TW: verbal fighting, mentions of death, depressive thoughts, lotso yelling and tears :')

They say that hate is the truest destruction of love.
Personally, I beg to differ.

I think the truest destruction of love is doubt.

Hate is stab wound. Hate is fast and vicious. It swipes when you least expect it. It fills you with a boiling rage, a power within and it feels like you can command the very earth to tilt on its axis. Everything is burning and everyone is dead if you so wish it.
The person the anger is directed to - they turn into a monster before your very eyes. They deform until they're no longer a human, no longer worth being concerned over, you no longer feel anything but hate for them. It's a 1v1 battle between you two and it's life or death.
To lose is not an option. Your pride demands more, more, more. The carcass of your enemy, their blood in your teeth. A snarling wolf. A fight that has to be won.
Hate is fast and overwhelming and it teeters you on the balance beam between pure, unadulterated rage with no regards to anybody's personal safety, the warrior with no honour, the demon. And the quiet, sneering silent killer was on the other side - the backstabber, the manipulator, the one with the strategies and terrifyingly accurate plans.

Doubt, however, is softer.
Softer, but twice as effective.
It's a poison injected into your veins. It's slow and sluggish. You don't even realise it's in your system until it's too late and it's closing up your throat and paralysing your body. Doubt is not merciful. Doubt is painful. It's harsh and biting but dull and aching. It makes you rethink things time and time again and suddenly your life has been turned upside down, every polaroid scoured through to find a single truth that you can be sure of.
Doubt is messy but contained. It swells within you like the poison that swells your windpipe. And then you're suffocating and your lungs are begging for air, you're begging for a break, begging for mercy. But none is given.
It's a slow build up of distrust. A sluggish engorge of suspicion. And it becomes all you know, all you're aware of.
The person deforms into a danger.
A danger is far worse than a monster you hold no regard for.

Hate had what doubt lacked; passion.
Passion is energy - it can be transformed. Hate can be changed from screaming matches and furious tears to being pinned against the wall, kissing your monster as if your very life depended on it, and soft words. It's problematic, of course, but it still gives you the opportunity to step back, take a breather and see your monster in a new light - maybe they aren't so bad. Maybe the thing you're fighting over isn't such a big deal. Maybe you can work things out.
Doubt gives no such chances. It's all encompassing, a squeezing vice grip with no intention of slacking. It's a blinker on either side of your vision - you only are allowed one opinion. The opinion that you could never trust your danger again.

If anger is a wolf, then doubt is a poison dart frog. Unsuspecting, tiny, small and non-aggressive. Pretty, even. But deadly in such a more potent way than a wolf.

My friends made me doubt Lloyd, and now I was sliding down a slippery slope, hands reaching out desperately to stop my descent. Except there's nothing to grip onto. I'm just falling faster and faster and faster. There is no hope for me. I'll hit the poison dart frog and I will be the next person to die of doubt.
I stared at the ceiling with dry eyes while my brain ran laps. Maybe I should've gone to school. At least it would keep my mind off of the crisis that had encompassed me whole, suffocated me, left me here to rot and die.

I was lost.

Floating in an endless, dark pool of insecurities and confusion. This truly was a mess.
And my friends hurt, but I think. I think Lloyd hurt worse. The doubt that crept up my spine had latched onto me like a leech, sucking out every possible ounce of serotonin, every slither of dopamine. It left my brain with nothing but bittersweet memories and the feeling of aching loneliness. I wanted Lloyd back with me, I wanted him to drive back home from school, wanted him to hold me and reassure my fears, quell my anxiety.
I just wanted him to tell me that everything's going to be okay.

But he never did. And even if he did come to my rescue, I'd only question his intentions once more, force myself to pick out every single misstep, every little mistake. It wouldn't be soothing. It would only kick my anxiety up to the max level and beyond.
I itched to call Lloyd. I itched to vent to him and ask him to help me figure out what I should do because he's smart (sure, not grades wise but he's smart in other aspects). He's wise like his father and uncle. He'd have an idea of how to handle this - but I could hardly ask the person I was having trouble with for help for that same person.
It just didn't work like that.
So instead, I lied on my bed from the early hours of the morning to deep in the afternoon. Doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself. Just lying there, on my bed that smelled achingly like Lloyd and stare at the ceiling blankly.
Like a common coward.

