TRI

The next morning Allison bombarded me with photo messages. She's taken nanay to Baguio and she's making me jealous. Simula nang ipakilala ko si Allison kay nanay almost six years ago, para na rin akong nagkaroon ng kahati sa atensiyon ni nanay— in a good way. Allison is not just my best friend, she's my sister too. And her being around nanay while I'm gone, it keeps my heart and mind at ease. At least, I know someone I truly trust will always look after her. Not that I don't trust my parents, but they are too busy to do that for her. Tumatanda na si nanay pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako na hanggang ngayon ay malakas pa siya.

I replied to her messages by sending her a photo of me and nanay in Singapore. Last January, I took her abroad because it's been always my dream for her to see the world. My family's rich and she's been working for us for my whole life, but she's never been out of town. I offered her to stay with me three years ago when I told her I was settling here, however, she refused. And I know why. I grew up with her and she knows what's exactly I needed and wanted. I want to be free. To live on my own.

Allison replied with an emoji before she video-called me.

"Ang matandang dalaga na kasama ko ngayon ay tinatanong kung maaabutan pa ba raw niya na magpakasal ang alaga niya habang nabubuhay pa siya."

I rolled my eyes at what she said.

She smirked at me and finally showed nanay. God, I miss her so much.

"Nasabi sa'kin ni Allison na nagkita ulit kayo ni Dax, Tri." Nanay said.

"Secret lang dapat 'yun." I heard Allison whisper but I'm so sure that she wants me to hear it.

"I know what you are doing, Allison."

"I'm not doing anything—"

I cut her off. "Whatever. Si nanay ang gusto kong kausap hindi ikaw."

"That's hurt." She still teased.

I ignored her and tried to catch up with my nanay's life while I was preparing my breakfast. Madalas akong gumigising ng alas kwatro y media upang magkape at tumambay saglit sa terrace bago mag-prepare ng umagahan at lunch na ibabaon ko sa school. If I'm going to look back, I'm not quite sure if my old self could do this. The old me is used to just waiting for things to hand over to her. Even when I started to live on my own back in college, I felt like I was never like this way. Maybe it has to do with the environment— the people here don't really know how I am treated back in the City, and I can be who I really want to become here. They treat me like a typical person—no impressions to make.

"Anak, Tri, nagbibiro lang kanina si Allison tungkol sa paghihintay kong makasal ka,"

Pinatong ko ang aking cellphone sa lamesa at lumapit sa niluluto kong tocino sa stove. I looked at my phone over my shoulder.

"I know, 'nay." I smiled assuringly at her.

Tipid siyang ngumiti. Muli akong lumapit sa lamesa upang makita nang malapitan ang screen at napansin kong mas dumami ang puti niyang buhok kaysa noong huli naming kita. She's really getting older. And I hate to think that anytime sooner, she'll be gone in my life.

I wish that this life doesn't require any sacrifices. But, cliché may it sound, we can't really have all the things we want. I love nanay and no matter how I want to spend the rest of her life with me, I have a responsibility in this town. I am called for this town. I cannot leave the kids who need me here. It's the same reason why I left Dax three years ago. I love both of them, but I need to be here.

"Pero tumatanda na 'ko," patuloy niya sa nagbibirong tono.

I stared at her and I knew—although she's not saying it aloud—that she's really waiting for me to settle down. I think it's every parent's dream to see their child marry before they leave. Considering my nanay's generation, she believes that I need a husband.

"One day," I told her and she only smiled at me.

Pagkatapos ng mabilis na tawag na iyon ay inabala ko na ulit ang aking sarili sa paghahanda para sa school. I can't dwell anymore with the thought of nanay waiting for me to marry. Because the more I think about it, the more these realizations hit me—that I still feel so alone despite of finally living in my dreams.

