DAX

People can tell how long I waited but I never really counted. What always matters to me is what's currently right in front of me—the present. When she was gone in my life for three years, I tried to look back but it only brought pain and nostalgia. When I first met her, I looked forward to the future daydreaming that I would have the courage to tell her that I like her and it brought hope in me. Kung bibilangin ko ang mga taon na nagdaan simula nang makilala ko siya, maraming mag-iisip na isa akong tanga para maghintay sa isang tao na hindi sigurado sa'kin.

Archie and Gillian subtly told me that I should start seeing someone else and move on. My colleagues think that I'm already old enough to settle down. My friends tried to set me up with other girls hoping that I could move on from my past and finally realize to begin a new chapter with new characters in my life, but they were wrong. Because the truth they don't know is that even before my story started, the universe had already decided that I was written only for Tri.

She's my beginning, my middle, and my end. She was always part of my chapters because, in my heart and mind, she was never gone.

"Sa'n ka pupunta? Hating gabi na."

Nagulat ako nang lumabas ako ng kwarto ay narinig ko ang boses ni Helia. Pagkatapos kong ihatid si Tri sa kaniyang bahay halos dalawang oras na ang nakakalipas ay hindi na ako mapakali sa kwarto ko. Sinubukan kong matulog at ipagpabukas na lamang ang nais kong sabihin sa kaniya pero kahit ipikit ko ang aking mga mata ay gising naman ang diwa ko.

I looked at my phone screen just a few minutes ago before I exited my room and saw that it was already past three in the morning. Tahimik na ang paligid at sobrang dilim pa sa labas pero nagbabaka sakali akong gising pa si Tri.

"Why are you still awake?" Balik kong tanong.

Nginuso niya ang laptop sa center table at doon ko lang natanto na nag-e-edit siya ng mga pictures na kinuha niya kanina. Inikot niya ang kaniyang laptop upang makita ko ang ginagawa niya. I saw our picture—me and Tri. We were dancing, her face on my chest and my lips on her head. Helia captured it perfectly like we were the only couple there dancing.

"You want it printed?" Seryoso niyang tanong.

"And a softcopy of it." Sagot ko.

He nodded and I saw him smirked against the weak light coming from his screen. Dumiretso na ako sa pinto at lumabas. Hindi ko na narinig pa ulit nagsalita si Helia at alam ko na alam niya kung saan ako pupunta.

I put my hands inside the pocket of my jeans and touched the box. Nanuot ang lamig sa'king katawan nang humampas ang malamig na simoy ng hangin. Summer na pero dahil sa daming puno na nakapalibot sa baryo na ito ay malamig pa rin tuwing madaling araw.

I stopped on Tri's doorstep and took a deep breath. Her lights are out and I'm beginning to argue with myself whether to continue this or not. Maghihintay pa ba ako hanggang sumikat ang araw para hindi ko maistorbo ang tulog niya o hahayaan ko na lang siyang magalit sa'kin ngayon dahil ginising ko siya basta ang mahalaga ay lilipas din ang inis niya sa'kin?

The latter won. I knocked on her door.

First attempt, no one answered. Second attempt, still no response. Third, fourth, fifth, until on my tenth, the door creaked open. Namumungay pa ang kaniyang mga mata at tila wala pa siya sa kaniyang diwa nang buksan niya ang pinto at nakita ako.

"Dax?" Her bedroom voice makes me want to spread my arms around her and it creeps me out because I can't believe how someone can be this obsessed.

But I trust my obsession with her. It's the kind of obsession that wants to make sure she's always safe with me.

"What are you doing..." she trailed off as she rubbed her eyes. "...here? It's still dark." Then she yawned.

She's now wearing her pyjamas while I didn't even changed. Nawala na sa isip ko kanina na maglinis ng katawan dahil sa kakaisip sa kaniya. And now that I'm finally in front of her again, I don't know what to tell her first.

"I can't sleep." I admitted.

Naningkit ang kaniyang mga mata at humakbang siya palapit sa'kin. Sinarado niya ang pinto nang hindi pinuputol ang tingin sa'kin. It's dark here but I can see her face clearly with the sheer light coming from the few lamp posts.

"I cannot sleep without asking you." I added.

Mas lalong lumalim ang gitla sa kaniyang noo dahil sa dinagdag ko. We just got back together and she may think that we need to take this slow, but I'm done waiting. Because the last time I waited for the perfect time, everything fell apart. We both ruined everything we had. I knew it had to happen, but right now, I want the past to be just a memory. Right now, I want to change our present. Right now, I want to be sure that she's part of my future.

"Ask me what?" She asked softly.

I swiftly pulled the box from my pocket, showed it to her, and opened it. The small diamond cut in the center sparkled as it refracted the light. I stared at her surprised face. She didn't move for one whole minute and she only stared at the ring in front of her. It's like she wasn't expecting this.

"I bought this ring three years ago." I said and caught her attention.