Dad would be so disappointed in my lack of spine. What happened to me? I used to be so bold and brave. Outgoing and determined.
Now I'm just. Nothing. Floating in the never ending space, the endless dark pool.
I felt so out of place. Plucked from my life and shuffled off to god know's where. Everything I knew was left behind in a lie.
No. No, what I did know was that I was kind. Lloyd said so himself - I saw the best in people. So maybe. Just... just maybe, I could talk this over with my friends. We could sort this out. Smooth the situation. And then- then I could address Lloyd.
Maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe I was overreacting earlier. I could brush it aside, if they'd let it. Thing's could go back to the way it was before.
I think.
I grabbed my phone that I hadn't touched all day, ignoring the texts from Lloyd and the others. I opened up the group's messenger chat and sent a proposition - to meet at the skatepark after school. It was a Friday - people didn't have anything on after school on Fridays. It was the perfect day to meet up, too. Spring was making the world grow warmer. Slowly, but surely.

But my hope was crushed when I was immediately met with declines. 'Can't make it's and 'not today's with a touch of 'maybe next week's.
I bit my lip. This was fine. It's all fine. Breathe, Y/n. You're just looking too hard into things.
Maybe you should call Lloyd. Maybe you should talk to him about this and get his point of view.
But I found myself hesitating over his contact. And doubt squeezed my chest hard enough for me to choke on my own heart.
I'll call him later.
I hadn't eaten all day. My stomach was empty and vicious but I wasn't hungry. I was unsettled, bristled. I needed something to take my mind off of things.
Instagram. Instagram can distract me.
I mindlessly scrolled through my feed, ignoring a text from Kai. I didn't feel like talking to anyone - afraid that I'd say the wrong thing and really fuck things up.

[new post!]

Unthinking, I tapped on the small notification. It dragged me to the top of my feed. It was Aaliyah.
My breath caught.
They were at the skatepark.
But they all said they couldn't go.
Maybe it was a delayed post? It was put up only two minutes ago. I checked the time - it was am hour after school had ended.
No. No, she probably posted it from a different day. They... they wouldn't lie to me like that, right? Sure, they talked about me behind my back and- and sure they said somethings about Lloyd that had my head spinning in doubt but they wouldn't lie right to me like that. They... they wouldn't.
They wouldn't.
I shut off my phone, inhaling deeply as I rested it on my stomach. What if they were at the park? What would I do? Cry? Scream? Run away? Call Lloyd?
But they're not at the park.
... but what if they are?
But they're not.

I...

I needed to go for a walk.

I shoved my feet into my boots and pulled my winter jacket on, locking the front door of the now empty house behind me. My phone buzzed again and I pulled it out, not reading the message. It was Lloyd. I pushed the device back into my pocket. I didn't want to talk. I had a one track mind.
My feet guided me blindly. I found myself outside the little book cafe where I first saw Lloyd.
I swallowed, staring at the familiar store. It felt like a lifetime ago when I first set eyes on him, unable to hold his stare while the first of many tugs urged me to do so. It felt as if I were a completely different person. I'd changed so much. Grown. Met so many interesting people. Almost died a couple of times, too.
But what's living without a little bit of danger?

If... if Lloyd really didn't love me. Then at least I got this out of it.
Life experience?
God. I'm so perpetually lame.

I entered the little coffee shop with a sigh. My breath billowed out of my nose like a cloud. Like Bentley. An ache thrummed my heart. I missed Bentley. It hadn't even been a day.
The blue haired girl that was the barista when I first stepped foot in here during summer had been replaced with a boy a few years older than me. He was cute, I supposed. A tiny hint of a stubble coming through. Chocolate eyes and an easy-going smile and dark hair leisurely swept back. His voice was charmingly alluring when I ordered a hot chocolate to warm my frozen fingers.
But he wasn't Lloyd.

My phone buzzed again when I took a seat by the window, picking up a random book to skim through. I didn't even know what the title was.
My eyes scanned the words but my brain wandered elsewhere.
I wanted to go back to simpler days. Where I was just a silly girl attracted to the mystery that was Lloyd Garmadon. No knowledge of my powers, no prophecies, just me and a pretty boy with eyes that changed colours. I wanted my friends to still be my friends. I wanted Chen to be my friend, too. No Axon. And I wanted Morro to go through that stupid rift and come back human, so he could be my friend, too.
I just wanted peace. Was that seriously so much to ask?
My hot chocolate was placed in front of me just as my phone began to ring. Lloyd - who else? I shut down my phone.
I didn't have the courage to talk to him yet. I just needed time to sort through all these confusing emotions. I didn't realise how stressed everything made me until I finally sunk into the booth - all on my lonesome - and soaked in the warmth of the sweet beverage in my hands.