After making sure that my door is locked, I went straight to Cha-cha's house to fetch her. Grade 3 ang advisory class ko at Grade 1 si Cha-cha pero dahil magkapit-bahay lang kami, naging malapit na 'ko sa bata. Maaga rin kasing umaalis sa kanilang bahay ang kaniyang mga magulang upang pumunta sa bukid kaya nakasanayan na rin na sa'kin nila ibilin ang bata. Hindi naman dagdag responsibilidad sa'kin iyon dahil napamahal na rin ako kay Cha-cha.

"Good morning, Ma'am Tri."

Mabilis akong napalingon sa'king likod nang marinig ang pamilyar na timbre ng boses na iyon. Sporting a powder blue polo shirt, faded jeans, and Nike shoes, people would mistake him as a celebrity or a model and not a doctor.

"Good morning to you, too." Bati ko pabalik nang makabawi ako sa gulat.

Hindi ko rin alam bakit pa ako nagugulat gayong kahapon ko pa naman alam na siya ang volunteer doctor ng Clinic, na kapit-bahay ko siya, at lagi ko siyang makikita dahil, apparently, hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan niya balak tumigil dito. Alam ko kung gaano niya kamahal ang kaniyang propesyon at alam ko rin na hindi niya ugaling iwan na lamang basta ang responsibilidad na pinili niyang tanggapin. If I won't be in denial right now, I'd think that he's here for as long as his help is needed. And that translates to 'rest of his life.' As long as there are people here, he is needed. Just like as long as there are children, I am needed.

"Magandang umaga po, Doctor Dax! Sasabay ka po ba ulit sa'ming maglakad ni Teacher Tri?" Sulpot ni Cha-cha sa tabi ko.

This feels like a déjà vu.

Sinulyapan ako ni Dax bago siya ngumiti at tumango kay Cha-cha. Niyuko ko si Cha-cha at nilahad na sa kaniya ang aking kamay upang makaalis na kami. Nauna kaming maglakad dalawa at nasa likod si Dax kaya naman nilingon ko ulit siya.

"Si Helia?" Tanong ko dahil wala ang buntot niya.

Nang makalabas kami ng kanto at bumungad sa'min ang maluwang na sementadong kalsada ay 'tsaka pa lamang siya sumabay sa'ming maglakad. Nasa gitna namin si Cha-cha at siya ang nasa tabi ng daan. Wala masyadong dumadaang sasakyan dito sa'ming lugar at madalas ay puro kalabaw lang din ang makakasalubong. May pailan-ilang tricycle ngunit madalas ay may mga dala itong kalakal na dadalhin sa bayan.

Sementado man ang kalsada ay mas malaki pa rin ang agriculture lands dito sa San Fernando. Sa ilaya—kung saan madalas ay tinatawag kong mataas na bahagi ng San Fernando—naroon ang mas malawak na bukid kumpara dito sa ibaba.

"He woke up late. Nang umalis ako ay kumakain pa siya ng umagahan."

I nodded and watched as the sun started to rise on the rice field's horizon. Meron ng mga nagpapalay at nang matanaw nila kami ay agad nila kaming binati. I can't help but think that they look like a drawing I once saw in a book when I was a kid.

"Buti ka pa po, Doc, tinutupad mo promise mo." Cha-cha spoke after we finished greeting the farmers.

Sabay kaming napayuko kay Cha-cha dahil sa sinabi niyang iyon. Kumunot ang aking noo.

"Sabi mo po sa'kin 'diba po na babalik ka po. Ngayon nandito ka na po! Hindi na malulungkot si Teacher Tri!"

Namilog ang aking mga mata dahil sa huli niyang sinabi.

"Noong mga nakaraan po kasi tuwing naglalakad kaming dalawa napapansin ko na hindi siya ngumingiti, eh, lagi naman po siyang nakangiti—"

"Cha-cha," hilaw akong tumawa nang tawagin siya at marahan siyang nilipat sa kaliwa ko.

"Bakit po, Teacher Tri?" Inosente niyang tanong na para bang wala siyang kaalam-alam sa mga pinagsasasabi niya kani-kanina lang.

"Alam mo ba na hindi palangiti noon si Teacher Tri?"

I glared at him when he responded only to find him beaming like a spoiled brat kid on the playground. Now that Cha-cha's on my left side, I'm now walking next to him.

