A/N This is more about Nate and Lawson's friendship. Before I edited it, it was a train wreck (its still not super great) but I think I like it a lot more now. Enjoy

Lawson was laying in a lime green bean bag, his head hanging uncomfortably backwards as he listened hto Reese and Kye bicker about where to order lunch from. He had gone to their room after stopping at his own after class, since he was bored, and would be for multiple hours since his American Short Stories professor had emailed him saying class was canceled for the day. He could be studying for Calc some more, but he decided he needed a break to process the information Sean had taught him, and so he ended up here, as he did many days of the week.

About three days into school, Lawson had bumped into Kye at one of the freshman welcome events. It had been years since they had saw one another- Kye had gone to his elementary school but moved away right before fifth grade- but they easily fell into their old friendship. Through Kye, he had met Reese, who was his friends roommate, and even though they spent the majority of their time bickering, Kye often refused to go places without the shorter boy.

Their current argument shifted from food, to how often Reese practiced the viola in the room, and Lawson sighed heavily. Usually, the two of them could be entertaining, but he had heard this argument neary a thousand times by then, so he took out his phone to check for messages. He knew he had many, since the ringer had sounded multiple times over the last hour, but he had suspected who they were from and chose not to answer them right away.

"It's my major, Kye. I can't just not practice," Reese was saying. He was sitting in the bean bag next to Lawson, and leaned over when Lawson took out his cellphone to be nosey. With an annoyed look at the other boy, Lawson shifted so Reese couldn't see his phone screen, to which the other boy pouted.

Lawson finally brought his attention to his phone as Kye snapped, "there is a music conservatory across campus that you're supposed to practice at you know". If Reese responded to that- which of course he did, because Reese was the kind of person that always needed to have the last word- Lawson didn't hear what it was.

Sure enough, there were a dozen messages on his phone, eleven of which were from Nathan, and the other one from his step-father. He responded to that one first, since it was a simple how is your day going kid, and that was far easier to deal with that Nathan's sadness.

He told his step-father he was fine, and returned the pleasantry, along with a quick I miss you, mom, and the girls, because he did, and he figured it would be a nice thing to hear. Before he could even press send, his phone buzzed with another message, another one from Nathan, and Lawson sighed in mock distress, quickly sending the text to his father before clicking on the new one.

I don't understand, Lawson. I know he's busy, but so am I, and I'm not treating him like this.

Despite Nathan being a total prick to him his first few years in highschool, they had somehow grown close during the time that Nathan and Glenn had been dating. Since Jean left for college- he went to Tennessee, so he was pretty useless to them- this gave Lawson the title of the person Nathan confided in with his relationship problems.

The message was pretty much what Lawson was expecting, and he scrolled up to read the other eleven messages, which were all quite similar to the last one. There was really nothing he could say that he hadn't already said to Nathan before. You should talk to Glenn about this. Even if he doesn't respond, you should send him a message that tells him how you feel, and he'll read it. He has to be reading them. But he didn't say any of this, and instead texted a simple, I'm sorry man. Before turning his screen off and laying it on his chest as he thought about his friend, probably all alone in his apartment, laying on his couch eating food he never allowed himself to eat before. It was sad to see Nathan like this, but there was only one person who could get him out of this slump, and it was the person causing it.

As someone who was often overwhelmed by school, Lawson could understand where Glenn was coming from. The difference though was that when Lawson got overwhelmed, he went to his friends room, and when Glenn got overwhelmed, he saw it as a burden to others and shut down. It was something Nathan couldn't deal with, especially since him and Glenn had grown so close over the last year, and in this time Nate had learned to rely heavily on his boyfriend.

The current issue was that Nathan and Glenn had a date planned for the day before, to commemorate exactly a year since their first kiss, but when Nathan had texted Glenn to confirm their plans- since they had planned the afternoon over a month ago- Glenn had never responded to the message, and they ended up not going. From what Lawson had gathered from the new messages, Glenn still had yet to text Nate, making the hurt only grow.

Lawson's phone beeped once, twice, and then a third time, each within ten seconds of one another, and he picked it up to respond, only to be hit with a pillow a second later. Reese laughed and picked the pillow up from where it had landed and tossed it back to Kye, who had thrown it in the first place. "Who the fuck are you texting so much, man? You have a girl or something you've failed to tell us about?" Kye demanded, green eyes narrowed slightly in accusation and Lawson huffed.

"No. Of course not," he protested before glancing at the screen of his phone and making a soft sound of distress. "It's just... Nathan". Immediately at the sound of the other boys name, Reese's back straightened, and he looked intrigued.

