🛹🥺💖
im outside
Sent 8.13am

I held back the curtain with a finger, staring down at the beat-up old car waiting on the street to drop us off at school. It'd become a morning ritual but this Monday was different.
Lloyd was leaning against the car door, hunched over his phone as he tapped his foot anxiously on the ground. His blond hair was messy, glinting golden in the morning light and it looked like he hadn't slept.
I hadn't, either.
It felt like my heart was stuck in my throat.

🛹🥺💖
please talk to me
Sent 8.13am

I closed my eyes, leaning my forehead against the frame. My head was mush and my chest felt empty. I think I was coming down with something.

Me
I'm not coming to school today
Delivered

Me
I'm sick
Delivered

I watched through foggy eyes as he ran a hand through his hair. He typed.

🛹🥺💖
i hope you feel better soon
Sent 8.16am

He got into the car and drove away. I dropped my head onto my knees, inhaling shakily.
I felt awful for the things I said on Saturday. The truth had startled me but it was the fact that I was kept in the dark by everybody, Lloyd included, that had hurt me. Emotions got the better of me and I said some... really bad things, stuff that hurt Lloyd. I regretted my words.
But on the other hand, my pain was justifiable - as reassured by mum when I had confessed everything to her while sobbing over a tub of cookie dough ice cream while Iron Man played on the tv.
A relationship built upon a lie was a fragile catastrophe. It only took one blow to topple it.

That being said, it's not as if I stopped loving Lloyd. I don't think I ever could - but that didn't mean I couldn't love him and hate his silence at the same time. It was a tepid balance, a delicate dance, it was both adoration and agony swirling into a mess of a thundering, broken heart.
I just needed time to reset myself. Press restart on my brain, file through the PDFs, clean out the junk documents. I'd already forgiven the others, as it wasn't their place to tell but I still acknowledged the ache it left me with. They all knew that Lloyd was playing me like a fiddle. Just them knowing that I'd been hopelessly naive for months stung.

And lastly, I was a coward. I was a big fucking coward. Sure, I can kick my possessed boyfriend in the balls but the mere thought of seeing them all again so soon terrified me.
They were my world and it felt as if my entire world was against me. It scared me, so I was cornered, trapped inside my house by my own stupid, irrational fear.
I leant my head back against the window frame and stared at the spot Lloyd had been. I wanted to run out, run after him. I wanted to go back to the way things were when I was stupidly naive. At least I was naive but happy.
But even if I did cave and go after Lloyd, we couldn't just brush this under the rug. It would grow and bulge morbidly. It would explode on us and the results would be infinitely more worse than this.

We just needed to talk.
Which was the one thing Lloyd was bad at, apparently.

I got up, shivering from the cold morning as I went to make a coffee. Winter was just around the corner but I felt as if I deserved to be frigid and uncomfortable.
I let him lead me blindly. He had pulled a rug over my eyes and I was happy to allow him.
I was a colossal dumbass.
Nobody can ever be considered to be perfect but I thought that Lloyd was pretty damn close. Of course that blew up in my face.
Of course it did.
That's what I get for assuming that he was a boyfriend who couldn't put a foot wrong.

Aside the Axon thing.

God and even that, he didn't want to talk about. It wasn't even as if it was just him affected! We all just shoved it aside and never brought it up again. How is that functional? How is that healthy? It isn't!
Forgetting about it doesn't solve it. Forgetting about it doesn't fix the trauma. Forgetting about it doesn't make Lloyd better and it doesn't make the rest of us okay with what happened.
And what about Morro? Nobody has talked about that since it happened all those months ago! Lloyd was possessed. His body was almost half dead when he came to and he just pushed it away as if it was totally fine. Every time I tried to help, he just shut down.
Isn't communicating important? Didn't he trust me?

I tried to understand his way of thinking but... I had no idea where to begin. I had no idea how to.