Part of me wished it would rain, but the sky was a clear blue. I should've brought my skateboard, anyway. When was the last time I skateboarded? Summer? It must've been. There was almost no point of Lloyd giving me his old board.
It never got used by me, either.
I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and pressing my forehead to the glass of the cold window. Aaliyah, Naomi and I used to be so close. We'd known each other since we were toddlers and had been friends through thick and thin ever since.
Claire came along a year into high school and slowly but surely pushed her way to the top of our group. She overtook us, commanded leadership, and the others gave her it. They followed blindly. And I was pushed to the side by her unspoken declaration. I didn't even realise I had been until last night. What did I even do to have her hate me so viciously? Was it seriously just because I was dating Lloyd?
No. It had to be more than that.

That was why I wanted to talk. Needed to. So we could push this behind us and move on, find a mutual remedy. Maybe I was being too hopeful. Maybe I was being too naive - but there's no harm in trying, right?
Just. Just don't think about what they said. Ignore it. Push it back. Forget about it. Look forward, not back. If you could get Chen to befriend Lloyd, then you can sort this out. It's just a little setback. An easy fix. You'll be laughing all about it by next week.
And Lloyd, well. He was a different story. One I wasn't ready to tackle yet.

Mug drained, I ventured back outside into the chilly air to continue my mindless amble. My subconscious must have really been reliving that first day I met Lloyd, because my feet took me into the park and down the path to the skatepark. I stared at my shoes as I scuffed my feet on the concrete walkway, dewy and wet from the rain the night before while my brain spun heavily.
I drew closer to the skatepark, expecting it to be empty but was pleasantly surprised to hear laughter coming from it. Not many people used it, especially on cold days like this. More teens using it would keep the government from tearing it down.
My eyes jumped up to the crowd, intending to just take it all in with a soft smile - to watch them have their fun before moving on. Maybe I could pretend to be part of their group, share their laughter before pressing on with my own, confusing life.

But then my smile dropped and my blood ran cold.
Because there they were.
All of them.

I stared, stunned at the group who I'd once would've gone as far to have called my family. They said they were all busy. They lied right to me.
My fists clenched. Everything from last night - the nasty words, the dirty implications, the rumours, the death threats - it all hit me back at full force.
And my cold blood boiled.
I had been hopefully naive to think that I could rectify their problems. It was obvious that they were all just sheep, following Claire's instruction. They turned on me without a second thought. Maybe never even liked me in the first place - but I didn't care about that anymore. I was an idiot to think that we could move on from this - the things they called me, called Lloyd? Fuck that, fuck that.
Fuck them, too.
The group was unaware of my presence, laughing at Jason failing a trick. They were a scene of leisure, teens lounging in the park after a long day's work at school. A paradise.
I was a hurricane.

My jaw tensed, face twitching. I was unbelievably, astronomically pissed. Rage boiled bright in my gut and I saw red. Was this how it felt for Lloyd when Axon threatened my life? I no longer felt in control of myself, but the power my anger brought me was too intoxicating to wrestle logic back into the mix. I should've just gone home. I should've turned around and been the bigger person.
But I was sick and tired of being the bigger person.
My rage pushed my legs forward and suddenly I was a wolf, stalking towards my prey - a snake, but not really. Weak and frail, shrouded by a false sense of bravado. Claire was an atomic bitch and it was time I finally held my own.
I tapped her shoulder. She turned with a laugh, still giggling over Jason.

Claire had probably a split second to be surprised at my furious expression before I reeled my elbow back and punched her across the face - just like how my father showed me. Just like how Lloyd reinforced.

Claire crumpled to the ground with a yelp, clutching her face. The others silenced as I wrung my red hand, eyes burning with enraged tears. I was used for months - possibly even years. I was their plaything. This was my revenge and it had never tasted so, so sweet.
"You lie to me?!" I screamed, feeling the unfurling anger pulse energy in my chest as I stared down at the girl who'd quietly ordered my destruction. The carcass of my enemy, blood on my teeth. "You talk about me behind my back? Spread rumours?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"The fuck is wrong with you?!" Claire countered in a angered snarl, clutching her injured face. "I can't believe you just punched me! You really are a crazy bitch!"
"Don't forget slut, whore, dumbass - just one of many that you called me, huh?" I laughed sarcastically, feeling pissed tears drip down my cheeks. "Did I seriously look that fucking frail for you to pick on me? The smallest bug to squash, right? Did you enjoy your five minutes of power, Claire? Did it make you feel good, stomping on others?"