"Nathan?" Reese asked, brown eyes alight with something new. "Is he free? Invite him over!"

"Jesus," Kye groaned from his bed, shooting Reese a look before he began to fluff the pillow he had thrown at Lawson."Keep it in you pants, will you?" Reese looked less than pleased at this accusation, and flipped his roommate off. He received a scoff in return. "Just because he's having relationship problems doesn't mean you have to jump at the opportunity".

"I'm not," Reese denied, sounding offended. It made Lawson's eyebrows raise, since he often got the impression that Reese respected himself far less than everyone else did. "I just thought that maybe since he's having all these problems with Ben-"

"Glenn," Lawson corrected quietly.

"Right, whatever. Since he's having problems with Glenn I thought that maybe he wouldn't want to sit at his apartment alone all day thinking about it," Reese finished, actually sounding a little sincere. Kye didn't look like he quite believed it though, and his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Reese is right," Lawson cut in after a tense moment of silence in which the two roommates glared at each other, as if daring the other one to speak. When Lawson spoke, they both looked at him, Reese with a grin, and Kye with a scowl.

"Hey. don't be so careless with such bold statements, Lawson," Kye instructed, once again aggravating Reese who huffed. It was never ending with these two. "Does that mean that you're going to invite Nathan over?"

"No," Lawson answered, ignoring the pout that immediately formed on Reese's face. It was a common facial expression for the boy to wear, and it annoyed Lawson, mostly because it reminded him of Wesley. "I think we all know that he wouldn't come over even if I asked". Ever since Nathan's relationship with Glenn became extra tense, Nate had pretty much spent his time either in class, or in his apartment, alone. Many times Lawson had encountered the group of friends Nathan had made within the first week of school, but as soon as they saw Lawson they always asked him where Nathan was and how he was doing, telling him that the boy hadn't been out with them for a while. Nathan had never really been social, Lawson knew. In highschool, he had pretty much spent most his time with his best friend Jean, but Nate was very personable, and still thrived off of human interaction- in high school, this interaction for Nathan was mostly sexual, but it was still interaction- and Lawson feared what would happen if his friend continued to lock himself away from others.

It would be one thing if Nathan actually lived on campus, but he had gotten an apartment five minutes away, distancing himself from the college life, and potential acquaintances. "I think I'm just gonna go over to his place".

Reese looked saddened by this information, but Lawson knew it was just for show. "You're leaving already?"

"I have no motivation to stay," was Lawson's response as he struggled to rise from the stupid green bean bag chair. Once, he asked Kye why they had them, and all he had gotten from the other boy was a grumbled response in which only a few words could be made out: Reese, Happy, and Ugly. "Enjoy arguing".

When he left their dorm room, he paused, hand still on the knob as he considered what exactly he would do with Nathan that afternoon. While lazing in the other boys apartment for the rest of the day sounded perfect for the mood he was in, he knew it wasn't good for Nathan to continue to mope around. Besides, there was something Lawson should be doing anyways with his afternoon off.

***

When Lawson buzzed up to Nathan's apartment, the boy had grumbled something in response to his voice, and then the door was unlocking with a loud click, and Lawson entered. To get to Nathan's third floor apartment, he took the stairs instead of the elevator, figuring if he was going to go exercise in the first place, he might as well use it as a warmup. 

The door to Nathan's apartment was unlocked, meaning Nate didn't need to get up off the couch to answer, so that was where he was when Lawson walked in. All the lights were off, and Lawson flicked them on upon entering the room, resulting in a loud groan from Nathan, who rolled over so his face was pressed in the cushions of his couch. "Fuck you".

"You're being pathetic," Lawson accused, crossing the room and pushing open the curtains on one of the two living room windows so he could open it and let in fresh air. He went to the second window and did the same.

"I don't know what else to do, Lawson". Lawson went to stand at the end of the couch, leaning over Nathan's face. He was on his side, curled into himself with his cellphone clenched tightly in his right hand, the screen unlocked. For some- all those Nate had hurt in the past- it might have been satisfying to see the boy like this, broken, but to Lawson, it just made him worry. This version of Nathan was nothing like the boys typical joking self, and he desperately he knew what to say or do to make the other boy fall back into that attitude.

Hopefully, he said, "how about you get your ass up and come play tennis with me," a phrase that would have once made Nathan light up- even after he had decided to quit in college, Nathan loved to play- but now he was just silent. His blue eyes were open, staring blankly ahead at nothing, and Lawson chewed his lip. "Nathan?"

Finally, a reaction. Nate turned his head enough so one blue eye peered up at Lawson.

