~Three years later

Mama is staring out into nothing again. She does this a lot, like I do. I think something is bothering her. I see her staring into nothing for long periods of time and she speaks to Papa Greil a lot too. She spends a lot of time practicing with Oscar and Boyd which is strange to me. Mama is already very strong! What is bothering her? Does she practice like this to distract herself from thinking about things or does she think she needs to get stronger for some reason? Ever since that day when my brother ran from me, when they ran off after the princess they talk about often, Mama has been spacing out more often.

I study her distant gaze from across the practice field. Papa is playing out there with my brother while Oscar and Boyd are practicing with their wooden weapons. I pull down my hood to hide myself with the safety of the darkness. I cannot hide the subtle hint of sadness I feel when Mama does this. I just want more attention from her. I want to get stronger. I want to help make her feel better. I want to protect her.

Whatever is bothering her, I feel like I cannot do anything about it. I hate it. It makes me feel helpless. If I do not get stronger, then how can I protect Mama?

I continue studying her distant face for a moment while sounds of laughing and clunking are going on everywhere around me. Her gaze slides slightly towards me and her stare does not change. But after a moment, her gaze catches mine. I feel a wave of happiness fill me when she finally notices I am watching her. I push myself up and begin wandering towards her. After a bit, I hide my emotions so I do not scare my brother who is now near me as I cross the field.

I notice she is not smiling at me and I keep my pace slow while I study her closely. Does she not want me to visit her right now? What is bothering her so much that she is hesitating this long to smile at me?

I hope she has not figured out Lance is afraid of me. I just want to make you proud, Mama.

Suddenly, Mama smiles at me and motions for me to hurry towards her so I quicken my pace. There's that smile I have been waiting for all day. She gets up from her seat, kneels to my height and wraps me into an embrace when I finally reach her. I reach up and hold her neck, "I love you, Mama,"

She says nothing for a moment and I feel her tighten her grip on me. She lifts me up, holds me against her and studies my eyes intently. Something is swirling in her gaze but I cannot figure out what it is. She pulls my hood down away from my face and the sun hits it harshly. My bangs brush into my face slightly and finally falls around my cheeks.

Mama kisses my forehead, "I love you too. You have grown up so fast,"

I smile up at her, not caring about my emotions right now. Yesterday was the last time Mama even smiled. She usually smiles all day, "You have already gotten stronger than me too,"

How can that be Mama? I have yet to master the blade like you have!

I slide my gaze down to the hilt of the blade I held those years ago back when I was visiting Ma and Pa. I feel a lot of energy radiate from the blade as I gaze upon it and the memories of feeling that energy flowing through me flood my thoughts. I ignore the urge to wince. I must master this blade. There is no way it will best me this time.

"Are you ready to practice with Falchion, boy?"

Mama's words fill me with determination as I prepare my emotions for focusing on the blade's energy. A large smile emerges across my face but I push it away quickly, remembering how much I have been practicing hiding and controlling these emotions. I have been tossing around those rocks with ease now. I am ready to try the blade again and I will not fail. I mustn't.

I nod, "Yes,"

Mama nods towards the blade on her hip, "Alright, grab him and then let us begin,"

She releases me and I softly land on the ground. I lock my gaze on the blade and I focus my emotion in my arm before reaching up to grab it.

Just keep control with the connection to the blade.

As I touch the blade, I feel its energy shoot through me before calming down as my eyes darken. I force back a wince as the sharpness of the energy hits me for only a moment before weakening. The energy through my arm slows to a numb then the dark film surrounds my arm and the blade. I focus and push the blade to leave my hand while pushing all my other emotions away to the back of my mind. The blade leaves my hand and hovers near me like I told it to do. I feel the energy flowing through my arm and leaving it towards the blade like I felt before when I was practicing on those rocks.

Just like I practiced. Just remember this blade has its own energy. I must keep it under control.

Mama lifts her hand and one of the wooden blades in the grass becomes enveloped with her dark energy. It floats over to her and slides into her fingers and the dark film dissolves immediately after she grips the hilt. I focus only on the blade hovering around me and nothing else. I feel it tugging against my emotions but I fight back, not allowing it to take control away from me.