But for now. For now I just wanted to be a total hypocrite and forget about it. So I tried to watch episodes of shows that I'd missed, tried to catch up on Buzzfeed Unsolved (Ryan would be glad to know that ghosts, indeed, did exist), tried to distract myself with school work and reading and everything in between.
And yet, my mind kept drifting back to Lloyd.
I blamed the tugging.
It had been urging at my gut ever since Saturday but I ignored the dull throb, needing to be alone. I couldn't face him even if the tugging insisted me to.
Truthfully, it'd been a while since I last felt the tugging. I had wondered why. And then I realised why - because I'd been stuck to Lloyd's side that it never had a chance to tell me to get closer. But now it has its revenge. Now it was making me stumble halfway down the street before I realised what I was doing.
I locked the door.
It didn't work.

Fine, I had huffed through my nose in annoyance. Fine. If that's how it wants to play, then that's how it wants to play. Something had been nagging at the back of my mind, anyway.

If I can't stop thinking about Lloyd, then I may as well bury myself in research about him.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

My throat was thick with apprehension on Wednesday morning as I walked through the doors of Ninjago High School.

It felt as if everybody was staring at me (which they were) and whispering (again, a harsh truth). I sighed. This was so much easier when Lloyd was walking beside me.
Class wasn't for another five minutes but I still sped to my assigned room for psychology. However, I made a fatal mistake. It was in the same hallway where the ninja had their lockers. They always hung out there before class. I spotted them too late and I felt my breath hitch.
"Y/n," Lloyd said, lifting himself off of the lockers. The others silenced. I stiffened, staring at Lloyd with frozen eyes. He looked like a mess - when was the last time he slept? Washed his hair? Worry clenched tight in my gut and I took a step toward him with the tug. His eyes brightened-

"Y/n!" Aaliyah yelled, crashing into me in a hug. I stumbled, taken by surprise with a gasp as we teetered. "Where have you been?! Oh, my god, you've missed so much! Nathan tried to talk to Claire again and there was this huge dramatic fight in wing E..."
I turned to glance over my shoulder, tuning Aaliyah out while she dragged me to class. Lloyd and I shared a desperate look, but Kai had already patted the blond's shoulder and steered him off towards his own class.
I closed my eyes loosely in disappointment, inhaling slowly. I turned my attention back to Aaliyah just as we entered the classroom.
"Wow," I smiled weakly. "I really have missed a lot."

After that was biology. Nya and I had been lab partners since the start of school and we usually chatted throughout class. I didn't give myself the time to be nervous.
"How's Lloyd?" I asked immediately as I set my bag down.
"Terrible," Nya replied shortly. I stilled and she glanced up at my guilt-stricken expression. She gave a sigh.
"I'm sorry," I blurted before she could continue. Nya blinked. "I- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things, it wasn't your fault I was just- after Lloyd told me- I..."
"You were scared," Nya finished. I nodded, bottom lip trembling. Her stormy gaze softened. "No one blames you. Lloyd should've told you in a better way than he did. He kind of just dumped it on you in front of everybody. I'm sorry. I wish I could've done something."
"I just..." my voice was quiet as I slid into my seat tentatively. "It hurts. It feels like he can't tell me things."

Nya blinked. "You're not worried about his whole, uh-" she glanced around the distracted classroom as an out of date YouTube video did the teaching for us. "... age thing?"
"Well, yeah, of course I am" I nodded, bringing my hands up to nervously tug on my jacket's zip. "That freaked me out big time. But he said that you guys did some... tests? Said he was actually eighteen? It's confusing, but it wasn't the main problem."
"It wasn't?"
"Nya, he based our relationship on a lie," I whispered brokenly. "He made me think he was somebody he wasn't for four months. A- and I know that it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it made me question just how truthful he's been about other things."
I ran a hand through my messy hair in agitation, a habit I'd picked up from Lloyd. The promise ring felt heavy as it sat against my chest.
"If he can withhold that kind of information, what else isn't he telling me? How can I trust him?" I asked, worrying my lip in concern. "A- and it sucks because I know that I need time, but again I know that I'll return to him anyway, so it's just a matter of waiting until I'm ready to talk to him about it. But waiting is killing me. I want to see him now even though I know that I need to take a little time to reassess everything."

