The promise ring burnt a hole in the pocket of the green ninja's gi.

Lloyd Garmadon was pissed. He was a pit of rage, a caged, burning passion of fury. He was nothing but anger, nothing but animosity. He was shaking and gritting his teeth and

and he was crying.

Lloyd cursed himself for crying. He shouldn't be crying. He dumped her, so why was he in so much emotional pain that it felt debilitating? The words she said, the accusations, the distrust - she was just like everybody else who worked at making his life miserable, so why was he sobbing into the cold wind? Why did it hurt to just exist?
He should still be angry. He should still be pissed. He should still be screaming in rage and frustration for the past eight months that were wasted; but those feelings had slipped away the further Bentley flew from Y/n's and now he was just-

sad.
really sad.

Lloyd dropped his head onto Bentley's neck. The dragon's muscles rolled and swayed as he flew through the air. The motion would've been soothing if it weren't for the pain that took over every single sense of his, controlling how he felt, urging his emotional demise.
"What do I do, Bentley?" he whispered to the dragon before uttering a second curse into the scales - because Bentley was named by Y/n, and he adopted that name for his dragon, too. Even if we wanted to, he couldn't truly escape from her. She was too threaded into his life. The feel of her on his hands, her warmth, her eyes, her voice - everything about her was engrained so deep into him that he could see her perfectly when he closed his eyes. Imagine her arms wrapped around him. Her head pressed tight against his back.

So how the hell was he supposed to live without her?

Lloyd should've been cursing her name to high heaven. He should've been thanking god that he left her after such a heavy fight. He should've been counting his blessings and planning new trainings for his team and finally letting himself totally focus on training to be a Sensei.
The distraction of her was gone.
But even in flight over the bright city lights, even with all the advertisements and the handful of fans that screamed up at him - he could only see Y/n. Only hear her cries.
There was an expression of hers that he hated - the look of terror. Total, unchecked fear and horror. Directed at him. He'd seen it twice before, once with Axon and the other when she was hit with the Venomari venom.
He'd made her scared of him again.

The night air was cold and unforgiving. It froze his heart. There was no heat of love to keep him warm, no promise of hiding himself into her arms after such a long, exhausting day. There was nothing but the frigid existence of loneliness. He was alone again.
Bentley disappeared when his claws hit the gravel driveway of the monastery. Lloyd stumbled when he dropped, stones scuffing against his jika-tabi. His head hung. Everything hurt.
His phone rang. He ignored it, knowing it was Y/n and instead pulled out the ring from his pocket.
It held such power. The embodiment of their love. This ring had spent a thousand years waiting for its new owner after his own mother, and the ring Y/n gave was personally designed by her - engrained with her feelings towards him.

It all went so wrong.

Lloyd swiped his arm across his face in frustration. He's the green ninja, for God's sake. He should be better at hiding his emotions. He should be stronger. Why did she make him so weak?
Lloyd's phone rang again and he pulled it out with a frustrated snarl. His scowl softened at the background of him and Y/n. His hands shook.
And then he was reminded of the fight and his rage piked. But he had to be the bigger person. With a determined growl, his finger pressed the block button.

And silence.
Peace and quiet.

Lloyd stared down at the phone apathetically, wanting to feel either victorious or heartbroken but ending up with nothing. Face blank, heart empty. His phone eventually turned itself off, the image of Y/n fading into black. So he stayed out there in the driveway, in solitude. Cradling the promise ring until the weather turned and it began to rain.
'I should've let Axon kill you.'
Obviously he didn't mean it. It slipped out in the heat of the fight - some angry, primal urge to hurt her back made him say something he truly never meant. He was still reeling at the hateful malice he'd felt - like nothing he'd ever experienced before. Worse than that, more ethereally demanding of his attention, however; was the cruel regret that curled his stomach into sickening knots.

"Lloyd?"