"Tennis?" He inquired, voice small like a child's. Lawson nodded, a tight smile pulling at his lips, and Nathan rolled onto his back, staring up at him. "Why tennis?"

"Because I want to practice for the season in spring, and your sad ass needs to get out of the house," Lawson pointed out, turning his face to stare at the coffee table, which was covered with an absurd amount of take out containers and candy wrappers- both of which were strange when it came to Nathan, who typically avoided foods that didn't come from a garden until someone forced it upon him for his own good. "You should probably exercise as well". Nate's eyes closed for a second, and then he was pushing himself up with a empathised huff. At least he was still dramatic.

"Fine. Just give me a few minutes to get dressed". Slowly, as if his muscles ached from being there so long, Nate got up off his couch, and wandered out of the living room. Lawson watched him go with raised eyebrows. Honestly, he hadn't really been expecting Nathan to agree, or at least he thought he'd put up a little more of a fight, but he wasn't really upset with how easy it had been to convince Nathan to leave. To Lawson, it was proof that his friend wasn't as helpless as those messages had made him seem. 

As he waited, he he busied himself gathering the garbage on the coffee table that had accumulated during Nathan's week long strike from cleaning. It was soon discovered that cleaning the living room wasn't the only thing that Nathan had neglected to accomplish, since when Lawson went to throw everything away in the kitchen garbage he found it full of frozen pizza wrappers. Even though it wasn't his job, he went about changing the bag, knowing if he didn't do it, Nathan wouldn't either.

When he was satisfied with his half assed cleaning- he had even wiped down the kitchen counters (even though they clearly hadn't been used) for good measure, which he didn't even do in his own house- he left the kitchen and dropped down onto the couch to wait for his friend, easily falling into the same position Nathan had been in when he had arrived.

It put Nathan's phone directly in front of his face, and Lawson blinked at it slowly before picking the device up. It felt hot in his hand, and he wondered how long Nathan had been holding it. The screen was still on on, displaying the text conversation with Glenn. Lawson's eyes roamed over the screen for a moment, noticing that all the messages shown were sent from Nathan. He didn't read any of them though, turning the phone off before his eyes had time to adjust to any of the words. Even though Nathan had explained to him what most of the messages said, it felt far too personal reading them with his own eyes and seeing that Glenn still had yet to respond.

He was still holding Nathan's phone when the other boy entered the room, wearing a pair of black shorts and a blue t-shirt from their high school that Lawson had seen him wear enough times to know his last name was printed on the back across his shoulders. Over his shoulders was a familiar tennis bag that had Lawson's lips twitching into almost a smile, but his gaze shifted to Nathan's face then, and the urge was gone.

His friend's eyes looked a little red- it wasn't hard to guess why- but Lawson don't comment, only held out Nathan's phone towards him to take. They hadn't been close- or even friends- for very long, but Lawson felt he knew Nathan well enough to know that asking him if he was alright wasn't what would help him now.

With a soft, "thank you," Nate took the phone from Lawson's hands, looked down at it for a moment, and then twisted to slide the device into one of the pockets of his tennis bag.

They left the apartment, Lawson taking the garbage bag with him to throw away. Nathan gave him a look of surprise at this, but didn't say anything except, "shoot is that way," as he held the apartment door open for him and pointed in the direction of the shoot. Once it was disposed of, they took the stairs down to the main floor.

The silence between them wasn't awkward, but it felt heavy, and Lawson doubted he was the only one who could feel it. He felt like he should say something, but not for the first time, he had no idea what, so he instead followed his friend down the stairs with his lip pulled between his teeth to worry at.

When they left the building and Nathan glanced around the parking lot before beginning to  walk in the direction of Lawson's beat up navy truck, silently saying you drive, through his actions. Lawson was unsurprised, and more than happy to comply. He loved his car.

The truck had been a gift to him from his parents on his sixteenth birthday, and it was far from new when it had been gifted to him, since they couldn't afford anything more. Somehow, he was able to overlook all the rust, and the passenger seat that could only be locked or unlocked from the inside, and the air conditioner that only worked when it wanted to, and he loved the damn thing. His most prized possession. The day it stopped running would be one of the worst in his life, he was sure.

Nathan- of course- hated the vehicle and if he had been in a better mood he surely would have made a joke about it, to which Lawson would respond with something smart like would you rather we take your car and Nathan would scoff, since the both knew that taking his car was out of the question.

It was ridiculous, but Nathan refused to drive his car anywhere. It was new and expensive- a graduation gift from his grandparents- and he was constantly worrying about things happening to the vehicle, such as paint chips or dents. Lawson thought it was stupid to have such a nice car and never drive it, but he didn't mind being the one to drive.

