down, just observing my surroundings. Breathing the cool air, feeling it coarse through my lungs, walking to the rhythm of the music.
I'm taking a detour. This feels good. I want to feel like this a little longer.
This is the good type of lonely.

I made my way to an empty street, the first person out I've seen since leaving the BigHit building was a dark-figure, they were way ahead of me but I could tell they had fairly long hair and a somewhat hourglass figure.

They were walking extremely slow, almost swaying in a lifeless fashion and they walked- I bet they're listening to music. I was bound to catch up at some point.
The closer I got, the greater the nervous feeling in my gut grew.

It's Sena.

Why is she out at this time? Alone? As cliche as it sounds- it's not safe for her to be out alone, walking on dark streets.

I tapped on her shoulder and she turned around. She took a moment to recognise me, we softly smiled at each other and nodded in unison- as if words weren't needed. It's like we understood each other perfectly for once.
God, I missed her so much. I pulled her into a tight hug, "I'm so sorry" I whispered. I hugged her tighter, and I took in her scent. After what seemed like 'forever', she whispered back, "it's okay".

Is what I'd love to say.
Is exactly what I wish I could say.
But I can't.

In reality: I froze.
As soon as I had realised it was her, I had lost control of all of my limbs.
My heart screaming to walk faster, to run, to get to her.

My head telling me- get away, don't be stupid. Let her be.

As each second passed she slowly got further and further away from me.
I have to try, at least try.
I followed her into a public park.

She paused once she reached a park bench.. She just sat there, idle, for a few minutes. Eyes closed, taking deep breaths. Feeling the music blasting through her earphones- the music that I, now can clearly hear since I had paused mine.
From what I could tell, she was listening to ZionT's Eat...

I went to my track-list and played the same song. At least maybe it'll create the illusion of being a bit closer to her right now?

"I miss you
I like you a lot
I want to hug you more
Love, love, it's like love
Maybe I really love you

When you're hungry
Take this song out like a morning apple and eat it
Even if you're tired, make sure you eat breakfast and lunch
Then you'll sleep better later at night

It's hard
Because it's beautiful
Recognize me
Don't glance at me
Love me, me
Don't miss it"

I sadly smiled to myself, is this how she feels? Is that why she's listening to it?....Nah... It was probably on shuffle.
The song created a strange inconsolable comfort.

I must look so strange, out at 1.30am, watching a girl from afar, hiding in the shadows in the park.
She'll leave soon.
I should go up to her, talk to her.
But I can't.

I sent her a message instead, this way I can see her reaction and determine my actions based on that, right?

Hey Sena.
What are you up to?

Ugh I sound so insensitive. Is that seriously the best that I could come up with?
I can't delete it now. What's done is done.

Her phone lit up, however, she did not. The impassive look on her face remained.
She took a moment to herself before unlocking her phone and typing something.

I waited for her reply.
I waited. Restlessly eager, I waited for her reply.
But it didn't come.
She deleted everything and locked her phone again, taking the light off of her face. Putting her back into the dark.
I should've known.

I softly smiled at my pain.

The least I can do is watch over her for now. It's late and it's dark.
I'm tired but going home now, I won't be able to rest.

I examined her, watched her, she was motionless. It was like staring at a photo.
She was distant- like a photo.
Her eyes remained shut, she was emotionless and motionless. Every now and then she would take a deep breath and look at the sky, or change the song, or crack her knuckles.
Such loud cracking noises from such smol hands- I smiled to myself as I thought of this.
We spent another hour in the park, then, she returned home.

As much as I wanted to catch up to her and say something- I didn't.

I went home a few minutes behind Sena, being extra careful to not be seen.

SENA'S POINT OF VIEW:

I went to sleep as soon as I got home, I was cooling off- recharging myself... I was almost okay until Jimin messaged me.
Countless times a typed a response, and countless times I erased it.
I woke up fairly late and took, what seemed like the 10th time in the past week, another shower- yes, I still feel dirty, and the feeling won't go away, it's so constant that I'm hoping I will grow immune to it soon.
I didn't sing this time.

I lazed around with a towel on my head and sank my teeth into a new book, "Eleanor and Park", it was a gift from a friend of mine, it was a love story- which is probably not what I should be reading but it's okay, I don't expect much from my life here, I know I won't have a happy ending with Jimin. This isn't some sappy fan fiction on Wattpad.
It's real life, and it sucks.