Nya sent me a look.
"You know?" she questioned. I nodded. "How so?"
I smiled apathetically. My eyes were emotionless.
"The cave vision," I murmured and she 'oh'd,' nodding in acknowledgement. "We were married. We had a kid."
Nya's leg bumped the table so hard that I swore it cracked. I lifted my hand in concern, eyes wide - just in case it was actually her knee that had made that awful noise, but her head whipped to face mine and all thoughts of Lloyd's age was out of the window.
"You guys are going to have a KID?!" she whispered loudly in surprise. I bristled in shock, slapping a hand over her mouth before glancing amongst the class in a panic. Thankfully, nobody else had noticed. Nya grabbed my hand and yanked it down, leaning forward with eyes that dug into my very soul. "Boy or girl? What did they look like?!"

I smiled sadly at her enthusiasm.
"Girl," I replied softly, thinking back to her. It wasn't hard, considering the vision had been etched into the very back of my eyelids, filed right beside Lloyd's smiling face. "She had red eyes and brown hair. And freckles."
"Aww," Nya gushed, holding my hands excitedly. "She's gonna look like her granddad when he was young! Does Lloyd know? Does anybody else?"
I shook my head. "Only you."
Nya's smile fell a little.
"Are you... going to tell him?"
"I- I don't know if I should?" I said, eyes drifting to the table. "I don't want to tell him incase something happens and she doesn't... I don't know. It's complicated. What if he doesn't want her?"
"Oh," Nya snorted loudly and once again, I had to do a sweep of the classroom to make sure we weren't being listened in on. "You don't need to worry about that. He's incredible with kids. Can make any crying baby laugh. It's witchcraft."

My stomach did a pleasant twist. I pushed down the feeling with a bonk to the head.
"As much as I love thinking about that," I smiled tersely. "I just learnt about his age. You really shouldn't be encouraging these kind of thoughts."
"He's still eighteen," Nya said, raising her brows with a smirk.
"Mmm, but also not."
"Semantics," she scoffed, waving it off. "I tend not to think about it too much."
"You do realise how impossible that is for me to do right now though, right?" I said dryly, unamused. Even so, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders as we fell into an easy conversation. It seemed we'd forgiven each other. Nya grinned, squeezing my shoulder.
"I think you and him are going to be fine," she reassured. "Once you've taken the time needed and talked things over. You two will become inseparable. Well, more than you already were."

I smiled softly.
"Hopefully sooner rather than later," I murmured.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

After a tense morning break, the next class was maths with Kai and Jay.
All forgiven, we quickly fell back into our usual routine of being total crackheads.
The dumbass trinity.

But then it was art with Lloyd, and I had every intention of wagging until we caught eyes in the hallway.
Dammit, now I had to go. Otherwise he'd think I was avoiding him.
I mean, it'd be right but still-
I swallowed back my pain and followed him to our seats, taking them silently. At least our project had been handed in the week before, so hopefully I could just cruise through class without talking to him.

"Today we will be critiquing our neighbour's work."

Aw, fuck me.

I swallowed sharply, pulling out my work from previous classes while my foot tapped on the ground anxiously. Lloyd did the same, movements stiff and awkward.
Okay. Okay. So, it's a little sooner than I expected to be interacting again with Lloyd but I can handle this. I'm a big girl. I can look him in the eyes and talk about whatever that's required of us and leave it at that.
Easy peasy.
First step, look up at Lloyd.

My head refused to move.

Come on, Y/n. It's simple! Just look at him.

It was as if my head was glued to the spot, staring down at the table.
I couldn't believe my own body disobeyed me so hard. How dare.
Finally, finally, my eyes jumped to Lloyd. He was staring.
Oh, god, oh Christ, I can't do this.
And because my brain loves me, I thought back to what Nya had said about Lloyd being good with kids and a brief flash of memory of our kid re-emerged without warning.
And then every smile, every laugh, every hug, every kiss.