The blond glanced up, curling his fingers into a loose fist. The ring rattled in his hand as it fell to his side.
Nya stepped out of the monastery entrance, pulling her cardigan tight around her while the storm tangled her black hair across her face. She stared at the team leader, her little brother, soaked to the bone with rainwater. And tears.
"Are you okay?"
Lloyd's face twitched. He scowled at the ground before pushing his blond hair back from his forehead. His thumb ran over the small, pale bump of a scar on his skin and his scowl grew darker.
"Fine," he spat, marching up the steps and moodily pushing past the water ninja. She blinked her grey eyes in surprise before following, taken aback by his vile mood. The heavy oak door was pulled shut.
Lloyd knew that Nya was following but didn't snap, instead boiling silently in his spiking rage as he searched for his parents.

He found them in the living room, sharing cups of tea in the peaceful quiet. The ninja stormed over.
"Here," Lloyd quietly snapped, pushing the ring into his dad's chest. Garmadon instinctively caught the small object in surprise when Lloyd turned away, hand slipping from the precious metal like how he'd slipped from Y/n.
Garmadon and Misako stared down at the promise ring blankly, needing a few seconds to run this new development through their heads. They shared a look before hurrying after their hurt son, who'd dipped from the room.
"Lloyd?" Misako asked softly when her son shoved open the door to the dojo. "What happened?"
"Nothing," Lloyd muttered bitterly as he pulled out a training dummy. "Nothing happened."
"I find that incredibly difficult to believe," Garmadon said dryly. Misako slipped the ring back onto her finger for safe keeping, swallowing dryly. This was big- this was huge. The sour look on Lloyd's face was an expression they'd never seen on him before.

"Did you break up?" Misako asked softly.
"Yeah," Lloyd replied stiffly. He swallowed. "I dumped her."
"But why?" Garmadon asked. "We've never seen you be so happy than you are with her."
"Well, maybe I'm just not meant to be happy!" Lloyd shot with a predatory snarl before faltering. He dropped his head to the side with a hurt frown. "I thought she was different. Sh'just like everyone else."
"Y/n?" Nya asked in disbelief. "W- wait, start at the beginning. That doesn't sound like her at all."
With a growl, Lloyd began landing attacks on the dummy. Each hit grew in intensity as he gave a summarised version of their fight. He tried to pretend he wasn't crying again. Nya's jaw tensed. She stormed out of the dojo.

"Perhaps we should call her to-" Misako started a suggestion but was cut off by Lloyd's watch beeping. He glanced at it apathetically before his red eyes narrowed. He slipped past his parents. They could feel his fury.

"I've got a mission," he muttered.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

I hauled myself to my feet only when it began to storm.

I stood in my driveway, staring at the rain fogging the street, phone in hand. I couldn't tell which were tears and which were raindrops on my cheeks. Maybe they were an amalgamation of both. Maybe I cried so much that the rain was just my recycled tears, anyway. The sky were my new eyes. The clouds were pained.
Body numb yet shivering, I slowly stumbled to front door while I was slowly soaked. The door, open as I had left it, swung gently in the stormy wind. It beckoned me with warmth and dry clothes. I felt as if I deserved neither.
I shuffled inside anyway, shutting the door. My hair, waterlogged, was heavy in clumps as I stared at a spot on the carpet in shock. My bare feet made the carpet soggy. I couldn't feel my fingers or toes. Raindrops trickled down my cold skin.

Fuck. FUCK.

I caught my scream with my hands. I clutched hard at my head, gripping tough with my nails. Maybe if I ripped off my face, I would focus on a pain other than the that one absolutely tore through my body. But even if I could, it wouldn't be a worse. It would be a pinprick to a shattered arm. A punch to a torn limb.
God, why was I so dumb? Why did I let my doubt consume me? Was I seriously that fucking gullible?
I lifted my head wearily, exhausted, spent as I cried. I just wanted to sleep the years away. Maybe after enough time, Lloyd will forgive me and a prince with golden hair and red eyes would rescue me from my slumber. Then we could live happily ever after.

Except happily ever afters don't exist.
And Lloyd would never forgive me for the horrible things I said.