Now it is time to command the blade. It shouldn't be any different than the rocks, right? At least the pain has numbed this time. So far so good.

I focus my emotion in the blade to swing towards Mama, take a step back and I immediately get slammed with an extreme force of energy that flows through me like lightning. This is nothing like the rocks...

I hold back another wince as the sudden force of energy breaks the concentration I had on the blade. It falls to the grass with a thud and I stare down at it while shaking my hand a little bit. What happened? How do I control this? It is entirely different.

Determination fights with the confusion within me and I narrow my eyes down at the blade in the grass. You will not defeat me.

"Focus your energy through the blade, boy,"

I listen to Mama's words and continue studying the blade. It softly shimmers in the sunlight like it is innocently waiting for me to pick it back up, "Feel the connection you have with him. Now pick him up and try again,"

But the connection was broken somehow. I thought I had it.

"I cannot figure out how he works, Ma,"

Mama chuckles at me. I look up at her with my narrowed gaze and she smiles at me, "When you feel the connection with the blade, only then can you control him with your emotions and thoughts,"

So, I must figure out how to keep the connection from breaking...

"Feel him?" Does she mean the energy I felt flowing between him and my hand? Is that the blade sharing my energy with its own...?

Mama nods, "Yes,"

I flick my gaze back to the blade and it shimmers at me once more, patiently waiting for me to pick him back up, "Pick him up and try again, boy,"

I hesitate. I want to immediately pick him up. I thought I already understood how the blade works. I practiced so hard for this day. But somehow, he feels different. I want to try again right away.

But I don't.

Something within me is stirring and I want to analyze it before trying again. I cannot have a strange emotion breaking my connection with the blade anymore, "He feels different, Ma,"

I look back up at her while I clench my fist repeatedly, "Different than the magic feels,"

Mama nods again, "You are doing it right then. Pick him up and try again,"

But it doesn't feel correct, Mama.

I find the emotion that was bothering me and it is fear. Am I afraid? Fear was sneaking in and force broke the connection I had with the blade. I shove it away. I will not fear this blade. I don't fear the blade. Why was fear just lurking around in my subconscious?

I nod, reach down and grab the hilt once again after I am sure I have prepared my hand to accept the energy from the blade. I focus on nothing but my hand and the blade, forcing away the fear. Falchion lights up as soon as I grasp it and I immediately feel it pour its energy into me once again. I notice it hurts less when I relax and allow its energy to join with mine.

So, narrow my eyes as I focus on Mama and relax my emotions, focusing them on the task at hand, which is preparing to bond with the blade. I release my hold on the hilt and push it up next to me with my dark energy flowing through my arm.

Without another thought, I try again, throwing my thoughts outward towards Mama. To my surprise, the blade does as I ask but with more force than I expected. Mama lifts her wooden blade right before Falchion hits, encompasses it with her dark magic and surprise hits her face with the impact. I want to stop and assess what was happening. I want to stop and try again but with a different plan.

But Falchion does not.

Falchion forces me to swing again. And again. Each swing gets fiercer and I notice I am no longer attempting to command the blade. I feel my emotions going haywire within me and negative emotions begin bubbling up from my unconscious. I cannot stop them as they build up more and more. The connection with Falchion is starting to slip from my control and I feel its energy pry at me, trying to take me over.

I have to release the blade. Before I lose it.

Fear attempts to take me over and I cannot hide it any longer. Mama finds my gaze and hers is sternly watching me intently.

"Merric, calm your emotions," She says between her grunts. Her grunts get heavier with each blow I make and her voice is no longer soft. Her words strike me like she had just struck me with Falchion itself. I want to obey her words right away. I want to show her I was already thinking that exact thing.

But I cannot.

Falchion has almost full control over me now and I fear I will completely lose it. When I try to drop the blade, my emotions grip it tighter and they shoot pain through me. It pains me now because I have allowed fear to take control.

