What kind of a big brother am I?

I didn't mean for this to happen. What did I do to cause this? I was supposed to watch over Lance for Mama and Papa while they are away. But, immediately I fail.

Why do I always fail when it comes to my brother? I ALWAYS fail!

I clench my fists. I want to scream. I want to shove the anger out of me. I feel frustration encompass me for a moment and I just want to scream at the night sky until I can no longer scream.

My feet continue to carry me swiftly through the field towards the darkness where Lance just disappeared into. I feel something rush through me from deep within and flood my eyes. Suddenly, tears are obscuring my vision and I realize my eyes have darkened.

I dart my eyes around, looking diligently through the dark forest for any signs of my baby brother. But the more I look, the harder it gets for me to see as the tears have completely obscured my vision. As I reach up to wipe them away, the hands I see are nothing that I had expected. I see them trembling and encompassed with dark energy. I stop in my tracks and examine my hands closely through the tears.

Why has my magic come? Why are the tears...

My eyes widen as the words from Mama echo through my mind once again, causing me to wince. Focus your emotion...

Emotion.

I focus on the emotion flowing through me right now. I feel it overflowing and overwhelm my thoughts as I realize this has been driving me to find my brother.

Lance.

I clench my fists once again, ignore my feelings and push myself forwards. My feet heavily thump through the forest and I dash through a bunch of trees. Just beyond this is the cliff...

Please don't be too late.

"Noh! Stah awah!"

I spin around at the sound of my brother's screaming and catch a glimpse of a small shadow trudging through the darkness near me. Another figure speeds past me, "Wait! Lance! It is only me! Myst! Please come back!"

I chase after the sound of Myst's running and the sound of my baby brother's whimpering. I feel my heart stop like I was just struck with lightning as I watch the silhouette of my brother stumble forwards towards the edge. He glances behind him and when he sees me I can see the fear bubble up in them.

He spins back around and stumbles forward again. But this time he starts to tumble down the cliff. I feel like time slows down and I feel helpless for just a moment as I slowly watch my brother's fear-filled eyes widen as he falls head first towards the cliffside. I hear Myst scream my brother's name as she tries to reach out for his hand.

Without even thinking, I reach out my own hoping to get to him before it is too late. I was expecting him to continue falling. I expected I would find him sprawled out at the bottom with fear plastered on his face forever. And that I would have failed as his protector.

But he doesn't.

Something stops him from falling and his whimpering ends abruptly like something closed off his lungs. I watch myself rush up to him while I reach out to scoop him into my arms. Before he looks up to see what has happened, I cradle him close to me, fighting the tears to stop. He is safe. The tears can stop now.

But they do not.

He looks up to me and finds my gaze on him. At first, fear bubbles up in them again and he cowers away from my eyes, looking away from me. I feel sadness wash over me again as I watch him cower away, wanting nothing to do with me. I study his eyes when he peeks at me again but he is no longer looking at my gaze. I follow his gaze as he moves it from where he was just falling to my hands holding him.

My magic. It is still visible.

His eyes widen as he studies my hands that are encompassed with a dark film and he shivers violently in my arms. He softly whimpers once again and cowers away. Before I can attempt to comfort him, I feel hands on my shoulders, pulling me away from the edge.

"Merric, let's get back to camp,"

Myst pulls me away and I feel myself moving. But I cannot stop the tears. I cannot stop cradling my brother that will not stop cowering in my hold.

Focus your emotion...

Emotion.

Emotion controls my magic.

Can Lance sense it? Is that what he is afraid of? Is that what Mama meant when she mentioned that she can sense when my emotion bubbles up out of control? How else would she have known when to tell me to focus my emotion?

The keep appears around me as I realize we have made it back. Myst studies us as Lance cowers in my arms. She stays silent but near. She has this look in her eye like she wants to ask something, anything. But she cannot find the words to ask. But I do not stop trying to calm my emotion. If I never learn to do this, then my brother will always fear me.

This is the only explanation. He does not fear Mama, but he fears me. What is the difference? This must mean I do not have full control over my magic yet. Right? What else could it be? I want to scream. But I do not. He must sense it. He must. And that is triggering his fear.

Then maybe he does not fear me, but the magic within me.

I focus to calm the emotions swirling around within me. I force myself to compress anything I am feeling and I slowly meditate into a state of Zen where I feel nothing. As I focus to shun out everything around me, I feel my brother leave my lap. I want him to stay with me. I want him to see me like he sees Mama and Papa. But I let him go.

Blackness.

Silence.

I welcome the void that consumes when I meditate. I slowly feel every worry I just was bottling up within me release and flow away from me. I hear silence surround me like a blanket in the winter and I see nothing but the void like the night sky without any shining stars.

I feel like I sit here for what feels like centuries before I feel a sensation that pulls me out of my meditation. I feel small hands tugging at my sleeve. The void begins to spin away and light starts to trickle through. I start to feel the hard floor beneath me and the tugging is getting more apparent. It feels like it is urgent and that I must know what is wrong right away.

So, I do.

I snap open my eyes and look down to find my baby brother looking up at me with a bit of wetness in his purple eyes. He locks onto my own for a moment and a mixture of emotions appear in them.

Is he still afraid? He must not be. It must have worked. My magic is gone.

I focus on keeping my emotionless state apparent and keep my gaze on his. I hope he will not fear me if I don't show any emotion at all. Maybe that is how it must be. Because when I do show emotion, he always looks at me with fear in his eyes.

I watch my brother slowly crawl into my lap where he was before and he snuggles up against me. He does not stop me when I hold him and he stays still, watching the front door. We sit in silence for what feels like hours.

But I do not dislike the silence. Not one bit.

I welcome it.

Because it allows my brother to not fear me.

And nothing matters more to me in this world than my brother.

Now you know why Merric shows little emotion.