Oh, god. I dryly sobbed, stumbling through the empty house and to my bed. I dropped down, clutching hard at the duvet. It still smelt of him from the night before. Oh, god. He's really gone. He's really never going to forgive me, is he? I'm never going to be able to see his pretty smile or his eyes. Run my hands through his hair or press kisses to his face, so much so that he scrunched up his nose with a delighted laugh.
No midnight talks. No sweet kisses. No goofing off. No Bentley. No Garmadon and Misako and Wu. No team, no monks, no Kashu.
My life was so deeply entwined with his.
Now my existence just felt empty.
A knock on my window had me launching to my feet with a strained, hopeful gasp. I yanked my curtains back.
"Lloyd-!" I went to gush my apologies but stopped upon seeing Nya's scowl. I gulped, feeling disappointment crash down upon me and squashing me like the tiny, disgusting bug I was and unlatched the window. Her face was deadly. I was ready to accept it, arms open wide.

"H- hi," I stammered, feeling another burst of tears build up in a sob as she yanked the frame open. My throat was so thick that I could barely breathe. "D- did Lloyd send you here to kill me? That's fine. Just make it quick - actually, make it slow and excruciating. I- it's what I deserve."
I broke off into another cry. Nya pulled a face.
"My god," she muttered as she crouched on the head of her dragon, blue and black and red and glowing. "I said I'd kick your ass if you made him cry but you're even worse than he is. This is just sad."
"I made him cry?" I burst in self-disgusted disbelief. Then my simpering cries got heavier and louder because I'm so pathetic and horrible and I made the less deserving of it boy feel bad enough to cry. Nya's face crumpled.
"Oh, honey," she sighed, slipping through the window and flicking off the water from her cardigan. Her dragon burst into nothing as she shut the window. "Tell me what happened."

I settled blankly on my bed, curling my knees into my chest. Tears collected at my waist. Nya crossed her legs as she sat before me, patting her hands on her feet while she waited for me to sort out the mess of my head.
"My friends are assholes," I finally murmured, staring hard at my duvet.
"Yeah, we know."
I heaved a sigh through my nose. They did know. So it really was me just being blindly manipulated and pulled along like a plaything. I'm so dumb.
"It's my fault for trusting them."
"What did they do?" Nya asked softly. I blinked, sniffling, rubbing at my leaking eyes with the bulbs of my palms.
"Said some shit," I muttered breathlessly, staring down at my shaking hands. "They've... they've never been my friends. Not really. They just played me."
Nya furrowed her brow in confusion, so I pulled out my phone and showed her the texts. Her eyes narrowed all the more thinner the longer she read, thumb swiping along the screen as she skimmed.

"That's revolting," she spat once she'd finished it, shoving my phone face down onto the bed, as if it would stop me from repeating the harsh words inside my head. "I can't believe the nerve!"
I sunk deeper into my pillows. My cheeks had grown irritated from how much I'd wiped at them, but the quiet tears just kept coming.
"But what happened with Lloyd?" Nya asked, shaking her head. "How does this relate to what happened?"
"I was stupid," I hissed quietly, sneering at myself as I pinched my knees. "So fucking stupid. I was so blindsided and hurt and I actually started to believe them that I took it out on him. H- Lloyd- he didn't deserve that-"
"He didn't," Nya agreed, which only made my guilt drop even further to my toes - even though I already knew that. "Did you at least show Lloyd the texts?"
"... no."
Nya smacked the back of my head.
"OW! You're so mean!" I exclaimed between hiccups as I cradled my head, hurt.

"It's called tough love, sweetheart," Nya grunted, crossing her arms tightly. "You should've shown him these! Why didn't you? He would've been more understanding - hell, he would've been able to calm you down before you guys even started to fight."
"I don't know!" I cried, feeling hysteria crawl up my throat once more. "I don't know! Everything was falling down around me! Nothing felt real! Nya - I thought they were my friends for the better part of my life. I- I didn't know what to believe anymore-!"
"Okay," she breathed, pulling me forward into her arms. She dropped her chin onto my head as I shook in her hold. "Okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"I j- I just wish I could take it back," I cried weakly, melting into her hold as I hiccuped. "I w- want him back. It's all my fault."
"I know," Nya soothed, rubbing my back. "This'll work out. Trust me."
"No, it won't," I moaned miserably, clenching my eyes shut. "I was horrible! The things I said- and. And Lloyd said that he should've let Axon kill me - he hates me! This isn't going to be able to be fixed-"