Claire's face twisted unpleasantly. She stood, teetering slightly. The others had completely stilled, watching us with wide eyes.
"I picked on you because you're annoying and nobody likes you," Claire hissed. "You always got in the fucking way, behaving like a child! You're so indecisive and you made a fuss whenever things didn't go how you like it!"
"Like when?!" I barked a disbelieving laugh. "Give me one example!"
"Back when we went to the movies!" Claire countered, voice roaring. "You were moping the whole time that we didn't see what you wanted to see - and then you upped and disappeared!"
"That?!" I burst, balling my hands into fists. "You're bringing up that?! God, if you actually think that's what happened, then you're really fucking oblivious! I left because how you treated me made me almost have a fucking panic attack in the middle of the goddamn mall!"
"Well, then," Claire spat. "Aren't you just precious, huh? Look everyone-" she raised her arms in dramatics. "- if you don't treat her like the fragile princess she is, then she'll start to cr-"

I shoved Claire back and her feet slipped on the edge of the bowl. I caught the front of her shirt before she could fall. I was shaking with anger.
"Only Lloyd gets to call me that."
"Kn- knock it off, Y/n!" Claire seethed, nails scratching at my wrist. "Cut it out, you fucking maniac!"
"I'm tired of you treating me like I'm nothing!" I shouted. "And I'll never forgive you for what you said about Lloyd. Never, never-" I yanked her closer. My eyes narrowed into slits. My hair shifted. "- talk about him again."
Claire's eyes widened and a horrified gasp slipped from her mouth.
"Holy shit!"
"What the hell?"
I faltered, grip slacking as I felt panic overrun me. My rage disappeared as fast as it had ignited, leaving me shaking and anxious. No, no. My powers had been so dormant before - why did they now decide to act up, in front of all these people?

Claire took my momentary stillness to scramble from me, but because of how we were standing, it only resulted in us both tipping over the side and landing harshly onto the concrete bottom of the bowl. I grunted in pain upon impact. Claire stumbled to get away while the others shifted closer. I stuffed my floating hair into my hood with a laboured, agitated breath. Every shred of confidence had slipped from my fingers.
"God, she really is a freak," someone murmured. I swallowed, throat dry, feeling caged in the bottom of the skate bowl while they stood around the top. A sudden, surprising case of claustrophobia had me spinning in a frantic circle while my glowing eyes tried desperately to find an escape.

A small gap between two people tempted me, so I lunged for the edge only to miss and tumble down the curved side into a pathetic heap and a flash of pain. Something dripped from the corner of my mouth and I impatiently wiped it away, only to catch a peach colour on my thumb instead of red.
I stared at it a little too long before I remembered where I was. Breaths quickening, I reached for the edge again and caught it with my fingertips. I exhaled in relief, hauling ass as I scrambled up to ground level and shoved past the growing crowd, hiding my face in the hood of my jacket while fresh, shamed tears dribbled down my cheeks.
I pushed out of the park, scanning the crowded street for the route home but there were too many people and I was already gaining unwanted attraction. I slipped into a dark alleyway, stumbling backwards into the shadows with shaking, heavy breathes before hitting the back and sliding down the dirty wall.
I glowed in the dark. I fucking glowed in the dark.
I really was a freak.

I pulled my knees to my chest. I was scared - scared of the world and myself. I was terrified and alone. My shaking grew more pronounced and I willed myself not to sob. Quiet tears were enough weakness for one day, but god it was so hard. Everything was crashing around me - how I lost it, the names they called me, the texts and the rumours. And Lloyd - fuck, Lloyd. Now my doubt had swelled into something thicker, more potent. I wanted to reverse time. Why couldn't I just be safe and happy for once? Once. It's all I was asking.
"Y/n?" called Nya from the rooftop above. I glanced up, tears running down my cheeks. She stilled before kicking back into action. The water ninja dropped lithely to the ground and stared at me with wide and sympathetic eyes as she removed her mask. "Oh, honey."