What if I hurt my brother...?

"Merric, drop the blade! Drop it now!"

I hear the worry drip from Mama's words. She says them very fast and they bounce off me like I am rubber and my body does not respond to them at all, "I—I'm trying, Ma!"

Anger erupts from within me. I suddenly feel angry that this blade is getting the better of me. I want to scream. I scream eternally and fight the blade's connection to me. I clench my hand and attempt to throw the blade to the ground at my feet. If stopping my emotions manually does not work, then I will do as I must.

Whatever it takes. You will not force me to harm my brother, Falchion! You WILL not!

I put all my energy into this swing. I try and aim towards the ground. The emotions flowing through my arm suddenly stop and I feel myself mentally exhausted as the blade flings away from my control. I was expecting to hear it hit the ground with a thud near me. I was expecting to feel Mama's arms pull me into an embrace.

Nothing.

"Lance!"

I jerk my head around in time to Mama's frantic voice and see Falchion flying towards my baby brother. Fear seizes me up and I can do nothing but watch the scene unfold right before my eyes. A dark film forms between him and Falchion. My brother falls backwards and loses his balance. Fear fills his eyes and tears swell up in them too. I suddenly feel my eyes do the same as the blade clanks up against the dark energy shield, then falls to the grass with a thud.

The shield flashes white and shatters after the blade contacts its surface. I hear a slight gasp from behind me but I cannot tear my eyes from my brother. His gaze is stuck on mine and that fear he looked at me with before is back again, staring directly at me. He gets back on his feet quickly and starts to back away from me. He backs into Papa and jumps like the impact startled him greatly. Papa kneels down and places his hands on his shoulders before reaching for his shaking hands.

I feel guilt and anger floating around within me. I cannot help but feel extreme guilt for forcing my brother between my training and this blade. Anger floats around too because of my incompetence to control that blade. If my Mama can control that piece of metal, then, why can't I? She could control it at my age I am sure. This is my fault.

I caused this.

I expected anger or guilt to spill from my lips. But neither does, "No... I'm sorry, Lance! I—I did not mean it!"

I find my hands flying up to my mouth as I continue to watch my brother. I feel warm tears slide down my face as I watch a couple fall down my brother's, "I—I'm so sorry, brother..."

Papa scoops up Lance and scurries over to us as I feel Mama bury me into her chest. I cannot respond to her. Fear still has me seized while I cannot get a grasp on my emotions to calm and gain control over them again. My body trembles violently as Mama's grip gets firmer.

"It's okay, Merric. Calm your emotions,"

I finally wrap my thoughts around what has just transpired and mentally slap myself back into gear. I forcefully push away that pesky fear that will not leave me be and banish it away. I focus to push everything away and force myself to think nothing. I must clear my mind or I will never regain back control.

"I'm sorry..." I manage to pipe out. I turn to bury my face away into Mama's shoulder to hide myself as I tightly close my eyes in attempt to slow the tears. I do not wish to find anyone's gaze right now. Mama places her hand on my cheek and holds it there, holding me against her.

"He was trying to control Falchion," Mama whispers. Her voice is no longer harsh or stern, but soft and caring like it usually is.

"I see..." Papa answers. His voice trails off like he is thinking of something. I was expecting him to yell at me. Something. Anything. But he does no such thing. I realize my body was tensing up, expecting to be struck or something similar. But nothing comes, "You will get it, boy,"

My eyes fling open and I feel some sort of goodness wash within me, happiness perhaps. I had almost forgotten the kindness Mama and Papa show towards me. I shall not fail them.

"Your mother lost control from those same emotions,"

I turn my head towards Papa, curiosity pulling me away from my shy ways and I find Papa's gaze on me. How can that be so? Mama was always strong... right?

"She did?"

I almost don't believe him. He must be just telling me this to help me feel better. But why would he lie to me about this? The look in his eye shows me he was remembering something. He must have been remembering a memory or story. He nods, "She did,"

"You can do it, Merric,"

The sound of my brother's soft voice forces my gaze to swiftly slide down to find his gaze stuck on me. A soft smile appears on my lips as I feel everything wash away. Somehow, hearing this causes me to feel refreshed and all my worries dissolve immediately. I just need one more try. I will do this and I will be strong like Mama.