Nya stilled. Her breath caught, silent. Until-
"He what," she snarled with an anger I hadn't seen from her before, cutting my sobbing ramble off. "He fucking what-"
"W- wait, Nya, no!" I insisted shakily when she suddenly stood, face thunderous. "I- it was my fault-!"
"Like hell!" Nya snapped. "Get it through your head, Y/n! Not all of this is your fault! Yeah, you shouldn't have taken it out on Lloyd, but that's it! Your friends being absolute dickwads wasn't your fault - it's on them for being problematic and toxic! It's not your fault that Lloyd said what he said! He should've handled it better-"
"But the things I said-!"
"He's team leader and training to be a Sensei," Nya pointed out. "He should know better than to fight fire with fire. He knows how to deescalate situations more fragile than some little fight with his girlfriend!"
"Nya, no," I shook my head. My limbs felt like jelly. "I- it wasn't his fault. Don't blame him. Things got really- really bad. I just... I just want to apologise. I- I don't think he meant it..."

Nya settled. She didn't seem satisfied, but humoured me anyway.
"Have you tried calling him?"
"He blocked me," I said despondently, falling backwards onto my pillows with a depressed sigh. Nya hummed. She crawled up beside me and fell down. I rested my head on her shoulder. We stared at my ceiling.
"Maybe give it a little bit of time," she suggested, wounding an arm around my shoulders. "Time might be good. Go into it with a clear head - think of what you want to say."
"Yeah," I said quietly. The heater had started to finally warm the chilly room. "That's probably best. Thanks, Nya."
Soon after, Nya had to be pulled to another mission. After a few more reassurances and a quick hug, she was off.

Her elemental dragon didn't even look at me.

I wondered if it had anything to do with how Lloyd felt.

And then I cried again.

My parents returned home shortly after Nya left, finding me in the kitchen as I tried to replenish my surely dehydrated body with water.
"Jesus CHRIST," mum yelped when she spotted me with my bloodshot eyes and raw cheeks. I still hadn't changed out of my rain-drenched clothes. A sight, I'm sure. "What the hell happened to you?!"
"Lloyd dumped me," I mumbled sullenly.
"What?" Dad asked, shocked.
I stared at them for a few seconds before the millionth wave of tears bashed me in the face with a frying pan once more.
"Oh, sweetheart," mum said softly, dropping her bag and gathering me into a tight hug. I felt small in her hold while I sobbed into her jacket. Tiny and weak. A little kid who'd just lost their best friend. "I'm so sorry."
"I'm going to kill him-"
"N- no, papa," I cried, reaching for his arm before he could storm out of the room and probably wring my ex's neck. "It wasn't his fault!"

Dad faltered, torn. He gave a sigh.
"C'mon," he murmured, picking me up. I squeaked. "You need to rest. You look exhausted."
"I'm tired," I agreed quietly. But I was scared what demons would await me in sleep. Afraid they'd strangle me for the mistakes I made. With little prompting, I spilt the situation.
"How are you holding up?" Dad murmured when I fell quiet.
"I just... I just want him back," I whined hollowly. He sighed and slung an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side.
"Hey, sweetheart," dad murmured. "You'll get through this. You'll get Lloyd back."
"N- no, I wo-"
"You will," dad reassured, rubbing my shoulder. "When I was his age I was totally captivated by your mother. God, there wasn't any other woman who looked as pretty as she was stubborn and determined. I had never met anybody so wonderful and precious," dad sent me a small smile. "Until we had you."
"Dad-"

"It's true!" Dad grinned at the little hint of amusement that gleamed through my tears. "But you know what? That look I had on my face when I was dating your mother, the look I still have on my face when I think just how lucky I am to have her - that's the same way Lloyd looks at you."
"R- really?" I sniffled, wiping my nose with my sleeve.
"You kidding me, cupcake?" Dad chuckled at my croaky voice, broken with disbelief. "I've never seen a boy so head over heels before. For someone who's the green ninja, he's very obvious. He's happy when he's with you. And you are, too."
"I thought you didn't like Lloyd."
"He's my daughter's boyfriend," dad grumbled. "He's not exactly my favourite person in the world... but he may rise up the ranks. Y'know, if you treat each other right."
I sent him a small smile.