"N- Nya," I gasped, lips trembling, voice trembling, entire being trembling. My hood had slipped back and my uncontrollable powers were on total display in the dark of the alleyway.
"Don't worry," she murmured quietly. "Lloyd's on his way."
"W- w- wa- wait-"
"Got her, Lloyd," Nya said into the comms. His reply was too quiet to make sense of. Whatever he said, it made her grimace slightly as she crouched before me, hand reaching out to rub my shoulder soothingly. It made another broken sob catch in my throat. "She... she doesn't look hurt. But her powers - Lloyd, she's going haywire."
Lloyd spoke again.
"Just hurry up and get here!" Nya hissed despite my frantically shaking head, desperate to not see him. Or to not let him see me like this.

"I- I c- ca- can't," I shook my head, teeth chattering despite how I was sweating in my coat.
"Can't what?" Nya asked quietly, soothingly. But then-
"Y/N!" yelled an achingly familiar voice. Lloyd was racing down the alleyway and my heart thumped at his approach, red eyes frantic.
"I'll go patrol the block," Nya said quickly, stepping away and scaling the fire escape. I willed for her to return.
"Oh my god," Lloyd breathed, dropping down to his knees and pulling me in close. His hands gripped me tight, shaking, and a fresh wave of tears and sobs had me leaning into him. "Oh my god. I th- I thought you were- you weren't answering- I was so scared-"
He swiftly leant back, cupping my face with his hands. His red eyes searched mine, filled with nothing but relief and fear and once again, I found the doubt within me questioning the genuinity of it.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Lloyd hissed quietly, disappointedly concerned. "I thought we agreed that you have to be with one of us at all times whenever you leave the house! You know how dangerous it is for you right now!"
"I- I- I'm s- s-" I couldn't even finish the sentence. Lloyd just quickly shook his head. Cradling me in closer. Shifting me until I was being held like a baby in his arms. I cursed myself for finding it so comforting. He whispered nonsense against my temple, rocking us back and forth until my breathing evened out and my powers settled once more. Absolute exhaustion made me sink deeper into his arms. I was still crying.
"Hey," Lloyd whispered, gently wiping away my tears. "What made my sunshine so cloudy?"

That just made everything ache more. How could he be so sweet when I was so convinced that I was nothing but a burden to him? Was this a lie or was it him being truthful? This was so confusing. The doubt was scrambling everything, overanalysing and running me bone tired.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked again.
I shook my head no in his chest. He quietened, arms squeezing. I clenched my eyes shut. I just wanted to press restart on my life. I wanted this doubt to disappear.
We stayed there for another few minutes or so before Lloyd stood and gently settled me to my feet. Bentley burst to life and he crooned worriedly, nudging my hand with his snout. His green eyes stared up at me pitifully, so I gave him a weak smile and a small pat before accepting Lloyd's hand. He pulled me tight against his chest once more and Bentley took off, scooping the wind in his wings after crawling out of the alleyway.

We returned to my home and not a word was said. Lloyd was simmering in worry, I could tell. I was simmering in my own pent up emotions. There was so many things I needed to ask, wanted to say, but words failed me. It was building up.
I was still shaky on my legs when I landed on the ground. Lloyd scooped me up once more, dipping down to shift my weight into his arms with ease. I dug my face into his neck, mind racing. Walked through the house. Resting on the bed. I stared hard at a scar on his collarbone while he ran his hand through my hair.
Would Lloyd hurt me, too? Like how they did? If he found out about what they said, would he laugh at my face and confirm my worst fears - that they were right? The doubt had truly taken over me, a poison that had me choking on my swollen throat and deflated lungs. It had me bristling under his touch, slowly building a wall so I wouldn't get hurt again. If I pushed him away, then he wouldn't have a chance to hurt me.
That's how it worked, I was sure of it.

With an ache, I pulled myself away from his touch. I was empty before him, a husk, an unfeeling wall.
No. No, I wasn't unfeeling. I was experiencing all levels of pain. It caught me in a vice trap and refused to let go. I was convulsing under the weight of a million questions, each stabbing me deeper than the other.
The doubt pushed harder.
Lloyd stared at me.
He was a danger. Dangerous. He posed a threat. I had to deescalate it before he could hurt me again. I'd been hurt enough. I was in self-defence mode.
And that was how my World War III began.