"Hindi po ako naniniwala. Lagi pong nakangiti si Teacher." Sagot ni Cha-cha.

Sa halip na makisali sa usapan nila, pinili ko na lang manahimik. The more I try to make Cha-cha stop talking, the more it will look like that I'm being defensive.

"Pero nung college kami, madalang pa sa patak ng ulan 'yan ngumiti."

He took a quick glance at me to smirk. I sarcastically smiled at him.

"Lagi pong umuulan dito sa'min. Kapag nga po mayroong bagyo, binabaha po kami."

I bit my tongue to suppress a laugh.

"Oh." Tanging lumabas sa bibig ni Dax dahil sa literal na sagot ni Cha-cha.

"You should find someone close to your age who can understand your idioms." I suggested jokingly.

He straightened his back. "You're here."

Sinulyapan ko siya at tinaasan ng kilay. His smile is still plastered on his face. He appears to be like a boy when smiling like that. No wonder why he charms every aged woman here.

"You understand my idioms." He smirked and I'm well aware of his method of teasing.

I stared at him for five seconds before I looked away. Kung itatapat niya sa dibdib ko ngayon ang stethoscope niya, malalaman niya kung ano ang epekto niya sa'kin.

"For three years," he started talking again which made my heart go overboard. "...you always walk?"

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil akala ko kung ano ang sasabihin niya. Marahan akong tumango.

"I like walking." I admitted.

Tuluyan nang sumikat ang araw at nagpasabog ito ng liwanag sa buong lugar. The warm heat of the morning sun feels good at my skin. Isabay pa ang malamig-lamig na hampas ng hangin ngayong umaga kahit summer na.

"Yeah. I remember." Sa mahina niyang boses na untag.

Hinaplos ko ang buhok ni Cha-cha dahilan para tingalain niya ako. I smiled at her but, in reality, there was something inside me screaming. Of course, he remembers how I started to love walking because of him. As someone who grew up with expensive cars and drivers to drive for me, people expect me to complain if I'm asked to walk for five minutes. Dax never had those expectations from me. He knows that I will love walking with him even if we have to take forever walking to nowhere.

I swallowed the bitter lump in my throat because of that thought. The reality is that we never took forever walking to nowhere because we're now in places we always dreamed of being at. Separately.

"I'm not a vampire but I heard what you two are talking about. As much as I don't like ruining the moments, maybe it's time for us to finally be real, right? Why you two can't just start all over again? Like walk together again? Katulad nung college?" Helia appeared out of nowhere and blabbered like he was being paid for it.

I rolled my eyes at him and started walking fast.

"Helia," I heard Dax calling out his friend.

"Nagbibiro lang ako. Good morning to you, Tri—"

"Shut up, Helia." Nagtitimpi kong putol sa kaniyang sinasabi.

Nagtatakbo si Helia at humarang siya sa daanan naming dalawa ni Cha-cha.

"Seriously?" I gritted my teeth.

He only smirked at me and grabbed Cha-cha's other hand.

"Cha-cha, si kuya Helia muna ang maghahatid sa'yo sa school." Aniya sa bata at mabilis na binuhat ito dahilan para mabitawan ni Cha-cha ang aking kamay.

"Helia, tumigil ka—"

Hindi ko natapos ang aking sasabihin nang magtatakbo ito at narinig ko ang tawa ni Cha-cha na tila tuwang tuwa pa. He's a stranger to her yet she laughs like she trusts him so much. Kids are innocent and they are so cute for it but it's also dangerous for them. Not that Helia is a bad person, I just really dislike him right now.

"Wala ka bang ibang nurse na pwedeng isama dito at si Helia pa talaga ang napili mo?" Tanong ko kay Dax nang tumabi siya sa'kin.

We both watched Helia running while carrying Cha-cha on his shoulder.

"He's not really an option. It just happened that he's the only one who's willing."

"Leaving you with no other choices." I presumed.

"Correct."

I glanced at him and found him already looking at me. Ngayon ko lang natanto na kaming dalawa na lang ang nakatayo dito.