"But if he acts like a dick, I'll shoot him-"
"Dad!"

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

Lloyd didn't show up to school.
He didn't show up the next day, either.
Or the third.

At first, I was relieved. I didn't know if I could handle being in the same school as him, let alone the same table in art class. It was a breathe of fresh air - ironic, considering I used to hate the days when he was absent.
I was given the chance to settle into this new, foreign and empty routine. I immediately came to the decision that I hated it.
The first day, I avoided everyone. Despite the gaping hole that Lloyd left, I didn't sit with the team and Naomi at lunch. I couldn't find the courage to face them. They were too entwined with Lloyd and I wasn't sure what they knew about what had happened. Did they think I was a monster like how I did? Horrible? Terrible? Did they regret welcoming me into their family with open arms? Were they going to discard me, toss me to the side?
Two groups kept staring at me. The team and Claire's lackeys. I could feel their gazes digging into me, assessing me, digging out the facts and taking note of my emotions.
I was a specimen to study, a creature to observe.

I sat silently at the end of Chen's table and didn't speak.

On the second day of Lloyd's absence, Jay found me sullenly pulling my books from my locker before the first class of the morning.
"Hey, Y/n!"
I jumped at his sudden voice, hands fumbling in surprise. The ninja caught my books before they could fall to the ground and cause a total scene. He held them out for me. I took them with a quiet thanks.
"You didn't sit with us yesterday," Jay noted, initiating small talk as I tried to not hurry to class. I felt my stomach do an unusual twist. Unpleasant. I just wanted to be alone.
"... yeah," I murmured uncomfortably, staring at the ground.
"Why?"
I couldn't find the words to answer. We shuffled down the loud hallway in an uncomfortable silence. Jay's brow pulled down over his blue eyes.

"I heard about the fight," he said, voice soft and causing a bolt of pain to crash through me. For the first time, I glanced up at him. He was watching me in worry.
"Which one?" I said with an apathetic, humourless smile.
Jay faltered, lips parting in shock before thinning in worry.
"Y/n-"
But I was already ducking inside my class.

It was science. Nya gave me the silence I craved. We did our required classwork and that was it, discussing the properties of onion cells rather than the pounding in my head or the ache in my chest or the obvious absence of Lloyd.
"Are you going to sit with us today?" Nya asked as I gathered my things at the end of class. "Naomi misses you. We all do."
Another lie? Maybe. Who knows, at this point. I'd rather just be by myself - at least then nobody can hurt me.
Y'know. Except for myself.
"No," I said, barely audible. Nya frowned, following me as I pulled out into the hallway.
"So you're just going to keep sitting on the edge of Chen's table by yourself?" she asked, keeping pace. My face tightened. "Wallowing in your misery? Letting nobody close again? All because of what some assholes did to you?"
"You don't get it."

"Then help me understand," Nya ordered sharply, grabbing my shoulder and halting me in my tracks. I stared ahead, face of frustration. "How can I help if you won't tell me?"
I reluctantly caught her gaze, determined and softly furious. Giving a quick glance around at our crowded surroundings, I grabbed her wrist and hauled her into the closest bathrooms. It was empty.
"It's not just this," I began, voice strong before it broke. "Lloyd lied to me. Still lies to me. My 'friends' lied to me. My family kept my powers secret, I'm in a bunch of prophecies that I'm not allowed to know about, Naomi kept shit from me and I don't blame her - but I can't take this anymore. It's too much-!"
A girl entered, catching us conversing with a brief glance before ducking into a stall. We waited until she left to continue.
"Have you thought that maybe some of these things are kept from you for the betterment of yourself?" Nya asked.
"Of course I know that," I replied, rubbing my stinging eyes. "I know that I'm not allowed to know the prophecies or else they'll screw up - that's why I haven't told Lloyd about our girl - but god, Nya! I'm so tired of not knowing anything that's going on in my life. I'm so tired of not knowing who to trust or wondering who's going to hurt me next."