***

The college's courts were only a few minutes from Nathan's apartment, just on the edge of campus, and their silence continued throughout the ride. It had shifted into something more comfortable than it had been earlier, which made Lawson feel less pressured to start a conversation. He rolled down his window so the wind whipped at his hair, and turned on the radio, which had been stuck on some strange techno music station for the past year that he strangely enough had grown to love.  A small sigh was heard from the passenger seat, but other than that, Nathan was silent.

Lawson parked on the street alongside the courts, and then climbed out of his car to fetch his tennis bag from the bed of his truck. It took Nathan a minute to join him outside, and when he did, Lawson noticed with satisfaction that he looked at the courts with something like excitement in his eyes. It assured him that he had made the correct choice by dragging Nathan out to play, even if his friend would never admit it.

Nathan was happy, right then, for the first time in however long. Lawson could tell.

It became even more abundantly clear after only minutes of them warming up. It was the first time in nearly two weeks that Lawson saw Nathan actually look alive, his blue eyes shining with happiness and his cheeks flushing from the thrill of a fast beating heart. When they finally began to play, and Nathan hit the ball so close to the net that Lawson couldn't reach it in time, the blue eyed boy laughed and Lawson smiled to himself as he was reminded something he couldn't believe he had forgotten.

Nathan was beautiful.

It was something he had realized in high school, first during his junior year, and it was the main reason why Lawson had gone to him for comfort after an embarrassing rejection. Their little arrangement had lasted for about nine months, in which every time they ran into one another outside of school- and one time in school- they would find themselves in the most secluded area possible, pulling at one another's clothes until they were bare enough to glide skin across skin. Lawson didn't think about those days often, even though it was his only relationship to date. There was nothing to reminisce really. It was just having sex for the sake of pleasure and loneliness; there was no romance involved whatsoever.

It was times like that- Nathan with his head thrown back as he laughed- that he did think about it. Not because he missed it, or because he felt anything for Nathan beyond friendship, but because it reminded him exactly why he had gone to Nathan over anyone else. He was pretty (and easy).

They managed to play three games (all of which were won by Lawson) before Nathan's phone began to ring. It happened in the middle of the point, but the dark haired boy didn't care, ignoring the ball completely as he left the court to jog over to his tennis bag. Lawson wasn't surprised or bothered by the immediate response. He leaned forward against the net, waiting to see Nathan's reaction to the voice on the other line.

It look less than a second for Lawson to tell it wasn't Glenn speaking in Nate's ear, based on the falling of his friends shoulders, and his eyebrows drawing together. Lawson waited on the court, expecting Nathan to dismiss whoever was on the other line in his frustration, but instead he took a seat next to his tennis bag and folded his legs under himself, so Lawson finally began to make his way over. When he reached Nate, he also sat, fishing though his tennis bag for one of the many half finished bottles of water he had, all of them opened some other day.

"Maybe you should stop having sex with everyone," Nathan was saying to the person on the other line, and Lawson huffed out a laugh for two reasons. One, it was hypocritical of Nathan- who used to have sex with everybody- to tell anyone to stop sleeping around, and two, Lawson could picture Jean's face all the way in Tennessee when he heard this.

Of course that was who Nathan was talking to. It became obvious to Lawson the second he had heard the tone of voice Nathan was using. He always spoke to his best friend a little differently than he spoke to everyone else. This was a luxury granted to only Jean and Glenn, Lawson knew, but there was a defiant difference between Nathan's Jean tone and his Glenn tone.

The phone conversation only went on for a few minutes more Nathan hung up and threw his phone back in his tennis bag, the action far more forceful than it needed to be to empathise annoyance. As he was talking to Jean, it sounded as if his frustration had diminished, but being without distraction seemed to renew it. Lawson's teeth pulled at his lower lip, and Nathan shot him a sharp look. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just..." Lawson paused as he thought back to all he had heard Nate say to Jean over the past five minutes. "You didn't mention Glenn".

Nathan turned his head away from him, but Lawson could still see his shoulders tense. "Jean doesn't know. There's no reason for him to. He's hours away, so there's nothing he can do to help me". Lawson chewed his lip again, wanting to point out how false that statement was. Jean was Nathan's best friend; he could make Nathan calm down when no one else could.

But Nathan was looking at him in a way that told Lawson he didn't want to hear it. "Yeah".

They were quiet for a minute, and Lawson leaned back against the fence, staring ahead at the court. When he glanced out of the corner of his eye at Nathan, their eyes met. "You miss him, don't you?" Nate asked, and Lawson's eyebrows raised.

"Who?"

"Jean".