I cleared my throat and avoided his gaze.

"Let's go. Baka mauna pa sa'kin ang mga estudyante ko sa classroom." Sabi ko at nagsimula na ulit maglakad.

Sumabay siya sa'kin at kahit hindi ko siya sulyapan alam kong nakangisi pa rin siya.

"Right. Baka mauna pa sa doctor ang mga pasyente."

I tried to stifle a smile for a while but as we were nearing the school, I could no longer hold it. I smiled at the thought of how our profession speaks almost the same but we are still in two different worlds.

Mauuna ang school bago ang clinic kaya naman ako rin ang unang nagpaalam sa'ming dalawa. Pumasok ako sa loob ng lumang gate ng school ngunit muli akong lumabas upang makita siyang dumiretso ng paglalakad nang mag-isa. Hindi naman kalayuan ang clinic sa school kaya kalaunan ay nawala rin siya sa paningin ko.

Pagkatapos kong mag-in ay chineck ko kung nasa classroom na ba si Cha-cha at nang makita siyang nakikipaglaro na sa kaniyang mga kaklase ay dumiretso na ako sa sarili kong klase. Hindi ko nakasalubong si Helia, siguro at nauna na iyon sa clinic.

Dumaan pa ang mga araw at hindi ako sigurado kung naproseso na ba nang mabuti ng utak ko ang katotohanang nasa harap ko. After three years, Dax is now my neighbor. He's now living in the place I always want to be part of and now he's part of it too.

Alam kong laki sa hirap si Dax at hindi na ako nagugulat sa tuwing gumigising ako sa umaga ay naaabutan ko siyang nag-iigib ng tubig. May mga pagkakataon ding nakikita ko siyang nagsasampay ng kaniyang mga damit. At mayroon din namang araw na hindi ko siya nakikita dahil bumabalik siya ng Cavite. Nasabi niya sa'kin noong nakaraang linggo na bibisi-bisita pa rin siya sa kaniyang Clinic sa Cavite tuwing weekends.

Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nakakaya ang pagod sa byahe pa lamang but knowing him, if he really wants to do something, he'll do everything to make it happen. Wala sa bokabularyo niya ang pagod kung ang usapan ay tungkol sa mga gusto niya.

"Si Helia lang pala ang nasa center ngayon. Ipapatingin ko sana ang anak kong dalawang araw nang nilalagnat." Ani Ma'am Zeny pagkatapos naming magkaroon ng halos dalawang oras na meeting.

Inayos ko ang aking mga gamit at umamba nang lalabas nang tawagin ako ni Ma'am.

"Kailan ang balik ni Doc, Ma'am Tri?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "Hindi po ako sigurado, Ma'am, pero siguro at babalik na rin 'yon ngayong araw o bukas."

Umuwi si Dax ng syudad noong gabi ng biyernes at hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa siya nakakabalik. Hindi naman kami nag-uusap sa ano mang social media app kaya wala rin akong ideya kung anong inasikaso niya.

"Hanga rin ako kay Doc Dax. Napakahabang oras din ang ginugugol niya sa byahe sa pagpapabalik-balik dito. Kung tutuusin nga'y may choice siya na huwag tanggapin ang offer sa kaniya dito na maging volunteer doctor pero ito at nandito pa rin siya. Ang dinig ko'y mayroon siyang sariling clinic sa inyo 'diba, Ma'am?"

Tumango ako sa tanong na iyon ni Ma'am Zeny. I hope Dax knows how much we appreciate his help here. Tama si Ma'am Zeny, may choice si Dax na huwag tanggapin ang offer sa kaniya dito ni Mommy pero pinili niya pa ring tanggapin.

"Ay nako, Ma'am Zeny, malakas ang pakiramdam ko na may iba pang dahilan si Doc Dax kung bakit siya nagtitiis dito. Kung hindi kay Ma'am Tri, siguro't hindi natin makikilala si Doc."

Natatawa akong umiling sa sinabing iyon ng co-teacher ko.