"Lloyd," I whispered, shuffling upright on the bed. He watched me, concern in his eyes. I was sure that they were fake. Everything I thought he felt for me was fake. Because I was useless, I held no value. The only thing he wanted me for was my powers. For the prophecy. "Y- you don't love me."
Lloyd had to take a few seconds to run that over in his head. The doubt clung on to that, twisted it into something miserable - he was surprised I caught him, surely.
"What?" he asked, because he was stunned that I figured him out, right?
"I- I get it," I choked out, heart hurting as I faced my danger with a shattering resolve. "Yo- you need me for the prophecies. I j- I just wish you told me sooner that you stopped caring."
Sure, maybe attraction was there at the beginning - but between the possession, the whole thing with Axon, my general incompetence and lack of worth as a space - I was annoying and dumb and stupid for thinking that anybody could hold me in such a high regard that I thought Lloyd did - surely it had faded into a cool resentment the longer I was being a burden. He was good at lying, after all. He was good at acting.

"What?" Lloyd said again, confused as he sat up. I was shaking, head spinning. "What are you talking about?"
"St- stop pretending you don't know what I'm talking about," I said, voice strained as I stared at a faint freckle on his nose. "Stop lying to me."
"Lying?" Lloyd repeated, resting a hand on my shoulder. I shoved it off, scrambling backwards until I had to stand, stepping back from the bed as I stood. Body vibrating with pain. "You're confusing me-"
"You're deflecting it!" I accused in a cry, making him pull a baffled look. Convinced of his lying. Fake emotions. He'd been playing me from start, just like the group did. Everybody had been playing me. I couldn't trust anyone.
"Do you really think I don't love you?" he asked, hurt. Pulling me into a trap of sympathy. Ignore it- ignore the look in his eyes - it's not real. "You're my heart and soul, Y/n. You know this-"

"All I know is that you've lied to me before and you keep doing it!" I burst, tears returning with vigour. "I can't trust anything you say or do! I'm a burden to you, I can see it in your eyes!"
"A burden?!"
"I get it!" I sobbed, feeling as if the floor beneath my feet was slowly crawling up my body and slowly suffocating as it went. "I'm a waste of space! I thought you were different but you're just like them! You're using me for the prophecies!"
"Y/n, hold on-"
"Everyone can see it!" I continued, voice rising as my breaths got shorter and shallower. "Everyone can see that you don't love me! They said it, too! You're just waiting for the chance to kick me to the side just like how they did!"
"Would you let me speak?!" Lloyd asked in a booming voice, making me falter and flinch as he stood. Towering over me. I silenced. "Le- let's start at the beginning. Who told you that I didn't love you?"

"C- Claire," I said quietly, voice breaking. "The others. The- they said other things, too."
"Well, now that's a lie," Lloyd said bitterly.
"You'd know."
I regretted it as soon as the words slipped from my mouth. Lloyd's face paled before burning red with frustration.
"Yeah, I would," he said sharply. "Because I know how I feel! And you doubting me is insulting!"
"I- I want to believe you," I stammered, lip trembling. "But I don't know how."
"What?!" Lloyd burst. "H- how could you- I don't understand. Y/n, you know how I feel ab-"
"No! I don't!" I cried. "You still keep things from me! I lost count how many times I've had to reiterate the fact that you shouldn't keep secrets!"
"And you know that I'm working on it!" Lloyd pointed out. "It's not something that just fixes itself overnight!"
"I'm not saying it does."
"It sounded like you were!"
"Why are you getting defensive?" I shrilled, turning to him. "I'm the one who-!"

I abruptly cut myself off, staring at the wall.
"What?" Lloyd pressed. His gaze narrowed when I didn't reply. "What?"
"I'm not worth it," I said quietly. "I'm not worth anything - god this is- this is so confusing."
"What are you talking about?" Lloyd asked, bristling, watching as I gave a choked laugh and shrunk into a crouch. I hid my face with my hands. My tears soaked my sleeves.
"I'm the problem," I said, shivering. "I- I thought it was them, but- I keep- I-"
"You're not making any sense."
I clenched my eyes shut. Things used to be so normal. Things used to be happy. When did it all change?
It changed... it- it changed-
My eyes slowly opened.
It changed when I met Lloyd.
No. No, Lloyd's the problem. He kept things from me, kept secrets. He's the one who doesn't love me, he's the one who wants to dump me, he-
Him. It was him.

