A/n: THIS IS SO LONG HOLY CRAP I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!

-

"WAIT!" My eyes were wide as I clung to my twin. The man actually paused, half turning to look at me. "Keep me with my brother," I begged. "He's special. You keep saying he's special. Let me see him, every once in a while. Please."

The man seemed surprised. He moved to me, hovering in a crouch in front of me. He looked between us. "Do you love your brother?" I nodded very seriously. "Good." He paused. "I like you. You're special too. Why don't you come with me?" I went to protest but he held up a hand. "I will raise you special just like we plan to raise the little one." He paused again. "Thomas." My brother and I exchanged looks. That was not his name. "I may even let you two see each other, if you're good. We'll see how this goes. Sound good?"

Returning my eyes to the older man, I nodded slowly. "Yes," I agreed. Maybe was better than no. "I will do anything for my brother. Even be obedient."

Appalled, my brother leaned away from me. "You're going to let them take me away?" He screeched.

Flinching, I took a second to remind myself he was just scared. I was the older twin, after all. I had fifteen whole minutes of life ahead of him. I'd always been the one to protect him. He was scared to loose that protection. It made sense. Be the bigger person. I turned to my little brother, grabbing his shoulders with each of my hands. "Stephen. Look at me." Finally he did. "It is VERY important that you are exactly yourself, okay? Don't be too much of a problem, but never forget who you are. You are my little brother. And I love you." His eyes starting watering. "No, no no. None of that. This isn't a goodbye." I wiped the salty insult away as it fell slowly down his cheek. "Steph, this is only a... temporary farewell. I'll see you again. Promise. Okay? Just be as good as you can without forgetting that you are, always have been, and always will be my most favorite and most loved little brother forever and always."

He nodded and I dropped my hands so that he could slam into me. We hugged each other tight and reassuring. "I love you too," he whispered. "Come back to me soon, okay?"

Forcing myself not to cry, I nodded. "Of course."

After a second, the man caught my eye and I nodded as he gave me a pointed look. It was time to go. I pushed the small child away from me. Man he was so tiny. Even for his age. I hoped he'd grow a bit more before he had to deal with other kids. I hoped I'd be there if he didn't and they were mean and he needed me. I kissed his forehead and a friendly woman with a warm smile took his hand, guiding him away. When he turned a panicked gaze at me, I shot him a reassuring grin, two thumbs up, and a nod. He forced himself to relax, returning back a shaky smile and a short nod. I watched him until the two turned a corner and he was gone.

Instantly my smile crumbled and my face twisted with worry and sadness. The man stepped up to me, his hand on my shoulder. "That was very brave of you. You're already showing incredible promise." I looked simply looked forward and stayed quiet. This man's opinion did not matter to me. "Come, child. I will put you with the boys." I looked up at him at this. "You won't do well with the other girls - or the distance from your brother it will mean. You will see him again. Keep this up, and I'll see just how far I can push this. Come on." Not fighting, I followed silently as he tugged me after him by the hold he had on my shoulder.

Something set in my stomach as I officially accepted this white walled prison as my new housing. Not home. My home was my brother. My Stephen. And I'd see him again, indeed. If it was the very last thing I did.

-

This wasn't going as well as Michael was hoping. John Michael was the man who had taken me under his wing since I'd first walked into this institute. He deemed me the most obedient and the most willing, but not the weakest willed. Simply the one with the most self control - even, as he so excitedly noticed, at my young age - and therefore the one he liked the most. He kept me with the other boys and gave me a new name. Ella. Based off of Helen Keller. Whoever that was. This is the name I gave to the other boys. To Minho and Alby and so on and so forth. To Gally, who was adorable and awkward and flirty. To Newt, who was as quiet and reserved as I was and therefore my instant best friend before he tried to introduce me to Minho, who I would eternally much rather avoid. He was too likable and I didn't have time for that.

Michael told me to make friends. Go to classes. Learn. Grow. Show him what I'm worth. I did the classes part. I was the star student, and because of that, the other boys excluded me even more. The only girl, taking all their thunder, being smarter, and rejecting all but one boy who I only passively accepted because we were the same. They must hate me. Hm.

Other than classes, though, where I really had to sit next to the boys, I was always on my own. I read in my free time and sat at lunch alone and stayed quiet during breaks or pauses in class. When I started to pass everything with flying colors, Michael gave me a little present. I got to meet the girls. He said that it was just a peep into what I could have, if I wanted to leave the boys.