"Alis na po ako. May makukulit pa akong tuturuan." Paalam ko at lumabas na ng principal's office pero bago ako makalayo ay narinig ko ang pag-uusap nila.

"Sana naman ay nandito si Doc sa fiesta. Maipakita man lang natin na kahit maliit ang ating baryo ay masaya tayong lahat dito."

Dumiretso ako sa aking classroom at dahil umaga ang naging meeting namin, isang oras na nabakante ang mga estudyante ko.

"Balik na sa mga upuan. Magsisimula na tayo!" Masigla kong pahayag pagkapasok ko.

Agad naman silang bumalik sa kani-kanilang proper seat at inayos ko na ang aking laptop. Noong isang taon ay nag-donate ang aking mga magulang ng ilang TV sa escuelahan upang hindi mapag-iwanan ang mga bata rito. Hindi ganoon kalakas ang internet connection dito sa San Fernando pero kahit paano naman ay nakakapag-browse pa rin kami sa internet—tiyagaan na lang talaga. Kailangan naming humanap ng lugar kung saan mabilis ang internet connection at doon kami madalas nagda-download at gumagawa ng learning materials na kakailanganin sa klase.

Isa sa mga pangarap ko na sana ay dumating ang panahon na mas mapabilis pa ang internet speed dito upang kahit paano ay magkaroon na kami ng ICT lab dito sa school at hindi mapag-iwanan ang mga bata.

I pressed the play button on my laptop and the 30-second video played on the small TV screen. Usually, I start my class by playing some videos. Pagkatapos noon ay tinatanong ko sila tungkol sa napanood na video. Pero meron din namang pagkakataon na sinisimulan ko ang aking klase sa isang palaro. As a teacher, I don't like sticking to one method of doing my motivation. I'm not entirely a creative person, but because of my determination to see my students enjoying my class, I'd do everything to make it as interactive and fun as possible.

"What do you think of the video?" I asked them after the video ended.

The video I made them watch is a short clip of night scenery. There's a small bridge in the center with some scattered leaves and the flowers around it are all swaying along with the wind. The moon shone bright and the clouds formed like cotton candy.

Minsang nakita ako noon ni Ma'am Zeny na nagpapanood ng ganitong mga clip sa mga bata at tinanong niya ako kung bakit ganito ang ipinapanood ko sa kanila. And I told her that it's my way of understanding them—who they are, what they need, how they view things at their age. I'm a firm believer that anyone who aspires to become a teacher has the potential to teach efficiently, but not everyone who aspires to become a teacher has the heart to listen to her learners. We all can teach the kids the basics of this life, but we can't all spare time to sit and listen to them as they talk about their own lives. They are still kids, but it doesn't mean that they have nothing to tell.

"Nakakalungkot, Ma'am." Anong answered first.

"Nakakalma po siya, Ma'am. Parang hinehele ako."

"Diyan ako pupunta kapag mag-isa na lang ako."

"Ang ganda, Ma'am Tri."

"Nakakatakot po."

I listened as they continuously shared their opinions about the clip. It amazes and breaks me how people see things differently. I realized that we can never judge a person by how they see such things, kung para sa'yo maganda at madali ang isang bagay na iyon, para sa iba ay hindi ganoon. I learned from these kids that there's no exactly right and wrong in this world— it's just a matter of perspectives and beliefs.

I depended my happiness on Dax for the past eight years. I became so dependent on him that I was scared of living on my own. I found love in him. But that's not fair. Dax shouldn't have been responsible for my happiness. He shouldn't have been responsible for all the terrible things that happened to me. He loves me, I get it, and I love him, too but we both know that it is not enough when I'm unawarely hurting him by being so selfish. And I can't hate myself forever, blame myself forever, for not doing the right thing. It was painful leaving him and restarting my life without him, but I needed it. We both needed it. Because for the past three years, I've become my own person again. I no longer depend my happiness to other people. And I finally gave my love to myself. Some things didn't end up so bad after all. I healed. And I always hope that he is, too.