GOD.

I dropped my forehead to the table with a barely-kept in whine and a loud smack. Lloyd jumped, taken by surprise.
Why must my body betray me this way?
"Are you okay, Y/n?" the teacher asked and I raised a thumbs up, head still pressed against the table helplessly. I wanted to sink into the ground.
Where's Cole when you need him?
If not, I could always yeet my skeet and throw myself out of the window.

Lloyd shifted on his seat and cleared his throat and oh no, he's getting prepared to talk. I'm not functional enough to reply.
Why must fate despise me so?
"Y/n," Lloyd murmured and his voice sent a shiver down a spine. Did I seriously miss just his voice this much? "... we should start."
I pulled myself with a sharp inhale, eyes closed.
"Okay," I replied. My voice cracked and I mentally withered away.
So we did. Swapped art pieces while being painfully sure to avoid contact. Our pens scratched on our books as we took notes.
This was okay. This was fine. Silence was alright. I can deal with this. Why the hell was I so afraid, again? What was my point?

I felt Lloyd staring harder than normal and I peeked at him from the corner of my eyes, except he wasn't staring at me.
My fingers had begun subconsciously playing with the promise ring necklace, a quirk I'd picked up. His eyes looked crestfallen and I felt my heart drop to my stomach.
Clearing my throat, I dropped the necklace and dug my hand into my hair, pretending I hadn't seen him watching my fingers fumble over his family heirloom mindlessly.
Ah. This was why I was afraid.
Right.

The rest of class was absolutely agony. When it came to the actual critique, I faltered under his red gaze, words failing me. I eventually gave up and just simply passed him my notes.
Lloyd seemed to be able to talk fine, if a little quiet. Unfair.
When class ended, I had never left a room so fast before in my life.
I had English with Naomi and things fell back into place with her, too. I felt relieved to have her back, even if I was still a little cut. But that would go away with time and I wasn't one to hold grudges.

"I'm sitting with the team today," she had announced as we got up to head to the cafeteria for lunch. I faltered.
"O... oh," I said lamely, baffled. She hadn't sat at their table before, at least, not when I'd been at school. "Why?"
Naomi shrugged. "I'm growing closer to them. And the others..."
I waited. She shot me a tense smile.
"It doesn't matter," Naomi dismissed. "I'm probably just being paranoid. Are you going to sit with us?"
I could barely handle class with Lloyd. I doubted I'd be able to survive another hour.
I shook my head with a small smile as we made our way up the line for lunch.
"I best not," I said, voice quiet. "Not until I've sorted out what's going on between Lloyd and I."
Naomi smiled. It was concerned and worried. I pretended not to notice it.
"Okay," she said with a nod as she grabbed her tray. "I'll see you later, then."
"Bye," I replied, watching her head towards the ninja's table. My eyes caught Lloyd's and I abruptly dropped my stare to Claire and Aaliyah's table. They were acting particularly rowdy.

Guess I'll be eating alone.

"Y/n!" Chen called out from his group's table when he noticed me standing stupidly in the middle of the cafeteria, looking absolutely lost. He gestured for me to join them, patting the empty seat beside him.
"Hey," I greeted meekly, sitting down beside him. I got mixed reactions from the cheerleaders, notorious for being against Lloyd and the others (until Chen found out the truth). But none of them called me names or muttered under their breath. I took that as a good sign.
"Where have you been?" Chen asked, pulling me into a side hug. Maggie rolled her eyes. "I've missed my gym buddy!"