They took to me well. When I told them I'd been with the boys, a blonde girl named Sonya could only ask me about Newt. Understanding her when she told me he was her older brother, I told her everything I knew. He had friends. He missed her. We weren't friends but he was the only one who I'd let get close enough to it. She seemed saddened by my predicament when I told her about St- Thomas. Thomas. Michael had told me to call him Thomas.

We really bonded over the hurt of losing our brothers, and she told me that I could stay there. When I explained that if I stayed here it meant I would be in this group and therefore be away from my brother for who knows how long of the next eternity, she smiled sadly but understood. I had to go. As much as I was welcomed warmly here, and as much as the promise of real friends and an actual home-like place in this Lockdown Compound I was in... I couldn't leave Thomas. I wasn't selfish enough.

So I went back.

Having been gone a full week, the boys were surprised to see me again. Newt moved to me one lunch and sat at my otherwise empty table to ask where I'd been. After a second - Michael, after all, had told me not to talk to Newt about Sonya, as I'd talked to Sonya about Newt - I looked at him. This young boy was the only chance at a Sonya I had on this side. He was the only one I could stand and wasn't scared of. The only one that still tried. The only one I had a chance to make a real friendship with. And it just so happened he knew EXACTLY what I felt in my losing Thomas.

So I caved. I told him about seeing the girls, and mentioned Sonya even before he could ask, as I saw his eyes widen and knew he was going there. I told him everything. Our friendship. The way the girls were warm and welcoming and accepting and loving and wonderful. I told him about how nice it had been. How I'd immediately been part of a family and had belonged so well. I told him about how Sonya and I had especially bonded and shared bunks and became like sisters. How we told each other everything. How she talked about him with me all the time. I described every detail of her face, painting a mental picture for him.

"Why did you come back?"

The question took me off guard. Of course the smart, little kid would ask just the right question to get to the root of my emotional unbalance. I looked at my hands, fighting not to cry. I was losing everyone. I'd lost my brother and then lost an entire chance at comfort and happiness and the little family I could so easily gain to maybe one day possibly return to said brother. Now, I sat here, without my best friend or little family or the comfort or the happiness - or my brother. 

Alone.

Newt took my hand and I looked up at him. "Thomas," I croaked. Newt looked confused. "My... my brother." Newt's eyes shot wide. "They took him away. Brought me here to be with the boys for heaven knows why and told me that if I was good I could - MAYBE see him again. Which is better than you and Sonya have. I shouldn't complain, I know. It's so selfish and bratty of me. But I worry about him. Mr. Michael is ecstatic with how well I'm doing at school and how obedient and controlled I am being. I do it for him. For Thomas. But I fear that they have him alone. Michael said my brother needed some seclusion. Thomas doesn't do well when left alone."

His expression sad, Newt squeezed my hand. "Ella?" I hummed, rubbing my eyes to get the tears to die before they fell. "You're scared of making friends with us. With boys. I can see how you look at Minho. Terrified. I mean, you don't have time for silly stuff and you think we'll hate you because you're smart and scared and - and you think you're weaker than us and you feel weak. The way you can't... even cry. You show emotion for a second and it makes you panic. Ella, you don't have to be afraid. Really. We can be your family. You have a spot with us. If you'll just take it. We can give you that home you want, right here. If you'll let us." He gave me an encouraging smile.

My eyes wandered over to the other boys. They all stole glances, pretending they weren't looking. Not Minho though. He smiled at me. When I returned it, his eyes went wide with shock. But his smile was wide too. He was excited. I looked back at Newt. "What if my emotions make me weak and I start to slip?"

Leaning close, Newt gave me a very serious expression. "I promise you, Ella. None of us will let that happen. You will see your brother again. I swear it."

I smiled and finally let a single tear fall. I rose my free hand to wipe it away. "Okay, Newt. Okay." He stood, pulling me after him and we moved to the other boys. It was awkward for a fraction of a second as I sat down. But then Minho put an arm around me and cracked a joke and we were all laughing in no time.

You know... this might not be so bad after all.

-

There was a quiet tap on my door but I simply ignored it. Newt tried every single night to get me to come out with him and the others but I simply refused. I would talk to him about Sonya - even though he got punished if he got caught - and we could talk about Thomas - even though Michael shot me warning looks when I'd get fired up and start getting angry and push back every time afterward. Talking about my little brother, after having not seen him in years, always got me riled up. But those rules I would bend for Newt. For my best friend. But no. Not this. Not sneaking out and tip toeing around and talking about escape and seeing Sonya through the glass. Seeing her but not being able to talk to her or hug her or anything was too painful. And Newt always told me about it afterwards anyway. I saw how it hurt him. I'd miss all of that. Willingly.