Nya stared at me. I pulled back my messy hair with a sniffle, avoiding her hard gaze less it made me break and shatter into a million billion tiny pieces.
"Well," she began, crossing her arms. "Lloyd can't take back the lies he told about his age, and we both know that he's not the best with letting people in. So, what are you going to do? Never talk to him again? Let this past - that Lloyd was trying to rectify before shit hit the fan - stop you from trusting him?"
I grimaced. Considering a future without Lloyd made my body feel like it was shrinking and convulsing in on its self. I didn't want that, even if the prophecies held some sort of promise.
"I don't know how to trust him," I whimpered, holding my face. "And even if I did, I don't know how to fix things."
"You can start by being nicer to yourself," Nya suggested softly. "We're all worried for you, Y/n. Sit with us. We're still your family."
I swallowed dryly.
"... okay. I will. Tomorrow."

Nya brightened. She smiled - one of relief and joy.
I tried not to let the unpleasant turn in my gut dictate how I felt as I watched her walk down the hallway to meet up with Jay. Not anymore.

On the third day of Lloyd's absence, I was getting worried.

I kept my word, joining the team for lunch. I was the first one there, knee bouncing with anxiety as I fiddled with my lunch tray.
"Y/n!"
I glanced up just as Naomi launched onto me. I fell back a little in surprise, saved only by Kai's hand that kept me from toppling over the seat.
"How are you?" Naomi asked as she pulled back and fretted - smoothing back my hair, tugging my jacket collar, pushing some baby hairs behind my ear. "Nya told us what happened. I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologising?" I said, smiling small. "It's not like you told me to pick a fight with him."
"Yeah, but..."
Naomi trailed off, face pulled in discomfort. Trying to find a way to make things right when really, there was no way for her to correct things singlehandedly. I still deeply appreciated the attempt.

"At least they're not approaching," Kai shrugged, glancing over Cole's shoulder at the lackey table. "Seems like they're too cowardly to talk shit to your face."
"Or I freaked them out," I muttered, mostly to myself as I picked at my unappetising bread roll. I tore it apart with my fingers and imagined it was myself.
"What?" Jay titled his head. "What do you mean?"
"My powers played up," I confessed, sinking into my seat. I stared hard at the destroyed bread. "Glowing eyes and floating hair. The whole set."
"How many saw?" Cole asked, leaning in. "One? Two?"
"Erm... all of them."
The team silenced. Guilt gnawed on me as if it were a dog to a bone. The horrible feeling of being a total screw up returned with such vigour that it left me breathless.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, and suddenly my dry eyes weren't so dry anymore. "I lost control."

"It's okay," Nya reassured, pulling me into her side. "We've all dealt with something like this before, especially when we didn't have much control over our powers."
"Hell, sometimes I still have issues with them," Kai admitted with a nonchalant shrug. He grabbed my torn bread and bit a chunk off. "Control is just something you develop over time but even then, they can still sometimes get away on you."
"Don't pressure yourself right now," Jay piped up helpfully. "It's the worst thing you can do."
"I will contact Neuro," Zane said. "He can deal with them. Do not worry, Y/n."
But wasn't what I was worried about. Not really.
"Thanks," I said quietly, biting my bottom lip. My thumbnail tore lines down my palm. "... where's Lloyd?"

Another silence swept the group. I looked up just as they shared glances.
"He's gone on a mission," Cole finally replied. "It's taking longer than usual."
I nodded, trying to push an air of relaxed dignity (and failing miserably). My chin rested on my hand while my elbow leant on the table.
"A- and, uh. What is it?"
"Drug bust," Nya answered. "Aiding the police. It's only small."
Usually it's Lloyd who would tell me these things. Keep me updated. Reassuring me that he wasn't, well. Dead.
"It is odd," Zane admitted and I caught Kai subtly shaking his head no in the corner of my vision while I stared at the ice master. "The mission Lloyd is on is quite simple. He should not be taking this long."

I wilted. Every sad and sour emotion of the past few days swelled in my gut.
"He's avoiding me," I muttered.
Kai dropped his head into his hands.
"He just needs space," Naomi said softly.
"Yeah," I acknowledged, voice barely audible as I grabbed my bag and stood. Lunch untouched. "Seems like we both need it."
I hovered for a breath as the team stared at me, a volley of differing expressions - yet they all held some sense of pity. How could my throat be so dry yet eyes threaten to turn into a waterfall every other heartbeat? I shifted on my feet.
"Can... can you tell me when he gets back?" I asked.
"... yeah," Nya nodded, voice sympathetic but trying to be neutral - for my sake. "Of course."