For the past three years, I learned to forgive myself. I learned how to love myself. I believe that I healed from the past I had when I finally started living the dream I always had. And I always tell myself that this is enough.

I know I'm happy. I chose this path to have this life because this has always been my dream. Ang makita ang mga bata na nakangiti at natututo, ang maisip na may nagagawa ako kahit maliit lang para sa kanila. This is always my life. This is always what I wanted.

But hearing the people I used to know settling down, seeing my friends happy and comfortable with their partners... sometimes I feel so alone.

I have the kids— my pupils. I have people around me who love me, and I know that. But most nights, most days, when I look at the people whose eyes are smiling out of love, I feel like I'm being left out.

I never thought before of marriage because I know I haven't done enough yet, but now... I think I have already done enough and...

I feel so lonely.

My parents made me believe that I was for nothing but to inherit their business and marry someone who could help me manage it. Someone who came from a good family. However, growing up, I came to realize that there's more to me, to this life, than committing to a romantic relationship or any business relationship. I came to realize that I am not just meant for inheritance and marriage. I can do more. I am meant for more.

Here, I found my purpose. Here, I did what I was meant to do.

But, again, I feel so lonely. I miss being in love.

I miss being held by someone who cares for me. I miss being comfortable with someone. I miss talking with someone who understands me. I miss being with someone who accepts me regardless. I miss...

Really, when can I actually feel contented with what I have? Why does it have to always feel like there's something missing in my life? When I had Dax, I longed for my dreams. When I learned to love myself and finally achieved my dreams, I now feel lonely without him.

Mapait akong ngumiti at sinubukang ibaling ang atensiyon ko sa'king mga estudyante habang patuloy pa rin silang sumasagot sa tanong ko.

"Goodbye, Ma'am Tri, see you tomorrow!"

Pagkatapos ng apat na oras na klase ay dinismiss ko na sila dahil half-day lang sila ngayon. Sa isang araw ay fiesta na ng San Fernando kaya naman tutulong kaming mga guro sa pag-aayos. Ako ang naatasan na gumawa ng tarpaulin na ilalagay sa maliit na covered court malapit dito sa school.

Umuwi muna ako sa bahay upang maihatid si Cha-cha sa kanila at kinuha ko na rin ang tarpaulin na ididikit sa court. Bumili din ako sa bayan noong nakaraang linggo ng ilang mga palamuti na maaaring idesenyo sa court. Nang makasiguradong wala na akong nakalimutan ay naglakad na ako pabalik sa court.

"Nandito na po ang tarpaulin!" Bungad ko sa mga taong nasa court at may kaniya-kaniyang ginagawa.

"Nandito na si Ma'am ganda!" Biro ni tatay na madalas akong nililibre sa kaniyang tricycle kapag nakakasalubong niya ako.

Tumawa ako at lumapit sa mga taong malapit sa maliit na stage.

"Iwan mo na lang diyan 'yan, Ma'am, at hayaan mong ang mga lalaki na ang magdikit."

"Ok lang po. Hindi naman ito bago sa'kin. Ako lagi pinagdidikit ni Ma'am Zeny ng tarpaulin sa school." Pagbibiro ko kay kapitan.

"Nako, Ma'am, baka isipin ni Kap ay hindi kita tinatrato ng maayos sa school." Sigaw ni Ma'am Zeny mula sa kabilang dako at narinig pala ang sinabi ko.

Ilang biruan pa ang naganap bago ako hinayaan ni Kap na ako na ang magdikit. Kumuha ako ng monoblock chair at tumungtong doon upang madikit ko sa itaas ang tarpaulin nang mayroong humawak sa baywang ko.

Yumuko ako at nakita si Dax na kinukuha mula sa kamay ko ang tarpaulin. My insane heart went crazier when I realized that his other hand is holding my waist. I swallowed so hard I made it so obvious.

"You're back." Iyon ang lumabas sa'king bibig.

He smirked. "Miss mo agad ako?"

I frowned at him. Mas lalo lang lumapad ang ngisi sa labi niya at alam ko kung bakit. I didn't deny it, I only made a face.