"Y- you're the reason they turned on me," I said, mind one-track. I latched onto an excuse, found a hook and I wasn't going to let go. Show any logic, any piece of evidence I missed and I would turn away.
Lloyd looked taken aback.
A small part of me was screaming that I was wrong, that I should stop while I was ahead - but I was hurt and aching and nothing made sense anymore. My head was mush. I couldn't remember half of what was wrong.
"They turned on you?" Lloyd asked, but I was already laughing a disbelieving laugh, running a hand through my hair as I rose to my full height.
"It- it was you all along," I said breathlessly, shaking my head. "Of course it was. God, my life was perfectly normal before you came along. Now I'm bullied, traumatised and targeted. I'm not even allowed to leave my house without a babysitter!"
"And you blame that on me?!" Lloyd asked incredulously, immediately on the defensive. "I'm busting my ass off trying to figure out who's giving the orders now that Axon's in Kryptarium, just to keep you safe!"
"I never asked you to do that!"
"And I never asked you to be seen with me!" Lloyd pointed out. "You're the one who wanted to stick with me when we started going to school!"

"It was all your fault!" I yelled, ignoring him, ignoring logic. "Not mine! It's your fault that my friends dropped me like hot garbage, it's your dad's fault for being an maniacal overlord, it's my fault for thinking that I should've been seen with you in the first place!"

Lloyd stilled.
"D... do you really think that?"
I stared at him, bewildered. Wait, did he- wait-
My silence stretched on. I could barely remember what I said. I was delirious, sleep-deprived. I was slow.
My lack of reply seemed to be enough of an answer for Lloyd, because his face fell into a look of pure rage.
"I have enough chaos in my life without some girl running around causing only more stress," he spat. "I have done so much for you and you blame me for this?"
"Are you saying I'm not worth it?"
"Yeah, I'm fucking saying you're not worth it!" he burst, red eyes darkening. It was a confirmation of my worst fears.
"I knew it," I said quietly. "They were right. You don't love me. You never have. You only kept me around for the prophecies."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Lloyd seethed, riled up. "You believe them over me?!"
"You said it yourself!"
"Because you're blaming me for something that isn't my fault!" Lloyd defended loudly. "I didn't give them the idea to turn on you! I didn't tell them to hurt you! Why are you hurting me?"
"I'm not!"
"Yes you are!" he bit. "But that's okay, right? I'm the green ninja, I can take a little pain."
"I'm not saying that!" I pressed.
"Then what are you saying?!"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Then MAYBE," Lloyd yelled, matching my volume. "You should've figured that out before you started throwing accusations! You keep saying we're a team - tell me how the fuck this feels like a team!"
"We obviously aren't one, then!" I hissed. "Maybe my pops was right. Maybe you are a demon! You really do only know how to hurt! I've only been hurt ever since I met you!"

"That is so rich coming from you," Lloyd laughed bitterly. "Do you even hear yourself? You've done nothing but attacked me!"
"You're dragging me along just for my powers!" I screamed. "You've been playing me since the first day I met you! I don't need to hear myself - not when you've been treating me like this!"
"Like what?!"
"Like shit!"
Lloyd huffed a disbelieving laugh, red eyes wide in stunned fury.
"I have treated you-"
"You lie to me!"
"To protect you!" Lloyd reasoned with a shout.
"From what?!" I shrieked. "From yourself?! From the bitter truth that I mean nothing to you?!"
"You're crazy," Lloyd snapped, turning away. "I can't believe you'd accuse me like this. After everything I've done- I should've let Axon kill you."

I stilled. Lloyd's expression fell in shock at his own words, red eyes jumping back to gauge my reaction. But the damage had been done. The pit had been cracked wide open. Everything around us came tumbling down. Nothing but hurt and shock fuelled me.
"Get out. GET OUT. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE."
And Lloyd was on the defensive again.
"FINE!" he snarled, fangs unsheathing in uncontrolled rage. "Fucking perfect! My life is going to be so much easier without having to make sure that you don't get yourself killed by being a fucking idiot!"
"You made my life miserable!" I hissed. "I should've listened to them when they told me to drop you! Never trust a Garmadon, right?!"
"Yeah," he nodded, licking his fangs in unadulterated bitterness. "Yeah. Never trust a Garmadon. You thought I was different? I thought you were, too."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have lied!"
"About what?!"
"Everything!" I shrilled. "Every word! I've always been walking on glass with you! I can't trust anything you say! How the hell am I supposed to believe you!"
"YEAH, well you can believe this!" he shouted, taking a step closer and making me scramble backwards in fear at the look on his face - thunderous, stormy, a look to kill. "You and me? This? Over."
"Over?"
"Over," Lloyd repeated sourly, eyes narrowed into slits. He was a mountain, trembling in anger. "Don't have to worry about me lying anymore, sweetheart."
"Good!" I burst. "Great! Perfect! I sacrificed so much for you and you did nothing in return!"
"Shut up - god shut the fuck up," he sneered, leaning in close and making my heart leap in panic. He was the wolf, now. I was only a mouse in comparison. He reached up and ripped the promise ring necklace from his neck and tossed it to the ground. I watched it tumble on the carpet wordlessly, stunned to silence. A careless toss. It held what remained of us.
Now we were nothing.