My phone went off- a new message.
From Jungkook-
Morning Noona! I hope you can come tomorrow evening, be here around 7ish, we're going to order pizza! Oh and, Hana and Sungra are coming too ^^
Noooooona I missed you so so so much, please come, ok? Don't let me down.

Oh, and please reply to Jimin hyung... And pretend I didn't say that ^^'

Ugh he's getting Jungkook to do work for him too?
However, I can't let this cutie down.

Okay, I'll try to come. See you tomorrow.

I grabbed a red apple, washed it with ice cold water, and bit into it.
I scrolled through my messages, ending up on the last message from Jimin.
I began typing.

Sorry, didn't see your message. I was sleeping.

I looked at Dooly as I sent the message.
"Don't lie to me Sena! Be honest." Dooly said in a high-pitched voice... "Don't make me use another wish young lady!" It mocked.

I tried to brushed off the hallucination but instinctively grabbed Dooly and stuffed him under my leg.
"Shut up! shut up!"

As usual, I spend the wholeeeee day lazing around.

I woke up the next day, yes you guessed it, and I LAZED AROUND.
To calm my nerves as the "meeting time" approached, I spent about as long as I could in a bubble bath before I got pruny and gross.

I got dressed, and I decided to continue my theme of black clothing- I wore black tights, a just-above-the-knee, mid-sleeved plain black dress, a black cardigan and a black-lace choker.
I left my hair in a side plait- I would love to say I didn't bother with makeup, but that would be a lie. I put some black pencil eyeliner on my lower waterline. But that's about it. My skin has been behaving lately, no concealer for now.

I anxiously knocked on the door- Hosoek opened the door, he greeted me and gave me a hug. I walked in to find everyone on the floor, sitting facing the TV, surrounded by numerous boxes of pizza- I swear to God if there is none left, I'm going to scream.
"Sorry, Jungkook and I were suuuuper hungry after today's shoot, we couldn't wait any longer ^^' THERES STILL PLENTY LEFT THOUGH, AND ITS STILL WARM- SO NO WORRIES!" Taehyung spoke up.

I mainly spoke to Hana, Jungkook and Namjoon.
Everything was ok, but the atmosphere seemed a little off.
Everything seemed normal, but nothing was normal. I brushed off the notion and continued eating and chatting.
Almost forgetting that Jimin was sitting in the corner of the room.
Talking to Hosoek.
Eating pizza.
Being jolly.
Maybe he was so happy that he forgot to acknowledge my existence?
No he did that on purpose.

I tried my best to act natural, I didn't want anyone to worry about me.
In a strange way I felt uncomfortable, I felt like people were looking at me differently after finding out what actually happened that night with Suho.

Act natural.

As I reached for another slice of pizza, the lights turned off.
Everything was pitch black, I was going to scream- or something of the sort, but Hosoek had that part covered.
I could hear shuffling and complaining, "Guys I got this, I'll just turn the power back on the power-box is in the kitchen." Yoongi's voice called out from somewhere on my left.

Suddenly I felt someone grab my wrist- something cold, ice cold.
I panicked and was at a loss for words.
There was what seemed like almost a struggle that was accompanied by heavy breathing.
"Almost... There." A male voice grunted.
I was yanked once more.
The cold metal tugging at my wrist.
"HEY- WHAT'S GOIN-" I was about to demand an explanation but the lights turned on.

Everyone was looking at me, with what looked like anticipation.

Confused, I looked down at my hand to find a silver-metal hoop around my wrist... Handcuffs.
The other side had someone else's hand attached, my eyes travelled up their smooth arm, decorated with veins might I add, to find that the owner of the arm was Jimin.

A/N- Helloooo everyone it's 5am and once again I got lost and wrote for away longer than I expected. This is me trying to make up for not updating so loong since chapter 23? Anyway, love you all.
Thanks for reading, THANKS FOR SO MANY READS.
I WILL PROOF READ THIS AND THE PREVIOUS CHAOTER SOON. Please Ignore any mistakes for now.
Sorryy about the sappy chapter, I was listening to music and sad songs came on sooooooo XD
I'm gonna drink some water, pee, then go to sleep.
I love you all.
Vote and comment!
💕💕✌️😴😴😊😊😊😊❤️❤️❤️

Hey guys it's 10am and I'mgoingtongonvack to sleep I'm sorry if some parts don't make sense opyyyyyy bye
271215