A few more taps sounded before I heard a quiet sigh and then silence. They were gone.

Michael trusted me. He even told me things, sometimes. Things he made me swear never to tell any of the other boys. Little things here and there. I think he was testing to see if I'd keep my mouth shut. He told me that there was another girl. Secluded. Just like Thomas. He told me about Theresa. It was big news. Another girl was coming. But I didn't tell the other boys. I didn't know when she was supposed to come and I didn't know what she'd be liked. So it didn't matter. I knew the boys would wish to know anyway, but Michael had given me a direct order and I would not disobey him.

Just as I would not leave this room.

When I fell asleep that night - after a long struggle - I dreamed of Thomas. As always. I woke up crying. Nothing new. And for the millionth time, I wondered why I did what Michael told me to as throughout the years, he still kept me from seeing my brother. Maybe if I could just slip out with the three boys I could force them to go look around for Thomas with me. He had to be somewhere...

But no. I was too sacred.

And that's what really kept me in line. I was not brave like Michael said I was. I was not strong like Thomas had always depended on me to be. I was not unbreakable like Newt seemed to believe I was. I was broken, lost, scared, obedient, quiet little me.

I was going to disappoint everyone...

-

At first when the new boy walked in, I didn't recognize him. Minho jumped up to greet him, but the boy was staring at me. His eyes were wide but his grin was even wider. He seemed frozen in place but itching to run at me and embrace me at the same time. His body language screamed movement but he still remained in the spot.

Then it clicked. His brown eyes that brought back a million memories - all of safety. His smile that warmed me and made me feel incredibly comforted. The familiar way he stood and held himself and showed movement with his facial expressions rather than his feet.

A scream escaped me, wordless and undefined and lost but loud enough that all the other boys jumped. I scrambled to my feet, falling on the ground as I got caught up in the bench I was sitting at. Newt careened away as I flailed and almost kicked him. He mumbled confused curses until he saw me get up and trip over myself to get to the boy.

When I got to him, I practically bulldozed him over. My arms went around his neck and his went around my waist and he picked me up, spinning me around. I was crying. He was stronger than I remembered. Taller. Older. Oh my gosh. I kissed his neck and he laughed, stilling and squeezing the breath almost completely out of me.

He set me down and I finally leaned back, wiping my eyes. He was surprised to see me so easily and openly crying. Man we had so much to talk about. We paused a second before I pulled him down for a softer hug. "My Stephen," I dared to whisper in my little brother's ear.

There was an almost silent gasp that slipped from him and I heard the emotion in his voice as he whispered, "My Tess."

This time when we leaned apart, we exchanged a look. That was the last time. Never again. We were Thomas and Ella now. Stephen and Tess were gone. Lost. Forever. We forgot the names completely right then and there and it was lost forever. He seemed to have been startled, as if he'd already forgotten it. I understood that. Tess seemed like a foreign word to me these days. Not a name. Not MY name. Surely. The moment was gone and the names slipped away and we stood before each other, still siblings but different and no longer each other's. We no longer knew each other. There realization broke both of us a little and the mood became a tad heavier with sadness.

"It's so good to see you. Thomas."

He grinned, nodding. "I've missed you, Ella. So much."

Minho stepped up, catching both of our attention and breaking the moment. "Ella who the heck is this?" He asked, confused and... and something else I couldn't quite place. Hm.

Shoving the weird expression I noticed out of my mind, I turned to Minho, wrapping my arm around Thomas' midriff and grinning. "This is my little brother, Min. This is Thomas."

It took a second, but Minho finally relaxed, a huge grin spreading across his face. "Whoa! Crazy! We've heard so much about you! It's so good to finally meet you, man. It's great to see Ella smile like that. She's missed you like crazy. It's been a battle to get you here, man."

My eyes drifted to the rest of the boys and Minho and Thomas grew quiet. When I looked back, they both looked away from each other. Minho looked uncomfortable as he blushed and fidgeted and Thomas looked half smug and half on edge, as if someone had admitted to wanting his favorite toy when he'd called them out on it. He'd been right, but that was still his toy and he wouldn't give it away.

"Come on," I interjected, ignoring the weird exchange between the boys. I knew Minho was too stubborn to tell me and I didn't wan to press obviously personal moments right out of the gate. "Let's go meet the others." Thomas grinned and nodded and I dragged him over, Minho following after. "HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT?!"