"I want my mother's ring back," Lloyd demanded, making my watery eyes jump back to him in horror. I felt as if I'd been shot through the chest. The veil had been lifted from my eyes and everything was clear once more - but the war had already begun and I couldn't stop the repercussions.
"Wh- what?" I stammered, wide eyed. Everything was underwater - no, wait. That was just the inhuman amount of tears leaking down my face. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Bolted to the ground, staring at the wolf who'd pinned me to my inevitable downfall.
A hint of regret flashed on Lloyd's face as I stared at him pathetically. It was quickly covered by his scowl.
"The ring. I want it back."
I blinked, slowly unclasping the chain. It felt surreal. The feeling of slipping the promise ring from the necklace felt surreal. Watching him snatch it from my shaking hand, shove it in his pocket and storm out of my room felt surreal.
I stared at the spot he was just in, leaning against the wall as my mind raced, eyes searching where his face once was. My mind was an incomprehensible storm, a violent cyclone, a horrifying mess. My throat completely closed up.

The doubt had slipped away. It slipped away far too late.

This was my fault. I felt violated by what had happened to me and I took it out on him. Unfairly. I destroyed the one thing that held me upright with my own bare hands. Because I thought that he would turn on me.
I'm a fucking idiot.
I snapped back into action, scrambling frantically after Lloyd, racing to rectify my horrendous, gargantuan mistake. He was already on the driveway by the time I caught up. I was endlessly sobbing in shock and horror at what I'd done.
"No! Nonono Lloyd wait!" I cried when Bentley burst to existence, ready to fly off and seal what had been done. I stumbled towards him, staring at Lloyd with a pitiful, pleading expression. "Lloyd! I'm sorry! Please, don't go!"
As I stepped closer, I noticed Bentley's furious growling too late. He swiped out at me with a horrendous roar, terrifying me to my bones and making me trip backwards with a cry of terror. Lloyd stared, bitter and sour and not an ounce of who I once knew, as I trembled with fear on the ground.
The dragon straightened, eyes glaring at me with the same amount of rage that Lloyd did. He was terrifying - they both were. And dangerous. And hated me.

That scared me worse.

Lloyd didn't even say a word. I should've tried to call for him again, say something, apologise profusely, but the visceral fright of Bentley's warning attack had clamped me up tight, stiffened until I could do nothing but stare with horrified, flooding eyes as he spread his wings. And they left.
It was done. My worst mistake. My biggest regret. And I had nobody to blame but myself. I took it out on him and he didn't- he never deserved- why did I? I couldn't even think of why I would do something so disastrously and completely idiotic.
But- but I couldn't give up. I had to apologise. I had to talk to him, I had to get him to understand that I didn't really hate him, didn't really think he was lying. That I still loved him, that he was all I had now. My sun, my universe.
Why did I take it out on him?

Had I been seriously so naive to think that misplacing my frustration, my anger, my doubt onto him would do anything except absolutely ruin everything we built up together? A concrete column and I pushed it over like a house of cards. What the fuck is wrong with me?
This time I was unhesitant when I pressed on his contact to call. It rang. Rang. Rang.
"'You have reached the voicemail of-'"
Heart racing, I dialled again. And then a third time. It all ended the same way, until I did it a forth time and it abruptly stopped. Hope soared, until nothing came out of the other end. I pulled the phone away from my ear in confusion - it had stopped ringing? Why?
I got a ping.

[your number has been blocked by this user]

"No!" I cried, ugly and horrendous and hopeless. "No!" I sobbed, viscerally destroyed and crushed. "Lloyd!" I screamed into my hands because who else did I usually call when things went wrong? I crouched, cradling my broken self on the driveway.

How could it all go so wrong?
I asked but I knew the answer. It was my fault. This was all my fault. Why couldn't I have handled this better? Why did I let my regret and doubt and emotions get the better of me? Why did I believe their words?
I'm supposed to be smarter than this - I'm supposed to be the bigger person. Why, when everything crashed around me, did I take it out on the best thing I had in my life? Why Lloyd? Why him?

I am so colossally stupid.