She looked up at me from the ring and noticed the tears forming in her eyes. I know it's a tear of joy but it still throb my heart to see tears in hers. It's been my lifetime goal to always make sure she's happy, healthy, and smiling.

"I didn't know." Her voice broke and I can sense how she's fighting her tears to not roll down.

Using my other hand, I caressed her cheeks. I looked into her eyes deeply like I wanted to unravel her. I want to know what's running inside her mind right now. I want to feel what her heart is currently feeling. I want us to be one. I want us to share the same pain and joy. I want us to be always together. That was a dream; I want to make that happen right now.

"On our eighth anniversary, I planned to propose to you."

I remember that night vividly like someone painted that scene inside my head. It was the most heartbreaking moment of my life I'll never wish to go back to. I want that history to be just a memory.

Her eyes widened and the tears finally succeeded in rolling down her cheeks. I felt her hot tears on my thumb. Lumapit ako sa kaniya na para bang may ilalapit pa kaming dalawa. I wiped her tears away using one hand while the other was holding the box.

"Hindi ko alam, Dax. I'm sorry... I really am..." She burst into tears more and she keeps shaking her head like she's regretting what happened that night.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you," she said sobbing.

"It wasn't your fault, baby." I whispered and kissed her forehead.

"It was." I can feel the pain in her voice and it breaks me big time. "Kasi... if you told me about the proposal that night... I would have turned you down. I knew I'd reject it because it wasn't what I wanted at that time. If I knew it, I would have caused you more pain. And I'm really... really sorry for that."

"I knew that, baby. I didn't understand it at that moment, but days after you left, I finally understood. You are your own person, Tri. No one in this world could ever control you. Not even me. And I don't intend to ever control you. I just want you to love me back. I want you to be with me forever. I want you to be always part of my every new chapter. I want you to have me. I want you to accept me in your life. I just want to hear that I am part of your dreams... of the life you want to have."

In my career, I've seen lives being taken away right before my eyes. I've encountered a lot of families crying over their dead loved ones. I saw how their eyes filled with regrets for not having the power to save them. The sadness in their hearts must be caused by the reason that they are not the person their loved ones saw on their last breath. That's why if I am going to be asked who I would like to see last on my deathbed... it will be her. My life began when I first met her and it should end with her. I want Tri to be the last person I'll see before I die.

"Please marry me." I spoke against the silence and I tried to hold back the tears.

My heart started pounding for both fear and anticipation. Fear that she might reject me and anticipation for what she's going to say. Is it going to be the words I wish to hear or not?

"I left for my dreams, that's what I told you and it was the truth. But there's one thing you didn't know." Hinaplos niya ang kamay kong may hawak sa kahon ng singsing.

Looking at the ring, she said, "You were never been not my dream."

Then, she lifted her head to look at me with those lovely eyes full of tears. I smiled like an idiot—like a teenager who heard his crush confess to him for the first time. We're already 33 and we both know that a lot of things have changed between us. Individually, we grew. We're not the same person we once were, but regardless of the truth, this moment feels like the same moment we had twenty years ago.

Twenty years ago, I was watching her standing next to their car. She had no idea of my existence at that time, but I knew about her. From that moment on, I knew what was written for me—what the universe had decided for me. I am only meant for Trishastrea Yael Delavin. She's the only girl, the only lady, the only woman, the only person I will ever love for this lifetime.

I waited for so long, that is real. But what's more real? This. Here. Right now. Our love is real and it will conquer everything.

"So... yes. Of course, I will marry you, Dax." She said with the brightest and widest smile I'd ever seen on her.

Inagaw niya sa'kin ang singsing at siya na mismo ang nagsuot noon sa kaniyang daliri. I was still in awe as I watched her wear it and she tiptoed to hug me on my neck. I caught her and held her tight on the waist. She hid her face on my neck and felt her hot tears fall on my skin.

"You need to know that I never loved you." She breathed against the skin of my neck.

I smiled remembering that's what she told me a few hours ago.

"You're my life, Tri." I declared earnestly.

They said she had no feelings. They said her eyes were cold. They said her heart is rock solid. But little did they know, she was the best person to ever exist in this world. She has a beautiful heart and her eyes tell everything. She's too soft for this cruel world, but I need her here with me.

"You have a lifetime to prove that to me." She joked and sniffed.

I laughed. I feel her smile.

"We can stay here. Live here. Together, we will still live the life we want." I told her.

She hugged me tighter. "Thank you. I love you. Thank you for not loving someone else."

"There's no one else like you in this world. I can't love another woman who's not you. I have loved you since thirteen and I will always love you, Tri."

Our story ended when she broke up with me, but my life hadn't begun yet at that time. My life started with her, right here, in the most perfect timing the universe could ever give us. Yesterday had passed—we were young. We have dreams and we are growing. Today is the beginning of that life we wrote and dreamed. This is no longer a book, this is our life. And here, there is no end. No forever, but always a happy ever after.

The universe decides what's written for us because we are our own universe. We are the authors of our lives. Tri and I wrote this story together.