"Ako na." Nginuso niya ang tarpaulin at tinanggal na ang kaniyang kamay sa'king baywang.

"I can do it—"

"Alam ko. Pero mas mapapadali kung matangkad ang magdidikit."

I glared at him. "Hindi ako maliit."

"Pero hindi ka rin matangkad."

I know my face already shows an offended expression based on how he still keeps on smirking like a tease. Bumaba ako sa monoblock at binigay sa kaniya ang tarpaulin.

"Thank you." Pang-aasar niya pero hindi ko na iyon pinansin.

"Kailan ka nakauwi?" Tanong ko at huli ko na natanto na mali ang sinabi ko.

I should have said "nakabalik" at hindi "nakauwi." Nakauwi almost pertain to home. It's like I'm pertaining that this is his home.

"Kani-kanina lang. Dumiretso ako dito sa court nang sabihin ni Helia na nandito siya." Sagot niya habang dinidikit ang tarpaulin.

"You made this?" Dagdag niyang tanong at sinulyapan ako.

Tumango ako.

"It's pretty."

Hindi ko alam kung namula ba ang mga pisngi ko o sadyang mainit lang talaga ang panahon.

"Salamat."

"Close your eyes, Tri! I have a surprise—"

"Tri! My best friend, my sister, my soulmate!"

Sabay kaming napalingon ni Dax nang marinig ang boses ni Helia at ang sobrang pamilyar na boses. My eyes widened when I saw Allison standing next to Helia in front of me.

"Oh, my god." Tanging lumabas sa bibig ko at agad niyakap ang kaibigan ko.

"I missed you, too," Allison said and placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"You have to thank me for that. Kung hindi dahil sa'kin ay hindi pupunta dito si Allison—"

Helia was cut off by his own girlfriend. "Shut up, Helia. Kahit wala ka dito, bibisitahin ko pa rin ang best friend ko."

"So, it means sa bahay na tayo ni Tri magsasama-sama?"

I withdrew my hug from Allison and shot Helia a sharp look.

"What? Girlfriend ko si Allison, ex ka ni Dax, no malice—"

Kinuha ko ang nag-iisang tambo na nasa gilid at hinampas iyon sa binti ni Helia na agad namang nagtatakbo habang tumatawa.

"It still a mystery to me how you end up liking someone like Helia." I told Allison.

She smiled at me meaningfully. "Like you never loved someone like him."

I returned her smile sarcastically and didn't bother to answer because I was well aware of Dax's presence behind us and he was certainly listening to us.

"Dax, nakita ko 'yung ginawa mo kanina. 33 ka na pero 'yung galawan mo pang-high school pa rin!" Ani Allison nang hindi nililingon si Dax at sa halip ay sinalubong ang nobyo niya na bumalik sa kaniyang tabi.

She hugged him sideways and here's the feeling of jealousy again. I'm happy for her, but sometimes, I wish I and Dax end up like them, too.

Naramdaman kong lumapit si Dax at tumayo sa tabi ko. I looked at him.

"Don't listen to them. You know them well." I told him at sabay na suminghap ang dalawa sa harap namin.

Natatawang tumango si Dax at binaling sa'kin ang tingin.

"Who are they again?" He played along.

Ngumiti ako. Tumalikod ako at binalikan ang tarpaulin na iniwan ni Dax. Narinig ko ang halakhak niya sa'king likod at tinulungan ako sa pagdidikit habang pekeng nagpaparinig sina Allison at Helia.

"Our best friends betrayed us. Partida 'di pa sila nagkakabalikan niyan, ah." Helia voiced out.

"As far as I can remember, si Archie ang best friend ni Dax." I looked at Helia over my shoulder and jested.

He scowled at me. "Bawiin mo sinabi mo, Delavin!"

"Totoo naman sinabi niya, babe." Allison quipped and we all laughed.

I took a quick glance at Dax and when I saw him laughing, I couldn't help but be charmed by it.

These are the rare times when I feel like I'm not lonely. The rare times when I feel like I'm not being haunted by confusion.