"Oh," Lawson said, and then he frowned, because it really wasn't something he wanted to answer. He wasn't stupid. If he answered, it would get back to Jean eventually, and Lawson didn't want to deal with that the next time the boy came home. He could already imagine the teasing.

Of course, he could lie to Nathan and tell him that he didn't miss Jean, but he felt it would be a obvious mistruth.

It wasn't as if Lawson and Jean had ever become close friends, and they likely never would. Lawson felt him and Nathan had been able to become friends since there was a lack of rivalry intense between them. That certainly wasn't the case with him and Jean, though the taller boy had become slightly less insufferable once Nate and Lawson had become friends. His insults had gotten far less frequent, and Lawson had noticed Jean even biting his tongue to hold back comments before.

But still. Jean Miller was a cocky asshole who drove Lawson insane.

This didn't change the fact he was the best tennis player Lawson had even played against, and he missed the competition a great deal. They had played together often, and it had almost gotten to the point where they were evenly matched, but then Jean had ceased practicing as much once their final highschool season had ended, and Lawson was left to practice on his own. "How are you handling having your best friend so far away?" Lawson questioned after the long pause, figuring that was easier than finding a clever way to answer the question without really answering the question. Luckily, Nathan didn't seem to realize, too lost in his own thoughts to even remember asking him anything in the first place, it seemed.

"It's hard, actually. I thought it would be fine because I still had Glenn, but now that Glenn wants nothing to do with me I really miss him," Nate admitted. There was something very distant about his voice that made Lawson shift uncomfortably. "You know, I never give Jean enough credit. I was in a really bad place when I started going to Springfield, and I didn't know anyone, and he kind of took me in. It had always just been the two of us for three years and then Glenn came along and I feel like I kind of left him behind, you know? I guess that's the real reason why I'm not talking to him about my issues with Glenn now. He's always felt the need to look after me, and I don't want him to worry, or regret leaving. I'm happy he went to Tennessee. Getting away from his parents was the most important thing for him".

"You didn't leave him behind," Lawson responded after a pause. "And, I don't think he resents you for Glenn, if that's what you're thinking. He's a total douche bag, and far from my favorite person, but the one good thing I always saw in him was how much he cared about you, and I know that seeing you happy made him happy as well. I'm guessing it's the reason why he felt he could go. In a way, you being with Glenn was the best thing for him". Nathan seemed to be considering this, but after a moment, all he offered in response was a shrug.

"What would he think if he saw me now?" It was clearly a rhetorical question, so Lawson didn't answer. "Glenn's busy all the time, and Jean's gone, and you and I are friends, but we used to have sex sometimes, so we can't really be close".

"You used to have sex with Jean too," Lawson argued, though he wasn't sure why, because he understood what Nathan was saying, and agreed with it wholeheartedly.

"That was different". Lawson was aware. "I love him. Not... not how I love Glenn, that's far more intense and romantic, but that doesn't change the fact that I love Jean". Nathan sighed, and then brought his hands to his face to rub at his eyes. "I'm miserable".

"You need to talk to Glenn, Nathan".

Immediately, Nathan began to defend his boyfriend, just as Lawson had thought he would. "Glenn isn't doing this on purpose. He's busy, and stressed, and he's not great at handling it. You remember the end of last year. He practically had a mental breakdown. At least... at least he's cutting something out this time to prevent that from happening again".

"He's cutting you out, Nate," Lawson reminded, voice just above a whisper. It was the impact of the words, not the volume of them that made Nathan wince. "I know it's not on purpose, but that doesn't make it hurt any less".

"I know that". Now Nathan was getting annoyed, impatient. "I know that a lot better than you".

"Then you need to talk to him!" Lawson snapped. "Nothing's going to change if you don't Nathan, and it's unhealthy for you". They were silent for a while. Nathan closed his eyes.

"I don't know how to be alone, Lawson. I haven't had to do it in over four years, and even then I had my parents". Nathan sighed, and turned his head towards Lawson, cracking open his eyes to show him a sliver of blue. "They're only ten minutes away, I know, and I really fucking miss them, but I need to prove to them, and myself that I can live on my own. I just wasn't expecting on my own to be so lonely". Lawson didn't know what to say, so he didn't speak. Eventually, Nathan stopped expecting him too and dropped his head. "I forgot how to be lonely and okay at the same time".

"Then maybe it's about time you learn".

A/N I was never going to write a book about Lawson, so all this Nate Glenn shit was just a snippet I wrote once upon a time, but I really like being able to explore it. I think that message is important, learning how to be lonely and okay at the same time, because it's something I struggled with for a long time, and I'm much much happier now that I understand that my own company is enough.