"Lance, do you want to try?"

My brother looks up at Pa. I lazily watch him think for a moment while what looks to be both excitement and nervousness appear on his face. These are normal feelings to feel when thinking about beginning training for the first time. Strangely, I only felt excitement on my first day those many years ago. It wasn't until I learned more about myself that it became apparent that I was even nervous about it at all.

And by nervous, I mean fear that attacked me with full force. I quickly learned that the magic Ma has been training me with is nothing like normal magic at all. Normal magic is defined by controlling the connection to it with your tomes. Dark magic, however, is nothing like that at all.

I cannot figure out which is more dangerous. Dark magic or myself with dark magic.

Ma spins around and hands my brother a wooden sword, "Go ahead and train with your father, boy,"

Ma pauses for a short moment, "I will join you shortly,"

My brother shyly turns and looks up at Ma, "Okay, I will try,"

His voice is soft and quiet as he takes the wooden sword with his left and looks down at it. Pa strides into the middle of the field with his own wooden sword and patiently waits for my brother to follow. After a bit, he turns and follows, keeping an eye on Pa at all times.

I can see the nervousness peek out as he tries to decide how to stand before Pa and awkwardly holds the sword up. I know you can do well, brother. You are going to be just as strong as Pa. Then together we can protect Ma. Maybe you won't have such a difficult time as I had though. And I still have a lot to learn.

But fear won't be your enemy like it was with me.

I turn slightly to the side and look up at Ma with a slight determined look, "Let's train my baby brother. I know he is going to be great like Pa,"

My voice also comes out soft but I meant for mine to be. Honestly, I am too lazy to speak any other way right now. I turn back to watch Pa and my brother in the field and I am not surprised they have not yet started. I lean back onto Ma's shoulder and I feel my eyelids droop a tad.

I feel Ma kiss the side of my head before my brother finally makes a move, nodding towards Pa. However, he begins with both of his hands on the hilt and studies Pa closely. He begins to mimic his movements and his gaze is drawn towards Pa's hands. He looks back down at his hands and the wooden sword finds its way back into his left hand. He then stands ready before Pa, looking back up at him.

Pa raises his blade up first, next to his face and my brother mimics him with doing the same, like looking through a mirror. The next moment, my brother fidgets with his stance and mimics Pa's stance too. Pa starts to show him the basics and my brother watches his movements intently the whole time with practice swings. He shows him a couple of different swings, uppercut, vertical, horizontal and even a hook while he tries each one himself. Each try is a bit weak and awkward as his eyes stay stuck on Pa's hands.

I feel Ma begin to slowly sway back and forth as I rest my chin on her shoulder, "Try taking swings at me, boy,"

Briefly, my brother locks his gaze with mine before turning back Pa. I wonder if he meant to find mine or he just missed Ma's? When he finds Pa's once more, I can see the hesitation all over his face. Is he not excited to try? Or does he fear something more that no one can possibly see?

Is it because of me he hesitates?

It'll be okay, Lance. I would never mean to hurt you. I hope you train as hard as me and we can grow together someday. For now, I hope we can grow together, even if we are distanced. I hope I have learned how not to scare you. So, from now on, you can approach me without fearing me at all. So, you will not be bested by fear like it did to me and consume your mind.

I fear your mind is weaker than mine. I fear that fear itself has already taken you because of me. But, I also know that you can do it, brother. Defeat that fear away and become strong. Strong like Pa.

"O—okay, Papa," Lance says, shakily.

He steps slightly forward, hesitates a bit then weakly and slowly swings the blade towards Pa. He blocks the attempt with a simple movement and a weak clunking sound emits from the collision. He tries again right away by taking a step back and swinging again. But the attempt fails as he stumbles forwards over himself onto his face in the grass, his blade missing Pa's blade by a large margin.

Ma chuckles softly with herself while my brother gets up swiftly. His face turns a bit red for a moment before it fades away. I expect him to shy away right away like I did. To hesitate and think about what just happened. I have only ever seen him battle against fear and he has always been timid when near me. He would hide away with Pa and wanting nothing to do with me.

But he doesn't.

He shows me something I have never seen from him before. He tries again immediately as Pa smiles down at him. I notice something is in his eyes and it is not fear at all. He scrunches up his brows and takes another swing towards Pa, this time with more force like he means it this time. Possibly that swirling in his eyes is determination?

Confidence?

But where was he hiding that confidence? Was is deep inside all along? Do I have that somewhere within too?

I look between his gaze and Pa's and I see a connection that I have not noticed before. Pa has not removed that smile from his face since my brother started practicing with him and my brother has never once shown any fear at all either. A bit of nervousness of course, but that is nothing compared to fear. Of course. My brother looks up to Pa and he is always with him. I should not compare Pa with myself. Why would he not have confidence while being trained by Pa?

He does not need me to become strong.

After the next successful swing clunks against Pa's wooden blade, he seems more willing to keep trying. His dark blue hair sways slightly while matching Pa's movements. He looks very similar to Pa in this scene as he bounces between his feet slightly, studying Pa very closely. The sunlight shows the difference between his hair from Pa's though, as my brother's hair is darker than his.

My brother tries once more and as Pa blocks this one, he leans forward, stopping him from continuing, "Here, Lance, hold like this, point it this way and swing it with your arm like this,"

I watch Pa explain his words to him and he nods swiftly with each one, trying to follow the instructions right away. That is good he is showing this much confidence. I was starting to worry I was affecting him too much before he started his training. It was always one of my largest fears.

No. You would have thought it would have been myself. Or losing control over my dark magic.

That's not it at all though.

I feared the most that my brother would fear anything and everything because I scarred him forever. I would have hated myself forever if I did. From now on, I will put more faith in you, brother. Please forgive me. Please don't hate me.

I turn and look up at Ma, giving her a smile before turning back and watching my brother's training. I try my best to keep the smile at bay as I watch my brother train. Now that Pa has shown him more tips, he is showing signs of being faster and more efficient with those sword swings. With every successful attempt, Pa shows him another one and he tries that one until he gets it right.

Somehow, I feel some sort of happiness or something similar radiating from around me. How can that be so? I have never felt my own emotion like that before? I thought I was hiding those emotions. The more I think about it, I notice it is different than the normal happiness I feel from within me. I watch my brother for a moment more but he does not respond to this feeling at all.

Does he not fear it anymore? Does he actually notice? Or is it just my imagination and it's not really there at all? Or is it something completely different?

No matter. It probably does not matter. I don't know why I am worrying about it anyway. Emotions do not worry me anymore now that I can hide them away. The one thing that matters is my brother is showing strong confidence towards his training. That destroys the fear I held before this day.

I have almost concurred fear itself. If the one thing I feared the most is gone, then the rest will disappear. If I learn how to hide away fear as well, then learning dark magic will be simple.

I hear Ma chuckle once again and I turn to look up at her, curious what she is thinking, "What is it, Mama?"

She slides her gaze down to mine, "You love watching your brother, don't you?"

Of course that's what she's thinking about. Because that's what I am thinking about.

A smile slips out as thoughts of my brother emerge, "Yeah,"

I slide my gaze back towards him swinging attempts at Pa in the field and erase the smile from my lips, "He's the best baby brother, ever,"

What do you think about his largest fear? He hinted at it many times before this chapter. He basically lived it in part 5 and then again in part 7.

Remember these scenes from book 3? You have seen these scenes before, this one and the one from part 7.