"I've been sick," I lied, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry."
"What did you go to Garmaboy?" Josephine asked, leaning closer across the table. "He's been moping ever since Monday. You aren't exactly chipper, either."
"Josey," Chen warned. I wilted.
"What! It's the truth!" She turned back to me, eyes hungry for details. "So did you two break up or what? There was a rumour going around that he killed your or something as a sacrifice to the Overlord."
"Josephine, back off!" Chen snapped while I sunk into my seat, picking at my lunch. I didn't have much of an appetite to begin with, but now I really didn't want to eat. "Sorry, Y/n. I thought these guys would behave."
A few pulled a face. Chen rolled his eyes.
"Seriously, though," he pressed gently as he turned back to me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded, hands twining on my lap anxiously. "Just... going through some things. It's not a big deal."
Chen looked like he wanted to argue but then the bell had rung, cutting him off.
"Hey, why don't you come to training after school?" he offered as he picked up our trays. "We can show you our new routine for nationals. It'd be good for an outsider's opinion."
"I don't know anything about cheerleading, though," I mumbled as I shook my head. "I wouldn't be much help."
"Don't worry!" Chen smiled. "You don't need to know anything to tell us if it looks good or not. Plus, hopefully it can get your mind off of things. Give you a break for an hour or two."
I considered it with a frown as I followed him while he disposed of our trays. I could see his point. It would be nice and maybe I could make some more friends, like how I did with Chen? Prove Claire wrong about when she said that the student body would turn on me.

"Alright," I nodded, a small smile growing on my lips. "Okay. I'll come."
"Great!" Chen grinned, ruffling my hair. "You can just hang around after gym class with me while we wait for the others."
Before I set off with Chen to get to gym, I felt a heated stare on my back and a tug on my gut. It had me glancing over my shoulder to find Lloyd glaring, red eyes dark and fists clenched while the others laughed at a joke I didn't hear.
Didn't Misako say that descendants of the first spinjitzu master had heightened senses? Did that mean Lloyd could hear everything? Was that why he was glaring? It was hardly romantic, so what was his problem?
Marking. Chen's smell.
Was he... jealous? Possessive? A weird mix between the two, a trait bolstered by his genetics?

Did I just make things worse?

🍃🍂😔🍂🍃

Lloyd definitely didn't stalk Y/n when class was over.
No.
Absolutely not.

He stood outside the gym in his usual spot, leaning against the same wall he had since school had begun. He had trouble trying to keep his red eyes under control and don't even get me started on the fangs that kept threatening to unsheathe from his gums. He barely had control over himself.
And his head was itchy.
He really needed to wash his hair.

Lloyd leant his head back against the wall with a pained grimace. He could smell Chen's scent on Y/n and it was driving him into craved agony. It took everything in him to not burst into the gym in the middle of the cheerleader's training and remark Y/n's neck. Just so she smelt like his again.
Lloyd ran a hand down his face, hands shaking. When the hell had these instincts popped up again? It seemed like they had appeared out of nowhere and he barely had control over himself. Since when did he need to mark her? Since when did he purr? Growl? What else was there? What else was buried deep in his weird god DNA?
He was right. He was a freak.

Y/n laughed and he grimaced at the sound, hating that it was Chen making her happy and not him. But what could he do? He majorly fucked up. Time and time again, Garmadon had told him to tell her about his age. Told him that it was okay to confide in someone for once.
But he didn't. And now this travesty was happening and he couldn't do anything except watch with pitiful eyes.
Part of him wanted to rip off Chen's shoulder, too. His fangs sunk deep into his bottom lip at the tempting thought, extending further than normal. But he couldn't do that. There was no viable excuse to begin with.
He forced his fangs back.
The music abruptly cut off. Lloyd peeked inside just as Y/n applauded and sang praises, throwing Chen's water bottle to him.

With a pang, Lloyd admitted that they would look good together. Chen could give her a normal relationship - no weird beast boyfriend with stupid DNA. No green ninja craziness. Her life would be normal. It would be safe.
And Chen wouldn't keep so many things from her like he had. Chen wouldn't destroy her trust like he had.
Lloyd clenched his eyes shut - red with intense frustration and sadness - before pulling away.
He couldn't stay any longer.
Besides, he had training.

