Well, kids.

My consequences were finally delivered.

And God I deserved them.

I deserved them so much.

I did all the wrong things I could possibly do and I deserved my consequences.

During songcrafting, the school therapist came and got me.  She pretended to be all chill and asked me how I was, but I knew something was up.  It was the day after the hug incident, and I knew either my mom, or my teacher crush had told her that I hadn't listened to her advice and was entertaining my fantasies about him.  As I feared, it was the latter.

He had not caught on to my feelings as soon as I'd though he had, he caught on later.  The hug was the last straw, and, contrary to what I thought, he had no idea what to do about the situation. 

She sat me down in her office, and told me that she was in the staff lounge the other day, and a teacher had told her that there was a student that was getting more attached to him then they should be, and he didn't know how to to set boundaries.  She confirmed that teacher, which was pretty obvious, was him. 

She then continued to tell me that even though he never told her to, she came to talk to me and tell me that I needed to just stay away from him. 

I can't talk to him, I can't be around him, I just need to avoid all contact with him.

Basically, an unofficial restraining order.

It felt like someone punched me in the chest, and, unlike the last time something like this happened, I immediately knew why what had happened had happened, what I had done, how wrong it was, and felt so terribly utterly sorry.

Don't make the same damn mistake I did.  Learn from this.

Just because you feel bad for your actions, or know they're wrong, it doesn't automatically justify those actions, or get you out of the consequences.

 I am so incredibly sorry for being so selfish and only thinking about my feelings and what I want that I wasn't thinking about the consequences that it could have for him and put his job in jeopardy. 

Feelings can't be controlled, and even though feelings may influence your actions to some unwanted extent, you can always control your actions and how you deal with those feelings. 

I knew it would have been better to just stay quiet, but I acted on my heart, and not my head. 

What I did was absolutely unacceptable, and as this is the second time I have made this mistake, I will do everything in my power to never do it again.

He could have lost his job because of me, that's not what you're supposed to  do to someone you care about!

When you start having feelings for someone you can't be with for whatever good reason, don't necessarily suppress them, (although you should to some extent) ADDRESS THEM!

And address them properly.

Don't just ask for advice, and then ignore it.  Think about how what you do will not only affect you, but will also affect the target of your affections. Decide the best course of action using your head, and not your heart, and of course using input from others, and take it.

Don't let what you so desperately want consume you and make decisions that will negatively affect you both, will poison your current platonic relationship with that person, and you'll regret later. 

Journal your thoughts, vent your feelings, get everything out and clear your head so you're able to work things out without your feelings getting in the way of doing the right thing.

If you really care about them, you'll not only do what's best for you, but best for them.

I'm going to deal with my consequences of not being able to be around him, channel my feelings and vent them in here if I need to, and do everything in my power to do what's best and move on from him.

He's just my teacher, nothing more, and hopefully by next year, we'll both be able to enjoy each other's company without my dumb feelings getting in the way (of course that's only if he for some reason forgives me-)

That's all I have to say for now, thanks for listening. 

Again, please learn from this!!!