I nodded a little in thanks, before retreating from the table and dipping deeper into the school grounds.
I should've had lunch alone.
Because on the fourth day, Lloyd returned.

I missed the text that was sent to my phone that morning on the way to school - having resorted to reading books while on the bus as a means to distract myself from the stares and whispers. I didn't see him where the others usually hang out before class - beside their lockers - so I assumed that it was just another day of Lloyd avoiding me.

No.
He was only late.

I sat with the team at morning tea and I wish I hadn't, as Lloyd himself approached with a scowl that rivalled thunder. I stiffened, silencing when I caught sight of him, before abruptly falling into an invisible panic.
It'd been the first time I'd seen him in almost a week; first time I'd seen him since the fight. I thought I had enough time to settle, but clearly I hadn't. I shifted in my seat. My fists clenched over my thighs.
His eyes were unashamedly and furiously red as they bore into me - so rough and dull that it forced me to drop my gaze before I could forget how to breathe.
Even with eye bags and a bruise on his cheek, he was still unfairly attractive.
But I shouldn't be thinking like that. Not anymore.
"I told you to not come in today," Zane said as Lloyd dropped his lunch tray to the table with an unforgiving slam. I flinched, staring hard at a crumb beside Naomi's hand. "You only returned home a few hours ago."
"I didn't listen," Lloyd grumbled a quiet, demanding growl.
"Clearly." Zane narrowed his eyes.

"How was the mission?" Naomi asked, resting against Cole while he scrawled down some notes frantically for a test that he forgot he had.
"Fine," Lloyd replied shortly. I sunk a little behind Kai. I could feel his red eyes following me. "It was fine."
"Great," Nya said. "Y/n was worried."
"Was she?" Lloyd smiled bitterly, eyes pinched. I chewed anxiously on the inside of my cheek, feeling a building, bulging sensation develop in my chest. It was getting hard to just exist close to him. I wanted to run away. "Good to know."
I wanted to run away. So I did.
I swiftly stood, picking my bag up and stumbling to my feet. I fled.

I am nothing.
Nothing except for a coward.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

School was absolute hell.

It already was before the fight - but it just grew far worse with Lloyd's animosity. I wanted to hold my own. I wish I could stand before him and not get whittled down simply by him glancing at me.
But clearly, I'm as fragile as they come. A glass statue balancing on a single, pinprick leg. A mere push had me toppling. One hit had me shattered to shards and dust.
Lloyd's glares and sharp words hurt, at first. I thought space would make me feel better, but the gap between us just made the imprint tug grow irritated and pushy. I've had to force myself to stop mindlessly drifting towards him more than once.

But what hurt worse than that was Lloyd's clear avoidance. He seemed to have taken to my 'space is key' situation and turned it on its head. Whereas I would just not make eye contact, Lloyd would actively and purposefully avoid walking in even the same corridor as I.
It stung.
No, actually, it was worse than a sting.
It was a bludgeon to the head. A slice n' dice by train. A hit by a car only to stumble into another lane of traffic and be hit by a truck.
It hurt. It really, really hurt. And to have him so close, so near, just a few steps away or a breath apart - and to not be able to leap into his arms? To not be allowed to send him a smile or hold his hand or just be in the same space as him?
It was like asking a hedgehog to compete in the international mathematics competition. It was an impossibility, yet it was still there. It still has the stage. A hedgehog. Doing maths.
I lost my point.

The point is - it hurt to be apart from Lloyd. The tugging, his attitude, just us in general; everything urged me to slip into his hold like I used to.
What was worse was that half of the team split off from the rest. Cole, Jay, Nya and Naomi took it upon themselves to join me, be my new little group to confide to.
I loved them for it. I truly, really, absolutely did.
But I also felt like a fifth wheel. And that filled me with an ache so painful and visceral that it hurt to sit with them and smile as if it was okay. Because nothing was okay.

Nothing was okay.