... which he got destroyed in.
"You've gotta concentrate, Lloyd!" Kai yelled as he swung his katana at the clay projectiles being thrown at high speed at the team. Lloyd was the only one with gashes and bruises from failing to shatter them with his blades.
"I'm trying!" Lloyd replied before letting out another yelp when a projectile smacked into his thigh. He was going to be black and blue all over at this point.
"Well, you're not trying hard enough!" Cole pointed out, transparent hands gripping his scythe tighter. Lloyd was hit again.
With a frustrated yell, Lloyd threw his sword at the machine. It sliced through it perfectly, golden tassel swaying from its hilt mockingly. A clay projectile was weakly spat from its mouth and it clattered on the stone.

"I said I'M TRYING!" Lloyd roared, eyes red and fangs unsheathed. Jay took a step back.

"Maybe we should have a break," Nya suggested. "Get some water in us. Eat something. It's getting colder in the afternoons, we should be doing more to take care of ourselves."
"Agreed," Zane nodded, following Cole and Kai as they began to make their way inside the training wing. Lloyd was huffing, glaring at the ground with clenched fists. Jay and Nya hesitated, sharing a concerned look, before eventually following the others inside, too.
"Aren't you just the pro at driving people away?" Garmadon said from where he had been watching, leaning against the wall.
"I'm not in the mood," Lloyd muttered, storming forward and yanking the sword from the machine. A flash of guilt struck - Nya and Jay would have to fix it just because his anger got the better of him again.

"On the contrary," Garmadon said as he walked towards his son. "I'm in the perfect mood to talk about it."
"Good for you," Lloyd grumbled. He paused. "How do you get Y/n out of the prophecy?"
His father seemed to be expecting this.
"That'd mean that you can never talk to her again," Garmadon reminded.
Lloyd dryly laughed, stepping away from the sparking machine. "I don't think she wants to talk to me again anyway."
His father kicked up a large chunk of clay and spin kicked it into the back of Lloyd's head. He yelped, whipping around to send Garmadon a withering glare as he rubbed his head.
"What was that for?!"
"Did that hurt?" Garmadon asked. Lloyd pulled a face.
"Uh, YEAH, of course it did!"

"That clay piece was your lie," Garmadon said. "You are Y/n, and that clay piece was your lie. It hits when you least expect it. It will throb and bruise. But the pain will fade."
Garmadon kicked another piece, shooting true towards his son. It was sliced through with the blade before it could hit its mark.
"The pain will fade, but you will not forget the feeling of it," Garmadon continued. "It will sit in the back of your head. It will tune your muscle memory to stop yourself from getting hurt again."
Lloyd was silent.
"You hurt Y/n," Garmadon said. "But we expected this. It was never going to be easy to tell her the truth about your age. But Lloyd, the pain will fade over time. And when that does, you have to let down your guard."

The tip of Lloyd's sword dropped to the ground. It scratched against the stone. Garmadon walked up and placed a hand on his son's shoulder.
"She's proven herself time and time again that she loves you," Garmadon reminded. "She's put herself directly into danger, stuck by your side, been vulnerable. It's time for you to be vulnerable, too."
"What if I don't know how to?" Lloyd muttered, eyes downcast.
"You will," Garmadon promised. "You just need to talk. Discuss. A relationship should never be one-sided. You love her, right?"
Lloyd huffed through a sad smile.
"With everything that I am."
"Then show her," Garmadon insisted. "She's doubting you because of your dishonesty. You need to remind her just how much she means to you."

"What if I'm not good for her? I can hardly give her a normal life with me-"
"Lloyd, that's something that you need to discuss with her," Garmadon reminded, turning back to one of the operational machines. "Now, come on. Your form was horrendous."
Lloyd shook his head with a snort.
"She's angry at you too, you know."
"Yes, I know," Garmadon nodded as he turned it on. Lloyd easily sliced through the projectiles, head feeling much more clear than it had before. It always did after talking with his dad. "That's why you need to bring her here so I can apologise and have my daughter-in-law back."
"She's not your daughter-in-law," Lloyd grumbled, swinging at a projectile and shattering it.

Garmadon scoffed, unswayed.
"Yet," the Sensei corrected.