-

My heart raced as my eyes found my little brother. My Thomas. "But I... just got you back," I whispered. "We just started getting to be like before again. We just found each other."

He looked at me, sad and broken. "We'll find each other again. You're just going to go in the Maze. I'll come soon. I promise. I'll try to get in. I'll find a way. Somehow. I don't know."

"No need, Thomas." We both looked over as Michael walked up. My expression became one of confusion, but Thomas grew cold. He didn't trust anyone here. I wasn't sure why. They'd been nothing but kind to me... Maybe Thomas had rebelled more than I thought. Michael broke me out of my thoughts as he spoke. "She will not be going into the Maze, same as you won't be."

Thomas gripped my arm and we looked at each other. I remembered back to that first day. How Michael told me we'd be separated and Thomas and I exchanged looks of panic. Now, he told us that we'd be sticking by each other's side - and we were both as equally panicked. That first day we had been about to lose each other... The only thing we had left. The only family we had left. 

But now...

The other boys were also our family. Chuck. Gally. Minoh. Alby. Ben. George. Zart. Jeff. Siggy. All of them. All of the boys. I looked at my brother. Newt seemed these days to be a little more than family...

When Thomas had learned that Newt had been the one to help me and take care of me while Thomas was gone, the two had really bonded. Thomas was eternally thankful and was overly eager to do anything the blonde accented boy asked. Overwhelmed and flustered, Newt found himself sending Thomas on any and all little and odd and end things to get Thomas to calm down and back off a bit. They shared chill moments too, though. They snuck out together the most. Thomas had reunited Newt, me, and Sonya. For just a second. Newt had been forever grateful to my brother for that brief moment. Thomas had also been the one to calm Minho down when the boy was talking big and crazy about running away. I had no idea what my brother had said, but he did majorly delay Minho leaving. He didn't really stop him, though. No. Minho had eventually tried, just to see if he could. And he'd gotten caught. I'd gotten permission to tend to him and play nurse so he had a comfort and a familiar face nearby. Thomas had been the one to keep things a little more lighthearted and he could always cheer Newt up when the blonde got anxious or depressed or began losing hope. At first my brother had been as cynical and serious and unsure and awkward and to himself as I'd been my first while after coming here. But then I'd called him out, and the others were more than ready to welcome the boy they all seemed to already know and see as family after all the time of me talking about him. Newt could control Thomas. Calm him. Make him see reason.

Newt kept Thomas grounded and Thomas kept Newt uplifted.

Honestly, I totally wanted them to get together. But my brother was as stubborn about being straight as my best friend was.

Sigh.

Heaven above, though, now they were all leaving...

My eyes found Michael's as I pulled myself from my thoughts. "Will we ever see them again?" I asked quietly.

Michael pursed his lips. Instead of responding, Michael said, "We have a lot planned for you two. Thomas, you have helped build the maze. Ella. Dear. You will help find the cure."

My eyes went wide. What was I supposed to do?

By the expression Michael held on his face, I got the sinking feeling that made me think I was about to find out. Really soon.

-

I paced back and forth in front of Theresa, my hands wandering all over. I'd seen the boys I considered family forget me, first as a whole chunk and then one by one. I'd seen my best friend slowly deteriorate and try to kill himself - unable to do anything but hold Thomas as my brother screamed and cried. Even after Newt was okay and started healing, Thomas wasn't the same. I'd come to realize that I missed having Minho by my side a lot more than I ever thought I would. I saw boys get stung and go crazy and die. I'd seen Ben start to deteriorate. I'd seen the little, baby Chuck get shot into the world of the Glade with innocent eyes wide with terror and form shaking. I'd seen each of the boys that meant so eternally much to me, change and break and reshape one by one. Become cynical and fall apart and lose hope. I saw how much Newt and Thomas needed each other. And I saw how much Thomas, Minho, Alby, and Newt needed each other. The four Musketeers. How, without Thomas, the other three seemed to know they were missing something. Even without their memories. Worst of all, I'd seen my little brother get drugged and slip away from me as he forgot me too.

Finally sitting in a chair, I looked up at the screen as tears gathered in my eyes snd I covered my mouth with my hands, my elbows resting on my knees. I saw my dear little brother stare straight ahead. The four best friends were together again, but they didn't remember their time in here. They weren't friends as they'd ben before. There was still that undeniable chemistry between Newt and Thomas, but as I looked at them I agonized to realize they were not longer my brother and best friend.

