Yesterday during advocacy I drew a picture of him, and gave it to him during lunch.  He really liked it, and asked if he could put it on his wall.  I, of course, said yes.

My friends and I all agreed that from the back the picture looked like a creepy squash with eyes, and deemed him squash man. 

When I came into his class I was kinda in a bad mood because I was mad at my friend, and another friend's lovely cat, Paddles, had to be put down. 

He started to put me in a good mood, but, I was just.....tired.  Tired of pretending that I don't have feelings for him.  I was just so frustrated, and everytime he walked by I would clench my fists and sigh heavily, trying to hold it all in.

I went over to his desk to ask him question, and made the mistake of looking at his face..

He has long eyelashes, and was so pretty from up close and god, I just wanted to kiss him.

But I can't.

Nothing could be more stupid then acting on my feelings.

He would shut me out, and push me away, and even worse, he'd be mad at me.

That's what I'm most scared of, him getting mad at me.  Looking down on me because I did something wrong.

It'd kill me..

But I dont know how much longer I can stay quiet-

I'm so sorry, this is probably disgusting to you, because it is to me.  I just....need to vent.