I turn to look up at Mama as I feel my determination and confidence filling me up once again and I narrow my eyes at hers, "I'm ready to try again, Mama,"

"Okay, go get it then, boy,"

I leap away from Mama's grip on me and approach where the blade rests in the grass. It slightly shimmers in the sunlight. I narrow my gaze down at it and narrow my eyes once again. You will not get me this time.

I relax my emotions and focus them in my arm before I reach down to grip the blade's hilt. The blade responds to my touch and for the first time, I feel no pain when it connects with my emotions through my hand. I feel the heavy rush from the blade run through me. This feeling is starting to feel natural as I slowly spin around to face Mama. My eyes darken as I push the blade up away from my hand once again. It becomes surrounded in my dark energy film and waits for my command.

This time, the blade feels calmer, unlike last time when it felt angry or stressed. Then it hits me. Of course. That's how this blade works.

I narrow my gaze up to Mama's and slightly smile, letting her know I am now ready. Why did it take me so long to figure this out?

Mama stands ready with her wooden blade and watches me intently. I begin and take a small step forward while keeping my energy calmly flowing through my arm. Now it is time for me to show this blade not to underestimate me.

I slightly raise my hand and I feel the blade respond. Then I follow up with a swift but short flick towards Mama and the blade swings towards her. Mama raises her wooden blade and blocks it easily. I keep them coming, a bit forceful to test the waters. It clunks against the wooden weapon and causes the dark film to flash where it struck it. As I focus on the blade, Falchion ignites with dark energy flames. I can tell because these flames are colored with the same dark film.

Somehow, I feel something different. This must be the sign that the blade has fully connected with me, because I slightly see Mama's expression change when she watches the flames ignite.

"Good," She says softly, "Stay focused on your connection with Falchion,"

Now I understand your words, Mama.

After two more swings, I lower Falchion to my side and lower my raised hand. My dark magic disappears from my eyes, then my hand and finally from Falchion as the blade powers down to its normal state. It drifts down to my hand and I wrap my fingers around the hilt. I hide my emotions for a moment longer while glancing towards Papa first then to Mama.

Finally, my smile appears across my face and I let this one show. Mama's smiles back at me while moving her hand to her hip. I slide my gaze back up to Papa and his eyes are trained on me, "I am proud of you, Merric,"

My brother's gaze is on me as well and he smiles wide at me, "Yay! You did it, Merric!"

Papa and Lance's voices both sound happy. I promptly approach Mama and she takes Falchion from me, placing it back into its sheath resting on her side. I wrap my arms around Mama and give her a hug, waiting for her to pick me up like she always does. When she wraps hers around me, she does just that and lifts me into the air off my feet against her. I hold her neck as she tightens her grip on me.

I feel Mama kiss the top of my head, "You did it, Merric. I am so proud," Mama whispers to me, "You did great," Her voice is soft and low. I can hear the happiness spill from her every word. I can feel just how proud she really is just from the way she says it to me. I rest my head on her shoulder and this is when I realize just how mentally drained I am. Maybe I was just a tad hard on myself back there.

But I don't really care.

It was necessary for my training to control my emotions. Now I know what I need to do to suppress my emotions and regain back control that fear has taken from me. That is what Mama does, right? If compressing them is what I must do, then that is what I will do.

What's the point of feeling emotion? Whenever I do, I fail. I don't need them for anything but controlling my magic. So that is all they will be used for.

"I have my reasons. Maybe read my story and learn them before judging me."
~ Merric

NOTE: Falchion is pronounced like this --> FALCH-UN

{Learned this from the new Fire Emblem that I am now currently playing | Fire Emblem Echoes {FE15} | More on that later ~ I have plans}

<3 It's a remake of my favorite Fire Emblem | Fire Emblem Gaiden {FE2} <3