Two years. It had been two whole shucking years. Man.

The doors opened and I looked over. None other than Eva Paige walked in and I froze in my seat, my eyes still wide and broken and watery. The blonde walked up to me. "Ella," he began. Tears immediately started to fall. "Ella this is silly. You can't save those boys sitting in a chair and agonizing and watching them through a camera and crying."

Shooting to my feet, I grabbed her arms. Theresa went to step froward but Eva shot her a look. Theresa calmed and Eva looked bad at me. Respectively, I dropped my hold on her. "Let me go in, Dr. Paige." The older woman went to protest but I rushed to explain. "I'm not like my brother. I'm obedient. I would do anything - ANYTHING - to save my brother. My brothers." My face hardened as it always had when I got protective over Thomas. Except this time it was for all of them. All of the boys. My family. "I will do anything you say. Take my memory. Do whatever you must. Send me up with Theresa. It'll shoot in one box. Everything will still be on schedule. Nothing will be messed up. Please. Please!" Eva stared at me as I pleaded, eyes wide and sincere. "I'll go mad watching them in there, and I can't concentrate. Mr. Michael will be disappointed that I wasn't smart enough to figure out the cure. But, maybe if you had two Thomases in the Maze... you could get better results..."

Eva thought for a second, then seemed to settle. This was it. I couldn't change this once she made it. She was too stubborn. Too determined. I crossed my fingers behind my back and for the first time in my entire life - I prayed. Dr. Paige sighed. "Fine."

My eyes shot wide. "Really?"

She glared at me and I calmed myself. "You go up with Theresa first thing tomorrow morning. Don't be late and don't try anything dumb, Ella." I nodded and she relaxed, convinced.

And that was it. I was going up.

Never in my life had tomorrow seemed so impossibly far away.

-

Theresa and I held hands as we both got ready. She lay down in the box. She was going with her memories. I, on the other hand, had been decided on a solid no for that. Which I could understand. I'd miss them but it meant I would be reunited with the most precious people in my life and that's all that mattered. I would see them all again. I would be by their sides and we'd go through whatever hell awaited us next together.

Everything started working and I closed my eyes, ignoring the pain and the weird feeling of intrusion and falling into the darkness. I was surrounded by darkness. I could see my hands and feet and body but everything around me was a simple endless and empty darkness. Then the darkness began to be painted with a soft light as images first started play out in front of me.

Newt sneaking into my room as I screamed from a nightmare or cried over missing Thomas. Alby glaring at his homework as I tutored him. Ben racing to catch me as a bunch of us played tag, little Chuck screaming and giggling wildly as I was tagged and turned to chase after him. Thomas and I reuniting. Thomas and I parting from our mother. Our mother curling up with us to read us a story. The Crank father that haunted my nightmares and popped into my head whenever people talked about why we were doing what we were doing. Anytime someone mentioned the Flare. And then... Minho. So much Minho. The surprisingly extensive amount of days I'd nursed him back to health after he'd been beaten to a pulp. Minho holding me tightly and securing me in his arms and in his hold as the Cranks reached for us and I tried to not to see my dad in each of their faces. Minho and I talking in hushed voices as we sat next to each other in class and he was bored. Minho holding my hand to comfort me while I struggled to eat, mind on Thomas and my heart full of worry. Minho clinging to me and whispering promises to see me again, no matter what, and then being ripped away my WICKD workers and being forced to forget his promise. Minho Minho Minho.

Suddenly, there were so many memories that I was overwhelmed and as they all overlapped and then faded, I simply forgot them. I couldn't remember my mother's face or name, though I knew I must have one. I couldn't remember the people I'd ever played with, though I knew what the game called Tag was. I remembered what nightmares were, but none of my own - I simply assumed I'd never had any. And, if I really stretched, there was a single thought. But I could not make sense of it...

I love him.

But though I knew what love was and what it felt like to be in it, I did not recall a time I had ever felt that was about someone specifically. I could not recall who 'he' was or why I loved him or when it started or what had lead up to it. I simply loved him. Whoever him was.

Then, the faded paintings slipped away and darkness consumed me again and I was suddenly nothing. No one. I fell away and when I sat up gasping and looking around, the dankness had not changed one bit.

"H-hello?" I called shakily. No answer. Hm. "Is anyone there?" Suddenly the floor shifted and I realized I was moving up. I was in something. That was what was moving.

The darkness had not changed...

But everything else was about to.